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Phoenix Rising Oct 2014
Pick-pocketing angels leave me with no change
Tampered pill bottle head, rattling brain rearranged
Hold me close like a nostalgic note
Please don't toss me away like the others do
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
You're dissipating like any memory that no longer has relevance.


Sometimes, I think I loved you just for the hell of it.
I can't tell anymore.
It was so long ago.
within time, memories sure can become distorted...
Phoenix Rising May 2015
Love is persistent
and so are rapists
I could be resistant
but Cupid's grip ain't nothing to **** with
Phoenix Rising Mar 2020
I'm okay alone,
anywhere except at home.
That place is too loud.
My energy is toxic
with it's radioactive hold.
It'll mutate your views
and you'll die from my
silent fumes.
Should've got a tattoo
on my forehead
in all caps screaming
DANGER.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
Depression gets so old...
Swallowed whole...I have a disease that has no cure...No relief, no control...I wonder if I'll die this way...alone, alone.
Phoenix Rising Oct 2017
I'm tired
of waiting
for things to
"get better..."
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
every day i'm breathing...
is a battle i've won...
Phoenix Rising Jul 2021
I fall in love
with people I can't have.
It's in my design.
I wake up every morning
next to you
knowing you'll leave sometime soon.
It's in my design.
I know it's going to break me,
but I fill the cracks
with the time I have left with you.
I know you don't love me
like I love you.
It's in my design.
I'd die for you.
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
To think one must suffer to handle such writing
shame on you for your ignorance

To think less of a poem because they lack a mental disorder
shame on you for your ignorance

Any one is entitled to write
some just stand out more than others
Phoenix Rising Aug 2019
sometimes, i just
wanna die.
i'm not even sad.
i just
wanna get high.

if i use again,
it's over
for me.
let me sign
a dnr
then leave me be.
Phoenix Rising Jan 2017
I'm just a nut job
hiding behind a blank stare
you can find me
almost anywhere.
I smile and I laugh
in front of your face.
I hide in a bathroom,
creating my fate.
This powder controls my day,
I'll love you once it's made its way...
up my nose, through my bloodstream
into my brain...
I'll love you once it's made its way...
I'll love you once it's made its way...
I'll love you once I feel okay...
Phoenix Rising Oct 2017
Turns out...
and it's kinda funny, actually,
I'm the only one in my way.
Phoenix Rising Jul 2017
Sometimes, I wake up and I wonder
How I ended up inside
...Ended up inside
Sometimes, I wonder
How did we fall...
For such a simple trick
That everyone says that they'll never fall for
when they fall in love.
You said you'd never do the things you do.
You said you'd never fall in love again.
You said you'd never do the things you do.
Then why, why, why
do we not know better?
Not know better?
Farther down the truth....
Farther down the truth...
So far away from you.
Farther down the truth.
So called truth.
I thought I loved you from the start.
I thought I loved you from the heart.
I thought this was about you.
But in the end,
it's always about me.
In the end,
it's always about me.
In the end,
it's always about...
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
You owe me many nights of sleep
and medicine for making me weak
I can't even breathe anymore
because my lungs are battered and sore
from trying to tell you I love you
Over and over and over
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
I don't want you to lie to me like you lie to yourself.
Confess to me instead of filtering your personality to me.
You don't have to worry about me getting offended or judgmental.
I want you to be raw, I love you for who you are.
I just want to really know you because you are a masterpiece.
Yes, I've had my share of experiences I never wanted to admit.
I, too, swept them under the rug at one point in my life.
But, just like anything suppressed, it resurfaces.
Sometimes it happens quick and nastily, other times it is slow and becomes a part of the way you act.
I want you to know it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter what you did in the past and it shouldn't to anyone but it helps to remember it so you can figure out who you are today.
Sometimes, you want to remember it so you can change something you may not like about yourself.
I can see the pain in your eyes, just let me be your home. Your diary.
Trust me and you will be surprised that you actually can.
Everyone experiences "bad decisions" and we can go somewhere far away together.
No one else has to matter.
It's up to you, baby doll.
Phoenix Rising Aug 2020
The ones
who pass me by
are the ones
I wish to give
all of my time.
Phoenix Rising Apr 2017
I want to get inside my
'02 ******* - roller coaster when it turns - car
and drive so fast
that the wind supplies my breathes.
My hair strangles my neck
and eyes,
gets stuck to the creases of my mouth
and my heart creates
an arrhythmia from
the combination of
excitement and anxiety.
Phoenix Rising Oct 2016
everything is messy
i've accepted that
and that is the first step
to a clean act
Phoenix Rising Nov 2014
I am slowly disintegrating out of the various lives I have been nesting in. I love the comfort of my lifestyles I build inside others until they become horrid and decrepit from abusing "the playground". I am quickly losing grip of my identity. I am changing ever-so quickly. How am I supposed to know the real me? Or are there multiple versions?  I think I need an intervention for the succubus I have resurrected inside of me.  I like who I am, yeah. Sometimes. It's confusing when you play both roles: day and night. I flip like a switch, yet I always feel turned on. Oh, so clever. Patterns are hard to break, guess that is why they call them patterns. I am drained from being both dissociated and overstimulated by life simultaneously.
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
Head of a bold pen
writing on a whim
with no deadline
Paper and lines
in front of your eyes
all of the time

