How did they lived up till 50? 55? 60?
Getting to 22 isn’t easy
Life is too tiring
Am living cause am yet dying
Are they the same as me?
I think no one would understand me
That it’s a mental thing and can’t be seen
But really, can’t you see how despair
and broken I am being?
My heart feels so dense and heavy
It took so much to get to 22
Yet this 22 felt the hardest so far
It won’t get better right?
There’s still more to come
and much to break
As long as I’m still breathing.

Sometimes, Not so often,
Yet suddenly as I stare into the ceiling,
Or onto my phone screen,
Reading contents or simply thinking,
I started having thoughts that is so far fetched,
A sudden but a bothersome ones
“Maybe I am toxic”
“I should be with no one as I bring despair to others”
“I’m not good enough”
Sometimes, so often,
These thoughts came creeping in
When I think of ones that I love
Especially the one that I want.

It's a funeral-like dining room.
No one is talking,
Bite, gulp, bite, gulp
Only my eyes looking,

A 15 years old's bore eyes into me,
I'm sitting across her finding means,
Raised my brows, put down my spoonful curry,
Tilted her shoulders then look down, eat, eat

This room is gloomy,
It's so quite even mice sound noisy.
My eyes were glancing around, but no one is looking
Beside that little girl who was just trying to tease.

Clink, clank,
O my dancing utensils
Cleaned, all down
Leaving this dining gloom now is me.

Is it depression ?
When you feel like you have no purpose in life,
And everything you do
Basically just to go with the flow,
But it only drives you mad and tired
Because things aint flowing smooth,
They walks on rough patches and thorny roads.

Is it depression ?
When you smile on the outside
But seconds later some sort of gloomy-ness spread all over your mind and soul,
With no reasons nor justification why,
You just feel empty inside.
And alone.

If it is depression,
What should I do?
I heard that it's dangerous
That it eats your soul,
happiness and enthusiasm in life.

What should I do, really?
This is frustrating,
I want to be happy too.

I hate my oldest brother,
He's nothing but a poison in my life.

My dad got the coldest shoulder ever,
He was never really on my side.

My step mother got the tightest sour face in the world,
5 years went by yet she still is a bad decision to me.

They say cut off toxic people out of your life,
But how do I cut mine ?
The toxics mostly my flesh and blood.

My hate is on them
Cuz they're hella rich

Oh lord oh

Imma *******
Ungrateful *****.

White flower turned black
Red lips gone pale
It was tough all this while
Things will get better soon
well no guarantee for that
I am tired, sad and mad
Not because it was too hard
But can let go not a sigh
Because I know I'm not the only one
That struggle such tough fight.

Reaching out to you
Was my biggest mistake.
But again,
Who wont be deceived by such face,
Innocent pair of eyes that shows sadness,
Who knows it was a look of lust?
Am I a fool ?
Or were you originally good at lying?
Well my bad maybe,
Shouldn't have reach out to you
In the first place.

She got too much to bare on her shoulder,
And no one aware,
Got to talk about her so many problems,
But no one to listen,
A lot of things playing on her mind,
Slowly she's going insane,
An abandoned child.

The world is wide,
So is our sight,
So don't close your eyes by the rumours based on lies,
Open your heart and mind,
And let me creep inside.

This heartbreak i'm feeling,
Not eligible for someone like me,
He definitely deserve her,
Someone that is better than me .

There were times,
We were too afraid to try anything new in life,
Everything lies right before us,
But too scared to take the chance.

Yet when we've lost ones,
We mourn over those times,
And be mad at ourselves for letting go such opportunity.

Oh all in vain ,,
All in vain .

When you break up with me
Should I be thinking you're setting me free
Just to be optimistic
So there won't be regret
And no heart break.

Flush cheeks
And tongue tied
When I see you

Eyes on ground
Nervous beating heart
When it comes to you

Do the same happen
to you?

Bang bang bang
Bang-a bang-a bang-a

She knows she's beautiful,
We know she's not lying,
I hate her guts oh god
How she brags bout her beautiful face
Without even trying,
Put a garbage bin on her head
Still looking like a queen
She's really beautiful
No one dares denying.

