I think I've got this soul mate thing figured out.
I don't mean to sound boastful,
I just love the mystery in how
And why
Life happens as it does.
You see this epiphany gave me the realization
Anyone of us could fall in love.
The only thing keeping us apart is the will to be together,
If we had that with everyone we would remain in love forever.

Cords that tie us together forever
Exist all around us, unless we choose to sever.
The connections offering protection over our past,
Seems good from here, but we know it won't last.
When I think of you it all goes back,
to the wrong turns we took landing us on this track.

We mold together briefly
I felt my insides flicker with light
You pulled away and disappeared
Now inside I feel no fight

With you I at least felt something
Even if it was a force of bad
Now I'm alone with all these possessions
Writing stupid words over something I didn't think I even had

Lost count of how many times I check technology
To see if anyone at all has bothered
The clock flickers on for hours
No mother, boy, or father

I eat away at my own self
Listening to these repeated thoughts
I shake it off and try and get away
Dragged further into these bogs

It never washes off my skin
Aren't memories kept inside your mind?
I pour them onto canvas and paper
Until my third eye wishes it'd go blind

I shout enough into the mirror
Then crawl back into bed
Maybe if I can dream of leaving you one last time
You can finally escape my head.

I'm just discovering,
baby,
that's what I was made to do.
I'm never done learning,
even about...you.
But the waters keep churning,
I'm just floating through
observing
swerving
and turning
over and over
the things I go through.

I've got to keep at it, baby
For me
and
for you.
Maybe because I've been through so much crazy,
I'm always searching for something new.

Can you forgive me though you do not know me yet?
I have walked the Earth, become some person
and made mistakes and yet-

Oh, this Grace.
In Jesus I have found.
A fountain of forgiveness,
to wash my mistakes to the ground
and away, forever...gone.

So, I know that you will be a man of grace.
And look past these years I have been so very silly.
The years of the beginning of my race.

But I am banking on you.
Whoever you may be.
I will not settle.
I will not quit.

**You ARE waiting for Me.

I apologize for seeming so weird

Its just that fate has always showed me exactly I feared

If you thought that I enjoyed or reveled in the oddities

You’d be wrong, I’ve always envied the wannabees

Its the price I pay for being aware

I never cared to know this much about the truth, I deem it unfair

I feel like I’ve always wanted love

But as much as I’ve desired its not something I was made of

My life has been nothing on this side of typical

Growin up I felt my beliefs to be unsinkable

Then she broke all my understanding of reality

Mom showed me life was anything you wanted it to be

And I don’t know if that was for good or bad

I started pushing the envelope just to see what I really had

Could you love me if I really did this?

Probably but I would never tell you, keeping secrets balled inside my fists

They would only explode when they hit

But no one ever saw, I was my only friend when I had to get through the hell of it

Years have passed I may be getting over it

But I still feel as empty as the day I fell inside this ****

If my message couldn’t be anymore clear

I feel like its been a mistake since the day I got here

And I can’t emphasize how much I die every time I go to a lifeless job that leaves us more blind

I see the soulless look inside your eyes and I wonder if you could pinpoint which moment in your life you died

I’m not saying that I’m perfect in any shape or form

I often wish God wouldn’t have wasted this life on someone so **** to under preform

I don’t know what it is I’m living for

The jist of what I’m meaning is there has to be so much more

We have to believe that what we do matters

Because if it had no meaning we’d just be a bunch of unpaid actors

Going through the day to day, trying to grab as much pleasure that comes your way

And I feel sorry for those who think that’s what its about

Who feel that nothing happens when the light inside you goes out

And once again, I don’t pretend to know it all

But I know this much, there’s a lot of undiscovered life inside of ya’ll.

Be still my rebellious, rambunctious heart.
For you often beat too fast for your own good,
when you haven't the first clue at how to start.

Be still and know, my soul, the voice of God.
For it is still and soft...just a whisper
Because he is close, and I am awed.

Be still my judgement, you shouldn't have to move at all.
You should know your place is for thy self.
You needn't be in use for others, this is not your call.

Be still my understanding, for you are lesser than the understanding of God.
You have a narrowed perspective.
But I am only human, a sinner, and this understanding I have is flawed.

