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Dec 2020 · 37
Besides me
Should I tell him I miss him? Or should I lay in bed and pretend his besides me?
If i told him I missed him he would say am lying.
And if I told him i loved him...
God only knows if it's true.
Today the soound of his heart beat plays in my chest.
His silly giddy moments flicker in my mind.
I can feel him,
Not sure if I should say "His here, right besides me"
I suppose it's just me being will again.

Question is, does he feel this way when he thinks of me too?
To the one who I seem to love even more when ever I try to hate him.
Oct 2020 · 53
This time I have nothing to burn,
Nothing to throw away,
But I have every sensation,
And every essence to wash away.
Leaving no room for an aura of euphoria,
To evoke the moments that have now been defunct.
Oct 2020 · 39 act
It's not about his mental illness,
Don't get me wrong.
It's about how he used the empathy in me to his advantage,
And assumed abusing my heart would go on forever.
I got tired  of hoping the man I first loved would come back...
because clearly...
He was all just an act.
Your emotional and mental health matters the most, so take care of you before you take care of anyone else.
Oct 2020 · 29
It was Then
It was when I first found myself
So deep in a conversation,
Perhaps without any comas and fullstops.

It was then that I came back to my senses.
It was then when I first noticed
That my subconscious mind was imitating you in my speech,
It was then that I noticed how in your absence a bit of you still lingers.

There and then I was convinced,
Without a doubt that I was in love.
Sep 2020 · 113
I miss having someone to glance through my eyes
And right into my soul,
Under the concealing smile,
And know that I am not okay.

I envy the woman you ended up with.
I bet she never needs to shed a tear or stay awake all night.
Sep 2020 · 42
At wits end,
Am close to giving up.
Maybe I have already,
but I still have to be strong.
Hold it up together,
I don't know for how long.
Patience faded a long time ago.
But I still hold together.
Not for myself,
Not because I wasn't to,
But because the world requires it to be so.
Sep 2020 · 153
Too dark a poem
There is never too dark a poem,
Too dark a mind.
If the thought rages in you.
Let it out...
There is no reason to explain why.
Sep 2020 · 186
You gave me a thousand reasons why,
You made it a mandate that I be with you.
You showed patience and care,
How Could not have believed you.

You painted a perfect picture of tomorrow,
A priceless canvas that would draw so many stares,
I fell for it, And I got glue.
How did I not see that it was all just an illusion.

You drew the curtain, and I saw the dark reality
Although you remembered every word I said,
You never tried to know me,
You 'crammed' your way into me,
Just so you could forget when you had me.

Surely the joke is on me,
You got me so fooled,
You made me think this was a happy ever after,
Clearly that kind of love only happens in fairytales.
Lately I do not even know what the definition of love is. I am at my wits end with giving. The cycle I never wish to see happening keeps coming back. Maybe I wasn't meant to love but I keep forcing it. If the shoe doesn't feet I suppose it shouldn't be worn.
Sep 2020 · 46
What could have been
You brought me so close to you.
Showed me how to be loved.
Mesmerized I slowly fell into your arms.
I held on so dearly,
Didn't want to live with the thought of what could have been.
But that I am here now  and you've turned so cold,
I don't even know who you really are any more.
Jul 2020 · 742
Does your boyfriend do all these thing that I do for you?
Treat you the way I treat you ?"
It was clear why he was asking,
Everyone wants to look better than their opponent.

Then a moment of silence slipped in,
And a flash back of nothing swept by...
Those were all the memories I had with my boyfriend.

"He probably will also change when he has me,
right now he just wants to be the better man"...
I told myself.

"Of course!
He treats me well...
He even does more than I could ever ask for"... I lie.

If he had paid more attention,
He could have spotted my hesitation.
If he had paid more attention,
He could have known I needed a hug.

He could have notice the cry for help
Behind my smile.
That I wanted him to try harder.
I wanted him to convince me...
So I could know i was worth a fight.

But sadly he backed down,
Turn his back away,
And has never looked.
And I can't run after him.
All am left with is the promise I made to my lover.
And the thought of "what could have been"
Jul 2020 · 448
Your presences is like the brightness of the sun,
The joy of feeling it's rays after a cloudy day.
You melt away the cold in me.
And your warmth embraces my whole being.

In the darkness you are like the moon.
Your light brightens the atmosphere and gives me comfort.
Like the twinkling of the stars,
I can never count the good you have done for me,
Nor can I measures my love for you.

You are like the quiet night,
So peaceful the kid in me comes out to play.
The thought for adventure rushes through my vains.

Like the sun rise
You you losen my grumpy face,
And leave me with an undeniable smile.
Like the sunset, that I wish may never pass
You are the moment I just wish to live forever.

