You told me,
You loved me.
Finally.
You said you loved me,
That I was all you ever wanted.
And my heart soared ten thousand fathoms high.

But I woke up,
And panicked.
It was just a dream.

I have no life because I sit on my *** and play video games, or sit on a tablet and write poetry?
Because I didn't go to college and don't have a job?
You work twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours a day on a thankless job that isn't making ends meet.
Still paying off a college debt that got you nowhere, and a mortgage you can't afford.
You consistently fail to pay bills and never can afford some necessities to life, like insurance or a badly needed car.
You never call your mother because you think she thinks you're a failure, which isn't true, but you're too prideful to think otherwise.
You come home to a nagging wife and a falling apart house and failing marriage that you never fix because life kicked you in the ***** and you've never got back up.
You're cynical, uncaring, and downright depressing.

If that's life, I'm glad I have none of it.

I love your amazing eyes
They look otherworldly
Like there's a galaxy within
Spiraling with your gaze

If infinity paid me infinite money
It would be far too cheap a price
To trade for a little, tiny, weency
"I love you" from you

There is no continent on this earth
That will prevent me from running
Through the deepest ocean's deep
To your arms that my heart keep

If I were all alone forever more
I'd go to an insane asylum
Just to remember you
Because you are my heart.

P.S. I like your ****.

your name used to be
       an intake of cool winter air
    refreshing my lungs
in glowing frost;
  when i speak your name
now nothing happens
      you are a memory
   best left forgotten

You don't need to cry, I'll hold you in my arms
Your tears needn't flow, a heart broken mends
I won't leave you alone this night, my dear
Find comfort in me, and my care for you
Tremble not in your skin, be in my embrace
Stay in the safety of this bed with me
Feel my heat and rest in my arms
Sweet dreams to you
And goodnight

i wander these streets, tracing pieces i’ve lost
but today, no ghosts can weigh me down

i stitch up the fractures, hands steady, heart worn
each scar a new map through the storm

and though time drags its feet, i won’t be swayed
i’m braver than the silence, louder than its weight
my soul climbs like a mountain, deep as the sea
and though you test me, i rise, i breathe

for each night i spent shattering, holding my place
i’ve found a thousand sparks to light the space

so, tonight, no tears fall, no hollow words leave my lips
my strength hums like stars, each flicker a roar
this world might ache, might press in close
but i’ve made peace with shadows, i’ve let fear go

and as dawn edges in, i gather what’s mine
hope patched up in pieces, bound tight in twine
and when it comes crashing, when i’m brought to my knees
i’ll stand with the courage of a deep, boundless sea

because i’ve got the strength of a mountain
and i’ll take all you throw at me

This love of mine, fatally wounded,
It will wait for you in agonizing patience,
For the pages of your life to flip, right to left,
Enduring the days until you finally see who truly loves you.

This is not a boast of arrogance, but a commitment of facts;
Hands clasped together and heart restrained with crystal chains, I have walked with you through tormentuous chasms and clifftops.

I am the one for you, the only one, because all others would have blown away like straw in the wind.
No other man has seen the depths of your heart as I have.
None person has fathomed the twinkling starlight in your eyes, the portal to your glimmering spirit.

So I'll wait for you as the fires of hell hollow me within,
Burning me up, becoming tortured for your sake.
For you I will wait, to claim your heart...
To give you mine...
**For love

I'm an insomniac, just like many other poets
And this lack of restful sleep is quite potent
I want to drift into dreams of puffy clouds
And puppies, cakes... murdering crowds?

Yes, my dreams are very violent
And the screams are never silent
I really do love them, though
I just wish I brought more ammo

The blood and death brings me peace
A bliss that's never matched when awake
Never do I desire for the killing to cease
Because for me it's sweeter than cheesecake

Maybe you think I should get therapy
But I tell you, for me, that's all heresy
And I'd suggest that you speak carefully
Or you'll end up in my sleeping barbarity

Noun, verb, adjective
Pronoun, proper noun
Determiner, exclamation
Interjection
It can do it all
Tastes like vitriol
High on the anger
     (or high on the pleasure)
Sharp as a broken stone
Fits the bill on any occasion
Censored, painted over, blotted out
Doesn't matter to me
I love the word "****"

and there your heart lies
teetering on the edge
waiting
for a quiet whisper
of a breeze
or a simple i love you
just waiting for something
to ground you
or make you fall
and oh
how far you will fall
before you find what
lies underneath it all

I give everything I have
Still it's not enough
My heart hates me
Because I always let it down

I really want to throw in the towel
I don't want to try and love anymore
It never really works out anyway
I don't have anything to lose

Like a sad melody sung by a guitar
Or a mournful symphony from a violin
A heartbreaking tune from a piano
My loving eyes grieve in beauty

An empty bed embraces me again
A lonely heart beats within again
So much love lost from me
Leaked through the cracks

So, alone again...
Lost out on you
Lost out on you, too
Lost out on love and lust
A few screams into the pillow
Lots of crying when nobody sees
And then I'll be fine again

I need a drink...

