I made this dish with love.
Dedicating my time from my favourite show.
Slicing every piece of that onion carefully into same sizes,
Fighting back the tears that it kept threatening me with,
I made this special dish just for you.
A special Sunday evening meal to make you smile.

But there you through out the entire feast,
Complaining about my choice from the menu.
Nearly losing my appetite I just pretended I couldn't hear.
It would have been nice to know how well my dish was,
But instead all I hear is you mummering about your toothache.

What about a little thank you,
A "hmmm" of some sort.
Now its how much ur tummy aches after eating my food.
I just can't stand it anymore.
What about my effort?
What about my feelings?

Broken is my little heart,                        Dried out is the tears from my eyes,    Loneliness is what i feel right now,     Sitting alone, staring outside the window, and thinking to myself and saying, "surely you broke my heart"     i fake a smile, sing a little song,            But i know that deeply inside,              That surely you broke my heart.          You and i could never be the same again, this lost time can never be replaced. Now i pretend as if you never exist.

If you were human you'd know my needs.
If you were indeed a relative you'd want to see me succeeded.
If you were family you'd have congratulated me for the little I have achieved.

But since you think that you are not human.
And you never act like you are a relative
And you show no interest in family.

But since that you are driven by money,
You just don't care.
You are only a pure hypocrite in the site of those who don't know you.
You have gained yourself the the ability to separate family.
Only because they say "Money is power".
You have found yourself the strength to remain as the only successful soul.

Today I sit back and realise how much you just don't care.
You forgot about your family.
You forgot about us.
You have forgotten about those days we lived across each other and I watched you suffer.

I just won't enclose your name,
I'll only enclose my pain.
And I believe that by the time you read this,
I'll be 100 times better than I am today.
And you will be the one to bow at my table.

I know God will make a way,
For He is no man,
He never goes drunk.
He honours His word than His name.
And I will still put all my trust and confidence in Him.

Yet at the present moment you celebrate.
Seeing me in stagnation
And toiling just to survive.
Continue playing by the rules of wealth and riches.
And one day you will eventually see yourself sinking in poverty.

It is said " Inyembhezi zemizuzu aziweli phansi"
'Tears of a minute do not fall to the ground'
And those are short tears I'll release every night before I fall asleep

How could i ever let you in,
when you walked away with the key to my heart?
How could i ever love
when you left with my heart?
Tell me, how?

How could i ever smile
when you left me weeping?
How could i ever be happy
when you left me in doldrums.
Tell me, how?

Just like the meciless wind,
pain chases after me.
Just like the loud silence,
i cannot feel my heart beating.
just like the hallow night,
my world is lonely indeed.

Tell me, how could i ever love,
when love is just a "myth" you say?
Tell me, how could the world shine on me,
when my whole world is dark?

She sings day and night
Instead of praying she questions God.
She cries day and night
Instead of seeking for help,
She opens up for others.
She listen to their problems.
And in her mind..."If only you knew that my problem is worse than yours"
But she never walks away.
She always has a smile,
She always keeps a calm voice while saying
"Don't worry everything with be alright"
She sits at night starring at the stars.
She hopes to hear answers,
Over her roof she counts sheep,
The first always pretty.
The fifth singing so fine.
But the more she counts,
The louder the painful screams in her head.
She sits in the crowd wondering,
If anybody relates to her,
Or maybe sees the pain in her.
She sit all year hoping,
But in all that her hopes have been slowly fading.
If only you knew her rough patched
Am sure you would judge her less.

20 minutes before 8pm
walking in the dark path way of my home,
up ahead i saw the open sky,
without any alarm,
there appeared ahead of me
something so astonishing,
my eyes poped out.

I felt my mouth dropping to my feet,
it was a sight i have awaited for, for 2 years,
today the clouds decided to be fair
and clear up just a little bit.

And there i was standing in my black coat,
staring at the meteor-shower,
so fast in the blink of an eye.
Like fire works the sparks meltied away so fast
The sky left with its traces,
my excitement was untamed.

I just wish i was able to share this sight with you,
yet i felt your presence...
It would have been great to see you smile back at me...

Today my little town is bright.
Its like there have been neon lights placed on the pathways,
but surely it is the full moon.
Like a crystal it glows so clearly.
Watching its light spread to different directions,
i find my joy spreading all over my body.
If only the moon could fo ever stay full,
and glow overhead my roof i would forever stay happy and young

I have challenged myself for just this night,
but my love for poetry seems to over power me,
i feel the need to write,
even though i am toughtless,
i feel the need to write,
even when i have a lot of things to do,
i feel the need to write.
Just the way i feel the need to feed my soul with righteousness,
i feel the need to write,
everyday when i open up my mind to think,
i feel the need to write,
for i found a wonderful home of poetry (Hello Poetry).
I feel the need to write,
now more than ever,
its level has surely overshadowed my Love for Art and Music.

He is not a lover
but a brother
the one i found in Christ

he is a friend
so inspiring
only i can understand

you claim his mine
but no he is not
its just too much of what we have in common

he is "Cool"
and i am cold
but he know how to keep me warm

a big heart
so strong and powerful
he knows how to protect that fregile me

team spirit is what he carries
while you are the human crisis
he know how to make me let go of that anger you cause.

