I wish I could say that telling you how I feel
Was as easy as saying,
"It's like falling off the Grand Canyon"
But it's so much deeper than that
It's like exploding into the stars
With a body on fire, alive from you
It's the rain at 2 am that wakes you from your
Sleep. But all you can do is smile
It's the neurons in your brain that sputter endlessly,
With the most captivating thoughts.
You are an infinity of stars and planets
That swirl with fragile hands.
You are a book etched with love and emotion
You are the music that rocks me to oblivion
Ceaselessly yearning for something more.
You are the 6am sunrise that bathes my skin
And blinds my eyes.
It's the mesmerizing passion for the little things,
The loose tea cups and finger-drums
Dedication for the craft you have perfected,
But not quite.
It's everything good and bad
It's you.

I can't remember the last time I looked into the mirror,
And didn't see the vague shell that I am today.
Because today, my body bleeds passion for the uninspired
My skin, shrink wrapped over hollow tree branches
That extend to the beachy shallows of my body
That not even I can see anymore
I am a withering tree who's leaves cannot grow
And roots are dry
I am the stiff wind in January that will burn your cheeks,
I am the only thing that keeps two people apart.
Yet, I will shout from corridors and mountain peaks alike,
I am fine

who would want what was once torn by another
stained by its previous owner with late night tears that seemed too hot and heavy to be real,
with pages slipping out,
one by one, ripped apart at the seam
who would want what was marked by another

you’re right,

no one would

why is it these days that all the good die young?
when there's prisoners and felons waiting to be hung.
see it's only the innocent that get hit by blind eyes
when the bad ones they rot, in an eternity of lies
rapists and killers get visitors daily,
while my sisters lucky if anyone thought about her lately.
my good friends are being mowed down like spring grass
and the convicts are playing checkers and sharing loud laughs
the man who killed my sister is sitting in a cell,
while my sister is lying, 6 feet in the ground
how sad is that my friends are fading
while empty jail cells sit anticipating?

mom can you see the woman I've become,
hair as white as elsa's,
voice more passionate than a hug
but mother I'm sorry for my mistakes, my misdemeanors
my unholy ****, scraped off by the windshield much like the bugs.
scraping off my dead skin cells, my tired flesh, my small love
im sorry for cursing the ground that you walked.
im sorry for exasperating your love and good thoughts,
im sorry for being too strung out to give a **** what you thought
but now I hope you see, that i am all you thought I could be
that I am more than my scars, my lost loves, and my horrors
I am seventeen years old but my heart is much harder
because I have seen pain spread greater than a fire
I have seen heartache being men to their knees,
and painful memories spread like disease
my mother I'm inhibited
by self crippling doubt,
I am breathing yes,
but not quite living now.
I pull phony smiles from my lips to my eyes,
I combat the night with sparkling tears in my eyes.
you see my mother I am seventeen years old,
with a trauma like brain, dying, and cold
I might be seventeen but my weakness is ancient,
my lips are the vessels, words carried out through the nations
my dearest mother I love you so, and I am very sorry for the days my weaknesses show.

you're an artist, truly you are.
you took my body and made it your canvas,
smoothed my wrinkles and unfolded my ends,
you painted and painted, stroke upon stroke
poured love and tender care into each flick of your wrist.
till one day, you stopped.
artists block, you called it.
no inspiration, my fault.
your smooth strokes turned to angry screams
crumpling and ripping each page of me,
stabbing my canvas, torn with headaches
so yes, you are an artist.
and now I know why I can no longer draw.

you are the difference between hell
and home

I went down stairs this morning,
Looking for something to do.
Stared at a picture of you,
Why do I feel so blue?

SAME PLACE DIFFERENT SEASON
EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I LOVE TURNED TO SHADES OF GRAY
I FINALLY LOOKED TO GOD
AND ALL HE TOLD ME WAS TO SHUT THE **** UP
LEAVE ME TO WASTE CAUSE I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE
UNSATISFACTION HAS BECOME A DAILY EMOTION
NO HEART NO FAMILY
NO LOVE LOST
NO LOVE FOUND

I remember the pain,
The gut-wrenching pain-
That consumed
Me
I remember the quiet that followed,
The dead silence-
That soothed
Me
The sound of your voice,
A voice that had used-
Me

i don't know how it happened
it all just sort of did
the first time you burrowed yourself inside my chest
was the last I ever hid.

someone told me time heals everything
but time is not gluing my heart together and fixing the spaces where you belonged
time is not erasing the image of your body, lifeless and cold
time is not healing anything
all time does is stall.