This aching in the heart really he no cure... I guess I'm always going to be alone no matter how much I try not to be.
It's something broken in my soul, and that's something nobody can ever cure...

I now understand the sadness in me
is caused not by loneliness, but aloneness.
Because I am not alone, except in my bed
and I am never lonely when I am alone.

It is something deeper and
more meaningful than that.
It's the lack of you in my heart,
or rather the lack of me in your heart.

Seems it's just not felt by you,
or maybe it's just ignored;
It isn't ignored by me, though,
because I can't ignore my soul.

This soul that is cleaved in two,
As long as I am without you.
To be happy is what I wish,
But this soul is amputated.

Sadly, there is no prosthetic
for an amputated soul...

I'm an angel and a devil, living with regret.
Choosing compassion, sympathy, and care
To go with my lies, ulterior motives, and ***.
The influence of promiscuity
Gives my conscious visual acuity.
Not in the black and not in the red
Yet my morality is seriously dead.

But there's still a light in me
Burning ever brightly
Deep within the walls I've built.
It's going to take a tornado
An earthquake maybe a hurricane, too
To crash through the cell I'm in
But I want to live again.
So let it come.

Yeah maybe this isn't a poem
But it's only if you don't know 'em
Poetry is cracking your heart to bleed
Down onto the pages for somebody to read
So gather around and listen to my confession
The past few months of my hurt and depression

Back in late June, found a lovely girl
Had such beauty within, a heart of pearl
We were such close friends, then became more
Didn't mean for that to happen, we just locked the bedroom door
But she fell for me, the closeness turned to love
I couldn't fall for her, she wasn't who my heart spoke of

Fell out with her mid-July
Same month my life died
Father was paying for services
Girls younger than me, the worst of it
Mama was shattered to the core
Heart set to **** some ******

He tried blowing his head off with a shotgun
She slapped the hell out of him for five hours
They were both led away in handcuffs that night
Domestic violence and resisting arrest
But no evidence that they killed me that night
Three weeks later I left without looking back

But the tragedy of my family led to some light
Got to know a Queen who made things feel right
She's got a home deep in my heart
I pray our lives will never part
We made a few mistakes, yeah it's true
But it was worth it, through it we grew

She made me realize love isn't a guarantee
So I went to the one who had my heart
Five years I've waited, she's the one I swear
Had a deep heart to heart talk, she killed my love
Said she couldn't ever be with me, too afraid to lose me
And just like that night my parents... she killed her best friend

Now it's present day, here and now before Thanksgiving
Reunited with a friend I love more than family
I wake up today to find that lovely girl with a heart of pearl
Took her own life at the end of August, I never noticed
I cry and realize, it's just the cruelty life shows us
It was my fault, I was all she had. Today I died again.

Poetry meters
Iambic
Trochee
Sonnets
Haikus
Freestyle

I don't know anything about it
I just ***** my words on a page
I don't try to learn
I don't try to improve
I'm just really good at talking
And I guess you're willing to listen
So thank you

:)

So I'm bad for having a bleeding heart?
I'm supposed to have no heart like you?
Turn a blind eye to the suffering and agony?
Chase my own ambitions, leaving the weak to die?

No

I'm not a forlorn person like you
Maybe I'm being taken advantage of
But I'll make that sacrifice every time
It's not worth the price if I'm wrong

Your dissolved hope has poisoned your inner self
And you reek of the stench of apathetic death
How many bodies do you pass without even caring?
You are an abysmal blight upon humanity

Maybe you're just too scared to care
Maybe you're just too scarred to care
But I have my own terrors
But I have my own scars

What's your excuse, again?

I woke up on my comfortable Sealy mistress
And turned of the alarm on my Apple iPhone 6
I walk into the kitchen and turn on my Keurig machine
And I put in my Dunkin Donuts medium roast coffee
I set my Starbucks coffee mug beneath it
As its filled with two teaspoons of C&H; sugar
I turn on my widescreen HD LG television
And start up my Amazon Kindle Fire HD tablet
I order some Dominoes pizza for delivery
And put in a Walt Disney movie
I proceed to drift to sleep on my JC Penny's couch
And I dream that I am nothing but a sellout

As I lie here in bed at two thirty in the morning
I remember you.
Not only do I remember you but I remember you with fondness.
And I love these sweet memories
And the melodies we shared.
It wasn't meant to be, but I'm glad it was tried
And though this heart isn't yours
You hold the old half I gave you
So long ago.

