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Jun 2016 · 1.0k
exculsive
Natalie Neo Jun 2016
what do i do?
with this love i do not deserve.

should one seek to love ferociously
or to shamelessly accepts inequitable love?

is it more important to love
or to be loved
if they were to be mutually exclusive.

i chose the latter, selfishly.

i realised my love only
hurt you,
when i stopped one day.
Jun 2016 · 422
gone
Natalie Neo Jun 2016
the love of my love happened
it came and left.
Or rather,

i let you go.

The guilt isn't as strong
as the self pity for my loss,
the emptiness inside,
the urge to call you.

but you are gone.

all i have left - substitutes, actors and clones.
Jun 2016 · 951
Clone
Natalie Neo Jun 2016
I found your clone.

Someone who smiles like you,
put arms around me like you,
love like you,
cries like you.

But as long as I can't find something
he does better than you.

He is a clone,
And you are still you.
Jan 2016 · 430
Dream
Natalie Neo Jan 2016
Bliss-
When I dream of you
All the dates that
Never happened.

Butterflies-
Feeling victoriously real
Our laughter
Hands together.

Torture-
Curtains of my eyes
They open
Sun rays of reality
Forcing me to wake up.

Pain-
Nothing was real
Except my pathetic
Imagination of the
Non-existence.
Nov 2015 · 464
Give me a kiss
Natalie Neo Nov 2015
Your hands on my back
Each time we cross the road.

Your lips on my cheeks
Whenever you send me.

Your fingers in my hair
That day I got sick.

"Give me a kiss"
You said.
A hand on my breast,
The other on my waist.

But Dad.
Apr 2015 · 774
Blank Page
Natalie Neo Apr 2015
You are like a blank page.

One without any past,
Without any dust.

One I get to fill,
With everything I feel.

You are like a blank page.

I am afraid to touch
I am afraid to hold
I am afraid I won’t let go.

You are like a blank page.

I can stain with blots,
Chain you with locks.

I can stab you with pain,
Make you go insane.

You are like a blank page.

I will try my best to ease
I will try my best to kiss
I will try my best so this love won’t cease.

You are my blank page.
Mar 2015 · 1.4k
weak spot
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
I really want to know
if you feel the same.
If you miss me
like how insanely I do.

But I don't want to know
because there might be
nothing to know,
nothing you feel.

I hugged you
for the last time in my dreams
I savour it for the last
two ever lasting seconds.

It was time to let go,
to no longer explicitly love you
but to disguise you,
discreetly as a weak spot.

A weak spot which I gladly
accept and embrace
loathe and love
consume and crave.
Mar 2015 · 640
A Long Poem
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
It dawned upon me we had never
celebrated Christmas together because
You would indefinitely be
Out of town.

I remembered the vintage cards
you got me for Valentine's though,
those you couriered through a friend,
accompanied with your sweet note.

I still crave, you know.
The basil chicken rice, chicken wings and thai milk tea
at our favourite thai restaurant,
near the lodge.

Are the ponies still there?
I smile thinking back about how I
stopped you in your tracks and irritated you
with my indecisive texts about our adventure.

Man in black 1 2 3 wasn't as
interesting as your sleep talking, really.
"Hug more, more"
But I swear the air con wasn't helping.

Pasta, and the Jolly Shandy
wannabe champagne on your birthday.
Percy pig and working hard for pancakes,
Do these ring a bell?

1993 shirt
Zara perfume
A photo of you driving
That scar on your chin.

Thoughts come and go you know,
it really isn't up to me.
"You haven't met enough guys to conclude"
Your voice echoed.

I am clear, or so I hope to be.
I still know how you like your Subway, and
the Harry Potter name of your dog,
The dog you think of

As frequently as you thought of me.
Friendship. "I tried, and I wasn't comfortable."
I tried too,
Friendship; inevitable.

There are times you succumb to irrationality too?
"Just for tonight"
One night,
One kiss.

I felt it, you know?
I hope irrationality still runs in
your blood and it continues
to boil you to take action, someday.

Against my interests or not
It doesn't matter.
Pathetic self inflicted redemption that kills my
strength and feminism callings.

I thought I burnt my longing for you
along with those stars
and cards and correction tape and money
and your manly diary.

What burnt was passion and
incorrigible stubbornness instead.
Blind faith in fate
Naked trust in love.

This Christmas
I try to give myself a present.
I thought long and hard,

My present is my present.
Mar 2015 · 2.8k
Date
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
I just want to
Date.

Doll up,
Smell nice,
Dress up,
Look cute,
Heads up,
Sound sweet.

I just want to
Date.

Meet up,
Smile wide,
Hook up,
Hug tight,
Break up,
Kiss hard.

I just want to
Date.
Mar 2015 · 614
The Irony
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
When I try to miss you
and forget you,

Try to call you
and delete you,

Try to love you
and hate you,

Try to please you
and punish you,

All at the same time.
Mar 2015 · 709
I give up
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
It's not because
I no longer love you.

It's not because I think
We are not meant to be.

It's surely not because
I am bored of waiting.

But it's because
I replay those memories.

And involuntarily,
I saw the hurt in your eyes.

It's evident though I had missed it previously,
**It's too late to even try.
Mar 2015 · 4.3k
Commitment
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
Commitment is heavy
both on the heart
and on the shoulders.

Most forget and they crumple
under the weight of expectations
and romantic moments.

Commitment is like carrying you
through the sea but not
unloading you when things get rough.

Sometimes people get confused
about which valuables to keep
and which to abandon.

Commitment is like flying a plane
I get to lead and
direct us to the beautiful islands.

But it's never about me flying
it's about you landing and
never crashing you.
Mar 2015 · 488
Light
Natalie Neo Mar 2015
The brightest moment today
was seeing an orange moon
and wishing upon it.

Only to realise I wished
to be happy, but not
to be with you.

I guess I finally realise
these wishes aren't the same,
as much as I hope
for them to be.
Feb 2015 · 467
Scar
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
Sometimes I forget,
or I think I forget
about us.

It perhaps should be this way.
The better way, growing together
-apart.

But I still feel it sometimes
that non-existent inutile scar,
-aching.

Not for long though, these sour aches
need not nursing anymore,
But just our song.
Feb 2015 · 602
Silly
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
I wait for 12mm
to be the first to wish you
Happy Birthday.

I let you hug me
as tightly as you want and
let you let go whenever.

I smile when you say
I look pretty and ignored
you repeating it to others.

I trust that you were looking
into my eyes and
not anywhere else.

I was touched when you
told them to get off me,
You're a gentleman.

I over think,
everything you do and say
because like you said,
I'm silly.
Feb 2015 · 454
RED
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
RED
The roses
how they cut your teeth.

The note
how you bribed the florist.

The meat
how you earned the money.

The blood
how the meat split.

The gums
how they moved and lied.

The heart
how it surrendered when touched.

All red.
Feb 2015 · 684
I will tell Her.
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
Tell her you don't mind onions,
that you love latte, movies
and not comics.

Tell her that you like cuddles from behind,
nibbles on your ears,
failed imitation of your dialect.

Tell her you find jealousy cute,
possession ridiculous though,
and alone time is for guitar.

Tell her you love your family so much,
so you would love her too,
tell her not to worry.

Tell her you would like the house clean,
her to cook,
wine to go would be good.

Tell her you aren't a chauvinist pig,
but you feel loved with
tender feminine touches here and there.

Tell her you like to be alone
when you are mad but
you won't leave her.

Tell her you have no favourite colour but
you love flush in the face
and sweet fragrance behind the neck.

Tell her you are loyal,
fiercely faithful, so stubborn
but in a good way.

Tell her about your good morals,
open-mindedness and how she can
bare her heart to you.

I will tell her, not to ever give up on you
like I did, because
I will jump at that opportunity.
Feb 2015 · 748
Sun
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
Sun
I look up and I see you
Rising,
Glowing,
Smiling.

I walk on and I feel you
Shining,
Warming,
Caring.

I hide away and I watch you
Radiating,
Persisting,
Supporting.

I promise I won't
ever
take you for granted.
Feb 2015 · 1.3k
Love
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
Feels like dementia,
some moments stay longer while
loss of memory persists on
a daily basis.

Feels like air,
the attempted grasp onto
something too invisible,
is it even any matter?

Feels like apple,
the first ever word in your book,
significantly taken for granted for
as if first means simple.

Feels like 3 seconds,
the time needed to lock you up,
for all pampering, xoxo,
when it is supposedly ever lasting.
Feb 2015 · 288
Loving
Natalie Neo Feb 2015
You will wonder why it makes you
Vulnerable yet strong,
Weak but brave,
all at the same time.

You will ponder over the
Hope after a cringe,
Smile following that tear,
all in that same body.

You will question why you
Love despite the hurt,
Care even though there's pain,
Hold on although it's a burden.

It's all because,


Loving is innate.
Jan 2015 · 588
Ideal
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
Because it seems
Unbeatable,
Seemingly perfect.

Because I don't remember anymore
Flaws,
If they exist or not.

Because you are like a
Bubble,
Beautiful before burst.

Because reality is not a
Daydream,
Nights do fall.

