My head is full of ****
And my heart is ******* Ill
Your bruisin me your cuttin me your love it ******* kills.
My mind is running fantasies
My hands, a nervous twitch
I try and stay away from you but i cant you ******* *****
It aint right to be so sad
It aint right to be so mad
But if you just dropped dead tonight well Id be ******* glad
And I know that i cant have you
But my chest it ******* heaves
Cause whenever your around me its the way you ******* tease
And if for just one day
That i could hold your hand
Well I just wouldn't care that your boyfriend wants me dead

Just stop teasing me and leading me on and every day im just mopin round im crying i just want my ******* way. Now i know im unappealing and i know i aint too bright but if you would just come to me and cure me of this blight well I'd treat you really well and I'd save you from your hell, but i know that it wont happen so i hope that you can tell that i want you ******* dead and i wish that you were gone cause my love you hurts so bad that im just ganna crawl in a hole and die
Sorry.

look                                                       look  ­
                  at                                            ­                            at  
              how                                           ­                              how
        strong                 ­                                                            perfe­ct
    he                                                          ­                                          she
is                      <- look at how we destroy ourselves ->                     is            
    and                                           ­                                                     and
        how                                                  ­                                    how
             weak                                                             ­         flawed
                    i                            ­                                               i
                ­       am                                                           am

Tear stained face
Blood shot eyes
Blood stained arms and legs

Destroying yourself is so easy it hurts

Hands are too slippery for the razor you try to hold
Blood turns brown as it dries
Trying to clean up the bathroom floor and sink so it's not so obvious
Nothing works
The razor can only make it better as it eats into your skin

*My legs are dangling off the edge, stomach full of pills that didn't work again.
Gone too far, yeah I'm gone again. It's gone on too long, I'll tell you how it ends. I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends. One's a bottle of pills and one's a bottle of gin. My frienemy's behind me, and his name is sin.

I want to destroy.
I want to burn,
to break,
to bleed;
I want to feel the sting
of shattered glass
tearing through the tough skin
of my heels.
To see red.
To ache.
I want to breathe smoke.

You'd destroy me, and I'd let you.

Kiss me through this window pane
And tell me you love me
Though I cannot hear you

Pick a raindrop and watch it fall
Let out a breath and again inhale
The sweet and toxic air

Stand up tall and straight
When you walk away from me
So our dignities are upheld

And don't miss me or mourn
Don't get sad, not angry
Don't let a thread of thought

Of me collapse into your
Guarded mind
For I will destroy you

i find myself assuming the role
of quiet observer, looking around
discreetly, and with more interest
than i let on, i am transfixed
by the simplicity with which complications arise
between crooked pathways
and straight lines
of people, walking around
interacting on levels that confound me
and it makes me feel like an island
yet uncharted
sand untouched, bare of footprints
and most of the time, i like it
the feeling of being clean
unsullied by those complications
and i sit on my shore, watching the ragged ships
sail by
and the gulls circle, crying out
why?
why do we do these things to ourselves?
why do we hide the truth
and perform the lies?

sometimes, i assume the role
of confidant, of living journal
and i describe the weight of the words dropped on my pages
to nobody, because
it really isn't my place
to trivialize darknesses other than my own
and i understand, i do
but i feel lost, some days
among the black holes of people
who cannot escape their own space
their own star-flecked universes
and their planets crash into mine
Milky Way swerving out of the path of destruction
and getting lost in their dissolving sighs
and i feel heavy
with the ink of their confessions
heavy with the advice that they ignore
heavy with the simple ideas
that crowd my head, circling like those gulls
crying out
why?
why do we do these things to ourselves?
why do we confide in strangers
and never trust our own star systems
to find their way back into orbit?

i find myself assuming the role
of me, of my own name
displayed proudly on my sleeve
familiar letters that seem to betray
my transparent, flickering image
warm and true to friends' eyes, perhaps
but the spaces between the characters
are what appear to me in the mirror
not the black lines
but the grey areas
and i feel that transparency often
when i am surrounded by that sea once again
as i so often am
and the waves just seem to crash right over me
feeling invisible, and yet somehow
too visible
to ever be a part of the current, it seems
as each whisper, each ripple
each glance, each possible missed chance
each glimmering sail upon the horizon
appears to laugh at me
whether it's my sad, slow swimming
or my ragged inward appearance
that shines through the cracks in my face
it all becomes part of an image
that i see burned upon the surface of my soul
and some days it truly feels
like even the gulls are circling around me, crying out
why?
why do you do these things to yourself?
why do you even bother?