I love you
To the one that is closest and dearest my heart.
Jul 2019 · 353
If this was never love..
As I count down to the month of August.
To a start so different,
an atmosphere of love,
and new beginnings,
Unknowingly as to how quickly I would finally say
"BYE" to the stranger.

A new chapter,
A new beginning,
Finally finding someone to share my love with,
Knowing their own love in return.

He was nothing I had imagined.
Nothing I had ever dreamt of.
Probably too kind and gentle.
Never have I ever seen him angry.

So shy,
A day dreamer,
With a big future.

His touch felt so magical,
His hug,
Like nothing I have ever felt before.

But then what happens when the honeymoon stage faze,
Do you just walk away,
Or stay?
Do you withstand every case and circumstance.
Do you try to be strong for him,
Just so he can be strong enough to stand.

3 months of enjoying each other's company,
leading to 8 months of praying to God to save his life.
Mann! I've heard of cancer,
But little did I know that one day it would get so close to me.

Like a spiteful jealous crush trying to tare us apart,
like that angry baby mama who won't accept the past.
I sit on the side of his bed hiding my tears.
I close my eyes to pray,
But at times the pain in my heart becomes overwhelming.

I speak with a smile on my face,
While I try to hide the tears in my eye.
If this was never love,
I don't know what else is.
Oct 2018 · 432
Love lesson
Who could have known for sure that it would come to this.
From longing for love I knew I wouldn't get,
To denying myself the chance to be loved by another.

Then in the silence of the night,
Between the lines of speech and poetry.
Between the lines of speech and sound.
This time I saw him differently.

Passionate being,
But broken here and there,
His mind so broad,
But his heart not trusting.

Could he give in his whole?
Or maybe am just like the rest of his past?

My mind heart falling deeper,
But my mind reminding me of a lover I never had.
"What if he finally changes his mind?
What if he opens up?"

Surely I feared that,
But now I understand when people say
"God's timing is the best"
A lesson learnt so well,
That patience often pays.

I sit still thinking about him,
While I still wonder what on earth ever dared to happen.
How on earth did we come to this,
How did we seem to be just a match made in heaven,
And how well have I forgotten about my fairy night.

All I think about you,
By my side and your breath brushing through me face,
Your warm magical hug that makes my stomach boil.
All that beauty so precious.
And a passion to love so vehement
Apr 2018 · 772
I still...
I still want to write positive about you.
But all my memories of you are dead,
It's like I should simply stop writing.
But, no matter how I try and stop.
I still seem to go on and on.
It is this love so strong.
O! this sad love story,
That still guides
My innocence.
Its time I say
I still
Apr 2018 · 468
Cant say more
You wouldn't be so mean if you know how much I've hurt.
You wouldn't be so mean if you knew I already feel pain.
You wouldn't be so mean if you took a minute to understand.

You wouldn't be so arrogant if you knew how much I care about you.
Respect you,
And always wish good for you.

You wouldn't be so arrogant if you knew how many tears I've shed for you.
If you knew how much pain I feel,
And how many times I pray for you.

You wouldn't be so selfish,
But you love all the attention.
You love seeing me begging,
And melting in your presence.

See the problems is I have pride too.
Noe that my arrogance has been ignited
And my selfishness been put to the test.
Couldn't go on, there is just so much rage involved
Feb 2018 · 547
"So do you still write?"
A close friend asked.
"Not so much, I haven't had anything to write"

She secretly wrote in black and white.
Typed, and edited her work.
But it was so unbearable to share,
She held all her present miseries she wanted left unsaid.

Even till this day they still stay in her secret place.
For those feeling and moments are hers alone  to keep,
And so many of them for her to burn.

She has been so broken,
That little girl inside of me.
She couldn't leap for joy no more,
Her worst burden was faking a smile.

The pages to her books, socked with tears.
And her passwords, changed every week.
She has been hiding this part of her from the rest of the world.
Avoiding her reflection,
But she couldn't do it for long.

Accidentally looking at that splintered ******* the mirror she had been avoiding all along,
she begun to speak;
"Okay, this has been going on for too long,
You are not broken,
You are not weak, you can go beyond the odds.
You are deserving,
How do you expect to keep helping others if you can't help yourself?
Wipe away your tears,
And put a smile on your face,
For you are surely the best,
The most amazing,
And the world needs you,
Be strong for them, and for yourself too.
You don't need a man to make you happy,
Neither to complete you.
You don't need comfort from nobody,
God is your comforter,
God is your love,
You are beautiful and wonderfully made.
God did not make you for this dismay.
He called you the light of the world,
It is time to arise, before your light goes up,
Stir up that gift before it is too late,
You are more than a conquerer,
So why do you cry?..."

