far from this place
there is a september

that waits for us
with a golden sunrise

where siblings sing
in circles

holding hands like
they used to

back in '99

when this world was
a better place

grass was soft
and green

sky was big
and blue

whence dreams
never left

how quickly the
sun sets to the west

now that it's the
end of the world


@writeweird

I have a bad feeling,

I'm looking out the window watching two clowns having a go,
There's something in my brain that I can feel but I don't know,
Out there in the jungle my beating heart is about to **** my mind,
I've been in the dark for so long, I wonder if that's how you go blind ?

Sitting here for an eternity before the eternal sleep arrives,
I have these words inside my head that I just cannot describe,
I've looked everywhere; in the shadows, beneath my bed,
But I've never seen any of those ghosts well and alive,
There's so much to forget and not enough time to live a life,
Maybe it's just a myth we feed down their throats to make them slow,
I'm looking out the window watching two clowns, where did they go ?

I don't want to be near people, I've heard they bite,
From the trees and the animals, there's no respite,
Do you know what it takes to make a mistake that you made and can't pay the price,
Words are mightier than a sword, said no man ever cut by the ice,
Be wise, as wise men say--
Tomorrow or today, it doesn't matter, you own nothing anyway,
You cannot say, you cannot pray, like a puppet play the trumpet,
Served on a tray, it's upto them to count the bullets and pump it,
The world's not round baby alien, go ahead I said it,
I saw it in the newspaper yesterday, someone killed something to keep the demons at bay,
There was this ceremony for the hungry in the town,
I went around and found no one who wore a crown

I don't know if it's the song, but I want to **** myself,
It's been a year and only now I've learned how to spell,
In the tales I have every word so wrong and nothing to tell,
Come along for a ride and I'll describe it for you myself
There are so many lies I have lying around, my momma told me to sell,
But I don't care and I'm insecure, I'm sure they mean well,
If I had a penny for every time they shut the door, I'd buy my way to hell.

Can't stop me from speaking or repeating what is there in my heart,
When I was four I waited for the ice-cream man at odd hours,
Wishing upon the escaping stars for my wish to last,
It was all for nothing, not a good story, please don't ask,
Lease me your sight, so I can make sense of all the colours floating around,
The higher is the mountain, the faster will a snowball fall down,
Form around my ankles and bury me inside the white light,
When I was young I was bright, someone stole my light,
And now I'm allergic to the sun at night
It burns my skin,
All this smoke spreading through the air, I have to take it in,
I can hear it everywhere, the mystic voices inside my head those sing,
I feel so dizzy, somebody save me before I finish my drink,
Have you ever felt like titanic when it was about to sink ?
In an ocean of whiskey, that makes it so much more risky,
Floating zombies, reaching the shore, and killing all in their path,
Seven years of feeling itchy and finally the nightmare is about to last,
The vast emptiness I feel due to this stain on my shirt,
Bought it for free from a woman drunk in sadness, giving birth,
The labour of pain, the games they play before they go insane,
Vapours of dirt, clinging to the edge of your madness, pushing you down,
And you know, the only thing that can save you, are tears of a clown.

cutting myself open
On this bright sunny day
Night is far too broken
For me to now betray


There's so much confusion
And the illusion never fades
Those mistakes were a delusion
But the price was never paid

Now that I'm stuck in my own
Here in walls that were never made
I can sense that universe has grown
And I'm collapsing in my wait

Far away from this corner
There's a man who cannot see
If I could look in the mirror
I know I won't understand me

There's so much blindness
Only darkness in my lonely head
Sometimes it's just pointless
And there's no reason to be myself

I've been mourning with patience
For someone to recognise my dread
And I keep having these conversations
With people buried beneath my bed


Pretending to make love with fire
And it's slowly burning my skin
The smoke travels in a desire
Deep inside when I take it in


I'm always reaching for something
Something that's too ugly to exist
I want to feel how it feels to be nothing
Can never forget a child's last wish


Let it rip apart me for a while
This pain, it's my only friend
For a moment let me be alive
I'm not yet ready for the end

I will burn this land to a grave and make
an idol in the hollow of the hallow
shadow, a crow, a cow,  pharaohs.

men on fire and women on spikes, children smiling and casting a storm across the sky,
flooding heaven in a whisper as water begins to pour from the eye to wither.

ashes dance to the winds, swirling and screaming through the smoke only to be cursed and burned, choked without a Phoenix to dream, I will swallow this dusk for a dawn as if I was never born, to mourn my own.

chiseled earth traversed, traveled, levelled, to make way for a travern that follows the winter through the mighty mountains, a fountain that shows one who seeks a face as it fades into the skin of its reflections affection.

skeletons crushed beneath the weight of bricks and stones, seeds sown, meat grown to feed the hunger of a stranger with no home,
claws and knives kept in the belly of a slave wandering in the midst of a cage, a cave with no escape.

slitting the sunlight and offering it to a red morning forming bright halo against the dark surface, a maze, ablaze with the hurried footprints of a sage that turned into a monster and made the cursed cry, a lie, to die for.

illusion of a delusion, evoltuing into a revolting fanatic staring at satanic verses carved on cryptic, epileptic, metallic claws of death.

words eaten by dust as it rust, sprinkling age on the old, cold, sold for a dream that mints insects clinging to the heart of its host, a ghost at most,
a soul to the least, a feast for the diseased
as they keep the ones who would weep in a coffin to sleep.

forming circles in thin air, a mare, a layer of filth emerging from an ocean of bodies floating in the images young and gory,
they will tell you a story and i wouldn't believe me.

in the wake of morrow, swallow the yester tears immersed in the black hue of the lingering silence, violence will crown another king, to sing and bring, wearing skin to hide the monster he became in the blessing of an idol, a crow, a cow, pharaohs.

this day too will end
with nothing for us to keep
and I'll miss you my friend
wherever this road may lead

and I'll remember all of you
long after when we'll have to leave
for there's a part of you here too
here inside with my heart-beat

and I'll keep you from leavin'
when the clock tells me I'm too old
for you made me smile when I was weepin'
in your arms I found the warmth from cold

and I remember all those times
when I was dreamin' of your face
you'll always have a part in me
and nobody can take your place

I'll speak to you in our memories
and all the beauty that you bear
I know it's going to hurt eventually
but I won't change a thing we shared

and I'll always be just a dream away
from being with you as we were before
I hope it wasn't like this and we could stay
I'll miss us when we won't be here no more



what a beautiful day to live for.