I can't breathe when I see how much we suffer
We are all connected through life and need to learn to hold onto one another
I will never understand how you can be so selfish
A person is a person, no matter how much their wealth is
I want to tell every single good influence in my life
About my gratitude and love for helping me through the strife
And though I feel alone more often than not
I know I wouldn't be treading this well on my own after the water got hot
If I could beg for a moment of silence all around the world
I would preach for the same beliefs you can find inside a little girl
No one person is better than the next
For anything related to their pay checks
A road less traveled and I'm walking alone
Picking up passengers who are hitching from home
On my good nature, will, and graces
Dragging me down to much darker places
And then the sin slips in and that's when it all starts
You forget your beliefs and let the dark in your heart
And turn on one another because no one understands you
They turn on you because of something they'll misconstrue
When we're just turning because we're hurtin and we don't know what to do
And society tells to drown it with liquor
But we don't realize it helps the hurt set quicker
You don't even realize it but you're waking up alone
In a house full of strangers in a home you used to own
And you glance at your reflection not even knowing that person
And somehow its God that you're cursin?
Wake up, there is so much more to this life
You don't have to follow my path or any of my advice
Except do good, its as simple as that
You'll be surprised with the places you find yourself at

Okay,*
So you just-
Go around spreading hate
and whatever you feel *inside.
Go around stealing light
and dulling the shines,

of every happy soul that,
couldn't go to that
dark place
you hide.

I wish I didn't see that
You could not believe that
Inside me burns
all my past lives

Oh yeah,
but it's okay you will learn some day,
the worst you fear is surely on its way
I will never bend
or give in
with my ways

**All that is good lives to die some other day.

This is difficult to think.
This is difficult to write.
But I've been lying awake,
pondering* this thought at night.

To say I never loved before you-
just doesn't feel right.
Because I am the one
who loves all of life.
I am the one who loves despite-
one's tendency to fight
being loved, or to return love
with only spite


I have accepted myself,
and all things in their respective rights.
What plagues me is more complex;
I am trying to give it light.

I was  in love with you,
but I'm vexed  by this new found sight.
I would never ever risk
complications in the form of fight.
Never not give him my best,
even if I'm showing my selfish side.
And I never loved you
quite like I love him,
I just don't know,
is that alright?

Sometimes I miss you,
though I don't know you yet.
I wonder if you are lying in bed on a Friday evening,
feeling the same way.
Life isn't bad,
I'm not unhappy...
Just restless and feeling as though,
there is something more out there.

But this feeling and I,
we've met before.
And I know all its ***** tricks.
I know they way it disguises its self.
It tells me there's no harm in settling in
for awhile.
For breathing deeply and indulging,
in pity.

I know God loves me too much,
to leave me anywhere unfitting for His kid.
So I hope you are having the same realizations,
if you indeed are lying in your bed on a Friday evening.
Because some day,
neither of us will be doing that alone.

When a song touches the place,
that makes me warm.
I play it again and again.
But this much I've learned-
Don't play it too much.
Less it lose its grandeur.
Like when others complain,
that the cold that once kissed their face
now brings pain.
I will not see it this way.
No let me be washed by the beauty
of life.
And let it not be my everything.

Bluer than the Atlantic
Colder than its depths
Your eyes more or less windows
Closed shutters you've always kept
Swimming inside them I grew gills
I failed to see I evolved too fast
Breathing in nothing but you
But time is needed to make a good love last
Changes like that shouldn't happen over night
Now we're more or less strangers with feelings of deja vu
I loved you many times before
Now you're something new
I couldn't take that step
Afraid to dive from these heights
Your water is inviting
But I can't shake my frights
Fears of creatures in the depths
Or giant sharp rocks
Your ocean is one of brilliance
With tides that don't stop
Maybe I can avoid the plunge
Stick a toe or two in
One thing I am certain
These waters will win

" The time has come," she said to me.
Eyes of a child, I could not look at her directly.
She was the sun.
Bright with knowledge and fun.

" I'm not ready." barely audible.
She smiled as if she knew I no longer felt unstoppable.
I wanted to rest in her arms.
Break down my guards, let her shield me from harms.

But she could not pick me up.
Whether she is real or not, thoughts like this had my mind corrupt.

" You know better."
Listen to her to be blessed with better weather.
" Its time, my friend."
She wanted to see me in turmoil? Must my carefree days end?

" Its just a choice."
One that will turn my heart dark, or cause it to rejoice.
I need a voice.
What's hers is mine, except hers never worries about boys.

I need a breath
of fresh air.
I need to feel that
you are here.
I need to be
changed.
I need you
now.

Lord, heal
my heart.
Let me know
it's alright.
Give me the
strength to
keep going.
Keep smiling.
Keep growing.

I do not feel anything
is right
On the inside of
me.
Change me.
Rearrange me
Help me to see
the way you
see.
me.

Bad feelings
Regret
Anguish
despair
I don't have room for that anymore,
No, it don't live here.
I don't have time for selfish behavior
It is much harder over here
To be selfrighteous, or live in anger
Or hangout with my old friend,
Fear.
I'm too busy working in His Kingdom.
Being a slave to His will.
I'm just trying to get it right,
The walk with Him,
And my own will I ****.
So leave your baggage of this life
And pick up the cross.
Though the freedom He will gift you
Comes at a cost.

