I inhale all the conversations that could fill up this room,
but i opt for silent stares.

You exhale your words of disdain,
your negativity,
your rants,
casting deathly glares.

White noise,
is all i've ever been.


Funny how that changes when i've got a cigarette between my lips
and traces of nicotine on my fingertips.

Eyes sparked with passion,
Now glistens with tears.
No words spoken,
They're just filled with fears.

They used to remind me of chocolate,
so sweet, warm and kind,
Now it seems so murky,
Filled with darkness inside.

Used to light me up deeply,
Now it just brings me pain.
Shouldn't have gotten lost within them,
Guess i'm the one to blame.

When you open your mouth and your vile words spill from your lips,
it's like a poisonous waterfall; killing all the flowers it pours onto.

Instant collision, you aim so well when you fire up those words.
Knowing where to hit; so it never stops bleeding.

Too weak to build up a wall and call it a personality.
So your only defence is to be malicious towards the ones that stumble upon the tottering shell you call a life.

You hide your rotten heart behind pretty pictures and frames.
But you can't cover up the stench it leaves behind.

Past the midnight hour, yet you still lurk around unfamiliar faces, you can't go back home.
Thinking you can escape the monster within you if they all don't know.

Telling every stranger, who would listen, the same old story about a poor man's plight.
Yet you sit unscathed on a throne made of all the people you've wronged, the dreams you crushed and every diminished light.

Sometimes it feels like you've emptied all your loneliness into a bowl and kept it close by your side.
Never really leaving it.
But you revisit it every time you feel sorry for yourself,
taking a sip,
waiting for the pain to subside.

You make my heart beat faster,
You pull at it's strings.
Everything blurs together,
& i know the ending stings.

it's like the person you once knew slowly drained out over time,
and now what's standing in front of you is just a silhouette of who that person once was.

Have you ever been so scared to breathe in too deep,
with the fear of falling apart?
My ribcage restrains my heart from leaping out of my chest
every time it beats.
Yet i sit awfully still,
as if i'd cause a spillage
if i moved abruptly.

The sun rays dance across my face.
The salty scent of the sea cling onto my hair, clothes and seep into my skin.
My toes sink into the warm sand with each step i take.
The breeze tickles my skin,
causing a shiver to run up my spine despite the heat.
Taking slow footsteps along the shoreline,
the waves constantly crashing against my feet.
Sunglasses perched on the bridge of my nose,
yet i squint every time the sun decides to peak from behind the cotton candy clouds.
Reality slowly fades into the back of my mind,
shoes left behind,
daydreams shortly ensue.

When your smile doesn't reach your eyes,
& the future seems so bleak.
When you feel so lost inside,
& you can barely speak.

Sitting on the same old torn down couch,
Gazing at a cup of dark liquid.
Your thoughts eating you up,
Feeling so conflicted.

You love your coffee,
So bitter and black.
Something poetic about it,
Represents all the things you lack.

Watching the dark twisting shadows melt away,
a time consuming habit.
The sun turns the sky into a kaleidoscopic palette,
Late night regrets of a coffee addict.

Just like the moon.
Dark,
Lonely,
& so far away from everyone and everything.

Distant, but to everyone you seem so close.

Only glowing when the sun decides that it's deserving.
People forgetting how beautiful it can be,
overshadowed by clouds; going unnoticed.

Sorry if you told me you loved me,
i'd never believe it to be true.

Because i don't really love me,
So how could you ever possibly do?

The autumn leaves blew towards your direction, I took it as a sign..

I thought it was fate, when you caused shivers to run down my spine..

Golden eyes, seemed so welcoming and warm..

I didn’t want to see it as signs of a brewing storm..

I couldn’t stay away, & you tore me apart..

I thought you were the one who would melt my frost-bitten heart..

Your heart breaks into a million pieces,


& you just don't know anymore.

My mind speaks to my soul,

But what do you do when your soul does not want hear?

