the problem is
I don't know what I want
and how to search for it
so I wait for someone
who'll tug on my heart strings


and by then, I'll cry out
"it is you, I've been
waiting for you"

-but until then, I'll wait

YOU need to be validated.

now, I know that "you love yourself" and all that crap.
Maybe too much, actually, that you feel like you don't need anybody else.

But isn't it nice to have someone commend you on how you try make yourself better?
I think it's nice to know that people could notice the way you radiate with light.

That same light that you've worked so hard to conjure up through the chaos. your chaos.

Don't you see? YOU are beaming, my love, and the whole world is blinded by you. Can you expect us to shut up?

Maybe, we're not entirely scared of Love

maybe we're just scared on the idea
of being vulnerable and weak and dependent.

Freaking out whenever we feel
our walls crumble down
for someone

   - and we can't afford
       to let our adamant walls down

how do people make good things out of love?
music. art. poems
...is love really that beautiful
to be a subject of something magical?

I was given a set of wings
huge, strong and powerful
but I've never used it
to fly and soar
and feel the breeze
above the sun kissed sea
with cotton candy clouds
all around me
never even tried
never even dared

Sometimes I wonder
wether these were given to me
as a gift to cherish
     a blessing to own
or a curse to carry
     a burden for all my life to bear

And I wonder what it
would feel like
to be free
to fly like the others do
if only I weren't
too afraid to try
too afraid to dare

I sometimes try to take
a leap of faith
but as soon as I reach the edge
I feel the mighty wind
I beheld the depth
I see the drop
I hear death
I get nauseous
I pull back
I tuck my wings in
and shut it nice and tight

Maybe what I need is something
that would push me
but it would be nicer
if  it would pull me
taking me with it
in the fall and teach me
how to fly

the feeling of knowing and not knowing
that pull toward conclusions
empty faces, blank eyes
racing hearts

we live for the thrill of it

-the thing about secret crushes

I did this to myself
and what hurts the most is that
I have no one else to blame

this world has somehow taught me
that everything is easier
when there's someone accountable
for every pain  

it's hard to let a corpse go  
without knowing who the murderer is
because isn't this how justice works;
played by the victim and the manace?

a thought;
"I'm never gonna find love, ever."

you wait
and wait
and wait

for the dread to come
but it never came

maybe because you've already accepted it
or maybe because you don't really believe it

because somehow
deep inside you
you believe you deserve love
and you believe it will come

and so

you wish
and wait
and wait...

whenever I say "I don't care anymore"
it's not to emphasize that I really don't
it's more like a reminder
to myself
that I shouldn't

cause I keep forgetting and forgetting
cause it's hard not to care, ok?

It would be nice
if we ever looked into each other's eyes
and see a world covered with red skies
and red sun and red stars and red kites
to know that these butterflies
are more than just some made up lies

It would be nice
if you'd like me back
if you'd look at me
the way I looked at you
dream of me, wanted me
the way I do for you

But it would also be nice
if one day I open my eyes
to find what once was red
is now just a faint blue sky
and accept that these butterflies
are no more than just my made up lies

it would be nice
if I wake up

mother of all things
both bad and good
sister defender
of the weak and weary

you brought balance upon
this world of brute and force
with your gentle grace
changing this **** water's course

oh powerful women,
weakness of men

opening MY phone
with MY finger print
sometimes is the only
way to assure myself
that I am STILL ME
in MY body

you've taught me how meaningless
actions are
you've made the body language
foreign to me
         like a tongue spoken
         by my long-gone ancestors

actions are stronger
than words
but words are certain
than actions

for your eyes
your mouth
your limbs
your touch
and your absolute loss
of sense of space
does not speak for you
and your ****** feelings

and if they do, I refuse to hear them

a friend once told me
"be WISE and consider
all the possibilities"

but thinking about
the possibility
of you and I
is the complete opposite
of WISDOM
when all I want to do
is to forget about you

when I've already settled
to the "other" possibility;
the TRUTH

If redemption is measured by one's purity, then no foot would step on the streets of gold.
Those grand mansions promised to the "true children of god" will be nothing more than just bricks and stones.
Those gates would remain shut.
White garments would remain unworn.

The paradise would be left alone in its own for eternity cause no one will ever be worthy. God said it himself.

So i don't see no point bruising your knees down on prayers, living most of your life by a scripture written by men.

Living by the promise of an eternity without fear, pain and tears.
Without these things that maketh life people will go crazy in heaven

I'm afraid that if I tell you
"I love you" too much
the word will lose its meaning

after all, it's just a word

so I guess I'll just have to find a way
to express my love to you
in infinite different ways, somehow.

I have this habit of staying
in a situation
while the rest of the world
had moved on.

Baffled
as to why these people
seems to be fine
hours after the disaster

Now I think
there's something wrong
with me.