My soul aches at the thought that
I may never
be looked at like I am beautiful

My ears ring at the notion that
I may never
be touched by reassuring warmth

My head throbs at the concept that
I most likely
will never get to share my secrets and dreams

My body shivers at the knowledge
of knowing that
I will never be kissed purely and deeply

My eyes swell with the tears that are aware
of the inevitability that
I am utterly invisible

I am exhausted from meaning nothing to everyone

My body aches
My mind weary
All I want is a rest
A break from a reality
that feels as though the world is laying on my shoulders
Where standards feel as tall as the empire state building
And I am reaching with all my might to get to the top
My weary mind
searching for peace
tired of racing
dodging and jumping around
Trying to make itself happy
is searching high and low for a reprieve
From this reality of struggles
The bottle on the shelf
It knows my name all too well
I've done well at ignoring it's calls before
But it seems to be inching closer to me
I can hear it's cries better than my own thoughts
Most days and nights
Like a mother's innate hearing for her child crying
I hear it in the night as I sleep
leaving me wide awake
although I have gone
days
weeks
months with out the taste of it on my lips
The cries still reach my ears
The taste is still on my tongue
My energy is low
And I don't know how much longer I can fight it
My mind is weary
and my body aches

I can be surround by people,
And still feel completely alone.
It's this ache right in the center
Of my chest, and it's a constant
Reminded that I will never
Be enough for someone to love.

Of anything I feel now,
Of all the pain and regret,
The heart break and headaches...

What I fear the most is that she doesn't miss me.