I'm not a poet; only a poetfreak.
I know I won't be put in books
Or go down as a great like Poe.

But I don't care, because I don't need to impress
I only care about making an impact to you.
Yes, you! The one reading what I type.
You're all that matters to me when I write.
I don't refine my poems, I leave them raw
Which means I'm not great at all
Unless you like sushi or steak tartar

Impossible loves are an addiction for me.
Every time love develops for a woman,
Complicated circumstances,
Assassinate it from the shadows.

Because I fall in love over a computer screen,
Fall in love with someone who's taken,
Fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same,
Or I fall in love with someone and then mess it up.

I've continuously believed I would die without regret.
But more and more, my heart is weighed down,
By not knowing love that isn't unrequited,
By not knowing love that is close to me,
By not knowing real love face to face.

I'm the easiest impossible man to fall for.
I'm still impossible.
I still love.
I still can't.

Please, just let me scream my hurt away
I don't want your love or sympathy
I don't need your care or affection
This hurt is beyond your efforts
Let me slip into the darkness
Let me be swallowed alive
It's up to me to make it
Hope I see you again

I see you, your life, your love, your pain...
I swear I'm looking in a mirror.
Because you and I are so alike
I think if we switched lives we would still be the same.
I'm yin and you're yang even though I'm yang and you're yin.
If you and I were mirrors, we would create infinity in our reflections.

I don't think I'd want to leave in a dramatic fashion
With a glorious party full of people giving their best wishes.
I'd think I'd much rather it be totally unknown that I had gone; people still going about, not noticing the lack of me.

I would probably just slip on a coat, a hat, and some glasses and slip out a side door while everyone mingles in large groups.
I would simply melt into the sea of faces walking along the street and become like a drop in the ocean. Indistinguishable.

Trickling streams released from ice
The return of feathered friends above
Blossoms of plum and cherry sprouting
Rays of sun captured in morning fog

Where does this infant season take you?
To pastures of wild flowers as far as you see?
Along creeks buzzing with young flies and bees?
This infant season is my favorite time to live

Take these weary bones and let them
Soak in the season's infant rainfall
Now is the time for rebirth and
Revitalization of the heart

A pierced spirit remains
Brought low but prideful
Judgement of myself
Without any self-value

Pangs of hatred stir
And of sorrow lost
Execution of soul
A shell without purpose

How utterly I have been broken
Oh! Faith has been vanquished!
An enemy has ravaged my heart
Decrepit and crippled ruins remain

There is no more hope
I am blind with pain
I no longer know my way
Loss is all there is

I love being an insomniac
Because I get to see so much
That sleeping people never see
Meet people from across the world
See so many different perspectives
Perhaps not sleeping is a blessing

In the event of love... kiss
In the event of heartbreak... cry
In the event of tragedy... weep
In the event of holding on... keep holding
In the event of marriage... make love
In the event of a birth... celebrate
In the event of death... mourn
In the event of opportunity... seize it
In the event of friends... hug
In the event of life... never forget to live

Life's too short to be wasted.

There's a spit of land where I live
Jutting out into the water, the strait
It's rocky, but has beaches, too
Lots of feral housecats live there
Breeding for years, now....

This place is where my innermost thoughts and feelings
get explored by my broken mind and heart;
heart... just a cavern anymore...
filled with the bones of too many dead friendships
dead relationships
dead friends
dead lovers
why is death such a common thing in my life anymore?

The rising tide wraps around my ankles but I stay in place
standing there staring at the country across the strait
the mountains I've never climbed and I wonder why;
why do I feel so hopeless and destitute anymore?
Why do I bother living anymore when all I know is pain?
How come I feel like I'm drowning from the inside out?
the water is to my knees

I've loved three women in my life
tried to love a dozen more but couldn't
tried to save a hundred souls and can't
so I cry in a pillow at night
I cry standing here and now
salty tears mixing with salty water
just a drop in the ocean I can't change
why can't I change my life?
why can't I make things right?

