My birthday is in 5 days
*hot ****

my birthday is in 4 days
Hell yeah
*This one's gonna be good

My birthday is in 3 days
*lets **** **** up

My birthday is in 2 days
*the hype is so **** real

Tomorrow is by birthday
*almost there, guys. SO **** close

her beauty
captures my heart
the most beautiful part
is not her body
but her smile.
Not her curves,
but her spirit.
She is perfect.
Everything about her is.
Sometimes,
it is not the makeup that shows beauty,
but the spirit and the will to keep going.
Her beauty captivates me.
Her soul gives me rest.
It is not about what she has,
not her *******
not her ***
not her hips
but her laugh,
her smile,
her thoughts.
I love her
*I do

In the beginning our creation was supposed to lead to our damnnation
And as i grew, i cried myself away, but those tears carried me through the day.
More and more through perseverance I find my heart is still beating in these dark times are receiving and I've seen many days turn to Dawn
and I often feel so alone, so gone
but I always ask the question
if I speak will i inspire the weak?
because we all start somewhere
humble beginnings,
and through a Dark Night comes a bright day and the brightest day starts today.
Don't just hear my words but listen to what makes them true.
the beginning is now the clock is started.
we all have a beating heart in our chest that we can call our own
and it's our feelings that we choose to postpone.
but continue to breathe
it's what counts now.
This house you hope to build needs a foundation and maybe you've heard this before
but inspiration is the route on which we grow.
but how can one know because somewhere between the lines there always seems to be lies and deception and this is the Inception of Hope of great and yeah we all go through some hard...well never mind let's keep that refined.
We gotta take this jump it's a cliff away and we might not make it but there is always the chance .
There is a crown and scepter at our feet, but are we brave enough to take this job?
we have a place in the world.
we really do
it's a challenge to believe especially when we're always put down this is the place to start here the place you stand if you need a giant arrow make one ,
but be sure to make sure someone *knows your name

Images of your face crowd my mind.
Beauty in all you are.
I found that picture from when we where kids.
Best friends then
Best friends now.
But there is something i havnt told you.
See i think i love you.
I find myself thinking about you more than a friend should.
I think about how much we've grown together.
I think about the times ive cried on you, and you on me.
All the times you have told me you might sorta like me.
I want to be more, best friend.
Usually lovers are best friends.
And i feel our connection goes beyond holding hands.
We should be cuddling in my old treehouse.
We should be us
Best friend,
*be my girlfriend?

Today
is my birthday
Today has finally come.
15, folks.
14 no more.
Today is the day I can enjoy myself,
and look back at another painful yet good year.
Today
is my birthday.
The countdown is over.
This day has just begun,
THIS IS GONNA BE A HELL OF A TIME
lets go
4-19-16

I ******* my friend out.
He got into my face
Hit me with his notebook of sorrows.
I told him my mind.
I gave him
What all of his decisions lead to.
He deserved it...
but why do I feel so guilty?
He is a junior in high school,
I am only but a freshman,
And yet,
I hold such power,
his fear
This cannot be understood
He found that I am not scared to speak.
But yet,
I feel like such an ***.
Why am I like this?
Others I know wouldn't give the situation another thought.
So why am i?
Truth is,
I have no clue.
*I'm sorry Jordan

the story starts with a wee little boy.
Staring at the world with wonder,
and he had the audacity to challenge fate.
He never knew,
that by 3 words,
his life would fall before his very eyes.
He marveled at the piano,
as he wanted to die.
Yes, thats all he wanted
to die.
He watched things get smashed.
He watched himself cry in the mirror,
but "how ugly you are"
he would tell himself.
People held him to make an image.
Wear a mask,
light smile,
play dumb.
Truth was my mind was too smart,
so instead of playing dumb,
i LIVED it.
I made sure no one would know who I was.
What he made me become.
As if my life was a game,
and the story would shift at any time.
Clocks began to be my enemy.
They would tease me saying,
"how long have ya been here?"
I hate the corners of buildings.
The 90 degree corner calling my name.
The torture it held.
The backside of me,
made an *** of itself,
though it already was an ***.
The wee little boy.
died inside,
but kept living,
lips cold,
eyes rolled,
and he just kept going.

broke
as my heart
as my wallet
as my love life
as my hope
as my family
as my earphones
as my washer machine
as my mind
as my soul.
as your word's meaning when you say
"I love you"

When I was a kid
The world seemed so simple
I was always too caught up in imaginary worlds
I was always too concerned with my Legos
Than to see what world I was really living in.
See when I was a kid
Toys were my escape.
If I had a bad day at school
I went straight to play with my figures
When I was a kid, I didn’t worry about opinions
I didn’t worry about safety
I didn’t worry about my future.
Now, things are different
The world is changing.
The world is moving too fast
And I can’t find a good place to take a break.
I have changed so much from that little boy sneaking toys to school.
I have changed.
I have changed from having blind faith,
Only believing in something and someone because I was told to.
Now, I make decisions for myself.
Now, I am not scared to say no to something,
Because now I know that this is my life.
I am in control.
Sometimes I think about my life so far
What I have been through and what I haven’t
My mind often wonder to the man who calls himself my father.  
And his anger towards me.
Because already, at the age of 15
I have done more things than has done.
He doesn’t like that I try my best
That I find new ways to make a living.
He wants me to fail to somehow prove himself right
He wants me to fight
Throw the first punch and wait for me to catch on to his rage
And to that I say, “Act your age”
Yes, you are 42 and acting like you are two.
When I was a kid and when my toys were my escape
He was the one to throw them in the trash.
He was the one to fan away my thought clouds,
Crush my imagination
And cut open my happiness with no emotion like tearing open a letter.
That’s why I have vowed to become better.
No longer am I angry with the abuse that I went through.
No more do I leech on to the thought of revenge.
And why?
Because hate soaks through people like a sponge.
It is just waiting to be squished out.
Instead of trying to ruin his life, I will instead work on rebuilding mine.
Because one day my pity that I conjured up for him
Will come back for someone that I will inevitably sadden.
I may have been raised by a monster
But that doesn’t mean that I cannot prosper.
I see his life with a special lens
I try to analyze his pain so I know how to fix my own
I take notes on his mistakes so I know how to prevent my own.
He has never been anything but an open textbook,
Full of lies,
But a beacon of hope to recognize those lies.
To become better.
To study a psychopath but never become one.
Yes, I am filled with anger,
But I have seen first handedly how anger screws someone.
I hold on because I know that there are a million kids who have had it worse than I.
The unfathomable courage that they have to wake up every morning.
I never asked for this kind of life,
But it makes one hell of a stepping stone for me.
It allows me to recognize not just his evil in the world,
But the evil that exists in this life that we are all living.
There was never just one issue.
Never just one timeless conflict that consumed happiness over the last 2000 years.
There was never just one root that poisoned the rest of the tree,
No instead it was people like us who were more than capable of change
But never chose to stand.
It was the people who watched
The bystanders that ******* it up for the rest of us.
But I’ll be the first to say that I am willing to stand if you will
So the question really is,
What don’t you like
Why don’t you like it
And what are you gonna do about it.
We don’t have to be a revolutionary,
Im not trying to give that impression.
What I am saying is that it is time for us to do something
Anything
Because if we don’t,
We will be forced to watch the world fall.

Brotherhood defined.
A hero cannot be a hero without a little help. They always do better working together.  A boy’s gotta have a friend.
They say a man isn’t a man without a loyal person to back them up 24/7. Luckily, I don’t have to worry.
From our humble origins deep in the heart of summer, a certain friendship flourished from that awkward hello, and graduated to bear hugs and conversations deeper than anyone could imagine.
  advise. Much needed advise. The desire to hear his thoughts and the desire to step on stage with my best friend marched on. From looking deep into his heart only to see the pain that he knows so true.
and looking into his heart to see the pain and heartbreak that he has endured. But then I saw the smile that seldom showed itself.
You see, I can hear his voice from a mile away.      
and the phrase, “hey buddy!”, I know I can count a bear hug and much needed Attila time.
when the stars shine bright and the planets align there is no force on heaven or earth that is to be reckoned with his and mine
he’s the only one I know who can lift my mood up from an ugly 0 to a 10.5.
he’s everything as a friend, and more as a brother, as we go on this epic adventure together.
if sticking with this guy is wrong I don’t wanna be right
and when he’s around I shine in all light.   The only one who cherishes 115 and keeps it sacred
I mean, he’s the only guy I know that can recite every song with me, then go play black ops zombies for like a billion hours.
because as they say, the only way to survive a mad world, is to embrace the madness.
And when in this guy’s presence, I do not feel sadness.
  we both tumble deeper down the rabbit hole of brotherhood and then we teach the mad hatter and even the Cheshire cat about speed cola and quick revive even though it smells a bit fishy
Dempsey and Nicolai all day. He’s like a mystery box, cause you never know what’s next.. However, there is no teddy bear to take him away from me.  He’s here to stay…forever.
So to whom it may concern, no, we are not gay. That would make too much sense. No, he is my brother. He is a thundergun and I am a ray gun. Batman and robin.  Han Solo and Chewie. Sully and Mike. Bro’s for life.  
Where breakdowns are worth more than cash, and McDonalds is our ultimate getaway…yeah…I’d say…that when im with my best friend, life is pretty good.
when we are together, the memories start recording, I hear the “beep beep” and know that I’m bouts to lose mind with ‘dis guy. I’ve been through a lot. So has he. But we can always count on each other. Because that’s what matters, right? Bro we’re tight. Ready to shine the light. And raise hell in the night.
friendship is more than we give it credit for. When you find your best friend, there isn’t a better feeling. when the silence breaks, and your passion flies, you never know what might happen. From reciting our favorite band quotes, to rupturing our eardrums because we just had to hear from Attila just one more song. Whether its , “breathe in, breathe out”, or “The stars at night are big and bright”, and the soft ones like hey Jude.  When I feel like im in the dark, he’s able to lift my face, wipe my tears and tell me that the pain that certain man causes me is obscure. He can lift my spirits into freefall, and I feel the wind. The glorious wind. He’s there for me, and somehow I can see the portal of existence flashing before my eyes. The portal of friendship, lifelong friends deciding to collaborate on anything and everything. I wouldn’t rather have a different friend. From the time that the pumpkin king came on stage, and from the time he rang in my ears with the banshee scream. It resonated with me.
when we make it someday, and we’re able to say, “yeah, we made it today” then the stars will shine. The heavens light shall be seen. Let’s make this one count. Take a look around you. Each one by one. There’s a friend somewhere to be seen.  Find your friend. Make it count. Because they’re the one who’s gonna cover your back. Cry with you. Laugh with you. And yeah, probably fight with you.
there’s always someone you can count on, so take a look. Find your friend. And don’t think about it too hard. A friends a friend. Period.
The problem is, men cannot admit there’s a friend.
according to men, its gay to hug.
but the thing is, it shouldn’t matter what gender you are.
if someone wants to hug their best friend, then so be it.
True bothers don’t give it a second though.
because they are…we are…family.

I care too much.
I really do.
I care about
you
and her
and him
and them
I care about life.
I care so much
that I neglect myself
I neglect my wants
my needs.
I have been providing so much light for others,
that I have let my world grow dark.
I am too busy feeding other people compliments,
that I have left myself starving.
I can't decide
who matters more.
I worry about being conceded
so I discard myself completely.
I care too much

"My name calling all night
I can pull the wool while I'm being polite
Like, darling calling all night
I can be a bull while I'm being polite"
~Jidenna
_______
Manners have disappeared.
Respect is gone.
Youth today "don't give a ****"
What happened?
Where did being nice in public go?
Youth,
this is your...our callout.
"Manners are gay"
is what they say,
but when mamma's around,
its "yes sir"
"please?"
when she leaves,
"hurry up, *****"
America has changed so much.
Rude is now the norm.
What the heck?
Why, why why?
Where did the manners go?
Why not be the "classic man"
and stick to your morals?
Being cool should not be the motivation in life,
but being the best you can be.
And shouting out slurs all the time
is not the way to do that.
Like where is your head?
Up the *** maybe?
Manners are the origins of our childhood, no?
So than why the h-e double hockey stick do we act like
that chapter of our life
never existed
its time to grow up,
really grow up
open our eyes,
and be respectable human beings

https://youtu.be/uN_94a5wIhs

cool-aid cool-aid in my glass
if you don't,
I'll kick your ***

power influences people to do bad things
power is the inevitable enemy
power ***** people up

the countdown
for nothing
  #1

The countdown
for absolutely nothing at all
#2

"What the **** should I have done?"
yes,
"It's like I'm sleepwalking."
"The higher I get, the lower I sink,
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim."
because
"this house is not my home".
but i thought
"you were my drug"
yeah and they say,
"what doesn't **** you
makes you wish you were dead."
So I repeat in my head,
"Breathe in, breathe out."
with that, we will always be the
"riders of the storm"
and I shout
"Oh! My! God!"
And so I leave with,
"Dare me to jump off of the Jersey Bridge

You are either going to love this one or hate it, though I know what I am voting for, see, because they talk about curiosity, but I am curious about you.
I’m curious how you got the moon to pair with your eyes making them so big bright and beautiful.
I’m curious how you know what to say to make me smile, how you know exactly what to say to make my insecurities go away.
Like how can you know me so well, and make my heart swell, and make it so hard to tell you, that I might have a thing for you.
I’m curious on how your smile resembles the face of god, how perfect people are not supposed to exist, but yet here you are.
I’m curious to know how such a person like you could even stand to talk to a person like me.
Yeah, and I want to know how you make my heart flutter, and how every time we talk you always end up making me stutter,
and I am curious to know how you got so good at being so cute. You are always telling me that taking risks is a good thing, and this, this is my risk. I am opening my heart, and pouring my soul onto this page, and I am preparing to sink or swim.
I want to know how my mind is always so confused when I’m with you, and I am curious if there is some way that these emotions are mutual. Because *** right now I got a lot of kids wondering, A. Who’s he talking about * B. this is awkward and strange, or C. this is terrible.*
But for everyone else, please forgive me, but this is necessary. This is the only way I could think of telling her I think I like her. See, I know I’m not really a likable guy, but girl I am telling you, you are able to make me fly. I believe in everything when you’re around. It’s like your laugh is fuel, and your smile is the plane, your feet must be hurting, because you run marathons through my brain. I can’t quite make sense of this feeling, but believe me, I am telling you, you are perfect in every way. It tears me when you give in to your insecurities because there is so much I can tell you to build you up, but I’m scared. Your truth is beautiful. I love you for you, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m just scared because this feeling is fragile, and like glass, it can break quickly. But I need to tell you this, and I know this isn’t much but this is my truth. If I could spill out my heart on this page, I would, but the ink would smear.
I’m curious how your night was, I care about your emotions, I carry your words with understanding. I want to tell you straight up, but my smile might fade, and a lot of people are probably going to through me shade for this, but this is worth the humiliation and teasing, I am willing to do this, put myself down like this for you. I am telling you my genuine feelings for you, standing here feeling like I am back in elementary passing notes asking you to check yes or no. I want you so bad, but I am scared because as I am speaking, you are here listening to me. For all I know you could be examining my flaws, but I hope that you are hearing this, and knowing that this is your poem.
I am curious to know how you are able to inspire me so much to do something as crazy as this. It’s easier to talk about depression or abuse, but this is the cheesy roses are reds violets are blue thing, but wait, I got a good ending for that one, too! It’s like roses are red, violets are blue, but not a flower brighter than my feelings for you. I know this poem is not perfect, but I am trying because you are the definition of perfection. I trust you with this, I trust that you know who you are. This flow of words can be dedicated to you. This is my roundabout way of telling you, I like you.
So I’m curious to know,
*If you could somehow like me too.

****
sometimes that is all someone can say.
****

Its funny
How one person can ruin your life.
how one person can make you feel so small
Its funny
How no matter how hard you try not to let them,
How they are ****** to **** up your day.
Its also funny
How fake people can be.
How they hold up a paper mask,
But only the oppressed can see the stick.
Its funny how one can inflict such pain, both physically and mentally.
Its funny how they can **** us,
Make us feel like *******
And cowards.
Its funny
How, the ***** they are, think that they are so funny

but
It will be funny
*when the tables turn

I face the dark
*it almost always wins

Today,
is Day of Silence at my school.
Today,
voices ring out to me because my silence
is their voice.
I cannot speak today,
oh what a challenge this will be.
I do this for my sister,
a victim of suicide.
lord, hear their voices.
Hear their voices,
hear your children
Do not fall to the depths of suicide.
Please,
hear it from me.
The process is painful.
The funeral is hard,
and after is worse.
Believe me,
it will get better.
Just gotta keep looking on.
Be strong,
keep your head up,
and love life,
*it's all you got

Dear community, I have lied to you.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.
Dear community.
Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.
Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.
Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle
Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.
Dear community.
I wish I could tell you why.
But the truth is, I’m an average guy.
Maybe that’s not what you see.
Maybe it is.
But with every word I speak, I die.
The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.
They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.
They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.
I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,
But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.
With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution
Spurring up like a fairy tale
With no happy ending.
the sheath of fate.
The sword of pain
They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.
Well my dear community, I wish you the best.
But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.
See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.
I know what its like to be truly afraid.
I know what its like
To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.
I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”
But I cant. And the reason is her.
She keeps me safe.
Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.
She makes the light when I’m in the dark.
I love her MORE than life itself.
She keeps me alive.
But the other reason is my future.
I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.
But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.
Life is a powerful word.
It brings so much.
And if you’re anything like me,
You can’t stop crying.
But, child, pick up your face.
Bring yourself to feel again.
There is a light.
I promise.
I found that light.
Now all I have to do is reach it.
I will grasp it with all my heart.
With all of my soul!
I promise things get better.
So dear community.
I really should be thanking you.
Each and every one of you.
I want you to know how you saved me.
I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.
What I am really trying to say is,
Dear community, thank you.

If death surrounds me,
I shall not stop it.

Im dying
I've said it a million times.
in a loop
over and over
I die.
relate.
anyone
please.

death toll increases everyday,
can the madness end?
The music box keeps rolling on,
"Til' death do us part"

today i was thinking.
I was thinking about all that I've seen in the world.
I've seen evil.
Nazis, ******, KKK.
All of them wanting something in the world.
All of them killing. Hurting.
They are evil people.
Evil is inevitable.
Which is why I want out.
I want to leave this terrible place.
I want to go home with the lord.
Because i do not condemn sin.
But then i ask
is it real?
religion?
Sin?
Death?
Death seems so blissful.
Nothing can last that is good.
Thus my theory.
Bleeding diamonds.
Beauty doesn't last.
So if good things don't last,
can death really exist?

Is what you have done
to *me

Coming to the realization
that I am depressed
is frightening.
I do not need a doctor to tell me, I do not need a father to pray for me,
all I need
is to be alone.
Process things for a bit.
And maybe,
live a little
****
Exotic
Paradoxical
Respective
Extreme
Super
Serious
Interestingly
Odd
Numbing


disorder.

Let the first bird fly
What a bother  me to you.
Why do you look down upon me?
Why am I not good enough?
Not your definition of attractive.
I know
I'm actually diagnosed with depression.
It's real.
Not nice
Not fun.
No need to watch me
You'll  see it every day.
I am imperfect  
Not impressive
I ****
My poetry *****.
I know.
I wish I was dead.
I wish everything I touched would forgive me.
Those who love me lie to me.
How can you love someone so dead
But still breathes his foul air.
Don't examine me
I have nothing to  offer you.
I have love
No one wants it.
I have passion
No one chooses to see it.
Do not try to cheer me up.
It only makes me feel worse.
Let me drown in this sorrow.
I dont want to go on
No more
I do not cut
I do not hit walls
I do nothing with my anger
Really.
I don't
So
This
Is
My
Anger
Thanks for reading
This terrible poem

You, honey
You are so beautiful.
You are the one I want to be with forever
You,
You are so stunning.
Call me insane,
But I want to give you my life.
The way you are.
With me.
The way you look
At me.
I can't control myself.
I feel my heart thump.
It keeps going.
I cannot work up the nerve to say something.
I'm too scared you'll leave me.
And thats the point.
I'm scared
I'm scared that if I ask again
You will introduce me to hell.
I want you so bad.
But I know you will never love me.
I want to hold you,
To show you that I'm different
different
I swear.
I want you.
You don't understand.
I think about you every **** day.
Everyday I think about what we could be.
Am I a creep for that?
All these ambitions,
All these feelings
Cooped up inside this body I call my own.
I want to kiss you.
So so bad.
I want to feel what perfection feels like against my lips.
That is who you are.
Perfection.
I know you don't think so.
But no one thinks of themselves as perfect.
That's the beauty of others telling you that you are.
It lifts you.
And that's what I want to do.
I want you to feel beautiful,
Because you are
Describing you is impossible.
Yet I try so hard.
Can you see I'm struggling?
Honey,
I love you.
You will never know.
I wish I could tell you
I have.
Here.
Tonight.
This is it.
I love you
I,
Love
You.
So
God
****
Much
Do you love me?
How could you?
I'm me, right?
I am not worth your kiss.
But I still strive to meet your expectations.
**** for getting so close.
I wish,
My one wish
Is to have you
forever
Am I too much?
Has this gone too far?
I'm so afraid
But
Honey,
This is all I know how to do.

Life isn't a script.

Grr

Every time we meet
I feel like I need disinfectant.
Every time we talk,
I feel like I need to talk to the father and ask for redemption.
Every time I see you,
I want to close them shut and never wake up.
You ****** me over too many times before.
You seem to think that you can move me like a *****.
Well,
I'm not your little **** boi
You think you have such power,
***** you're nothing to me
I wish I could find
this thing you made me lose inside.
I wish I could forget
there ever was an us
Because I like it much better
just being alone.
Away from you.
You are infected,
evil,
and a nervous wreck.
Someone needs to get you a life,
lord knows you can't do it on your own.
just talking about you makes me crave lysol.
Look,
I'm sorry to be bashing on you,
but this is necessary
in order to forget
everything you ever were
You call me a ******,
but honey,
I've been called WAY worse.
I've been called your boyfriend.
And that beats any sting you can inflict.
You are the lowest of the low,
Im glad I was able to get away
cuz *****,
I wouldn't wish you upon my greatest enemy.
I seriously need to see a shrink
after you.
You caused me so many problems.
I kept going back.
how could I be so dumb?
Answer
because you made me believe you loved me,
only to drop me like a sack of bricks
I have finally gotten over you.
But the disgust still lingers
I would shake your hand and say goodbye,
*but then I'd need to buy more disinfectant

Have you ever noticed how dark the world really is?
And I'm sorry if this isn't what you needed to hear.
So, if my sadness offends you, or hurts you, stop here



I feel alone constantly.
My insomnia consumes the one moment of the day when I am at peace,
I cannot ******* sleep
I have lost weight
My excuse:
I just..
don't eat the way I used too.
I'm white
somehow my school thinks that makes me ******* ******.
As if I read Mein Kampf as a Bedtime story
In fact I hate ****** with every bone in my body...just like everyone else.
WHAT A ******* SHOCKER, RIGHT?!?!
Anyways,
I have to go to a church function today
more like being dragged
See,
everyone says, "you have to believe in something"
But after 8 years with an abusive father,
An apparently "Blind" mother (for not seeing it, of course)
I have nothing to believe in, except for the evil in man.
I believe,
and you can quote me on this,
All I know is that I'm on the planet,
I don't give a **** how I got here, how this place was created,
All I know, I'm here,
I'm living
I'll have a little fun
and eventually die.
(which for some people, that day can't come soon enough)
Which reminds me,
hey, even though you don't know me
would you mourn me?
Would Hello Poetry be the same, with one soul lost?
Would you?
would you?
I don't expect you too.
I'm still here,
still living
still pushing
still breathing (but just barely)
Thanks for listening to me
taking the time to read me
because this poem is me.
I'm sorry I'm depressing
should I be though?
Ain't I like every other human being,
Allowed to feel?
I make music, you know.
It helps me not feel lost.
Not feel broken.
and what's funny,
people hate that about me, too
If you feel so compelled,
(and no, this poem is not just for you to hear my music)
here's the link
https://soundcloud.com/user-123704847
See,
I scream in my music,
some love it
I love it
its how I feel
how I bleed
How I survive
Some hate it,
devil worshiper
yep,
that's me
that guy who worships Satan
Which of course, isn't true.
But,
as always,
*life is full of assumptions.

Don't ask, Don't Tell.
Please don't ask me
~I wont answer.
Don't ask me
what he's done
I do not like to speak,
this is who I have become,
I am forced to overcome
this thing you call pain
Don't ask me,
so I don't have to tell you.
Please mind my wish.
I will not express everything like a *****
but I do not want to share,
this thing that is a negative flair.
Don't ask,
don't tell

Essential
Lovely
Soothing
*necessary

My nostrils  burn.
******* shot up to my brain.
Addiction hurts.
Its not too late.
Rehab.
Decaf.
All the same.
Babe,
Help  me
Dont let me die

She speaks so kindhearted.
She looks so beautiful.
Her eyes as jade, so delightfully green.
They shine as a newly cleaned sword blade.
Her laugh so gentle,
Her smile so sentimental.
How do I say I think I like her?
She loves another man, but I feel I’m better.
Loyalty is a virtue
And she seems to live it well,
But that “guy”
Really nothing more than a hothead boy,
Doesn’t deserve something as perfect as her.
She reminds me of the trees,
Her natural beauty.
I know somehow she sees the real me in my eyes,
She recognized it the first time we actually spoke.
But when he’s around I feel like I need an invisible cloak.
I know what her
“Lover”
Is.
Who he is.
What he is really after.
After her body,
Not her heart.
But she must travel this path to learn,
Why this guy was single to begin with.
Why lust does not make a good pair with faithfulness, and gentleness.
I hope she will see that I can offer better…
Soon.

I found myself biting my lip
Drawing blood as I looked into her eyes.
I wish she could know
Does she know?
It’s like I want to expose myself
Purposely mess up,
Let her hear a hint.
I wish she knew how I felt
Could she know?
And what if she did?
What if she knew?
Would we be right for each other?
Sometimes I see her looking at me.
Almost starring.
I can’t help but wonder,
Does she think about me the way I do her?
She feels like everything,
But I hardly know her.
This passion radiates off me.
How is this even possible?
She is so beautiful
Yet somehow so insecure.
I want to see the future.
Our future at hopes,
Maybe I can learn the ropes.
E,
If we ever get to love each other,
This is for you.
This,
It has always been about you.
I really like you.
Like, a lot.
You are so cute.
Make me feel like a mute
Speechless.
I hope
One day
I will
We will
Have mutual love.