Mar 2016
Dear community, I have lied to you.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.
Dear community.
Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.
Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.
Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle
Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.
Dear community.
I wish I could tell you why.
But the truth is, I’m an average guy.
Maybe that’s not what you see.
Maybe it is.
But with every word I speak, I die.
The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.
They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.
They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.
I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,
But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.
With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution
Spurring up like a fairy tale
With no happy ending.
the sheath of fate.
The sword of pain
They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.
Well my dear community, I wish you the best.
But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.
See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.
I know what its like to be truly afraid.
I know what its like
To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.
I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”
But I cant. And the reason is her.
She keeps me safe.
Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.
She makes the light when I’m in the dark.
I love her MORE than life itself.
She keeps me alive.
But the other reason is my future.
I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.
But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.
Life is a powerful word.
It brings so much.
And if you’re anything like me,
You can’t stop crying.
But, child, pick up your face.
Bring yourself to feel again.
There is a light.
I promise.
I found that light.
Now all I have to do is reach it.
I will grasp it with all my heart.
With all of my soul!
I promise things get better.
So dear community.
I really should be thanking you.
Each and every one of you.
I want you to know how you saved me.
I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.
What I am really trying to say is,
Dear community, thank you.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’m okay.
I lie to you when I tell you that I’ve had a good weekend.
Dear community.
Maybe I felt that I owed you a happy face.
Or maybe I thought I owed you a simple laugh.
Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else and fit in like the last piece of a puzzle
Maybe I wanted to blend in, so I kept my true thoughts under a muzzle.
Dear community.
I wish I could tell you why.
But the truth is, I’m an average guy.
Maybe that’s not what you see.
Maybe it is.
But with every word I speak, I die.
The worst thing…the worst part of it all is hearing the voices.
They talk with a quiver, shouting at me.
They yell: Insults and lies as they dish out torture.
I wish I could tell you that the house I live in is not my home,
But I’ve grown to welcome the pain for it suits me well.
With every fist, every tear, comes a new revolution
Spurring up like a fairy tale
With no happy ending.
the sheath of fate.
The sword of pain
They hurt me like a gun shot wound to the chest.
Well my dear community, I wish you the best.
But as we all know, suicide is not the answer.
See, I’ve been inside a dark place for many years.
I know what its like to be truly afraid.
I know what its like
To be in a place that feels so ugly, so shifted.
I know what it feels like to say, “wanna see a magic trick? Watch me disappear!”
But I cant. And the reason is her.
She keeps me safe.
Her love provides a boat when I’m drowning.
She makes the light when I’m in the dark.
I love her MORE than life itself.
She keeps me alive.
But the other reason is my future.
I don’t wanna think about the things I might never see.
But once the fog clears I see the reasons to live.
Life is a powerful word.
It brings so much.
And if you’re anything like me,
You can’t stop crying.
But, child, pick up your face.
Bring yourself to feel again.
There is a light.
I promise.
I found that light.
Now all I have to do is reach it.
I will grasp it with all my heart.
With all of my soul!
I promise things get better.
So dear community.
I really should be thanking you.
Each and every one of you.
I want you to know how you saved me.
I want you to know how every smile I’ve seen here gave me hope.
What I am really trying to say is,
Dear community, thank you.
