There are many thoughts that escape my conscience
I don't know where they escape to
The deep parts of my mind that I don't visit?
I try to think disconcerting thoughts
Rather than exercise my memory
I think my mind is strong
And it will be an ***** that will remain functioning
Once I turn into a vegetable
My mind will function and sin
It will fantasize fetishistic acts
Plot ******
Question God
Think condescending thoughts
When my father who is very kind
Cries over my cold unmoving mass
I will curse people I don't like with satan's words
I will write my eulogy
And no remorse will pass my preoccupied mind
And then let's see what will happen when I wake up
A new woman
Ready to ****.

There's always one in every team
The last picked player
She has all the skills
She has all the brains
Strategists who know or don't how the game is played

He's got too much money
And he wants to play
"Let's see, what money can do, really."
He'll buy that Lithograph
For you at the auction
"That's some introduction", you'll purr
But what's money, really, when you don't have morals?
"A whole lot of fun, ***, and cars.
Oh, my manners. Did you want some?"
He'll tempt you
But it's just a game
He talks, he pays
He walks away
He looks back at you
With his arm around a pretty predator
She asks "Did you want to play?"

When I write about you for the first time I write because there are roses in my mouth that bloom when the first moment arrives it caresses my cheeks with full bodied smell of it's unblemishness. It hold me close in its envelopes. Makes me believe in one thing only. That there are moments to savour and there are moments to discard. With every moment to savour there is the wholeness inside our time. Complete sentences without any wasted death. The dryness in my voice is taken as imperfection you are willing to embrace and the sweetness in my nature becomes changeable with every room you occupy in my unfurnished thought. Where you are is where I am. Not even the lasting second you seem to create when you stare into my eyes that avoid your steady stare. Wishing this was just a conversation between two voices only rather than a visual experience with taste, touch, and sound. So much more can be said with the senses but I speak with the willfullness of a telephone call. I am communicating entirely with my body, hoping you know that I know you can't see me. With my smiling "hello" that you translate as returned affection rather than an affection in my ubringing. My manners don't show any less warmth of a home that welcomes strange men. Take me into account. I am not a woman with many choices. I have no strategy for love. I have no moments to select from. I am one at a time. I am more than one personality exploding into a mouth that only speaks meanings rather than symbols.
My words spell out more spaces and my spaces spell out more than silence. You told me more or less I am a pause in your playlist. Whichever song plays next, may you be understood. My silence never ceased listening.

It all comes together
Like a neatly tied package
My anger and my love
Passionate living
Still I can't accept
That I feel so much emotion
I now have the choice of unbridled devotion
If I could become the one who says those words
That I know you hold dearly
Then I will become the flowers in your hair
The food you eat
The scent you hold
I could become everything you need

My body feels like a cavity
One-Trick Pony
Taking every comment
Personally
Does it take sadness
Anger To create
Madness
Address every blurt

She's New York
Present, past
She doesn't know the future
But she knows she'll be in New York
Until she breathes her very last

I walk to veer to the left of the line
I keep a slack hold on my mind
Nobody tells me what I think
I don't tell myself not to sink
Deeper and deeper into the gutter
I make out words I tend to stutter
My father tells me I write satire
I try to keep my mind towards  martyrs
I am so very fond of suffering
I don't mind pain it feels like an offering
An empty hand that is well received
My intention falls to the right of the aggrieved

When we feel love
We feel pain as well
Pain from the ecstasy of feeling
Wanting to feel pain
As a result of guilt from being too happy
We end up thinking too many things
So why? My question is 'why?'
Why love?
When there is no escaping from the jaws of love
The hungry, starved lion of love
That seeks to be caressed and nurtured
The bawling infant, love
That is assumed to be a perfect child
Until it demands for more than your attention
She will grow to break your heart.
She will take from you everything
She will give back so close to your death
As you age and lose sensation in your hands
She will hold them
Her smile will reflect your missing teeth
Her tears will make you feel again
'O child' you will croak
'I see His face'
Her questioning eyes will ask
Of what grace, of what reason
Did you love this life?
When everything laced with God does but live
You have lost your sight
Your eyes betray your lack of grasp on reality
A stormy charade of time
Takes you slowly
Why? My question is 'why?'
Why love?
So far removed am I from Him
O mother leave me not
During this time of navigating the rocky waters of life
My soul will be laid out to dry
I need to be drenched by your presence
I long to remove all trace of sadness
All my memories were of the golden youth
That is locked in heaven
Returned to me only after the promise of death
O dear Lord why? My question is 'why?'
Why love what He must eventually take?
I am not finished
This question seeks wisdom
And wisdom is carved marble
It will be revealed in the end