God talks to me all day long
And I talk to him
And this is the way I've learned to get on.
He keeps telling me to press on
It won't last forever,
But I have to remember
Only He controls what will belong.
A world where I see you several times a week, but we don't speak...*****.
But I'm hoping it won't last long.
Because I would rather be a blatantly
desperate and in love with you friend
Than an exgirlfriend who is long gone...
I've just never found a better friend than you.
I don't think needing that is wrong.

Like a river
Doubts and fear wash over me.
But you are a ship
With a life preserver
Pulling me from the depths of the sea.

I am set free.

There could be no greater Love,
No greater Truth,
No greater one,
than You.

You have taught me all things
Made me forget what I should not remember.
You have called me into more
than what I once was.
You are a God of love.

I want so many things.
But they mean nothing outside of You.
Fill me with whatever You want.
Steer my paths wherever You are.
I want nothing of this life, if it isn't where You are.

When you don't know why

A songbird sings,
A church bell rings,
A country accepts kings,
A flower waits for springs,
A child loves the swings,
A musician plucks strings,
A rich woman is in love with her things,

I guess it all can seem to sting....

We can't say these things right now,
But what I want you to know is I never forgot how
You evoked brillance inside my heart
Took an ***** so broken, taught it to be real smart.
It still loves, even after all that.
With me here, and you where you're at.
Nostalgia
To be your dahlia.
Woe is no longer me
Though I do worry if we can just be?
I once wrote I was shipwrecked, though I had no clue.
The depths I would rise from, like the Titanic, shiny and new.
I just don't know if we're something I can do.

You have a way with capturing my imagination
It builds islands of you, yet forgets to conjure up some device for my floatation
Drowning in a sea of your scent, hair, warmth, finger tips
I forget sometimes when I saw you last, what real life is

Sleep lasts longer, shades drawn upon light
I don't know you anymore in reality,
But in my head our lives have just taken flight

I turned to you one day,
Remarking about something of the mundane
Though your face I could no longer find atop this stolen frame

I tried to conjure your features and move your lifeless limbs
My hands reached for my pick, finding a diary, upon a whim

Flipping through for poems, photos, love songs
Anything you'd be featured in
Slamming the book shut
What was I looking for again?

Upon my awakening I couldn't recall
Any room in my house you'd ever visited at all
In fact, I couldn't remember who you indeed was
It felt as though something was missing
When you're alone it usually does

When life roars at me,
and my faith feels weak.
What will I choose to believe?
Oh, it's your face I seek.
Jesus.

When the cross seems far away
and I remember all my mistakes.
When I'm lost and feeling unsafe
You've already rescued me.

You come in like a wave
Sweeping away tomorrow and yesterday
You say come what may,
Cause you've already rescued me.

You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me

Now I have to choose to believe.
And if I want the victory
I'm choosing you not me
because you've already rescued me.

Dear you,
I might not know you yet either,
but this letter will be different.

You will be different

I say that because it is true.
Not because he was wrong, or bad,
but he wasn't you.

You are holy and set apart.
As am I.
You were made for me,
and I for you.
And we will get it right at last,
Oh sweet promise of the Lord.
You have been worth waiting for.

I may not have waited as long as you.
I may have been sloppier with my life.
I may disagree with you and be stubborn
and try to take the lead.
But you will know me
And choose me anyways.

And that is why I will love you,
with a true love that reflects
the love of God.

And for all of that,
and for all that I remain unaware of,
I am waiting.

But I had to write you to say,
I'm not looking.
I am not striving.
I'm no longer searching,
and trying to force things to happen.

I am resting.
And serving,
And seeking...
the face of God

Because you are only to love me as He already loves me.
So, I'm going to the source.
And I'll see you some day soon.
I know you're waiting too.
I know you'll know what to do.

Notecards strewn across the table
Like postcards of why I'm unable
To study Biology.
Okay...it's because you're unavailable
No need for psychology
I'm clearly enamored
And you noticed so quickly
How your stare made my heart hammer
If you are anything but what you are
My expectations dampered
I see a brightly shining star
Able to handle
Everything we are
I think no other holds a candle

You keep calling me.
Into the deep I go.
Thank You, that I know how to swim.
But could You tell me please....
Where is it I will go?
There's no destination here.
No knowledge for me to know.
I wait on you...
I pray to hear.
But sometimes I do doubt what will grow.
You promise so sweetly, everything I hope for...I pray it is so.
You will never leave me.
That alone I can know.