**Creating this life
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
I hope you know what love really is

and if you don't, I hope you learn one day
That love isn't a possessive way
and if you let your ego lead
You are sure to feel jealousy, pain, and greed

Love takes maturity

because it doesn't always work out they way you'd like
You need to be able to understand so you won't have spite
Love goes deeper than skin
and it touches within

You want them to be happy and even if that means letting go*

A smile on your face will still exist
You are genuinely happy for them and love has taught you to subsist
They are still around breathing the air you breathe
and that alone will always keep you relieved


Love teaches lessons that stick with you till the end
How I have felt once in my life and am blessed to say I have experienced such. I still love him to this day and always will.
eh
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
eh
Sometimes,
I can't believe I am alive

Other times,
I wonder why I am

Most of the time,
I forget
Em
Phoenix Rising Mar 2020
Em
Empathy,
it washes away as dusk fades.
Like a tidal wave,
only the moon has say.
You see my cards
all spread across
and yet expected
a different outcome.
My 'tricks' were known.

You're not my savior.
Predictive behavior,
foolish to think
anything more.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
I exercise often
and cry on the nights I don't sleep
Phoenix Rising Jan 2022
stale dating scenes
goodbye monogamy
society is changing
leaving me behind
no choice but to
align my mind

i am rough
i am so sad
i just
i want you so bad

articulating doesn't come easy
these emotions i have
twisted up inside me
bring me to the light
wring me out tonight

I'd die a thousand gruesome times
just to incarnate our love
The high is enough for me to drop all morale
I wish they'd bottle you up
Fill my cup
I want to feel you inside me
I don't know when enough is enough
Phoenix Rising Apr 2015
There I lay,
inside the swirling abyss that formed from a mere powder;
a seemingly harmless substance

my eyes were rolling into the back of my cranium
my teeth hugged onto each other for dear life

Disorientation covered my mouth shut so I couldn't screamed

I didn't dare to speak because words made no sense
I stared blankly at my companions as they tried directing conversation at me

Is that my heart I feel pulsing my entire body?
Where did this darkness come from?
I must be dying, I'll just shut my eyes

I woke up later
I overdosed
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
I love you deeper than physical
Your skin is beautiful but all in all, it doesn't really matter what you look like
I love you [your soul]
and I'm grateful you love me back
Your body isn't you, you are the soul. Never forget.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I want you in,
but I'm too shifty.
I see all the life lines
I could live.
Ms. Somebody,
but who should I be?
I could love you,
or you,
or you,
or me.
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
I am drunk
and my lips are numb.



But for once, my feelings aren't.
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
****** addicts are funny not because they do ******
but because they lay on beds in every angle but normal.
Phoenix Rising Jul 2017
Self-entitled brat
from a dirt path,
she waves her ******* out the car
while blasting ****** rap.
Where social anxiety is cool
and a fad,
where pastels in your hair matter more
than the way you act.
Yeah, she thinks she's a yuppie
with a daddy
What a rude awakenin'
she gonna have.
Once she is older
and her personality is a drag.
Phoenix Rising Oct 2014
Gritted teeth, anxious, smooth-toothed
Swirling pit, stomach twists and turns, old bath rag
Adrenaline, uncontrolled thoughts keeps me grounded, cigarette
Empty eyes, laughter, a smile
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
It wasn't all your fault,
I'm not saying that.
I won't put it all on you.
Sometimes,
you start out as the solution
and end as part of the problem.
You were a bee drawn to my
sticky issues.
It gave me depth
and made me look strong.
[Ill]usion.
Your stinger of a love
was too sharp for my
soft, flimsy values.
Phoenix Rising Oct 2014
I, sometimes, wither along with the autumn leaves
Carried by the current of that chilly breeze
Yeah, it may look uncomfortable but sometimes I like letting go
Letting go, into the flow, when I should be trying to row
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
you say i'm running away

but...

it's just the momentum from you pushing
Phoenix Rising Nov 2014
Quilt made of hearts
Eyes laced with static memories
You are a part of my broken record lifestyle
I can still taste you when I talk
Your energy is in a jar, sitting on my shelf getting dusty
I want to open you up, but I have nowhere left to put you
Fml
Phoenix Rising Dec 2023
Fml
I don’t
want to live
if living
is just
working
to eat
and
pay
bills.
*******,
America.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
All I ever wanted
was a moment where
tomorrow and yesterday
didn't exist


I wasn't chasing my slippery hope
and you didn't manifest scenarios

Prosperity was around the block


For a minute
I saw the sky as it was
For a minute I could breathe
the air that was meant
for you and me

What have we been hooked on?