Here's something that I want you to have
It's a piece of my heart
A little bit of me
Maybe we can work on it
If you take it carefully

A little bit of love
Could really help
My world just fell apart
And I've been stalling on somebody to love

So take this broken piece
And we can work on it
I could give you all of me
But we can create something special
With just this bit
I have the rest of the chipped broken pieces
And slowly we can fix the rest

You and I can create a place to belong
Where I can open up my mind
If I make you feel loved
Please don't neglect it
My smile is only because of yours

All we have is just a part of me and you
Let's hope we never finish
Painting the living room

You've stoked a flame that will never fail
It's a warmth that I will fondly feel
I hope you and I will become something real

Women want a man who takes his hat off in church
A man who is chivalrous but sensual
Someone who can quote Brene Brown and Shel Silverstein
A soft voice with a body made of hard edges
He's got the gentle flight of an eagle
The agility of a panther
Predator and prey, both
He slips into you like he has never been there before
A forest he hasn't explored
He's sure about you
He's wanting you to be sure
His days are steady
Like the oldest living tree
He sees you and doesn't cut you down
He makes sure you feel whole
He adds, doesn't take
He holds your hand
Like a little flower in the soil
Supported and nourished
Tender and Tended  to
Like a man of a dozen olden times
He knows the right books to read
Are books that make you love
Books that make you laugh
Books that make your heart wonder
He take your words
Gently unfolds them
Wears them well
Into poetry
Weaving his arm
Around your body
Until your waves
Become his undoing
Working man
Working you steadily
Until you desire that quiet life
You know is only possible for a man
With respect

If I were a good woman
I would be pure
And good
And holy
But I am none of these three
I am a worldly woman
Who claims her life
Taking it in with trembling hesitance
Clutching it gently
Changing her gears smoothly
Real Women do change
Real Women learn to drive themselves
Women who love men are real too
Maybe more than one
Surely more than two
Possibly more than ten
Women who look for the right man
Are women who reinvent their being
Because we aren't who we say we are
Real women are built
Not born

I don't have to be afraid to be brave
Everything can be copacetic
If I'm willing to save every bloom in my brain

There are moments and days
Where I can't begin to say
How thankful I am
That I'm more than okay
How can I thank those who've seen me through the haze?
The days when I was not myself were when they were most present
Let me name them friends
Even though some have ceased to consider me one
I'm sorry for all the things that I've done

I know I mustn't run
When the days get too heavy
You taught me how to fend for myself
You teach me how to ask for help
You all taught me how to be myself again

A refugee from the storm
I understand now the meaning of friendship
Even though this type of thing is thinner than blood
My blood owes itself to those who have kept it
Warm and unharmed

The more i refuse to think

The less I feel

And somedays the feels aren’t important

But somedays I realize it isn’t organic anymore

That I’ve lost the ability to be

Catharsis is not unreal

Ennui can be vital

I am a contradiction of feelings

Because feelings don’t have continuity

They pass moment to moment

And it’s alright if you don’t catch them immediately

Pray for me

Because I don’t believe

Have faith in me

I don’t know how the feelings flow

I don’t know when it will hit me

I don’t know because I’m not in her shoes

When she finally took them off to jump

And gravity had it’s natural effect

I don’t know what that feels like

And I wish they were still alive to tell me they wish they hadn’t

Stay broken
Into a million pieces
Don't let them piece you back together
Like a story you did not choose to be
Stay down and sink
Resurrect
When you can escape
Machine gun Kelly

Forgot the man who said
He used to hide in the TV shelf's cabinet
Out of anxiety and sadness
Hidden from everyone
But haunted by demons
He could not escape

Remember the one who bikes at full-speed
Strong legs, taking himself places
On adventurous journeys
To the neighboring destinations

Remember uncovering the eyes of the girl you love
To show her an expression of your ardor
In full bloom.

