Writing gave me something to believe in; something to hold on to.
It gave me a purpose, when I thought there was nothing left.
It took me to unimaginable places, where I could see new adventures and new life surrounding every footstep in that direction, beautiful flowers crowding over my shoes, like it was a new rebirth for this journey.
Writing have me a mindset, one that I didn't see possible, it have me a mind that saw all colors of the world, everyday I didnt only see black and white, I saw colors flowing out of peoples mouths as they sang songs of broken hearts, I saw colors streaming down faces of greif and hate.
It gave me moments that were so cherishable, it couldn't be torn from my mind. Moments that only I could be apart of, it made me realize that; although I was alone, I was apart of something huge. Something so unspeakable, no one even knew it was there.
Writing have me sights of mountians with no end, it abled me to feel life through the trees, and to hear the words they spoke.
A pencil and paper gave me a world never thought possible.

It feels like just yesterday i was

laughing and running through feilds of

wild flowers with friends.

But now im just in an empty room,

flipping through photographs of what

life used to be, it feels like it was just

yesterday, but sometimes it feels like

its been so long that my hairs gray and

my skin is so worn it should break

apart at any moment spilling my

insides all over this empty room, blood

droplets staining those past memory photographs.

You, such an amazing girl. Your mind, the way you look at things and express your feelings in your writing I think is just amazing. You don't ever give yourself credit when its due. You work so hard to make the the people you care about happy. And it killed me inside when you said you thought you werent supposed to be her. Dude as much as you work, you deserve it. You taught me its ok to cry. To don't give up. Keep trying. And supported me through everything and that's something no one has ever done for me and I'm thankful and I don't know what this world would be like if you weren't here. Times get hard as hell and they hurt like *** but you keep going, you never stop. I feel like you need to be appreciated more. I've never met someone as strong as you. Your the reason I'm as strong as I am today. You literally haven't left me ever. You showed me what it feels like to be loved in a way
that not so much people get to experience. Is true friendship. To me your my best friend. I don't want you to think for a second your not worth it. Your beautiful. They don't make them like you anymore.

I've lived so many lives
In the books that I've read
I am apart of their journey
And i take them with me
Every thought in my head
And words in my mouth
Are because I have died,
And i have lived
More life's than i could ever imagined
A book isn't just a story
Its everything
The creation of life itself
You fall in love with
Every page
Every chapter
Every sentence
And you carry them with you

You think you know someone till thier life is put to the test.
They shrink like a coward,
They hide behind every wall or corner they can find.
While you stand there,
Taking every bullet to the chest.

Brisk early morning

The sun barely shining

Birds are cherping

Trees are singing

The moon still gleaming

Cigarette still burning

Lungs slowly dying

Life is ending

Sadness is killing

Time is nothing

And death is pleasuring

Was it love?
That shot us into thin air making our insides burn
Like the universe was punishing us
And setting fire to our heart?
Was it lust?
That turned us into the dust that collects on your bedside shelf
That your mother nags you to clean?
Was it love?
That made us break into abandoned buildings at 4 a.m and see flashing lights outside the broken glass windows
Then racing into the trees with racing hearts that could barely breathe?
Was it lust?
That pushed us into this nothingness but disire and we craved every part of one another until there was no space left between us?
Was it love.
Or
Was it lust.

Life is only temporary
Not everlasting
It all ends
There is no forever
It is questionable
Wether there will be a tomorrow
So hold onto what you've got
Cause promises dont last
And everything is left unsaid

I am constantly tearing apart my insides to search for any sign of life that is still left breathing

Cigarette after cigarette,
Somehow i still can't get your taste
Out of my mouth
Nicotine should burn
But now its medicine
For your lingering name
Printed across my teeth
Now instead of your mouth pressed
Against mine
The only thing that touches my lips
Is this cigarette
Each exhale riding your face
From my burning lungs

When did it stop? Did you stop loving me when I couldn't speak cause my throat was so tight from screaming in my dreams? Did you stop caring when I threw the sheets over my head because I didnt want you to see me crying? Did you stop loving me when I talked about my past and my future? Did you'd wish I'd just shut up? Did you still love me when you held my head in your hands and kissed my forehead and said "this love will never end"? Did you still love me when you showed up with messy hair and flowers in your hand? What about that time we walked through the park with our fingers intertwined and you said "although the sky is grey, the color in your mind colors the whole sky"? When did you stop loving me? When I couldn't get out of bed in the morning because love just wasn't enough strength to keep going? Was it when you left for a vacation with your parents cause they wanted you to think about your future? Was it because maybe I wasn't apart of that future? You said till the end. I didnt know that the end was a month ago, I thought the end was when I was dead. But now im barely breathing, so I might as well just be on my death bed. When did it stop?