Songs sound better when you hurt
and I never want you to be capable
of singing this song as well as me


Do you remember when I'd lay in bed
for hours on end
and you'd pretend
to be dead with me
and our bodies laid soullessly
our thoughts connected
our hearts in sync?

I didn't know
those would be the constant memories
I'd sob most over

And I'd remind myself,
day in and day out,
when I'd turn to my left
feeling the cold dent
on my lonely mattress

You said,"You did this to yourself."
I did, you're right
God, I was scared
I was petrified

I left myself with only spite
when I had the courage
in the drawer of my nightstand
and I chose to look the other way

Now, I am in an abusive relationship
with my loud, stubborn ego
It's time to stop grocery shopping
Phoenix Rising Feb 2021
the fragility of my mind
renounces it's place,
takes me with a roar,
after a bad night: long overdue.

my skin feels unfamiliar
and the air feels thick.
my body shutters
at it's own mere existence.

everything that once was,
in a second,
isn't.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2022
Head above water
The shore looks so small
Will I ever be liberated
before the demons collect their toll?

I don't know the answers
To anything at all
I don't know if I'll be okay
I'm just floating along
Phoenix Rising Oct 2023
a voidless ache,
underlying everything.
it's worse
if you have already met before.
because despite it's dullness
at times...
you are constantly reminded
of how deep it can feel.
the only emotion
to cut through the space between
the emotional and physical.
the only emotional agony
to bring me to my knees...
gripping my chest...
i wish i'd die already.
but it's slow and methodical...
i don't want to be human anymore.
Phoenix Rising May 2021
I've been thinking about my connection to drugs. I've thought about why I've struggled my whole life...to feel utterly powerless.
Sometimes
I'm so lonely.
I don't even think lonely is the right answer.
Empty.
Void.
Abyss.
Jaded.
I don't know.
It swallows me into this vortex and it pushes everyone I love away. It made my boyfriend whom I love leave me.  Like always. Not new.
I'm done. I have to fight. It's that or die.
I don't want to die...
Please. I don't.
Sometimes I wish I was never born.
It hurts so much.
Phoenix Rising Apr 2024
You make my brain feel like scribbles.
I think people
only want my best parts.
I think all people
have horrible parts and
it’s inevitable for a lover to see.
They always get hung up
on the bad parts and
see that as my entirety.
I guess only you can
**** up, because I let go quicker…
Take the stage—
I’m stepping off.
I will never change this cycle,
all I can do is leave in defeat…
Phoenix Rising Jun 2020
I know you
******* hate me,
except when you were
hate-******* me.

I've accepted
my lonely death
awaits
and it's the only one
who will be at my wake.

Made my bed,
time to lie.
Don't laugh at me while I cry.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I wonder if I write from
the bottom of my heart,
that you'll take a deeper interest
in what I say.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
All I do is make you mad, sad, mad, sad; gone.
My hands tremble, I cry in bed and I feel, once again, a indescribable aching pain
inside and out of my chest.
You'd think I'd have a tolerance for pain.
Just laying there, punishing myself as if you can see it from 400 miles away. As if you can hear my gorilla-glued mouth speaking all the words my 1st place race championship mind hasn't spoken.
I am delusional and it is always too late to see. Always a fool after the fact.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Is it enough for you?
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
what's a girl gotta do
to simply melt into you?

gifted with a voice
to send me shivers laced with ecstacy.

you feed me so much love
/as if it's bottomless/
yet here i am, starving...

your moon for eyes,
silk for lips,
you touch me and it feels like sin
i am a glutton for you
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
starry eyes with a bold stare
the universe isn't frightening to you
admirable because you are the one percent
the one percent who lives life to the fullest, one hundred percent

curls that your head weeps down
that resemble the salty ocean waves
skin as pale as a snow flake
with sun kissed spots on your crinkled button nose

translucent personality
angelic intentions
a golden silhouette of a heart on your wrist
a kiss that takes and gives air
Phoenix Rising Jul 2017
No more war.
Within yourself.
With the world.
No more war.

No more guilt.
No more hating yourself
for feeling tempted over
your natural desire to procreate, feel, live.
No more guilt.

No one will have power of you.
You own a mind and a body.
Don't let something or someone you have never met control it.
No one will have power of you.

God is a silly word and concept.
If any, God exists within you.
You are the choices you make.
Perception is up to you.
Don't let anyone control that.

Morality is what makes us human/civilization.
Don't ever think you need an imaginary friend for that.
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
Good to no longer be an addict,
see things through...
The only thing I wanna be
addicted to is
you.

I'm finished with man-made chemicals,
I just want home-grown
you.

Fill my lungs
with your breathes.
Pump my heart
with your "I love you's."
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
Blessed that I received rest
that some do not acquire
My toes curling on each fuzzy stair step I make my way up
as my nose follows the familiar scent of coffee beans
I'm drowsy from the dawn sun playing coy
Snug as I could be from the burning wood
the little things <3
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