melancholy tastes like honey but looks so blue

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

Sometimes I wonder
Is this even real?
what if it's a dream,
a coma,
what if we're already dead?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
*******.

wrote this a long time ago but im really feeling that last line right now on so many levels

#wonder #real #dream #coma #dead #red #blue #**** #you

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

A Vague Memory

I believe I was in love before.
A burst of warmth,
like a gust of wind in the summer.
A joy that clouds the mind and makes it fuzzy.
Yes, I believe I was.
For how else can I explain the tears?
The pain when it ended?
The anger I was DENIED to express without causing further damage?
The sickness that penetrated so deep I could not eat for days.
Yes, I was in love,
but now it's a vague memory.

I wrote this almost exactly a year ago after reading cait-cait's poem "Obituary" by which it is heavily inspired- love you dude, happy birthday!

#love #warmth #tears #pain #anger #sickness #memory

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

Socialize

The problem is
if you want someone to talk to you
you can't wait for them to
for they might never do so
go out and make the first move
for they might be doing the same as you

#wait #problem #talk

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

Autumn

I remember the days
on which you said words
that trickled like honey
into my heart
to make it sweet for you

Autumn fresh from summer
"I love you"
and it took only a few months
and I was smitten with you

Winter brought forth feelings
as warm as the drinks we drank
a few more and I whispered
"I love you too"

Spring was the season
a pool I was drowning in
until I found you flirting with her
in front of my very eyes

And just like the first season
everything in me died.

Inspired by my first love, Kodee. They're dead to me now, no hard feelings really, but I'm done with 'em. That **** really ****** me up for a while though; took a few months until I felt normal but once I did, boy howdy.

#seasons #honey #heart #love #drowning #spring #eyes #death

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

sunburns

Standing here in the heat
talking upon asphalt
you're light and joking
a breeze in the stale summer's air
then suddenly
grey and rain
it's sad and hard, you don't need to be tough
retreat to the cave before it is too late
we take shelter here now
why are you apologizing?
don't worry mother, I made it rain last week too
nothing is wrong
you think we're safe
but we are already burnt

I got to see my friend's mother who is more like a second mom to me and it was great, we talked in a parking lot for like an hour and she cried about somethin and we just all carried on, but then I got home and now my shoulders are a nice reddish pink

#heat #joking #air #summer #rain #cave #safe #burn

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

The Grand Canyon

Over time you'd carved out space.
Your current eroding my toughest stone.
Gutting me for all to see.
For so long I'd forgotten what it was like to be without you,
But you put up dams and barriers, diverting your water;
and now, Colorado, you've dried up.
Sometimes it'd rain and I thought that you might return.
After so much time together we became synonymous.
How would I exist without you?

Now I know.
You may have cut deep into me.
Leaving your mark for all to see.
They still come for me, even when you're gone,
To look upon my beautiful layers and vibrant colors.

The pit you whittled out is vast but you could never fill what was.
I'm left with nothing but the dry, harsh heat.
Don't come back to this canyon.
There's no room.

Hope y'all enjoy this one! My computer crashed before I could save the first version, so I had to work out a second and then I was surprised to see the site saved the first; so I mashed them together. This is already a personal fav. I also dreamed about the person it's about tonight and ugh, I'm tired of it, get out of my brain so I can move on with life already.

#carved #deep #stone #barrier #water #cut #layer #beautiful #whittled #desert

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

Eurydice

Many years I've spent in your grace.

Days filled with joy, orange sunsets on summer nights,

but slowly, and then all at once, they turn red.

In the next moment it's over, and you can breathe in the breeze;
Fresh Air.

Free from bindings I carefully crafted, out of a stifling cell, gone is
The Warden.

You know what they say,
"you and me and the devil makes three",
but you're the devil in disguise.

And honey, I'm not in hell no more.

I'm really glad I made the titles of these past poems a pair- because Orpheus is how I used to feel but now it's Eurydice, or at least it's where I'm getting to- not giving a **** about them or being under their control.

#grace #turn #bindings #crafted #stifling #cell #warden #devil #disguise #hell

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

Laundry

Wishy Washy.

Tumbling,

Between high and low,

Hot and cold.

Am I delicate like the load of whites? do I need to refresh my color with a strong drink- bleach?

Or am I tough and resistant like denim? toss me in for an hour, shove soap down my throat, and I'll come out like new?

Maybe I'm a mixed load, balancing between the two; teeter-tottering from feeling to feeling.

The day I wrote this I had dreamt of someone who used to be very dear to me who I am having to forget, to better myself. She hurt me bad and I'd been having the same dream of us repairing our relationship for a few months now, and I've felt like a washing machine with my guts twisting and pulling with my emotions going from one end of the spectrum to the next; low in morning, high in the middle of the day, unknown at night. I've had amazing friends, Trixie, Luigi, Houk, Rin, Cait-Cait, and many others who've helped me through these past months who I can't thank enough for their continued support. Whenever I have these dreams and feel this way it feels like a step backwards and I end up feeling guilty for no reason just because I have them, and so I'm hoping that by writing this out it's a step in the right direction. Feeling like this is normal after you've spent some great times with someone you've cared about- weather it's months or years, it hurts and it's okay. I know time will heal these wounds eventually, so for now here's a Band-Aid.

Dedicated to everyone who's been hurt and felt this way or similar, and to my amazing friends; I hope we all find what we need and can better ourselves, and be happy.

#high #low #hot #cold #refresh #bleach #resitant #denim #soap #mixed

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

It's what we deserve

I want someone to look at me
the way I look at her

for them to be filled with joy
at seeing me
heart pounding
from a goofy smile

to have someone want
to spend all their free time with me

I want someone to love me
the way I love her

Wanted to release an uplifting poem after the Hozier EP drop, this felt like a good one

#look #joy #pounding #smile #goofy #time #love

Oct 2018

stopdoopy

This Wound Still Bleeds

I'm running out
and drying up
you've left me no more tears to cry
love

gone is our time
my soul a stone
stuck beneath waves
of emotional toll

so please
get out
let me dream of something more
pleasant

I can't do this forever
and sooner or later
it's you or me
who will be dust

I think this was made before "Laundry", and it's based on the same premise on me being sick of dreaming of my ex and how in the dream I go somewhere, run into her, eventually one of us talks, and we end up being friends again.

However, since I've actually posted "Laundry" I think I only dreamt about her twice since? And that only happened early on after the poem, which is great.

Growth happens, it just takes time.

#running #drying #tears #stone #waves #toll #dream #forever #dust

— The End —