I want to love someone like you
Someone articulate
In expressing compatibility
Someone free-spirited and sturdy
I want the you I remember

The you that remains is one I forgot
The sadness that desperately clings to
The joy that nervously trembles on the steeple

I know there is more to be remembered
And less to forget

The story I remember is spray-painted
On a construction site spelling out:

L-O-V-E


It is music playing in a nearby house
Two love-struck teenagers
Dancing under lamposts
Imagining moonlight

The you that remains
Is you with your puppies
And just loving the runt
"Maybe", I think now,
"He's the runt and the runt is him"

To start again from the beginning
That's what I would do
If I could choose to finally do what I want
It would be to start again from the beginning
To do what I always wanted
To be a free woman
Free to be good
To see the world and warn them
To never cross-over to the otherside
Because whenever I make a mistake I realize that it didn't free me but trapped me
If I could start again from the beginning
I would read all  my past mistakes
And one at time I would correct them
Keep my favorite relationships intact
Be brave to be proud of who I am
Pay attention and never neglect the heart that is so good and strong
Glue myself back together and make it the strongest glue
So when I get back to this moment I could say
I did it all again and I did it right
This time I can move on because today is right
Let's be honest though that isn't the case
One must face today
Start again
Even if it isn't the beginning today
It's a new day to start beginnings

Resting
Maybe when I'm brave enough to
I'll lay my head on a pillow
Close my eyes
Look inside
I'll say
I'm home at last

Serenely she placed her shoulder on the edge of her mother's
Then she went ahead and slept
Showering her dreams with emptiness
Clouding her thoughts with white noise
Almost attempting to be awake
Walking through the dream-like life she had since a babe

I smell the faint smell of the sampaguita sold to my father
It makes me think about the poor
Whenever we buy this chain of white flowers it is a bookmark in the senses
Poverty
Remember poverty
Smell the pleasantness in your automobile and don't forget poverty.
Who sold it to you? A homeless child.
"It comes from a place I know not where it came from, I forgot"
A life made of lies
We buy this truth but live a lie
We are not happy about the situation
We are not happy that we are happy and they are in shambles
When it rains we praise the clean billboards of the aftermath
But poverty, is not washed or clean
I am not sure what to do with this poverty of kindness
I m lacking in kindliness and gentleness
So what can there be to give to a poor child?
I desire to live benevolently
Desire does not mean I am so
But to desire makes me righteous toward the bad
And hopeful too

I am not going anywhere
I have the path ahead
It still seems to be threadbare
This old way is where I'm lost
Under the stars I navigate
Hope has been my surrogate
Then when hope bore a child of fear
Reality became something clear
It has a cord I cut from home
It has a cry I have heard before
I have known this path ahead
I still imagine I can take this road
This pavement made with utopian soil
It cements itself in the soles of these red shoes
There are no places I can go
So elsewhere from the path is where I'm to

The earth has a round body
It has all the places in the world
All the countries fit inside
All countries contain a Mcdonald's
Heaven is above
We think there is a place for bad people
But Mom and Dad, they say we are good
So nothing to fear
All the countries is in the world
All the people have a chocolate swirl
They like to walk in their own pace
If you trip
It feels like a disgrace
But if your ice cream falls
You get a new one
And then all is good
We are in paradise
How do you know when everybody has had lunch?
It's after twelve, and they are all working on the next meal
It's nice to have a salad
It's nice to drink tall glasses
And when I am awake, I am asleep
And when I am okay, I am correct
So always take your glasses off
And exercise your eyes to see
Everything has it's place on the grass
It's a special place we plant our feet
It's not so bad when you have roots to eat

These sunken eyes
Like a ruined ship
Worse than those that drowns
I don't think
I just neglect
I keep my frowns
Upside down
When you smile
I keep *****
I pay attention
To you
Because it's that simple gesture
That keeps me going
To you

I have a secret that nobody wants
It is the secret to staying alive
Surviving everyday eventually
And becoming totally strong
That you end up going no where
And knowing everything
I'm okay with this life
I'm 25
It is my schedule to be dead inside
The secret is to have such a sad life
That you would not think of even dying
Because if you did
The funeral would not even be inspiring to anybody
So you stay alive
And regardless of your discontentment
You do not change anything
Because you believe in some twisted way
That things are good, and will get better
But still...
You are afraid to become anyone significant
Because you do not want to feel the weight of life
So you neglect it
And choose no progress instead of progress
There is a way out
I know it
It's not such a secret
But it's a hard path to take
My mind is not as malleable as before
So I am going to stop trying and trying
But just do what I need to
And know that there is no getting out of trouble
But there is something for me out there at least
And I think it's good enough

