it's 5:30 in the morning
and no matter what show I put on
or what book I read
I can't keep my mind off you
why can't I stop loving you?
I hate the way you make me feel
the way you ignore me for days, weeks, months
I hate you so much
so then why can't I stop being in love with you
it's 5:30 in the morning
and I just keep thinking about you
the first time we met
you talked to me like we had known each other for years
you said you liked my doc martens
you said "I'm gonna be that cool friend who gives you a nickname"
I remember the first time you actually called me by my name
I was skipping class and I saw you and waved and you waved back
someone told you not to wave like that
and you said "but sankavi waved to me"
and then I said "aw you said my name" and you told me not to make it a big deal
I remember the first and only time we hugged
I was walking and I saw you and you just opened your arms
it was the most awkward hug because while it still means so much to me you probably don't even remember your friend asked if I was your girlfriend and I said "ew no" probably shouldn't have said that.
I got in trouble that day because I kept walking around during math with you and someone gave you a box of chocolate that you through on the ground and then picked up and I was stealing you pop from my math end-of-year party.
I remember the day I knew I loved you
we went to the school dance together. we were supposed to go with the guy you thought I liked it too but he didn't show up thankfully. the dance got boring so we left and sat in the park. you asked me "if you were to date anyone in the school who would it be" and I remember wanting to say you so badly but I just couldn't work up the nerve to do so.
it's 5:30 in the morning
and I'm here writing about you, crying about you, thinking about you
while you're sleeping
I hope one day I'll mean at least half as much as you mean to me
I love you but I really do hate you