She went on and on.
Though it at first felt so awkward,
She begun to feeling change;

The burdens on her shoulders melting.
The walls over her heart breaking.
She begun to see those tears drying,
Her voice a little more clear.
She begun to see that spark in her eyes.
She was breathing again.

And finally,
She saw her beautiful smile again.
And She knew that, that little powerless girl in her,
Had finally transformed to a woman.
And today she is writing again
Feb 2018 · 584
Play along
Sunday I said "Am done"
Yesterday I was obscure
Today I screamed "To hell with!"
But here I am again stumbling in my thoughts.
The loud scream in my head (your name).
When will all of this finally be over?when in the first place there was never a beginning.
I kept my love,
And you were open with your future.
At least in it there is space you left for love,
But to whom will that love be shared with?
That's the thing that crushes me the most.
Sunday I chose to let go,
But yesterday I found myself tortured.
Today I said I don't need you to be happy.
But here I am wondering,
'Is God really going to let it slip away just like that?'
I guess I will have to play along to God's plan until I know its settled.
At least for once don't speak to me in parables
Feb 2018 · 517
A man that has no music in him is fit for violent deeds,
And such a man is deserving of death.
A man that sings whole heartily utters beautiful clarinets,
That can mend a broken spirit.
And such a man is fit to be cherished.

A voice like yours;
Low on pitch
And high on meaning,
Can never fall on deaf ears,
For it is spirit filled like the band of Cherubim.

In all honesty;
It leaves my conscience hanging about the neck of my heart,
And foolishly away from all worldly matters.
It weighs away the embrace of heaviness I carry,
And leaves me in comforting rest,
with extraordinary emotion;
You put little effort in showing unthrifty love and care.
And your good and caring spirit has never gone unnoticed.
Dates back to 05/01/17
Inspired by The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare.
Dedicated to once a good friend of mine M. Dlamini
Jan 2018 · 535
That girl is me
She sings day and night
Instead of praying she questions God.
She cries day and night
Instead of seeking for help,
She opens up for others.
She listen to their problems.
And in her mind..."If only you knew that my problem is worse than yours"
But she never walks away.
She always has a smile,
She always keeps a calm voice while saying
"Don't worry everything with be alright"
She sits at night starring at the stars.
She hopes to hear answers,
Over her roof she counts sheep,
The first always pretty.
The fifth singing so fine.
But the more she counts,
The louder the painful screams in her head.
She sits in the crowd wondering,
If anybody relates to her,
Or maybe sees the pain in her.
She sit all year hoping,
But in all that her hopes have been slowly fading.
If only you knew her rough patched
Am sure you would judge her less.
Jan 2018 · 232
My heart so filled with rage.
My mind with revenge.
My ink has become dry.

I stare at the blank page
And all I get is nothing.
Singing to my favourite songs too,
Has become a task that doesn't heal.

At times I wish to explain,
Because I know I have the answers.
But what does it matter to the world,
Because no one seems to care.

I am filled with rage.
And I know revenge is the last thing.
I am filled with pain.
And I have allowed it to engrave in my heart.

I am filled with rage,
And it's bad habits have been slowly creeping in.
Anger is such a bad emotion,
And so is the scare that you have left behind.
Jan 2018 · 190
I wrote your name on a page,
I hoped it would stay.
For in my heart it had failed to stay,
Like the morning fog on a sunny day.

You were so sweet and kind.
Your voice brought harmony,
Like chapping birds of the summer.

From the horizon you stood still.
Silhouetted by the evening sun.
I saw furry burn,
I felt hate.
Pride drowned you bitterly.
And from that moment you where gone.
Mar 2017 · 492
solitude is not loneliness,
it is a peace of mind,
self identity.
it is a solid foundation to a life we tend to avoid.
it is strength within all weakened thoughts and feelings.

loneliness is the state i am stuck in,
getting up and knowing that i will not be able to see you today.
you linger in my mind,
the memories of you i have hidden inside.

i am not me now that i sit alone.,
looking at that spot you once  set,
speaking and talking.
giggling and laughing,
in confusion and in complete silence.
your heart was richly pounded with joy.

now in the hallow walls of silence ,
i lay in dead solitude,
of pain and struggles,
of heart breaks and loneliness,
my weakness has threatened me dearly.

it is in loneliness that i stand.
missing you everyday.
wishing you where there to share those moments that we once had.
i stare in absence at that place you once sat.
i feel your presence and i hear your voice,
and i blow up in tears i just can't help myself,
they say distance is not a barrier but the truth behind it is that its all a lie.
to my friends that i miss dearly: Lindokuhle and Zandy
Jan 2017 · 598
caught from the blue,
with my polished
and sparkling eyes.
all that everyone saw was beauty,

while deep inside pain crept.
forgetting of its existence.
to me it became profane.
refusing to speak of it
Allowing myself to forgetting.

then at my cheerful being of night,
you saw through me
what i had forgotten.
it was the pain that dwelt.
and all the broken pieces inside of me.

lost in the dark night with a fake smile,
i would have never known all was wrong.
and healing could have never come.
but you helped me admit to my wrong.  

today i look back at the lost time in darkness.
all the happiness wasted.
i could have been cheerful then,
but now that am at ease,
solace came unexpectedly
gratitude is the token of appreciation i have for you.
Thanks to a dear friend
Jan 2017 · 563
The Inner-Child
She sits watching,
over the plain sky in wondering.
is this how my life should be?
should i even consider this real.

i have been lost for too long in my wanderings,
my dreams have become too real to compare.
yesterday i lay awake yet sleeping,
thinking of ways to make me feel better when i wake up.

then today am caught up in wanderings again,
is my life real,
or is it a dream?
have i dissociated myself too long from reality
that i don't even know if an still in pain?
have i rejected the idea of love
that now all that lives in me is anger?

have i been drown in so much sorrow
that now all i feel is anger?
have i been hurting for too long that i don't even know if am in heartbreak?

what happened to all that jolliness,
what happened to that girl who always had a smile.
what happened to me that now i do not see the beauty of the sky.
my eyes once sparkled like the stars,
but today they have been veiled with darkness.
what happened to that little girl that always tickled my interior,
the giddiness in her has died
Dec 2016 · 670
Now a friend
I wouldn't have guessed you were so kind.
I wouldn't have guessed you were comforting.
All i saw was a good looking gentleman.

Always eager to see your smile close enough,
Now at the back of my mind it is reflecting like the rays of the sun.
Always eager to hear your voice.
Now am shocked to find out you sing sweet clarinets.

I wouldn't have guessed your honesty
I wouldn't have guessed you cared.
All i saw was a fine walk not much of a meaning behind it.

Always eager to walk besides you
Now i know i can trust you with my all
Always eager to know your name
Now i know that you are just the comforter your name means.

I could have never guessed so well.
Only a dump fairy tale with a sad ending,
Now i wish the whole world knows about my endless dreams,

My shy side safely kept away,
I would have never gained the confidence to say "Hie"
And now that i did my biggest fear is saying "Bye" forever.

now that we share in many similarities,
there is still one thing i pray for dearly
(that you see me worthy to be your 'Ruth')
for in me i see the most finest 'Boaz'
Aug 2016 · 749
21st :another decade passed
If i had all the wealth and riches,
I would buy you the world.
But a simple smile on your face is what i would love to see the most.
With little to say.
All i have are only the best wishes.
A beautiful day.
An extreme blissful sunday.
With uncountable blessings.

You deserve the best
For you have always been the best.
Passing through many life lessons.
I cant believe you are 21.
How hysterical of it all that today is the 21st.
Knowing that there are many more trials to come.
I pray that you never lose heart.

Hope you stop growing in height soon.
But I pray you grow in every other aspects of your life.
Happy birthday buddy.
My kind Nunu.
Lindokuhle Nunu
Aug 2016 · 517
Only a stranger
If every dream was possible,
I would make you mine forever.
If every wish was possible,
There would be no opticles between us.
We would live a happy ever after life,
But fairytales are only there to bring solace to such longing hearts as ours.

We would dance under the moon forever,  
Only a break to count the stars,
And wait for a thousand shootings stars to pass by and never dare wish on any.
For our wishes would have come true.
There would be no day, no sun to blaze,  
Only the sweetest nights creating a vehement desire of love.

But this is reality.
And I am wide awake,
Wishing I could stay forever asleep,
And continue this absurd fairytale of mine.

You are only a stranger to me.
And so is your name a mystery,
Always wondering what melodies are uttered by your voice.
Longing to get a clear view from your smile,
That I have many times captured from a far glimpse.

With the question in my head.
Am not sure if you notice me too.
Could all this age phenomenon be real?
Would you direct me to your little brother (at least that's what i think he is) instead?
I hope not.
I won't let that negativity stick.

Such a fine walk.
A gentleman by nature.
I only sense some unknown feelings of love...
Certain kind of love...
The unconditional sort...
One that you never get to find.
A certain nature so welcoming,
In such a way that i am willing to adventure into.

I tend to hope,
Awaiting and yet Praying,
That all the thoughts in your head too,
Are just as similar as mine.
And together I believe,
We could wonder into a real world of fairy tales.

But how could such love be possible?
In a world of cruelty,
Pain and betrayals.
Broken promises and false hopes.
Lies and deceits.
In a world were a little girl like me can as well be abandoned by her father.

Dear God,
Help me,
I don't know what I am feeling,
And I hope it ends soon.

Nolwazi J Mabilisi®
God i dont want to keep hoping no more and i pray that he be the one.
Aug 2016 · 505
She always knew she loved,
Hating herself for doing it,
She knew she was in love with the wrong person.

He always knew she loved.
Hating himself for not loving her in return.
He always thought he was the wrong person.

Now she is not in love.
And he is.
Now he believes in them.
And she believes nothing of the existence of love.

They know they are in love,
But she had already been hurt in waiting.
And now he feels her pain too.

They could always ease away each other's pain.
But pride in many ways,
Works without thinking,
And I wish they could see it too.
Jul 2016 · 336
... Waiting
His my KING
And am the Princess.
Dwelling under his guidance,
He has prepared me a Prince.
And up until his release,
In patience I will wait.
Without any doubts and heartbreaks,
I know that real love endures long.
Relationships are no competition,  becoming naive and falling in the hands of the wrong guy is a complete nightmare. Rather wait upon the Lord for the right time... He knows me more than I know myself, He knows all that I need and in the right time, he will be my Provider.
Jul 2016 · 658
Black box
Like qualified pilots who have lost control of their aircraft.
My strength and confidence is has been drained,
I have non no more.

Like the aircraft falling apart in mid-air.
I feel my self shatter,  
I can feel that am breaking,
I know that i have been splintered
And only love can stir me back into position.

With every piece of debri falling from the sky,
And into the middle of nowhere but the hospitality or open seas.
I am lost, deep in the depths of lonliness.
Sinking fast into the scary world of heartbreaks.

Falling so quick it cannot be stopped the last crush of the rest of the aircraft has been captured by the creatures of the sea and no other witness.
Sudden silence and then whispering waves hidding all the evidence,

I keep faking my smile everyday,
Being welcomed by a pool of tears every night.
The only witness present is my sobbered pillow.

Yet like air controllers,  
Those who care seem to wonder
"What on earth has happened to her sparkle?"
"The most inticing eyes have been powdered with grey"
"Where has she lost her zeal,
Her love for nature is gone,
What happened to all the inspirations that made her write?"
And at the back of my mind i wish somebody would get the answers.

All the answers can only be found by the search rescures,
Maybe somebody out there knows i need help, 
Somebody willing to get all the answers,  i guess...

Somehow i know,
That my heart like a black box lies,  
In the deepest ends of the sea bed.
Unless some one comes and opens it,
I will never really know is wrong with me.
Jun 2016 · 739
Secretely falling in love
Poetry is too cheap compared to simple words uttered.  
Many that are not suppose to have much meaning.
But yet they make me shiver down to my knees.
They flow in the waves of silence
And become little whispers of love.
With a very pure tone of care.
They make me realise what true friendship means.

Always fluttered.
I hide every blush with a smile.
And it too is always complimented,
And at the back of my mind I keep screaming "Thank you".
Secretly falling in love.
I pray he doesn't find out.
With a lot of pressure I get from the rest of my friends.
I have drove the thoughts out of their minds by telling them 'to forget it'.

I know it would never work.
I would rather have him as a friend.
Yet every time he speaks
His words make me melt uncontrollably.
I keep trying to forget about him,
But his words rapidly play inside my head.
I tell my heart to stop melting,
And my mind to stop thinking.
But it seems not to work.

I adore him in every way possible.
His height,  just so perfect.
His eyes draw me close to his soul.
And everytime I get a chance to hug him,
I pray that he never let's go.
He is a sample of all that I need
Yet I know I should find another lover
But up until then my heart slowly
And secretly beats for him.
L. N

He might think his past make him unworthy,  and so does mine.... We could always work something out
May 2016 · 650
Troubled heart
She is a pretty girl with a bright smile on her face.
Her eyes like clear cristals charm the most cunning hearts.
Her kindness consealed like sheltered pearl on the sea bed.

But look closely at that smile you will see,
A frowning girl with a musk on her face.
In her eyes you will see,
A blazing fire that has consumed her heart.
And like an empty shell,
She is lonely, broken
And in her mind,
She feels she is worth nil the penny that a precious jewel could buy.

That girl is me.
Yet I still fake every moment of my life.
When dawn comes I transform to a beast.
Anger consumes me
And all that I can do is fight it,
Yet too weak,
I simply breaking down in tears.

I am no human by night.
Not a normal one of course.
I am consumed by insomania,
Everything that pops in my head is either evil or just bad.

I am not a girl any more.
Not the one who walks upon the clouds night and dream.
I am that one who fears closing her eyes.
For all the dread that consumes me,  
And takes over my little soul by night.
I tremble in the arms of darkness crying;
"Oh Lord help me!"
May 2016 · 836
Crazy-sweet, confusing love
He knows he likes her,
But he is not sure he can stand the cyclones around them.
She knows she likes him,
But there are just these obstacles standing in her way.
They know they are in love,
But what do they have to do to be convinced?

Oh! Boy, Oh!  Boy
Relationships! ,  relationships!
And most of all.... 'LOVE'

You make me laugh when am not supposed to.
And smile when I dont have to.
You make me happy though I dont know the reason why.
You are the bright blossom of my clouded day.

He is a keeper,
And I hope she keeps him too
She is and Angel
And I hope he becomes hers too.
She hopes for a protecter
And I believe she has found one.
He hopes for a comforter
And I believe he has found one.

Everything is just wild,
With mediators on the side
And on lookers observing.
It is so hard to look at it and ignore,
But I am happy to know that the world around me still carries love.

He knows he loves her,
And I hope she loves him too.
For M.N and T.N

P. S I love you guys
Mar 2016 · 957
Happy birthday: Tev
Another year gone by,
Atleast for 7 months the debate about who is older will not be heard.
Ohh boy!
An I so glad.
Its just silly to be wishing you a happy birthday,
But whatever,  you deserve it.

Wishing I could spoil your day so badly.
But luckily I ain't around.
Little-Old "bro" God has sustained you.
Wishing you a long life
And heaven at last.
May the good Lord guide and bless you.
Reminding you that every day leads to you being a man.
May you live to see your children's children.
(And also mine too).

A blissful and a happy birthday to you
With lots of love and care.
Happy birthday to you Tevin .A. Ndlovu.  A friend and a brother I never had.  19 is still just a number,  there are still more years to come. Hang in there buddy
So much shame.
I cannot Explain.
Walking down the streets of Johannesburg.
Hiding my face from the street lights.
My face is so terrifying.
Tears pouring down my eyes.
I cannot believe the disgrace I have just encountered.

My dear brother.
Right in the face of my Pastor,
A few witnesses.
And maybe some I love dearly.
Such bullets of anger I saw you shooting out.
After bragging about you with confidence
And saying "My brother is super awesome"

And there you are showing your babaric awesomeness.
Something I have never seen in my life time.
What happened to your cool and kindness.
That gentle guy I always talked about.
Today yu were just a monster,
And a good one at it,
That's one thing for sure.

What has this alcohol done to you.
Or maybe that **** that makes u flow in another dimension.
I really had a reason to believe something was wrong with you.
But from what I saw from the eyes of the people that walked besides me.
You just a threw a brick at me.

You were the only best thing I could ever talk of.
At least for a moment up until now.
I had to defend,
Yet not knowing the reason why.

Is it really shame or anger.
I still don't know.
But breaks my heart to still think of this and I find it hard for me to even push it aside.
What happened to me being your 'Ntwana'.
That today you decided to throw a boom at me.
Incomplete for I don't not know how to put everything together. The I think about it the more I just want the ground to open up and swallow me.
Mar 2016 · 767
My apology
I wasn't me not today.
I guess all my fears came chasing.
All that I thought I would never have to face again.
The fear of being let down,
The fear of having to wait for someone to come
And they never show up.

I was hoping for a change in the chapter of my life.
Hopefully it would clear all the doubts I have been having.
You were that spark of hope for a moment,
And when things changed.
I was so disappointed.

I know I had no reason to be angry
I failed to compromise.
And mostly appreciate your values.
Guess at that moment I felt unappreciated.

I don't know what much more to say.
But I deeply apologise.
Not because its a must but because I know I should.
I was just selfish.
And unearthly to be so arrogant.
I surely know that I could have behaved a little better,
But I didn't.
I really don't know how to put it nor say it. But I believe it is the only thing I can do. I hardly believe the word "sorry" but I hope you believe my words of apology.

I will not blame you if you decide to push me away. To cut off all communication. To turn into another direction. Probably its because I do not deserve you.
Mar 2016 · 610
Special Sunday dish
I made this dish with love.
Dedicating my time from my favourite show.
Slicing every piece of that onion carefully into same sizes,
Fighting back the tears that it kept threatening me with,
I made this special dish just for you.
A special Sunday evening meal to make you smile.

But there you through out the entire feast,
Complaining about my choice from the menu.
Nearly losing my appetite I just pretended I couldn't hear.
It would have been nice to know how well my dish was,
But instead all I hear is you mummering about your toothache.

What about a little thank you,
A "hmmm" of some sort.
Now its how much ur tummy aches after eating my food.
I just can't stand it anymore.
What about my effort?
What about my feelings?
If I had known I would have just boiled everything up together and not caring about the little details to the taste.

You are welcome mom even though you didn't appreciate my effort after such a long day.
Mar 2016 · 1.2k
I cried myself to sleep
I cried myself to sleep last night.
I wished you could be there,
To hold me close to you and whisper its okay.
It was one scary and unusual lala by.
But am glad I did not see its end.

I cried myself to sleep last night because I kept feeling I had lost you.
But today under the clouded afternoon.
I realise that,
The droplets of my tears melted your heart in your sleep,
And probably planted a short dream about me.
Because today you seem to have remembered me.
If you were human you'd know my needs.
If you were indeed a relative you'd want to see me succeeded.
If you were family you'd have congratulated me for the little I have achieved.

But since you think that you are not human.
And you never act like you are a relative
And you show no interest in family.

But since that you are driven by money,
You just don't care.
You are only a pure hypocrite in the site of those who don't know you.
You have gained yourself the the ability to separate family.
Only because they say "Money is power".
You have found yourself the strength to remain as the only successful soul.

Today I sit back and realise how much you just don't care.
You forgot about your family.
You forgot about us.
You have forgotten about those days we lived across each other and I watched you suffer.

I just won't enclose your name,
I'll only enclose my pain.
And I believe that by the time you read this,
I'll be 100 times better than I am today.
And you will be the one to bow at my table.

I know God will make a way,
For He is no man,
He never goes drunk.
He honours His word than His name.
And I will still put all my trust and confidence in Him.

Yet at the present moment you celebrate.
Seeing me in stagnation
And toiling just to survive.
Continue playing by the rules of wealth and riches.
And one day you will eventually see yourself sinking in poverty.

It is said " Inyembhezi zemizuzu aziweli phansi"
'Tears of a minute do not fall to the ground'
And those are short tears I'll release every night before I fall asleep
Feb 2016 · 825
Dont be too ignorant
Ignorance leads to distruction.
It is more sad if you are avoiding the situation.
Nothing is risky than watching a loving heart drawn in sorrow and pain of disappointment.
And never having that time to turn back the hands of time.

"If only" will just be words that will infect your wounds.
And I will still be left alone to cry.
Please don't be too ignorant.

Open up your eyes and depart from your world for a little while.
I have gotten rid of mine and i have found myself in one I made for us.
Don't say love is risky when you know it is worth trying.
I guess its been long without writing...about you of course but when things get too hard to bare, I share them with my HP family because they still seem to be the only ones listening
Feb 2016 · 492
The first guy:

"I just don't understand you", he keeps on saying.
And with a dreamy mind I keep saying more things.
And that just makes the mystery vanish on thin air.

The second guy:

"I somehow understand your situation", he always says.
And with more words to emphasis on my problem,
It always seems like it is too close for him to solving it.

Yet together they become one,
samTev they call themselves.
Always ready to find solutions,
And work with the tough cases.

My own seems to be hard for them.
Without knowing how to start,
Planning just ends up turning to another game.

Sure right they are good,
At spoiling my mood,
Yet making me at ease.
They know how to drive me crazy,
And yet I still remain in control.

They are just two loving friends that always want to see me happy.
Knowing how to comfort me,
And wishing we never departed from one another.

Surely they make me have a lot of enemies,
But I know that there is never a way they could ever become my nemesis.
Love my two dear friends Samuel  I Sibanda and Tevin A Ndlovu.
Yet they always pull out stupid tricks and say crazy things...guess that's just what makes our friendship strong. Just proud to be that one girl secure between two guys.
Feb 2016 · 786
Memory lane
One day I will look back at this moment and say "Gosh! I was crazy".
However, this is one moment that has just found its permanent post in my memory lane.
I will cherish it always and only share it with those who will understand.
You could have warned me and told me not to be in you life,
But you failed.

You knew that one day,
Just one day I would want it all out.
The truth about you and I
Yet you were courageous for you knew that no one would believe me.

I was just too young and guillible.
I let you toil and tosse me around and I enjoyed every moment.

The pain I felt when you penetrated me was nothing but a challenge to me,
I always called myself a tough girl,
One that could stand all pain.

You took advantage of silence,
A great secret keeper I always was.
You told me that I would lose my dignity if I ever dared to break a promice.

You made me promice that I wouldn't tell.
And with some little priceless candy bars you always knew how to keep
my mouth shut until this day

This specific moment that I have woken up from a fairy tale of pain, suffering,
And abuse.
I am ashamed of my childhood days,
And all the silly little confidence I had.

What kind of a stupid game was I playing with an old man when my peers were playing with dolls.
Now I see you behind bars and all that comes in my mind is "God curse that monster"
While then I called you my best friend.

Now that i have over grown the trauma and pain.
I have not over grown the hate of all man that take advantage of little girls like you did.
I promice you that when you die,
I will spit on your grave,
And this is one promice I am not going to break.
Never been ***** or under any form of such trauma, I just felt like challenging myself by fitting myself in a victim's shoes and this is what I came up with.
Yet my intentions for even writing this poem began with me in my broken emotions. But eventually I decided not to be selifish.
Feb 2016 · 311
My silence doesn't mean that I don't miss you,
I am just waiting for that moment when you will miss me and break all this silence.
But up until then I can surely tell that am the last thing on your mind.
When you know you miss someone but fear being the one to always say hie because you realise that you might be ectually arnoying
Feb 2016 · 1.2k
Beacuse I care
I get hurt I don't mind.                       She gets hurt I don't care,
     You get hurt I worry a lot a lot
         Because I care,
      I never want to see you hurt,
   From all her drama and turmoils,
You still don't realise that its me who

      She's driven you through hell,
        Some little publicity and all.
   Silly little drama that could have pushed me way but still I stood with  
             My sobering heart
        Waiting for my chance to  
             You after her dread
  And heal your wounds from her
          Sharp swords.                               

It is my endless love that makes me
Yet I don't mind that you are never
             Going to love me.
Jan 2016 · 784
Birth of a little Angel
While I crawled in the arms of my tender sleep,
Having said a little prayer,
Dreaming of reality's dread.

Mama stayed awake trying to let you out.
Sweating and fighting all the pain and strains,
And hoping you would be out soon.

Daddy kept saying little prayers and signing songs of praise in his heart.
He awaited for your arrival,
It was soon enough until you surfaced the earth.

They both couldn't wait to have you in the palm of their hands
And see your sparkling eyes open up to reality's dread.

But do not worry you little one,
For we are all here for you.
To protect you from the devouring spirits,
And every other wicked spiritual realm;

Rock of Victory youth will never let you sobber in pain in our site,
Nor let any bully bring down your flaws.
We are willing to support you all the time.

Mommy and Daddy will always keep you happy,
And they will never leave you behind.
They will groom you to be mommy and daddy's little girl.
They shall always keep you warm in the dark,
And in comfort during the storms.

The Lord shall become your refuge and your strength,
He will shower you with blessings,
An pour his wisdom upon you.
He shall lead you into the narrow gates,
And forever shall he be your fortress.

Our deep breaths we have been holding for too long have been released into the thin air.
And from them we have found an atmosphere of celebration.
With little words to describe my happiness,
I am so greatful to be amongst those to celebrate the gift of life that God has presented to you.

Nolwazi J Mabilisi®
To my beloved pastor's (Pastor "P" and "Mama P") daughter heavenly Beauty Nkomo, who was born yesterday night around 9am. Can't wait to hold you in my palms
Jan 2016 · 1.1k
[Just write-rhyme]
Perfect imperfections,
Drawn away frustrations.
Pondering sweet emotions,
Simplicity through dedications.
Discovery of new evolutions.
Washed away night's illusions,
Drifted away by happy motions
Pride through inspirations
And self identity through aspirations.
Tears have gone to extinction.
And I have become perfect through imperfection!
Jan 2016 · 925
I am happy
Before 23:59 on December 31
I was certain,
About my wasted feelings and hopes.
Love that was meant to be handed to the longing heart,
And not yours was put into waste.
I was certain I had messed it up.
And that was true.

I spent too much time in stagnation and thinking about you
When I wasn't in your thoughts.
I felt happy to leave my broken peaces behind.
And I couldn't ask for more.

My yesterday's meditation cured the little scratches that still ached.
I was revived and drowned into happiness.

I left my silly thoughts behind,
And am happy that you in my mind no more.
And in my own tight arms I am happy.

Today is 20:20 January 1
And I feel liberated from the thoughts of you that captured me with unforgiving claws.
Dec 2015 · 697
Dear angered soul
Just because you made me a birthday wish didn't mean I owed you one,
Just because I didn't say any wishes didn't mean I dont care,
I just don't want anything associating myself with you.
What need was it for you to spit out greatly bitter insults at me,
Yes I called you crazy
For I have never seen a selfish person such as you.
It is no use pretending I meant nothing to you,
For you would have not smeared your unchanting words on me.

I would love to see you in much more misery than this,
But thank you for you immediately blocked me out of your life
Happy birthday, hope that changes your undeveloped mentality and if it doesn't don't bother thinking I care. Am still not ashamed to call you crazy!
Nov 2015 · 484
Full life
The moon has become full
And like a lamp it glows.
The bets have come out to play
And I am still all alone.

After such a long day of thought.
That 3 hours paper felt like forever.
My shoulders still carry the burden.
I  am proud to have made it this far.

I had vowed to myself
Something that has surely been a fairytale.
The moon has become full without my love coming to pass.
The moon pushed us away
And am glad it did.

The moon has become full.
And from its brightness it signifies my new life.
My journey as a scholar has ended.
I might as well begin calling myself
A "jobless graduate" for a while.

As for our love.
Forget it,
I don't need it.
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