I keep building up walls but the water pours over
up to my neck and I'm still standing still
I'm a statue with a stone heart,
no,
a stone shell of a heart
cuz I invited hell to my heart
I lost my start
and there's no restarts
High tide fills my lungs
just close my eyes and let it happen

I get drunk to not think about you,
yet you slip through the cracks,
every night you dance in my thoughts,
just to fade when I open my eyes;

I hold onto the scars that remain
because that's all I can bear to
keep after we were over;
I kept the wounds open just to hurt

Sometimes I touch my heart
where you rested your head
& I cry alone at night when
you aren't here laying down

It doesn't really matter, though,
staying stuck in the past hurts;
looking to the future without you,
that is truly what doesn't matter

Silence in my ears
Ashes in my mouth
Hope has flown away
I stare at plaster walls

After so much isolation,
Boarding myself away
  From the world,
I finally realized that I
  Miss you terribly so.

You are the North Star,
Set as my guiding beacon
  In the gloomy nights.
One day this wanderer will
  Find his way to your love.

just a brick out of the wall
a pebble falling down a hillside
a raindrop in the levy
a whisper of wavering trust
and im on my knees
waiting to see who will win
my faith
or
my shotgun

A day without sleep I finally nap
Awoke at four in the afternoon
And, oh boy, do I need more sleep
As my eyes keep trying to close up
And send me back to violent dreams

I took a walk today
One and a half miles
To where I work all day
Walked past a line of crows
Sitting on a telephone wire
Giving me curious looks
Because every step
Was downhill all the way
Like a metaphor of my life
I raged on the inside
Until I got to the office
And got to work

Maybe I'll get better
Maybe I won't
Maybe I'll take a chance
Maybe I'm too scared
Maybe I'll move on
Maybe I'm forever stuck
Maybe I'll change
Maybe I'm the same
Maybe there's too much I
Maybe it's not all about me
Maybe I should open my eyes
Maybe stitch up my heart
Certainly there's people hurting
Maybe I should help

"I’ll always hate my birthday, because it will always be the day I lost my best friend."


Those were the last words said to you,

Passed from my lips to the phone screen,

I didn’t feel the shotgun in my lap anymore,

Just needed a drink to feel okay, okay, again.



Again you’re on my mind like you’re in my life,

Stuck in my heart between anger and love,

Lost between the past and what was the present,

An ocean apart like the seams of my heart,

Pulled at the frayed prayers I once gave God,

God what have You done. . . ? I blamed You.



I blamed You but I made the choices I did,

Justified, rationalized, sweet white lies,

Honey on my lips laying in my coffin I died,

Me myself I focused always on I, I, I,

Self-centered but she was everything to me,

Why’d she hurt me when I just wanted help?



Take a step out of yourself and see it from her eyes,

You pushed her out it doesn’t have to matter why,

You used to be there for her, now all you do is say “hi”

Ask her how she’s doing but never be in her life,

You just criticized her choice in men,

Never asked if she had a choice,

Never asked if she wanted a choice,

You forced it down her throat all the **** time.



Empathy is your greatest gift but you removed her from it,

Couldn’t take the pain, I understand, but you didn’t walk in her shoes,

You loved her til you bled then didn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.



She needed you in her life,

She took me for granted,

I took her for granted,

I needed her in my life.



If I could have talked to you a week ago I would have told you how much I hated you for what you did.



I wish I could talk to you now, tell you how sorry I am that I let you down, tell you I forgive you, and let you know why I did what I did and ended up where I was at.



I’m sorry I hurt you, I have scars you gave me too. It was something we should have overcame together, we just hurt each other too much.

A poem... to give you... is it enough?

As my heart yields to your wounds, you have given me five hundred scars to wear; I will gladly bear another five hundred for you! Is it enough?

I have snatched away five hundred stars from the firmament above, slaying five hundred angels who guarded their celestial light! Is it enough?

Would five hundred days make any difference to you? To set my heels in the clay and march forward step by step to you until you saw my perseverance, is it enough?

Five hundred souls you have sifted through to discover just how inadequate they are for you. I ask you: is it enough?

**My heart is yours... is it enough?

I look at my memories of us
I give a little smile
We never had a relationship
But we shared one lonesome kiss
You had a boyfriend
I really didn't care
I loved you
You thought you loved me
We were closest of friends
Nothing between us
People gossiping about us
But they didn't know
Time took its toll though
That kiss had a poison
We drifted quickly
And the pain was too much
You moved on without me
And my heart went with you
I did my best to make it work
But you always chose someone else
So now I must say goodbye
I'll always be alone for you

Just a stupid tribute to my favorite candy!*

So many wonderful colors,
Forty-eight different flavors,
It's my favorite candy treat,
A whole jar full of them,
Makes me smile like the sun,
Every piece is so tasty,
So many flavor explosions in my mouth!