Im staring at the moon
And I know its you
Im looking upon the stars
And I know thats where you are
The twilight sky
Reminds me of your simple eyes
The darkness around me
Is your presence guiding me
As I graze out into the land
I know your providing me a helping hand
Underneath this tree
Is where you told me to meet you at three (a.m)
That was the last night I saw you
And I know I will meet you again soon
Its these nights I miss you most
When I feel so abandoned and lost
You used to give me direction
But now I am constantly losing all affection
I see you in my dreams
Its not as easy as it seems
My dreams turned into nightmares
But I cherish the only moment I see you
Standing ghostly in the darkest night
I know its you

He told me he doesn't recognize me anymore
but when i tell him I'm the same person i was a year ago
My tongue starts to burn
I know I'm lying
That girl i see in the mirror
She can't be me.

So pale, you can see straight through her
Circles under her eyes like they've been carved with a knife
Skin so fragile, the touch of a feather would shatter her
Bones so defined
She seems so hollow

She can't be me
She can't be me
She can't be me

But everytime i feel her staring back at me
I see her in my shadow

My head rests on the root of the tree
Thoughts roaming through my head
Wind rushing through my ears
Clouds surrounding my pupils
Dirt slowly burying my body
Nature is calling me home
And I've been so lost
Every path just a wrong turn
With a dead end
I can't battle with life anymore
So I decide to give up the fight
And let the earth swallow me

Its not always what we planned or thought it would be, but its what we got and sometimes when the darkeness fades, it's golden and it's greater than we expected.

"You have this fire inside of you, a fire so bright it would blind you if you ever saw it. A fire you cant blow out with a couple breaths, a fire so intense that water just makes it burn stronger. I dont know how you do it, after all thats happend to you. But you just stand back up. Day after day, you do it again. And what makes me love you more, is that you dont feel sorry for yourself. After everything, you wake up ready to fight whatever demons come next."

~ We miss the nights
Filled with starlight skies
Drinking till our words
Are slurry
And are vision
Is blurry
Laughing by the fire
Our thoughts are intertwined
With one another

We miss the mornings after
Filled with moans
And groans
Waking up to a messy hair
Boy on your left
Smiling to the soft morning air

We miss the days
Filled with a summer haze
The sun kissed our skin
Making our lives
Colorful again ~

From the moment i met you
I knew that if i touched you
You would shatter me
To broken glass
And i didn't want to cut you
So i kept my distance
And ended up
Only cutting myself

As the night carries on
And the beautiful laughter comes to an end
The people who once filled my hearts with joy
Only fill my head with emptyness
The flowers that once grew
Are dead
And as I lay in my bed
Close my ears
Shut my eyes,
I cry
To another sleepless night.

I know that I am not enough, there's no need to tell me twice.

Today i found out that you met somebody else.
I thought i was over you,
I stopped crying at night
Letting the black tears stain my sheets
My chest never ached for you anymore
I never felt like i couldn't breathe
Like all the air was slowly suffocating me
I didn't hear your voice in my head anymore
You'd just became a memory that every once in a while id play back the record i saved of our love.
Instead of breaking down every time i saw your face,
It brought me happiness.
Today i found out that i am replaceable by someone else.
someone better.
It hit me like a bullet to the heart
Thrown against the wall as if a wave brought me out to sea and started to drown me.
As the water filled my lungs
I heard your voice again,
But now its muffled by the water I'm submerged in.
I saw your face for just one second
And then the ocean swallowed me.

Im standing on a ledge
On a mountain
With a view as far as the eye can see
The wind is pushing me back
Toward safety
The urge to jump is
Clawing at me
All the secrets
And lies
Piled ontop of eachother
Overwhelm my mind
With thoughts of
Death
All it takes is one step
Off the ledge
That one moment of nothingness
As i fall
Surging toward the ground
But maybe death is safety
And whatever awaits in life
For me tomorrow
Is danger
Clouded by a lie of happiness.

Life is a puzzle
Where everyone has to fit in,
Belong to society
And the walls they crowd us in
We are all just searching
For the place
That connects
Our empty spaces
To their whole places.
Piece after piece
We start to believe
That no one out there
Is our soul mate destined to be
We continue through life
Puzzled.
Till the day death flaunts our heart
We are completely
Troubled.