Sad songs make me beautiful
I listen to you and you hear it when you speak
Some moments are about breaking the body
So the spirit can soar
It's about how we discipline ourselves
In order to be free
In this gilded frame we live in
The picture is not yet totally finished
God continues to paint
Everyday is a color
Are you listening?
It's feeling that shouldn't go away
It's a moment that will pass away
This life is temporary as the clouds in the sky
My life has nothing
I am complete

This salt is beautiful, crystallized spice
Flavor and glint
It pierces my eyes
Somewhat like a diamond
A fragment too small
Everything is added
With this grain of salt
When your skin is salty
It has the quality of the sea
Vast and wide and full
Full of sympathy
When I look at a mound of salt
It speaks to me of life
Life's sins become absolved
The dead need this solution
Keeping from decay
Celebrated salt adds to everything it sprays
Pain and flavor are hand in hand with salt
A wound, and slab of meat prefer the rougher brand
The texture of the sand and sea dissolved in me

Iced tea watered down
Sandy remnants whiten my teeth
I'm just a copy of a copy
My page is faded
Every leaf average

Agitated, you
The right kind of complicated

You look like desire
To you I'm admired
My smile is fake
Your love is fake
This date is fake
My can't you just fake it?
Yes you like that
Oh my, it's true

Iced tea watered down
Sandy remnants whiten my teeth
I'm just a copy of a copy
My page is faded
Every leaf average

Spread your wings

feel you up

by the swings

keep your shirt

snowfall dirt

By the bench

keep the *****

heal your heart

it's all in French

Most are days

Sunny yays

moistened lips

Myster slips

he's got blood

on his shirt

most of all

a bit of dirt

quite a fall

down the drain

sunny days

no more pain

pitch that tent

keep your heart

quite intent

to imagine

heaven sent him

for a break in

make or break it

It's my time

I think I'll make it

Most of all

try your best

It's all you're worth

Just this pile

It's how I satisfy

Just don't tell me

I can't fly

In 2 years

With a smile

I have this medal I won
It has all the qualities of a gold medal
But it's actually a small medallion
Given by my friend's mom
It reminds me about a good thing

Take away the pretty face
And all that's left is a body
That cries out with shaking
Trembling
Wishing I had defended myself
The past is past
This is my mind
And I know I have to preserve
My right to feel
So I have no face
But I have my body
And I will plunge it into your seas

The tough thing about being told to move from where you usually sit
Is that the seating is scary
It's filled with torture devices that are weird
Torture device #1:
The What if:
"What if you have ***** the size and number of grapes? Or the size of watermelons"

Torture device #2
The memo:
"Is this C minus because you cheated or because you were late?"
"Late"

Torture device #3
The Comedian
"This watermelon is the watermelon of war. Unfortunately it still has a price tag."

Move on in strokes that light the canvass with brighter color

Once I am ok
You will be okay
And I don't want you to be okay
So I will never become
Okay
Okay?

You were in short pants
I was in short pants
It seemed inevitable that we would be friends
Learn about the world and women
But we were only boys
We had only our imagination
And the internet
But when you decided you wanted a life of virtue
We all threatened to leave you and build another world without you
Then you did leave
No more good men in short pants left
Only this motley crew of people who don't see us, hear us, or perceive us
Because we are the invisible men
The once who are always trying to get into the room
When finally we push button and it doesn't work for us

That someone so beautiful

Could know sadness

Makes me feel as though

Everyone is average

And everyone is equal

That we're never going to escape madness

And that madness can become someone's friend

Is evidence that the left side of my mind is alive and well

That's where the devil resides

I always wondered why she took off her shoes
Before she jumped to her death
She went to Japan in her senior year
It must have been a big influence
I enjoy piecing these things together
Peace of mind is accomplished
Which is probably why she took off her shoes
To achieve peace of mind.

My friend didn't take off his shoes
Despite my belief that I planted the idea in his mind
So maybe it was an accident
After all these years.