Feeling lost all the time, roaming around a deserted island..

No water running through valleys, so I try to find the highest place I can be..

My mind screams, but no echo is returned.

Why do i feel a stab of pain in my chest every time i see you laughing with another..?

The breath gets knocked out of my lungs, whenever you release them through your lips in a chuckle..

I have no right to feel this way; for you are not my lover.

But to me you will always be,
what never was,
what could have been..
My summertime love debacle.

Always thought you were 'one who leads a crowd.


Now i see that you only lead when you're sure everyone will follow.

You've never been the kind,
to speak your mind,
but we've got time to ****.

You say one more drag,
but you still feel sad,
the need overpowers your will.

You can't smoke alone,
or even at home,
so you offer the cancer sticks.

You always feel down,
always wanting to leave town,
this is just a temporary fix.

You say i can stop anytime,
I'm not crossing the line,
smoke one and you can stay.

I say this only burns my tongue,
and fills up my lungs,
But i take one anyway.

It's terrible,
when you stumble upon the realisation that you're not good enough.
But when you conjure up that thought and it slowly starts to creep
from the back of the darkest places,
like fog,
submerging from the depth of the forest,
settling in every corner it could reach,
unexpectedly in the middle of the night.

When the sun rises and daylight floods the room.
You wake up now fully aware that it's everywhere.
surrounding you.
suffocating you.

You're drowning,
and there is no method of escaping your thoughts.
because it would mean to escape yourself.

Then you're left to wonder..
was it because you were doubtful?
Holding back?
So unsure?
Terrified to face the harsh truth and what comes with it?

Is it because you flee from anything and everything that resembles a potential crime scene?
Or is it so agonising to put up a performance all the time?
Attempting to appear assertive and overruling.

But keeping up with appearances can make you lose yourself along the way.
Yet you convince yourself it's not the reason why you feel so scared.
...because you already feel so lost.

Weren't you deserving?
Convincing?
Influential?
Worthy of...anything?

Weren't you enough?

don't string me along
when you're just going to cut me loose
later when you've found
what you've been looking for
all this time
it was you.

You planted flowers in my heart,
By whispering sweet-nothings in my ear..
I closed off the gates,
As I chose not to hear..

But gardens grew as you tried every way..
I did not know how to stop them,
I did not know what to say..

But the sun disappeared,
and skies turned to grey..
The flowers slowly wilted,
when you kept away..

I wasn't so sure of your affection..
And with close inspection,
I could't tell if those flowers were real or fake.

Everything i write feels unfinished.
Just like the conversations we have,
the thoughts i push away,
the sobs that are hushed,
the time that is rushed,
and every time i beg you to stay.

Missing you comes over me in waves of emotion.

When the tide is low,
you outline the corners of my mind.

When the tide is high,
I cannot contain all the overwhelming feelings of sadness and nostalgia.

Sometimes i tiptoe along the shore,
until a wave hits me and i'm drowning.

But i dont hold my breath,
because i know it will soon pass,
and the fresh air will hit me once again,
temporarily distracting me of my dismay.

There are words scribbled on every inch of my skin.
They seeped too deep,
so now i can't speak.
Even if i did,
i wouldn't know where to begin.

Blank mind, static feel..
Electric jolt, nothing’s real..
Many layers, no one could peel..
A broken heart, no one could heal..

Trapped inside a complex mind..
Four walls, with a door no one could find..
Knocking on surfaces of any kind..
Growing tried, leaving everything behind..

An enigma that keeps evolving..
A riddle they keep exploring..
The signs they’re ignoring..
Grey skies raging & roaring..
The heavy clouds keeps on pouring..

Your assumptions consume me
I'm on fire burning from within
I keep blocking the blows you throw
But i'm soon caving in.

I'm weakened by your hits and words
There's nothing worse than this
I'm slowly collapsing, but in the end
My only hope is to find bliss.