17 years of looking for the sun,
and my god how it has let me down

he looked at me like he had never seen me before,
he looked at me like I was the first bloom of the season,
like I was the Holy Ghost every religious ******* is waiting for
like I was the creator and you were the protector and our touch was everything unseen
he looked at me through eyes unhardened
he looked at me selflessly and gracefully
he was the beginning and I was the end
and together we flowed,
endlessly

the earth tilts,
as does my heart

If I am cold, it is not by choice
If I am cold it's because of the monsters that burn through my head like forest fires
If I am cold it's because the hot blood that once flowed so freely has been ****** out by the public
If I am cold it's because my heart has harden from the ice that surrounds me
If I am cold it is not because I am mean
It is because society has ripped the cord connecting all feeling to my once beating heart

"what could of been"
-setting fires with our love
-causing earthquakes with our passion
-had songs written about our gaze
-storms from our power struggle
-you + me

"what is"
-crying tears of acid
-constant ache deep in the center of my heart
-tormenting my brain, going insane
-you - me

writing about you,
you are the sunshine
you are the the freckles that dot my face
you are the smell of the dew in the early morning
you are the light that led the way
you are gone
and that i cannot accept.

if i knew the world would hate me today,
i would of stayed in bed.
if i knew words wouldn't come easy today,
i would of blew off that test,
if i knew i wouldn't have you,
i'd of died way back when

i learned something when my head exploded that day,
things come and go,
things will never stay.
even though I've prayed to God im not even sure is there and I've squeezed the hands of strangers,
but this I cannot bear.
"only time will heal"
will it heal the cold hand I clasped that day?
will it heal the wound in my heart because it's starting to decay.
will time give me back the moments and laughs with you?
time never heals,
time just teaches you how to soothe.

im not a doll,
i will not break.
so please just ******* drop me

tell me something about you,
but don't talk in metaphors.
don't tell me how your eyes shine in similes,
don't use hyperboles to describe the depth of your words.
talk to me like a ******* ******* person.
tell me you love me and hug me so tight till I beg you to stop.
just be with me, please

19 years you spent running away,
19 years you spent killing yourself a little more each day
19 years you spent hugging your knees and praying to god someone heard you screaming
19 years you laid there with a stone for a heart
19 years you shielded yourself from everyone and everything
19 years is far too young,
19 years old and you were my sun.

1
Dearest blue,
Time cannot replace
Time cannot heal
All I can do now is feel,
Feel the weight of your laugh
At 2 AM
Feel the brush of my cry
And how you held my hand.
Dearest blue,
I cannot forget the way you sound
But I can forget that awful way you were found.

love me like lovers do,
even when skies are blue,
love me like lovers do,
like it's just me & you,
love me like lovers do,
love me all afternoon,
love me like lovers do,
even when death is due.

everything you told me
doesnt mean ****
when me and her
coexist

I STOLE A LOOK AT YOU WITH MY BURNT EYES AND FIERY TONGUE
I WOULD **** TO SEE YOU CRY ACID TEARS THAT POURED LIKE RAIN ON METAL
I STILL REMEMBER YOUR BUBBLING TEMPER BURNING BRIDGES WITH STICKY SWEET LIES. ALL MY LIFE ALL I NEEDED WAS A FRIEND AND ALL YOU WERE DOING WAS GETTING HIGH. YOUR MIND WAS LIKE THE NIGHT SKY DARING A SHOOTING STAR IN YOUR GLASSY EYES. I DON'T KNOW WHATS WORSE, MY ADDICTION TO THE PAIN OR YOUR BREATH ON COLD GLASS WHISPERING SOFT I LOVE YOUS IN MY COTTON CANDY DREAMS. YOU WERE ALL I NEEDED YOU WERE ALL I NEEDED TO MAKE MY HEART GLOW LIKE A GEM OR BURN ME LIKE THE FUSE WE LIT WHEN YOU DECIDED TO TAKE ME HOSTAGE TO YOUR EARTHQUAKES. I WAS THE GIRL IN THE WALL AND YOU WERE PLAYING GOD IN THE CLOUDS. BUT TRYING TO LOVE YOU WAS LIKE TRYING TO SWIM IN THE DESERT AND MAYBE I GAVE UP TOO EASY BUT THE SCARS I OWN ARE LIKE GRAFFITI SO I WROTE AND I WROTE AND I WROTE THE STORY I THOUGHT I KNEW THE MOST BUT NOW I SEE THE CRUMPLED TRAGEDIES WE'VE BECOME AND IT KILLS ME TO BE THIS NUMB. YOU CALLED ME ARMAGEDDON AND I GUESS YOU WERE RIGHT CAUSE ALL WE EVER WERE WAS 2 VINES TANGLED UP IN A FIGHT, A 10PM PUNCH AND KISS GOODNIGHT. SO DON'T CALL ME A LOVER IN FACT DON'T CALL ME AT ALL.