He is not a lover
his a friend
the one i found in Christ

much of a lady's man
a caring heart so pure
he is just one unique soul i know

comforting in distress
never lets me drawn in doldrums
he always seem to keep me smiling

his not a lover
but a brother
the one i found in Christ

so much of your suspicions
better should they be locked away
before your thoughts poision my mind

little children are abondoned by thier parents,                                                  left to raise each other on their own,  learn to survive in the streets,            forced to live under the influence of drugs and earn a living from mugging.                                                         ­                                                    Mothers forced to labour with children on thier backs,                         they rather sleep with empty stomachs sacrifising only for their children.                                                        ­                                                    Man begging for food,they nolonger know how to give.                          They wear shreaded clothes and survive from the tiny bread crumps thrown into trash cans.                They sleep under the fierce weathers, the wind cutting through thier skin and all that keep them warm is plastic bags.                                                            ­                                 What ever happened to my country is surely brutal South Africa can never be the same again unless we change it.

In the rain my tears are concealed.
And so are my screams when the thunder roars.
I feel my pillow flooding,
And I slowly lose my breath.

Just as much as you eagerly wait for the rainbow.
For that sun to shimmer through from the sky.
That's how much I eagerly pray for my pain to disappear.
For my "bright smile to be real".

You mutter about the rain,
While I plead for my pain.
We are not the same.

I would rather have you throw insults at me,
than you thanking me with insults,

all my dedication wasted,
i never did it for love but passion,

you nailed it just this day,
and am glad it happened soon,
i have been longing for this distance and it has now come to pass,

you know that you have a larger crowd to cheer for you,
but honesty lies between you, God and I,

i shall not be apologetic
today i just wont swallow my pride to make you happy and feel that you are right

let your loud voice increase in volume,
while i lock myself in the room and listen to you talking,
you are not the first hunter,
and i shall keeping on fleeing as a prey to  many that are still chasing,

when you have realised how much i was worth to you,
it will be too late for i would have migrated to a peaceful land.

I am not afraid to lose you for i have lost more friends than you in the times gone by.

There is never too dark a poem,
Too dark a mind.
If the thought rages in you.
Let it out...
There is no reason to explain why.

She is a pretty girl with a bright smile on her face.
Her eyes like clear cristals charm the most cunning hearts.
Her kindness consealed like sheltered pearl on the sea bed.

But look closely at that smile you will see,
A frowning girl with a musk on her face.
In her eyes you will see,
A blazing fire that has consumed her heart.
And like an empty shell,
She is lonely, broken
And in her mind,
She feels she is worth nil the penny that a precious jewel could buy.

That girl is me.
Yet I still fake every moment of my life.
When dawn comes I transform to a beast.
Anger consumes me
And all that I can do is fight it,
Yet too weak,
I simply breaking down in tears.

I am no human by night.
Not a normal one of course.
I am consumed by insomania,
Everything that pops in my head is either evil or just bad.

I am not a girl any more.
Not the one who walks upon the clouds night and dream.
I am that one who fears closing her eyes.
For all the dread that consumes me,  
And takes over my little soul by night.
I tremble in the arms of darkness crying;
"Oh Lord help me!"

I sit starring at the mirror,
your thoughts roam in my mind.
I am waiting for that day,
i will wake up and think about you no more.

His my KING
And am the Princess.
Dwelling under his guidance,
He has prepared me a Prince.
And up until his release,
In patience I will wait.
Without any doubts and heartbreaks,
I know that real love endures long.

You brought me so close to you.
Showed me how to be loved.
Mesmerized I slowly fell into your arms.
I held on so dearly,
Didn't want to live with the thought of what could have been.
But that I am here now  and you've turned so cold,
I don't even know who you really are any more.

When the clock strikes at four
my mind will not be at rest anymore,
when the clock strikes at four
this little energy i have will be fully drained,
these pillars of mine will be very weak
and unstable to hold my body  anymore.

When the clock strikes at four
i will be tired of forgetting,
my hand will not be able to keep the pen dancing,.my thoughts will be saturated by you
i cannot do it anymore
i can hardly bare sitting here anymore.

Its a Friday
After such a long day yesterday.
Tomorrow is Saturday
And thanks God that i will be home tonight.
I shall fail to cope because my mind roams in thoughts
saturated by my plans for tomorrow.

It is 8o'clock on the wall,
the moment for me to start trying to solve for X's
at nine i will have to retell the story of Animal Farm,
the death of Othello and anylse those poems.
At 10:30 i will be free
an additional language always makes my day.
But when the clock strikes at one
my soul will be gone and my body will be shut down,
i shall await for the clock to strikes 3:30
before some little excitment kicks in.

When the clock strikes at four,
i shall carry my bags with me and
get drifted away by the wind like
chaff.
I shall find my way home,
only to get a peace of mind and a hot bath.
And then think about you until i nearly drawn,
when the clock strikes at four,
i know i will be going home today.