Because we all need some
Fairytale,
Silly but real.
Jan 2015 · 317
The idea of You
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
The idea of you
is a blurry smile,
a clear scent and
a warm hand.

An achievement unlocked,
a treasured past and
a ghost in my ears.

An unnerving screech,
a love forgone and
a forgiveness never sought.

The idea for you
is amazing,
I created it so.

An unending source of strength
a lesson to always remember,
a man to still pin for.
Jan 2015 · 283
Fishes
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
They have scales to protect them
When all I have is a thin layer of
skin which scratches easily.

They have fins to propel them forward
When I only have useless
limbs which weigh me down further.

They have gills to help them breathe
When I only have a pathetic
nose which is constantly blocked by tears.

I am jealous of you,
Fish.
Jan 2015 · 242
Don't you dare
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
Come around acting like you
have been always here
when all you did
was to float around aimlessly.
Jan 2015 · 276
Kill
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
The foreign object sticking
in my veins, feeding on
the blood which I live on.

The redundant thought staying
in my brain, meddling with
the determination which I prayed for.

The familiar name screaming
in my head, reminding of
the past which I cry for.
Jan 2015 · 615
Naive
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
To think that
Age comes with experience, because
Experience comes with time, and
Time comes with age.

To think that
Love comes from patience, because
Patience comes from strength, and
Strength comes from love.

But also,

Weakness comes with time,
Close-mindedness comes with experience and
Stereotypes comes with age.

Strength comes from within,
Patience comes from maturity and
Love comes from choices.

Time will surface weaknesses
But there is a strength from within.
Experiences may get you close-minded
But your patience will grant you maturity.
With age you form stereotypes
But you will still choose to love.
Jan 2015 · 854
Foreign
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
Like a favourite song,
I recognise the tune
But no longer those notes.

Like the neighbourhood bus,
I know the number
But no longer the route.

Familiar I am,
with the way your lips curl up
But no longer am the reason.

Foreign I am,
to everything you are,
To everything that you were.
Jan 2015 · 318
Foreign
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
I recognise the way your lips curl up
but no longer do I know
the reasons behind those curls.

I can imitate your laughter,
the way you sound like a boy but
no longer can I make you do it.

I am familiar
with everything about you but
everything isn't the same anymore.

You are
a foreign land
which I had used to trough.
Jan 2015 · 418
Little Do You Know
Natalie Neo Jan 2015
Little do you know
the songs and their
meanings,
those days and their
callings.

Little do you know
the twisted lies and their
truth,
those freed sorrow and their
remnants.

Little do you know
the paths I take and their
consequences,
those breaking points and their
change.

Little do you know
Who I've become
and I
you.
Dec 2014 · 311
Sunken
Natalie Neo Dec 2014
Sink,
Sank,
Sunk,
Sunken.

I don't think my heart can go any lower.
Dec 2014 · 1.9k
Love Geometry
Natalie Neo Dec 2014
At a point it starts with a
circle
of friends.

It sparks off to something parallel,
maybe even a love
triangle.

Consciously you would try
not to cross the
line.

Not wanting it to be back to
square
one.
Dec 2014 · 357
Gravity
Natalie Neo Dec 2014
A pull,
weighing me down.
A weight too hard to bear.

A force,
holding me upright.
A hold too tight to resist.

A strength,
feeding me too much.
A body too weak to sustain.
Dec 2014 · 1.7k
Bright
Natalie Neo Dec 2014
It's weird
how I remember your legs,
the curvage of it and
sparseness it feels, including the
colour tone of it.

It's sweet
how I remember your smile
the one which made your eyes
gleeful as you
parted my bangs lightly.

It's sad
how I remember your texts
those with hurtful but truthful
words which reject yet
lingered with your concern.

It's helpless
how I remember the look
you gave as you incidentally
glanced over, only to hope
that you didn't.

It's painful
how I remember your back
as you turned, after delivering
your last look of longing as if you
wished for more but logic disapproved.

It's bright
how I remember the future
as we used to describe, it is still
bright
to me and my hopeless heart.
Nov 2014 · 9.4k
Sick and Tired
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Feeling so sick and tired of
Feeling sick and tired of
Being so sick and tired.
Nov 2014 · 1.5k
Pity
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I drink, I cry, I scream.

I dwell in the past,
I beg for second chances,
I refuse to move on.

I desire to feel
sad
hurt
pain.

Because it feels that only when
I am hurting,
You would take a look at me.

But I know this won't work.
It's a pity that it's just pity,
I don't want pity.
Nov 2014 · 415
I miss you
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I play songs from
Christina Perri
and lie in bed.

Tears fall as
I look through your photos
again and again.