Scrolling down the chat,,

Am feeling tired,
Don't feel like talking,
Sorry.
He said.

I know u got problems,
You're the pillar of my strength,
Be strong,
I said.

Too much things going.
Too much burdens bared.
He's giving up.

But before he could do it,
Told him that i love him,
Sent imaginary hugs,
Though there's distance between us,
I know it can never win against blood ties .

When singing happy birthday
song is such a nuisance,
No candles lit and blown,
But cake cut and eaten,
Tomorrow we move on,
It is no longer her birthday.

Confidence is good
I am **BEAUTIFUL

One last breath,
My love is dead,
For you.

All the waits,
Me in nervous state,
Are all nothing to you.

I am letting you go,
Letting you feel the lost,
Good for you.

I've loved you,
But I hate you now.

I cut my hair short
Now I am light-headed .

Black hole,
Uselesss, despicable one,

But who knows,

There could be hidden gold beneath,
That black hole could be is a gold mine,

Give them chance,
For them to change,

We never know what tomorrow might bring .

I always pretend as if things don't really matter to me
But silently, secretly,
I prayed for your happiness when you're sad
I prayed for your success when you've failed
I prayed that all of your problems to be solved
I prayed for you, because I care about you.

There is no truth
All I said were lies
At least to you
Whatever explainations I give
You interpreted them as excuses
I am a liar
To you.

The sarcastic smile
The sarcastic laugh
The sarcastic word

They are the scariest things that ever happened
They can almost say anything
Yet they can't say everything
They are just sick
Mentally.

There is a friend you want to protect
And me at another hand who need your help
In between, when your adrenaline rushed
Your instict action make me realize who I am
Guess I am nothing like a friend.

If you can't smile for me,
Cry then.
If you can't laugh for me,
Curse then.

Because I love seeing you in lost
When you love seeing me in pain
I love seeing you acting up
And everyone nods along believing your lies
Its not a good thing but,
Atleast I know then
There's people who are fool than I am.

If the old man give up,
Then who would stay?

It's painful but I love it.
It's wrong but I'll still do it.
Because your love isn't easy to gain.
Because my heart has adjusted to pain.

Breathing the modern air,
living the old way.

Broken heart.
Useless waits.
I give up.

Oh sad sky please stop crying.

Why is everybody leaving?
Please stay,
Please..

Tingles,
Twist,
Turns,
Butterflies,
Tingles,
Twist twist,
Beating fast,

Maybe I'm too easy
Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Just like yesterday,
I am missing you again.
Just like yesterday,
I am longing for your presence.
Just like yesterday,
I am waiting for you.
Just like yesterday,
I believe you'll be here.
Because today,
Will eventually comes to an end.
And tomorrow,
I'll make sure yesterday was the last day,
Then I'll let you go.

.

Don't ask me for
things you don't appreciate,
And when I leave
don't beg me to come back.

What a great sword.
Lies hidden between your words.

Once upon a time
World was not in peace
Wars happened everywhere
Women and kids were all sad
Husbands and dads
Joined the wars and dead

There was one kid
He saw what he saw
His dad was killed
They slit his throat and laughed
That violance somehow
Embedded something in his heart

Years passed
He is a grown man now
World is still the same
Wars still everywhere
He survived somehow
He is still alive now

As a grown man
He wanted to serve his country
A dangerous but safe ground
Where his dad was killed
Where a lonely kid grew up

He worked ******* skills
And joined so many wars
He danced in each war
With his beautiful partner,
His sword

Whenever he saw violence
He was terrific then
But now he's not
To **** enemies is a must
To protect the ground he lives in is a must

There is nothing he terrific of
He saw the worst possibility of violence
His dad was killed! They slit his throat!
He is a cold hearted worrior

"Don't beg for life when you **** people,
Don't beg for sympathy when you have none"
Those ices embedded in his heart
Made him a merciless man
They killed his parents with no doubt
The same way will he do

He is the cold hearted worrior
He lives with his sword
He is living in wars.