Sitting side by side he asks in a whispered voice,
"Whats the first thing you notice on a person"
I replied, "their eyes".
After a moments pause he asks me why
I explain that no matter what color or shade
An eye will tell you how deep there secrets go,
How much they love
Or how sad their heart is
Eyes will tell you how passionate a person is
Or how dark the deepest pits of them are.
When i look at you, i see all the good things, and the not so good things.
Everyone thinks the mouth spills secrets and lies
But i promise you, its all in the eyes.

Anxiety
Controlling my everyday life
Anxiety
Taking my heart and throwing it against the wall
Anxiety
Wrapping around in my head to consume my thoughts
Anxiety
Crying and screaming against my throat
Anxiety
Crashing and thrashing its way into my body making me shudder
When theres a knock at the door
Anxiety
Lighting fires to my insides
Anxiety
Making my hands shake so someone will notice im unbalanced
Anxiety

Weeping willow trees
Surround the grass beneath my feet
Sun rays
Blind my eyes with a soft haze
White Dandelions dancing
Cover the pain of suffering
Carved writings
Remind my head of past memories
Under the falling leaves
Words spill out of my eyes
Onto the book of lies
Thoughts of death
Contained by the strive of full filling life
Everything is ethereal

As i watched the moon disappear into the morning light
Pulling on a cigarette
I fell in love with life
As the dark sky created morning air

Your face is just a blurry picture in the back of my head instead of the only thing id ever see
Your voice is now only a faint echo in my mind rather than a scream
Your hands that once touched my body, i never feel the imprints they left on me

One day the memories will come roaring back in my head like the rivers that once flowed
And your face will be the only thing i see
Your voice, the only thing i hear screaming at me
And your old hand imprints will be the only thing i feel touching all over me.

Why cant you just be a faint memory?

He said,"I could never let you go."
She replied, "baby, you already left."

Sometimes its the simplicity of my fathers ways that make me want to walk in his unchanging path for the rest of my days.
His engineer mind complicates my decisions
But my mothers healing hands touch everyone but me
However its my mothers rage and fire
That i sorely desire
Seeing my father think is like watching the inside of a clock,
Its gears switching and constantly turning.
My mothers fists of fury tell me i should be angry,
People lied and diseved.
My fathers ways are beautiful, however once i try to live then i realize that that is not me,
I should be myself.
All i want is to be free
He is stuck in a hallway that only goes straight.
My mother is in a feild of grass runninng away from everyone and everything.
I cant be stuck in my fathers wrath
I need my mothers outrageous anger to keep my going.
Simplicity is beauty.
But i need freedom.

I believe we have a choice in this world on how to live
We can ethier shut down and wait for life to slap us in the face and tell us to get up and start living
Or we can go, adventure to new places and tell new stories with new people.
We constantly sit in this little box we call home, but its not living.
Were just a breathing corpse.
We need something to tell us to be free, we feel like were trapped, with no where to go.
But let me tell you theres a life out there with things you cant even imagine.
Yeah, its a scary world sometimes.
But there are endless possibilities that at any moment can happen.
You just have to stand up, wipe the dust off your jeans and walk, even run out that door.
Its a brighter day and its waiting for you.
I promise as soon as we start getting up and leaving those prision walls we will find a joy in this life.
Because why waste your time sitting when the clock is ticking
And your running out of time.
Life is as simple as an hour glass,
Each grain of sand is a day you wasted.
And the sand doesnt stop falling.

When the stars collide,
And the only life we know of turns to dust,
I'll still be here,
Waiting for a second chance to start again.
Another hello,
And a second goodbye

I can feel the words coming out of my mouth grasping towards freedom, but my mouth is open letting the words free and no sound will come out.
Its as if i am so afraid, i cant even voice my opinion. I cant even tell you how i feel. I am so terrified of the reaction i would recieve that i cant even talk to you. I might throw up, my hands are trembling with anticipation.
Then it happens, the words spew out of my mouth dropping like bombs and all i hear is a ringing noise from an explosion.
I cant even stand to look at you, knowing that when i do, your eyes will touch mine for a split second and shame me for what i have done. That dissapointed look will tear me to shreads.
I want you to know that i am sorry. But what's done is done, and nothing can be undone, you cant change life even of you wanted. You cant snap your fingers or wave a magic wand and everything be gone in the blink of an eye. So we should learn to deal with our mistakes.
Because our mistakes make us who we are, even if we dont realize that today, we will someday. They dont define us as a person, but they make us who we are because we learn from them, we change.
Thats all life is, full of mistakes.
Live with it,
Because i will live with mine.