I can still feel you in our sons soft touch
That's the side of you I miss so much
I still see parts of you during his bath time
Lol, It is what it is even if it don't sound right
I can still hear your voice on SoundCloud if I want to
But when he coo's or cries it's better than the truth
I can still smell your fade too some days
Brushing his hair while he patiently lays

What words should I have?
What can I possibly say?
What will ease your concerns,
Better your agonizing day?

The truth is, as long as pain continues,
And your muscles never mend,
You will never be at ease,
There will be no words I can lend.

You make the pain, my mother,
As long as you accept drink as lover,
The pain is not going to cease,
You will never recover.

These are the words I have found,
There you are, my sweet mother,
Now it is your decision, make the choice,
Are you done or will you have another?

I wake up nightly just to ***
I start before I'm there
It might seem strange
But as I age
I really do not care

I wake up to the alarm clock
My back's sore and I ****
My hips are screaming meanies
My chest hurts near my heart

I stumble to the bathroom
Like I did two times last night
My knees are cracking loudly
My head don't feel quite right

My vision is all blurry
My right arm is all numb
Three fingers are all tingly
I've a funny feeling in my ***

My shoulders ache like crazy
I sound like rice crispies with cold milk
I stumble and I bumble
I move as smooth as silk

All of this together
Means I'm alive for one more day
Getting old is ******
What more is there to say?

I twist around the aches in my heart
Dodging and skipping past
The three little things that tear me apart
I feel guilty with every smile
And every time I laugh
My sides burn like I walked a mile
Not even in my own shoes
And I'm so tired,
But there's nothing more I can do
I've tried, so many times
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep at night
Those faces flash through my mind
And I can't even tell
If it's a dream or a nightmare
Not even sure anymore
If they even want me there
Or if they even remember my face
But he keeps playing this game
Acting like I'm the one
All in a rage
Yet, he's the one turning them to pawns
And every morning
About the break of dawn
I wake up and for just one moment
I forget that they're not here
And then it finally hits me
With a steady flow of tears
Thinking back to all the years
They were constantly by my side
And now I just wanna hide
Bury myself inside my mind
Let my death by broken heart
Take its sweet, slow time

Maybe the girl I know
Isn't born perfect
She had freckles and burns
Under her skin
She had violet scars,
Dark circles under her eyes.
She is weak and vulnerable

She longed for peace
A minute of escape
from all of the distress
that has been following her.
A moment of silence.
A moment where she could free herself
and prevent the pain from spreading through herself,
even from being felt.

She searched everywhere for it
She's been to places to find it
But she couldn't
She wanted it so much
She could trade her life for it.

Sleep was the only place
for her to calm the raging storm
that has been roaring inside her stomach.
And she aches for it.
She aches for it even more.

My heart aches
For something I do not have
Or have grasped truly for quite some time
I see the happiness of others
And my head cries out for something like that too
Yet I can't give what my mind and heart desires
Seeing as nobody else can realise quite how lonely
And isolated is this teen.

The worthiness of me to men is non-existent
so I will share you my resentment

A man came into my life
When I wasn't worthy to others
Yet he saw the beauty in me
We would lay in the tall grass
Silent but the breeze
The sun warming our naked bodies
All of this comes with ease
The end is inevitable
First love, so genuine and pure
forever will be searching because
this aching soul craves a cure

Next was a man
Who was calmer than the sea
So few word's spoken
Never to be seen around with me
Weekends of whisky
Not to leave my room
Dancing naked, playing records
I knew I was temporary
I knew it was doomed

Then there was a college boy
Who brought me to his room
We smoked blunts, watched movies
I told him it was too soon
He claimed that I was perfect
In time, touching my curves
Like the clouds softly grazing the hillsides
Making human art in his bed
Like natives dancing on their reserves
But I could sense his coldness
I saw no emotion in his eyes
So on my walks home
I would beg to the skies

A concert I attended
Where the next boy sat near me
I was intoxicated
And with fake confidence
I turned to him to see
Gentle eyes
A soft face
And lips I couldn't ignore
We didn't hear a single song
And when the night had ended
We knew we needed more
So far away he lived
But our souls knew we should be
I had never felt like this
No one has ever gave me the looks
He would give me
So genuine
So perfect
So kind
But the distance was an annoyance
It wasn't good to his mind
And so little efforts were made
And I was left astray
Always wondering
Always wanting
That perfect boy from the show
But I will never know

Why can't I find one who cares
One to feel, one who is real?
Please find me someone
Who wants love like me
My soul is aching
I'm painfully lonely