You said you love me.
But maybe I should start running,
Start trying avocado salads,
Start watching less drama series.

You said you love me.
But maybe I shouldn't cry too much,
shouldn't speak up too much,
shouldn't help too much.

You said you love me.
But you said I was scary
when I hang out with my friends.
You said I had changed
when I didn't reply your texts.

You said you love me.
Or was it the impression of me?

If
I get another chance to love you,

No I won't demand surprises,
I won't seek for attention,
I won't crave for excitement.

No there won't be ***,
there won't be ego,
there won't be pride.

Yes I will be contented
with you.
Just you.

I miss you.
Just you.

If,
I get another chance to love you.

"I felt nothing."

I felt it cringed,
As if it objected,
Denying the possibility of this answer.

It wasn't shocked,
Just sad.
Sad that what was expected
(but the least expected)
Came true.

It accepted it,
Your answer.
But it is not accepting defeat.

My heart isn't accepting defeat.

You hide behind your soft facade
making me think you're
Moral
Gentlemanly
Assuring.

But you forgot actions speak louder than
words.
They always do.

And you
Swinging by
Leading me on to
Woo
Chase
Fail.

You're not getting to me this time round.

No dear,
Not anymore.

Why call my name
in that melodious voice,
when you are going to use that
same voice to leave me?

Why hold my hand
with that miraculous touch,
when you are going to use that
same touch to dump me?

Why kiss my lips
in that mesmerising twist,
when you are going to use that
same twist to rip me?

Why raise my hopes
with that mistaken strength,
when you are gonna to use that
same strength to crush me?

Why?

Why do what you did
To treat me,
when all you wanted to
Is to wound me.

Being alone doesn't make you lonely.
Sometimes you can be lonely even with
people around you.
So its okay to be alone.
Focus on what's left
Not what's gone.

And you are gone.

So what's the difference really? Being
Alone or lonely
when either way it's without you.

And you are gone.

They say it takes two hands to clap
Two hearts to love
Two souls to last.

Then what is this
Romance with myself?

So romantic still
Because of your invisible presence,
Your words
Your concern.

Maybe,
Slowly,
Someone will take your place
And walk with me.

Never completely,
Never fully,
Never thoroughly,

But slowly.

People say I don't actually love you.
They had also said that the sun revolves around us.

People say I don't actually need you.
They had also said that we can never go to the moon.

So Time

will prove,
the ignorance of these people and
lead me back to you.

Just leave me alone
can't you?

Let me be.
Just let me be.
Let me mourn and grieve and cry.

I'll be fine.
Not now,

But I will be.

You said you don't know
That's irresponsible.

But how can I blame you
or judge you
or condemn you

When I am in the same insane state.

You hide your motives
in your apologies.

Your lust
in your love.

Your plots
in your promises.

I masked my pain
in my smiles.

My manipulations
in my advices.

My schemes
in my prayers.

Cunningly,
like you did.

Time heals
Because it allows memories to fade
Feelings to dilute
Determination to weaken.

But

Time proves
Because love will strengthen
Longings will last
Perseverance will churn.

And at the end of the day,
I will still be into you.

I am waiting
till we turn 30.

When emotions no longer reckless
we seek stability and comfort.

I am waiting
till we unnumb.

When temptations no longer ******
we crave for family and assurance.

I am waiting
till you see

I am waiting.

I caught a cold
from your words.

So chilled.

Actually I am very clear.
I know that things aren't right
and I need to get my **** together.

But I just needed to hear it from you.
Your voice. Your tone. Your words.

Thank you,

I know what to do now.

You're perfect.
Well grown
Well taught
Well delivered.

You're perfect.
Your poise.
Your smile.
Your humour.

You're perfect.
You romanticize.
You coax.
You submit.

The only imperfection
lies in me.
The inability to see your perfections.

Your smell lingered in my clothing's
It's just detergent
But your detergent.

I smelt in my hair
On my fingertips
and I recognise it.

I supposed it will be forgotten soon,
for its just detergent.

How clean is this detergent,
if it's not washing your shadows away?

I betrayed love for companionship,
Left you
when you were bounded
and he was giving explicitly more.

I forgone faithfulness for lust,
Abandoned you.
Leaped ahead for butterflies in stomach,
kisses on my clavicles.

I forgot about you for I was lonely,
I craved for you but
You weren't here so I
Conveniently made him a substitute.

But no,
Never is there a substitute for the first love
Never is there a substitute for you.

Who are you to determine how I feel?
How much I yearn,
How much I cry.

Who are you to manipulate how I act?
How much I detest,
How much I toil.

Just who are you to give those
lovely false words.
Not only purely false but
manifesting in my soul.

Just who do you think you are?
Coming and leaving as you wish,
Not only suave with your departures but
tempting my self control.

Who are you,
Love?

A splint,
immobilising me yet keeping me in shape.
A yacht,
cruising me yet drowning me in waters.
A blanket,
warming me yet hiding me from the light.

A person,
reviving me yet feeding on me at the same time.