I know that I can't be what you want;
  because my heart is absolutely true
  and know I will not give up on you.
  That's why you can't ever love me.

He holds you the same as I would,
  plays and messes with your hair
  just like I would if you were mine.
  Every soft kiss on his lips kills me.

You sit up late and talk with him on the phone;
  just like we used to stay up late and talk
  like that time we spent 24 hours of a weekend
  being in each other's company... just talking...

But you never fell for me the way you fell for him
  or the way you fell for your last boyfriend
  or the one before him, or the one before him.
  Five years. Five boyfriends. None me.

                                                        None love you like me.
    *And that is why you can't ever love me.
                                                 Because you know that I'll stick around
                                      When everything falls apart
                         And try and be your everything
                                                    Be­cause I truly love you
                                             And you fear that love

An empty room
   Sand and dust strewn
Sinister malicious feeling
   Baby doll head in the corner
Doorknob turning with no pause
   And a breath across my neck

When I stare at mirrors
My eyes disrobe the lies
And shadows of my mind
Til I'm left with emotions
Creaking on worn floorboards
Stepping into a noose
Kicking the insecurity out
And waiting to find out
If I died
Or was set free

“For Ragamuffins, God's name is Mercy. We see our darkness as a prized possession because it drives us into the heart of God. Without mercy our darkness would plunge us into despair - for some, self-destruction. Time alone with God reveals the unfathomable depths of the poverty of the spirit. We are so poor that even our poverty is not our own: It belongs to the mysterium tremendum of a loving God.”
― Brennan Manning

Aching heart of love not had
How I miss the days we had
Broken apart but whole together
We were able to hold each other
But duct tape doesn't work on hearts
I'm sorry we never got a start
I'm missing you something fierce tonight
I really wanted love to last
But it was dead on arrival

I love the beauty of silence
When there's no sound from giants
It always gives me a riant smile
And makes everyday worthwhile.

To sit in the darkness and simply be
To still my thoughts, to be carefree
Simple peace a masterpiece.

So sit in a chair
Lay in a bed
And enjoy
The beauty of silence.

Right now I can't write
Because I can't express how I feel
Words are woefully unprepared for me
And what is bursting inside of my heart

So let this pen
So let this paper
Be overwhelmed
In this supernova

Pain slathered on like grease,
The pages of my life flip by,
Regret whispers and screams,
My ears bleed at the shrieks.

A demonic companion to stab me in the back,
His blade a soothing sonnet to my flesh,
Symphony and orchestra play the requiem,
Pallbearers filter through closed doors.

I'm laid to rest on a bed of dead flowers,
Walls of agony begin to fracture and fall,
The reaper's scythe sings metallic sins,
And a wraith is born from my death...

What to do when I cannot write?
I think and I imagine but nothing comes to mind.
No inspiration from music or stories
No inspiration from people or past glories.

Should I step out and breathe the night air?
Take a walk in the familiar woods behind my home?
No, neither of those are quite right
It does no good to go and roam.

Should I write all of my wrongs?
Should I share where my love belongs?
None of these are any good.
All I know is I need some food.

After a snack break

Perhaps I shall write of my inability to write?
Surely that is a subject worthy of the pen!
So this is how I learned to smite
The writer's block I had this night.

Empty paper
Empty thoughts
No inspiration
Not a one, yet

My heart brimming
My words silent
Can't write now
Can't weave words

Mind in a fog
Can't write a poem
Words aren't coming
Head is just spinning

I remember the way I weave words
Seemed so easy for me to do
Right now I can't form a sentence
Maybe a bit of food will help

The words won't form,
And the muse is silent.
Mind, imagination, passion,
All clotted up, bottled, under pressure.

Coughing up blood again
This time it's black as ink
So I decide to write in blood
And not wash it down the sink

Covering all my walls in all my failures
Until every last drop leaves my body
Leaving me pale, cold and rigid
And a heart withered in my chest

Suicide by writing
The note is my life
The ink is my blood
The death is alright

cuz my conscience is a *****
let me know who the highest bidder is
let me know the bitter end
sprawled out on the floor
looking for hope in desk drawers
find it and light it up like my life is just passing smoke
a passive joke
i aint growing old because i've been there
growth comes from damage and i'm hella broke
record repeating in slo-mo
unfinished suicide notes tucked in the leaves of better poems and ****** notions
self perception of self perfection is a dangerous *****
and like i said
i'm hella broke
broken dreams like shattered glass
demons dance like a cruel romance
secrets whisper in shadows deep
across my brain voices creep
my regrets echo as a haunting refrain
ghosts that linger and wane
lost in darkness
lost in the labyrinth
i remain i remain i remain

I have the crowning achievement of never being dumped.
I had the miserable demerit of never being truly loved.
Until you.

I want to capture your beauty,
In a jar.
And hold it close to me,
Every night.

I can't stand missing you anymore.

You are all I've longed for yet you
  have gone away, away, so far gone.

I don't think you understood how
  much your love meant to my heart.

I have tried to move on without you
  yet life lost its luster and it's volume.

So I bemoan your absence in another poem
  that doesn't scratch the beginning of my pain.

There are just some days when hurt and fear cut deep into your spinal cord and you are left totally paralyzed in despair and hopelessness clawing away at the door you locked yourself behind hoping someone can tear it down and rescue you
But nobody ever comes and you suffocate on the fumes of your gloom the bane of your perseverance is the nagging tempting whisper that
                                          **You
                                                 Are
      ­                                                  Not
           ­                                                    Worth
       ­                                                                 ­    It

So full of care and love.
  **Precious time given to others.
    Even when you're not wanting to.
       Cuz you're a person of nice quality.
          I have so much respect for you, friend.
            And you should know I will never let go.
               Love imbues your essence and your spirit.

Being held in your embrace,
Your head against my chest.
How could you wonder why,
I love this so so much?

It's gentle security against the:
Mind that claws itself every day,
People sparring against our hope,
Tumultuous times this life gives.

An act of love, of friendship,
Compassion and closeness.
You are my companion,
A joy unrivalled in my life.

Everything said here,
Is captured in a perfect act:
Our arms wrapping around,
Bodies pressed together.

Your hugs. My hugs.

You should believe in love, girl
One day it's going to find you
Love will say your name
and you're going to fall

It's going to be okay

When it's real and unmoving
At your side when you're low
Love will say your name
and girl, you're going to fall

It's okay