Counting down to the days when the moon will become full,
as i look at it from where i sit,
over the dancing trees.
I feel the wind wisphering to my ears,
and the birds sing their last song before they go to sleep.

Waiting for my little town to become dark and the stars to golw.
i have to run away and go to a place unknown.
Where i will be close to nature,
and no human creature to disturb.

I will go and sit under the stars,
counting down to the day i may become happy,
and maybe i might find a shoting star to wish upon.
And my tiny wishes may become true.

A simple question,
But i cannot answer.
Looking at how much we get along now than before,
Surely i need an answer.

Why do I hate you when i should love you?
Why do i love you when i should hate you?
I humble myslf more as a friend,
And i rebel when i am your lover.

Why, why, why?
You are a simple question,
But i cannot answer.
Why, why, why?
Does anybody know??

June 1 was the day that marked the end to you and I.
But now that it is June 2,
I realised that i will be all alone this winter,
And when the cold front approches on June 3,
i will try and wrap myself with my webby blanket,
sip on to the last coffee that i have,
and hope for a better tomorrow.
While still searching for my heart to keep me warm,
even though the sun's rays still penetrate onto my skills,
i know that i will still freeze to death.

Maybe i should stop reading your
  poems
because everytime i do
i always find myself commenting,
being dragged to my past,
and wishing to share my thoughts with you.
It is so hard dealing my heart
wisphering "i miss you too".
Its like a semi earthquake,
vibrating at all time,
and i know that it is
an emotional call
you keep on sticking around,
and i try blocking you off,
but somehow i still hear my heart wispher

I found my pleasure in writing poems.
But technology has tought me how to type.
But today i have decided to go back to my old roots.
I write this in pain,
Tryibg to wipe away all the opressions that is behind technology.
I just want to vanish into the channel of my thoughts.
Mybe i might come back happy once again.

I wish to hold you tight,
and let my whole world feel brand new,
but i wouldnt let you go running with a fright,
because all i want around me is you.

With this modern technology
all the memories i had of us
are stuck in my phone.

Going through every picture of us
made me realise how much
we once where happy together.
Up until i came across the one
that said "Give me back my heart"

i listened to our phone call records,
the beat you sent for me,
the songs you composed for me
and those songs we always
sang together and realised
how much music brought us close
all the time
Up until i came across a song
saying "So now i take my heart back"

i went through the messages and texts we wrote to each other
they seem quite romantic
and they made me realise
how open we where with each other
Up until the day you made
1 June, 2015, 23:59
the last day we ever talked
to each other.

Now that i hear my friends asking
me so many things about you,
while still making jokes about
you and i.
It troubles,my heart because      
i know how much
there is no love any more

You wont celebrate,
you fear growing old,
having to bring a young lady home,
when you have to become a husband,
and soon a father,
you fear losing your youth.
Two years from now you will be 21

you just turned 19
i shall still remind you that it is your birthday.
Best wish with love i send out to you,
you fear growing old,
but may God increase your days on earth.
Your fear of growing old surely you will soon overcome,
when you now realise that you are just one year older now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Knock on the door of my heart
       and i shall open it for you
do not be frighten by what  you'll see.
   I have been trying for too long,
  to let you know how much i love  you.
    But you never bothered looking  further beyond that fake smile on my face.
      That is filled with heart breaks
               and doubts,
for you never bothered to see beyond.

I found someone else
to share my ideas with,
he is someone who listens
to all the stories that were meant
to be yours.
He comforts me,
and never teaches me the wrath
you tought me.
He has become special to me,
all the gifts that were meant to be
yours are now his.

You are my father,
Yes i admit that,
But you were never there
And he is.
Wishing for you to see my sucess
after all those curses that you
threw at me,
While he encourages me everyday.

He is the new father that i have,
Special to me,
And has filled that hallow space,
that was open for years.
Happy Father's Day
to the man that has taken me
to be his own daughter,
when you dear Dad
forsaked me

So many of us sit, think and still
wonder,
But have we ever gave ourselves the chance to ask?
Well no!
We just rejoice and find oursleves
floating on cloud nine because
"it is just another public holiday"

So many of us have cherished this day,
as a day of drinking, parting
and being in the family way.
Which "Us" am i refering to?
Well it is the youth of South Africa,
That can only sing "Freedom is coming tomorrow" very well
without knowing the significance
of that freedom
and what it took for this freedom
to come

well let me take you back to the
hands of time.
In June 16, 1976
the mongoloid youth of South Africa
marched down the streets of Soweto for this freedom we have today.

BLOOD SHADE,
SCREAMS,
EXPLOIDING SOUNDS
and the cries of faces without races
filled the streets of Soweto.

Parents feared for the lives of their children,
but who knew that adolescents
could be so brave?

They stood together in unity,
the same unity we lack today.
Fought for what was right and that came with their African roots,
which we nolonger honour today,

they fought against the usage af
Afrikaans as the main language of communication at schools.
And look where it left us today.
We have the Right to choice
and the Freedom of association.

And not forgeting that,
they left us with the courage to say "WE ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICANS"