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Jun 21 · 28
How did they lived?
Le Lotus Jun 21
How did they lived up till 50? 55? 60?
Getting to 22 isn’t easy
Life is too tiring
Am living cause am yet dying
Are they the same as me?
I think no one would understand me
That it’s a mental thing and can’t be seen
But really, can’t you see how despair
and broken I am being?
My heart feels so dense and heavy
It took so much to get to 22
Yet this 22 felt the hardest so far
It won’t get better right?
There’s still more to come
and much to break
As long as I’m still breathing.
Le Lotus May 3
Sometimes, Not so often,
Yet suddenly as I stare into the ceiling,
Or onto my phone screen,
Reading contents or simply thinking,
I started having thoughts that is so far fetched,
A sudden but a bothersome ones
“Maybe I am toxic”
“I should be with no one as I bring despair to others”
“I’m not good enough”
Sometimes, so often,
These thoughts came creeping in
When I think of ones that I love
Especially the one that I want.
Sep 2019 · 49
Ending act.
Le Lotus Sep 2019
I’m at a point where I feel bad for ending the act of being nice.
But to tired to pick up the mask and put it on.

It’s not like I’m changing from an angel to a villain.
But a fool to a thinker.
Just had enough of people taking advantage on me,
Had enough of people thinking low of me,

Had enough of everything actually,
But to the extend of thinking of death, that scared me.

I am scared, really.
Mar 2019 · 70
POEM
Le Lotus Mar 2019
Some people say that poem is
Only for the sad and depressed souls
But hey, look at me !
Read the following verses and you'll know.

There are varies of arts in writing,
Its a way of me expressing my feelings,
The deep part of me that coudnt be seen,
But in poems I lay them in ordered scenes.

Few times when I feel like crying and can no more bear things,
I lay my feelings in a piece of sheet and went to sleep.
But! That day when the sky is clear I also picked up my pen and let it dance,
Just by listening to the birds singing I'd do the same.

Am not trying to play poet but to convey a message,
Writing poems doesnt mean that I am depressed,
Its a medium for feelings to be expressed,
A comfort zone for the creative people like us.
Mar 2019 · 77
Family Dinner
Le Lotus Mar 2019
It's a funeral-like dining room.
No one is talking,
Bite, gulp, bite, gulp
Only my eyes looking,

A 15 years old's bore eyes into me,
I'm sitting across her finding means,
Raised my brows, put down my spoonful curry,
Tilted her shoulders then look down, eat, eat

This room is gloomy,
It's so quite even mouses sound noisy.
My eyes were glancing around, but no one is looking
Beside that little girl who was just trying to tease.

Clink, clank,
O my dancing utensils
Cleaned, all down
Leaving this dining gloom now is me.
Feb 2019 · 77
Nights of Mine
Le Lotus Feb 2019
My eyes are tired, it's about half passed 1 where the moon shines,
Burdened, I got to get up early tomorrow,
Music now on play, set off after 2 hours,
Rest my back, close my eyes
Can't seem to loss myself, eyes closed yet am awake, i hate this.
I draw images, create scenes, trying to make my own dreams,
Trying to see pictures in my closed eyes.
Music is off. ****, I'm still awake,
It must have passed 3 now,
...
Alarm went off, it's 8
Oh! I slept, I'm still tired.
First thought this morning?
It happened again.
I wish the cycle stops.
I'm tired.
Le Lotus Jul 2018
Is it depression ?
When you feel like you have no purpose in life,
And everything you do
Basically just to go with the flow,
But it only drives you mad and tired
Because things aint flowing smooth,
They walks on rough patches and thorny roads.

Is it depression ?
When you smile on the outside
But seconds later some sort of gloomy-ness spread all over your mind and soul,
With no reasons nor justification why,
You just feel empty inside.
And alone.

If it is depression,
What should I do?
I heard that it's dangerous
That it eats your soul,
happiness and enthusiasm in life.

What should I do, really?
This is frustrating,
I want to be happy too.
Feb 2018 · 192
My Family
Le Lotus Feb 2018
I hate my oldest brother,
He's nothing but a poison in my life.

My dad got the coldest shoulder ever,
He was never really on my side.

My step mother got the tightest sour face in the world,
5 years went by yet she still is a bad decision to me.

They say cut off toxic people out of your life,
But how do I cut mine ?
The toxics mostly my flesh and blood.
Jan 2018 · 112
Ungrateful
Le Lotus Jan 2018
My hate is on them
Cuz they're hella rich

Oh lord oh

Imma *******
Ungrateful *****.
Jan 2018 · 135
I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE
Le Lotus Jan 2018
White flower turned black
Red lips gone pale
It was tough all this while
Things will get better soon
well no guarantee for that
I am tired, sad and mad
Not because it was too hard
But can let go not a sigh
Because I know I'm not the only one
That struggle such tough fight.
Oct 2017 · 202
Mistake
Le Lotus Oct 2017
Reaching out to you
Was my biggest mistake.
But again,
Who wont be deceived by such face,
Innocent pair of eyes that shows sadness,
Who knows it was a look of lust?
Am I a fool ?
Or were you originally good at lying?
Well my bad maybe,
Shouldn't have reach out to you
In the first place.
Apr 2017 · 214
Please
Le Lotus Apr 2017
I've been feeling sad since yesterday,
Slept at 5 am and awaken at 7.30 am,
Feed me dopamine so I can smile again,
Bring back the laughter for me,
I desperately need to be happy again.
Please..
Apr 2017 · 214
Abandoned
Le Lotus Apr 2017
She got too much to bare on her shoulder,
And no one aware,
Got to talk about her so many problems,
But no one to listen,
A lot of things playing on her mind,
Slowly she's going insane,
An abandoned child.
Mar 2017 · 213
Host
Le Lotus Mar 2017
The world is wide,
So is our sight,
So don't close your eyes by the rumours based on lies,
Open your heart and mind,
And let me crept inside.
Feb 2017 · 289
Not Eligible
Le Lotus Feb 2017
This heartbreak i'm feeling,
Not eligible for someone like me,
He definitely deserve her,
Someone that is better than me .
Dec 2016 · 216
Oh all in vain .
Le Lotus Dec 2016
There were times,
We were too afraid to try anything new in life,
Everything lies right before us,
But too scared to take the chance.

Yet when we've lost ones,
We mourn over those times,
And be mad at ourselves for letting go such opportunity.

Oh all in vain ,,
All in vain .
Nov 2016 · 182
Untitled
Le Lotus Nov 2016
When you break up with me
Should I be thinking you're setting me free
Just to be optimistic
So there won't be regret
And no heart break.
Nov 2016 · 486
Do you?
Le Lotus Nov 2016
Flush cheeks
And tongue tied
When I see you

Eyes on ground
Nervous beating heart
When it comes to you

Do the same happen
to you?
I love you
Nov 2016 · 260
Big bang
Le Lotus Nov 2016
Bang bang bang
Bang-a bang-a bang-a
Oct 2016 · 270
Enough.
Le Lotus Oct 2016
There's not much left in me,
Stop trying too hard in breaking parts of me,
I had enough already.

I'm way too tired,
I might get a very bad idea,
How to end this misery in a very quiet way but would definitely stir the people around who'll then demand that they're close friends of mine.

*****.
Oct 2016 · 1.9k
She's Beautiful
Le Lotus Oct 2016
She knows she's beautiful,
We know she's not lying,
I hate her guts oh god
How she brags bout her beautiful face
Without even trying,
Put a garbage bin on her head
Still looking like a queen
She's really beautiful
No one dares denying.
Sep 2016 · 177
Abandon Child
Le Lotus Sep 2016
Life has turned it's back on us
We're abandon child now
Living the life no one could relate
Pick pocketing others' love
Wonder why we could never tell them we need some.
Aug 2016 · 247
Dad
Le Lotus Aug 2016
Dad
Scrolling down the chat,,

Am feeling tired,
Don't feel like talking,
Sorry.
He said.

I know u got problems,
You're the pillar of my strength,
Be strong,
I said.

Too much things going.
Too much burdens bared.
He's giving up.

But before he could do it,
Told him that i love him,
Sent imaginary hugs,
Though there's distance between us,
I know it can never win against blood ties .
Aug 2016 · 220
Birthday
Le Lotus Aug 2016
When singing happy birthday
song is such a nuisance,
No candles lit and blown,
But cake cut and eaten,
Tomorrow we move on,
It is no longer her birthday.
Jul 2016 · 166
CONFIDENCE
Le Lotus Jul 2016
Confidence is good
I am **BEAUTIFUL
Jul 2016 · 212
I Hate You Now.
Le Lotus Jul 2016
One last breath,
My love is dead,
For you.

All the waits,
Me in nervous state,
Are all nothing to you.

I am letting you go,
Letting you feel the lost,
Good for you.

I've loved you,
But I hate you now.
Jul 2016 · 650
Short Hair
Le Lotus Jul 2016
I cut my hair short
Now I am light-headed .
Jun 2016 · 375
BLACK HOLE
Le Lotus Jun 2016
Black hole,
Uselesss, despicable one,

But who knows,

There could be hidden gold beneath,
That black hole could be is a gold mine,

Give them chance,
For them to change,

We never know what tomorrow might bring .
Sep 2015 · 248
Secretly
Le Lotus Sep 2015
I always pretend as if things don't really matter to me
But silently, secretly,
I prayed for your happiness when you're sad
I prayed for your success when you've failed
I prayed that all of your problems to be solved
I prayed for you, because I care about you.
Jul 2015 · 315
Liar
Le Lotus Jul 2015
There is no truth
All I said were lies
At least to you
Whatever explainations I give
You interpreted them as excuses
I am a liar
To you.
Jun 2015 · 725
Sick
Le Lotus Jun 2015
The sarcastic smile
The sarcastic laugh
The sarcastic word

They are the scariest things that ever happened
They can almost say anything
Yet they can't say everything
They are just sick
Mentally.
Jun 2015 · 309
Friend?
Le Lotus Jun 2015
There is a friend you want to protect
And me at another hand who need your help
In between, when your adrenaline rushed
Your instict action make me realize who I am
Guess I am nothing like a friend.
Jun 2015 · 182
Untitled
Le Lotus Jun 2015
If you can't smile for me,
Cry then.
If you can't laugh for me,
Curse then.

Because I love seeing you in lost
When you love seeing me in pain
I love seeing you acting up
And everyone nods along believing your lies
Its not a good thing but,
Atleast I know then
There's people who are fool than I am.
May 2015 · 420
Difficult.
Le Lotus May 2015
If the old man give up,
Then who would stay?
Apr 2015 · 329
Love you.
Le Lotus Apr 2015
It's painful but I love it.
It's wrong but I'll still do it.
Because your love isn't easy to gain.
Because my heart has adjusted to pain.
Mar 2015 · 1.8k
Kepada Kau Yang Tak Penting
Le Lotus Mar 2015
Aku tak pernah anggap kau penting tau,
langsung tak pernah.
Balik-balik muka kau,
Balik-balik muka kau,
Pastu satu hari kau takde,
Aku mula cari kau.      
Tiba-tiba kau jadi penting,
Sampaikan tertoleh-toleh kiri kanan cari kau.
Pastu tengok kau,
Dekat belakang tembok pandang aku,
Senyum.
Celakanya,
Berdegup jantung aku.
Feb 2015 · 1.9k
Grandparents
Le Lotus Feb 2015
Breathing the modern air,
living the old way.
Feb 2015 · 313
Giving Up On You
Le Lotus Feb 2015
Broken heart.
Useless waits.
I give up.
Whyyyyyyyyy?????!!!!
Jan 2015 · 3.6k
Rain
Le Lotus Jan 2015
Oh sad sky please stop crying.
Jan 2015 · 590
Please
Le Lotus Jan 2015
Why is everybody leaving?
Please stay,
Please..
It hurts
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Angel or Devil?
Le Lotus Dec 2014
If there are only two humans,
One must be good, one must be bad,
Which one should I be?
Both cannot be good
Neither both can be bad,
If both are good,
The world then too peace,too boring.
If both are bad,
The world then too chaotic,too tiring.
Just like in the movies,
We need twists and fun,
Then shall I be..
Angel or devil?
Or.. either one with mask?
Dec 2014 · 3.9k
Crazy
Le Lotus Dec 2014
Tingles,
Twist,
Turns,
Butterflies,
Tingles,
Twist twist,
Beating fast,

Maybe I'm too easy
Or maybe I'm just crazy.
Dec 2014 · 329
Until Tomorrow
Le Lotus Dec 2014
Just like yesterday,
I am missing you again.
Just like yesterday,
I am longing for your presence.
Just like yesterday,
I am waiting for you.
Just like yesterday,
I believe you'll be here.
Because today,
Will eventually comes to an end.
And tomorrow,
I'll make sure yesterday was the last day,
Then I'll let you go.
Dec 2014 · 395
.
Nov 2014 · 520
shh
Le Lotus Nov 2014
shh
I ♥ U
Shhhhh
Oct 2014 · 917
..
Le Lotus Oct 2014
..
Don't ask me for
things you don't appreciate,
And when I leave
don't beg me to come back.
Oct 2014 · 2.1k
Your Sword
Le Lotus Oct 2014
What a great sword.
Lies hidden between your words.
Oct 2014 · 435
I don't want to know
Le Lotus Oct 2014
There are so many things that I didn't know,
Things that I don't even want to know about.

Because most of things I knew,
I wish I didn't know.
Oct 2014 · 303
The rain didn't
Le Lotus Oct 2014
The rain yesterday
Didn't wash my pain away
It still ache
Here,
In
My
Heart.
Oct 2014 · 3.2k
Once Upon A Time
Le Lotus Oct 2014
Once upon a time
World was not in peace
Wars happened everywhere
Women and kids were all sad
Husbands and dads
Joined the wars and dead

There was one kid
He saw what he saw
His dad was killed
They slit his throat and laughed
That violance somehow
Embedded something in his heart

Years passed
He is a grown man now
World is still the same
Wars still everywhere
He survived somehow
He is still alive now

As a grown man
He wanted to serve his country
A dangerous but safe ground
Where his dad was killed
Where a lonely kid grew up

He worked ******* skills
And joined so many wars
He danced in each war
With his beautiful partner,
His sword

Whenever he saw violence
He was terrific then
But now he's not
To **** enemies is a must
To protect the ground he lives in is a must

There is nothing he terrific of
He saw the worst possibility of violence
His dad was killed! They slit his throat!
He is a cold hearted worrior

"Don't beg for life when you **** people,
Don't beg for sympathy when you have none"
Those ices embedded in his heart
Made him a merciless man
They killed his parents with no doubt
The same way will he do

He is the cold hearted worrior
He lives with his sword
He is living in wars.
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