One by one
they evoke those memories
that cringe in my heart followed.

I could hear your voice
"Don't give up on me,"
you said.

"I won't,"
I whispered
only to hear my own echo.

Because you're not here anymore.
It's too late.
Nov 2014 · 2.8k
First chance
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Asking for second chances
is not fair
to those who did it right
when you didn't
the first time round.

Asking for second chances
is cheating
lying to yourself that
you will do it right
this time round.

Dwell in the past or
forget about it
they say.

I do neither.
Won't dwell
nor forget.

But I will remember, dearly
in the most beautiful way possible,
my first chance.
Nov 2014 · 232
Even know
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I twirl my hair,
batter my eyelids,
flash my smile.

You won't even know I am




Pretending.
Nov 2014 · 611
Reluctance
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
The grip which holds the collar
of my blouse,

The pull which grabs the lobe
of my ear,

The cringe which squeezes the muscle
of my heart.

There, the rebellious calling to dominate
Refuses to let go.
Nov 2014 · 1.6k
Linger
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Fingertips lingered on screen
where last words stand.

Eyes lingered on shoulders
when turned to end.

Confessions lingered on lips
as courage got robbed.

Tears lingered on chin
while my heart lingers on you.
Nov 2014 · 469
A million
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I'd brace a million nights
with insomnia breathing you.

I'd collide a million experiments
cruising errors to get your trial.

I'd tear a million other lips
for thirst to be quenched by yours.

I'd dissolve a million letters
in acid to crystallise love.

I'd conquer a million dolls
for them as exchange for one.

A million of millions of things
just for one in a million.
Nov 2014 · 7.6k
White
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
White is that winter -
The season we fell in love.

White is this diamond -
The promise we savoured in tears.

White is your lie -
That moment you said You love me more.

White is my meat without its skin -
That day I gave it all.
Nov 2014 · 970
I thought you died
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Hand over heart
I felt you beat.

I thought you died
when the skies came falling
as his words came crashing.

I thought you died
when scenes started replaying
as my mind starting missing.

I thought you died
when my eyes starting tearing
as my body was breaking.

Hand over heart
I felt you beat.

Thank you
(I thought you died)
Nov 2014 · 811
One day
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
My lips
speak of you no more.

My mind
remembers you no more.

My heart
misses you no more.

Not today,
But one day.
Nov 2014 · 409
Afresh
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Sweep the dust off
Polish and buff the edges
Clean and wipe the surfaces.

I start afresh.
Nov 2014 · 793
Blank Space
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I deliberately existed
in your time and space.

I hope to see you, sense you.
I plan the conversations in my head,
Exactly which words to use.

I searched for you
But to no avail.

Just when I turn to give it all up,
Your face appeared
Right at the corner of my turn.

I see you, I sense you.
But the words I planned
Dissolved and gibberish took over
That blank space in my head.

It was a short encounter,
it didn't mean anything at all,
Except that we still have fate and may
Our fate intertwine again.
Nov 2014 · 968
Rid
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
Rid
You said to get rid of my feelings.
I tried. But
how do I get rid of something
Invisible?

It's hiding from me, or rather
I am hiding it
from me, because it feels
Invincible.

I will
I will
I will
Try to get rid of it.

But for now,
I will just pretend.
Nov 2014 · 732
Life Buoy
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I was standing on the edge
You pushed me
Hard into the sea.

I tried to grab onto you
I screamed and begged
I was drowning.

You turned to walk away,
You wanted to **** me
in every single way.

Just when I was about to sink
My eyes caught a blurred vision,
You threw in a life buoy.

I grabbed hold of it
As tightly as possible,
I am never letting go again.
Nov 2014 · 2.4k
Balls
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I grew ***** last night.
I went down,
I poured my feelings,
I waited for a reply.

But I guess it was
Too aggressive
Too persistent
Too stubborn.

You weren't touched
nor impressed.
Calm, as usual.
Why wasn't I surprised?

You said I was
Living in the past,
You can't do anything about it,
You just hope I'm happier this way.

Pathetic,
you made me sound.
But I guess that was it.
Closure once and for all.

I don't regret my *****
because they sought for me truth,
just that truth was presented
in the hardest way ever invented.
Nov 2014 · 316
Burial
Natalie Neo Nov 2014
I burned my feelings into ashes
with the dry ice in my heart,
from the chills you bestowed upon me.

Those ashes I saved and kept them
in a box, I sealed it and
named it "Past".

The bubble of hope died and
my feelings vanished into thin air-
or I wished.

I took Past and I painstakingly
dug at hole, so deep
at the bottom of my heart.

That's where the Past shall stay,
where you shall be,
where this love strives to persist.
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