The best was given to everyone
It was a glorious celebration of whole foods
He loved to send others to the supermarket
Because that way he wouldn't have to get it himself

My words, I'll interpret it the way I want
No walls just boundaries
Think twice: is he really that nice?
Choose between the good and the bad
I always choose bad
It's a limitless option
So much to do in the plains of wrong
Preach the beat
Keep me revived
I'm not gonna sweet talk you out of this adventure
Maybe one day you'll see
That I have nothing to give
I'm just a pirate
With no ship
No crew
No body loves me
Nobody cares
It's my life
I'm proud
Too proud
To dare
Saying I love you
Is the worst choice
You'll ever recommend
This is my voice
I'm done hearing love songs
About hating life
And ******* ***
For politicians
Who don't love their wives
I wait for the light to come
I wait for your bedroom door
Oh ohhh ohh ohhhhhh-pen

I mean to go through life like I mean to live
The stories say that we aren't meant
To be happy and free
Engineering a means of surviving
Bending our wits in hopes of thriving

We will never be
We will never be
Shut it down
The evidence claims otherwise
Sealed the fate of the dying
Freedom is reminded
That no entity has the power

I mean to go through life like I mean to live
The stories say that we aren't meant
To be happy and free
Engineering a means of surviving
Bending our wits in hopes of thriving

Dominate your lives
Work work work
Against the man
I will fight for you
Who is worth living for?
You told me we were good
I believe in you
Do you believe in me?

Your love gives me sighs
I look back
I don't know why
But you're long gone
And still I'm thinking
Of you here
Like a friend so dear
Your kiss so near

You are not lying to her
As much as you are lying to me

I adore you with no guarantees
I hear promises that have not been said
I hear your words said in my head
Yet you say “only you”
Only me
And her

Only You & Her

Never Us

Never were

Never will

Just this far will do down the road of pride-filled infatuation
With its ill-lit way
It goes in no direction
We either run into each other
Or run away.

Understand
I poured myself
Into your cup
Not for the pucker of your lips
But for the finding
Of your tongue
So speak

It's brighter today when you're around
You always remind me of the day
You always remind me of the night
The stars they seem much brighter here

In circles
My brain
Has turtles
Disdain
For negativity
In thought
For all the discomfort
It's tough
Baby motions
Awkward and new
Blossoming flower
Towards forever
Say forever
Say it's not never
Be always insane
Be always the same

To take out the trash
Is a dance of habit
To the rhythm of life
Mundanity may seem like punishment
When it is in fact desire
To distract you from sadness
To exact your madness into disciplining
Unnoticeable and small
The moment you move to its small formations
Without rushing you will whistle
While hardships become oxygen
Gravity becomes your tool
Another rotation and you rise
Your life is all at once brighter

Your face is an illusion
It tells me you aren't mine
An intrusion, that keeps offering inebriation
It keeps painting expensive art
Eyes have expression because of you

I have many parts
The rest of my heart wants you
If this is what it means to be alive
Then living isn't easy
If I have to wait then let me go, to you
There's a distance that we have to fill
For our presence wholly becoming still
The moment permanent in time
We have no other moment but now

Your face is an illusion
It tells me to go do this
Then I have done it and surprise, surprise
I don't regret this
I have only this, now
Having your attention is plenty

I have many parts
There are parts of my heart that wants you
The rest just wants to be with you
If you are not with me
Then how can my war be won?
If you are away
Then I have to wait on my own
Waiting is easy when you are the sun
I can count on you, darling
To rise when it's time for dawn

Your face is an illusion
It tells of the flourishes in my penmanship
With a smirk you make my patience grow thin
I don't have forever
I just wish you were forever
When you look away the light leaves

Shifting into many forms
The parts of your personality have me on my toes
Every angle is making me dizzy
More than your face, I see who you can be
If nothing is easy, then let me call this nothing "life"
If everything is given, then I can have nothing to do with you
I am incapable of lying
I am poor man masquerading wealth

Your face is an illusion that makes me want to cry out
"Your skin is a gun!"
"Your smile is a bullet!"
"Your touch is the finger on the trigger!"
Your breath is steady as you aim.
I wish the target were these hands
I'd brush your hair back,
This ended with a bang

My left hand is my eldest sister
My right hand is the kid who died
The right foot is my father
The left foot is my mother
My shoulders are my problems
My Head is between my ears
My knees get me forward
Swing Swing Swing
Oh, and my nails are the boundaries
My hair is my thoughts
My scalp is my information
My watch is my reminder
The white rabbit is reminding you
The bangles in your right wrist ring like a bell
Don't forget your feet
Please touch with your palms
Work with your fingers
Your nose knows
Your skin is a map of where you're coming from
My bag holds a body of a criminal
The criminal is my uncle and he mows our lawn with his teeth
Punishment for crimes against family
My name matters (all 5)
My closet is my arsenal of friends I have encountered
My smile is my dad's
My teeth are mine to savour with my tongue

You told me in a dream
That when you had a light
I would be able to smoke