I want to be
Your ex boyfriend's
Stuntman and do
All of the things
He never had
The courage to do
Like trust you

I'm still learning
To talk about what happened
I'm still learning
That I went through a trauma
I'm still learning
That it wasn't my fault
I'm still learning
That I couldn't have done anything
I'm still learning
To admit that I'm still broken
I'm still learning
That it's okay to say it out loud
I'm still learning
That it wasn't handled right
I'm still learning
That it still affects me 13 years later
I'm still learning
That even though they told me I couldn't tell anyone, it's okay for me to tell the people I trust, or whoever the hell I want
I'm still learning
That I'm strong and brave and loved
I'm still learning
That I am not damaged goods
Just because I'm still learning
How to be a person again

There’s stormy seas ahead they say
The clouds grow like mould in the sky
Batten down the hatches, mayday!
The curtains start to fly

Close the windows against the applauding rains
Lock the door, get buckets ready
But the dread won’t reach my veins
I am strong, I am steady

I have a life raft, small and warm
One bed, one bath, one key
It keeps me safe from any storm
And even the entire sea

I started isolating
Myself, used to
Say everything
I was feeling
But then I guess
I just stopped
I wanted them to
Love me for who
They thought
I was
And not who I felt
Myself becoming

Ever think about
How horrified the
People we loved
Would be if they
Found out who
We really are?
So we dig deeper
Into our lies everyday
Ultimately hurting
The only
People who
Are brave enough
To love us
Wish I was
Brave enough to
Love them back

We don't have
As much time
As we think

A foggy sky is called smoky,
A shooting star brings us hope
A selenophilia could be a imaginary narrative
For once we dreamt of what is real,
yet not aware
That all is a dream!

Up 5am with urgency, sticky note on the mirror reminding me
“Be good to people, be good to yourself organically”
Aiming to let go of the past that has burden me
Focus only towards today vs tomorrow and tread carefully
Another chance to shine, in hope my enemies take it personally
I take it to heart, demonstrates the desire to succeed fearlessly
The vision board written for God will create wonders for me
My legacy will leave a legacy, a generational love
A blood line of chosen angel warriors build ready to serve throughout eternity
A fearful reflection for my enemies who develop insecurities
Behind closed doors, falling short in hatred worshiping
Don’t need to worry, cause their views doesn’t concern me
The faithful ones will learn how to strive for peace through me
As I continue to strengthen my obedience in discipline maturely
Living everyday as my last under purpose with authority  
My ambition is centered around competition & collective security
Take some time off to focus more on recovery
I hope someday the grind retires me & the reward humbles me
By the end of 2023 I’ll give you a full summary

Love me better than I've ever loved myself,
For I don't believe, anyone will ever love me.
I'm trying to be brave,
As much as I can be.
It breaks my heart.
How unworthy of your love could I have been?