12:49 am - 8/9/2022


coiled in hurt

spoilt love

spilled in haste

foiled in dusk

soiled lust

killed in chaste

to seek your flesh
to see your face

you're in your
beautiful dress

for a breath and
then you fade


@writeweird

how do you write
things you want to tell
paint them with colours
by words, them heaven and hell.


fill it up with something
beautiful, something that
won't hurt the reading eye


how do you describe
a feeling, a feeling
you would rather hide.








is it strange to seek
a home without walls ?







is it not the normal-
to breed comfort and
a smile, in a world
you don't fully understand.


what about those scars-
those which make you,
you.


and what do you see,
when you see a sea of blue-
an ocean or the sky ?


birds or fish,
is it selfish to see
what you'd rather see
in a sea, that has nothing
to offer.


i remember when the laughter
used to fill the vacuum,
and i could breathe, as free
and as clear as on a mountain,
miles away from the pollution
down below.


hello. are you still there ?
do you hear me screaming,
do you hear me dying.


how low, is the rock bottom.
i've been falling for a while.


or is it that, i'm flying ?

a ghost on fire
chasing wind
chasing sun

a heart of desire
in someone
done to none

the clown weeps
where's the fun ?
where's the son ?
i'm already awake
smile, here it comes

the stranger melts
in someone's head
black on the road
back from the dead
keeps me up at night
noises beneath my bed
and sleep never returns
turns my mind instead

and now i'm nothing more
absolutely sure,
that this world isn't for me

i'm searching for a door,
to lock me in,
inside with my soul
that burns in me

too late to hide
to pretend to be a namesake
forsake the people
and go deeper
deeper than the knife
you can take

it's not all about life
everybody is alive
and the dead won't tell
you any of their secrets

walking in dark alleys
watching faces go blur
from one station to the next
and they know- and I know
they won't comprehend my laws

i come in the end
and then come my flaws

i eat my brain in ways
no spices, or dices
no gamble, there's ample
to cry about, and the ice
won't thaw

keep following me
but you'll lose me too
you won't know a thing
because everything makes
no sense

no, it won't make no sense
at all, cause' you can't fill my shoes

the noose is loose
and i hear the whispers
of the fall- i'm gonna fall

i was never meant to exist
but i lived and i loved and i crawled
and i sipped on my sins, neck
too deep in the water and the
laughter won't let the boat sink

i hope i can cope with the world
when it's my time to be sober

right now I'm in pain

but I'm so afraid

what if tomorrow- like that,
it's over ?


it won't be all over the news
nothing new- people die all the time
you don't know my mind
and i don't know yours and
i don't know mine, and you
don't know yours and even if
we want to- we can't- and i know
it'll haunt you, me, us- but it was
so wrong of us to never find the time
to make a better world,

words- smoke and the rebel
a broken heart that hurts
words choke me and the pebbles
roll down the hills, and submerge
the rock in its grave-

it's safe to say, we can't stop ourselves
from making the same mistakes
the longer you ink, the more it fades
the longer you blink, the better it breaks

brittle to the core, too late too little
so, come hither and i'll tell you
all about how i ******* wake
everyday without a soul.

it's true, i don't want to live anymore
i've given up on that- but i can't
stop bteathing- i've tried and all
it does is makes me ******* grow.

they tried to burn me down
and now the whole town knows
the ******* lore

come **** with me
i scream in my dreams
and i never lock the door

you think you know me
i implore you to explore
you can't even follow my rhymes
you think you can map my mind
and i won't just explode ?


you can't claim whoever i am not
to be, you see- the blind don't care
if you roar, and i'm too deaf and dumb
to be stupid enough to not **** the
cupid, that cute kid, this cute sh*t-
so ******* crude and sick,

and when you taste the blues-
you forget all that must have
come before,
sometimes ignorance is bliss,
but that one rhyme, back one line
the thought in my mind

but oh, i can't tell you
how beautiful a mind can be
when it sees the light

it's fine by me, i don't find
reality to be that much saner
of the things i'm not sure

so, i implore
let me die, good-bye.

(i have died)

and all that will be left of it
will be another night.

(a good day to die)

Baby now don't you stare at me
Than I've to rip open your lovely brown eyes
That's good 'cause you won't be able to see
The sharp blade that will kiss you goodbye


Now go and fetch me an axe
Give it to me behind the flowers where i hide
I will cut open and i will slash
Scream your name until the moment you die


You're so beautiful but i think you need some scars
So the old mirror won't feel so pretty
Let me rip open your soul and pull out your heart
So i can rid you of only part that's ugly


I think I'm in love with you
I don't think i can take this moment anymore
I know what i want to do
To stab you a thousand times and than some more


Now baby come here don't you cry
I'll drink your tears when they're mixed in your blood
I will smile and tell you my every lie
While the ceiling drips with red while you hang above


Why do you always have to hate
Every broken bone that i try to show to you
I know it's too sudden but i can't wait
Let me strangle you in your early morning blues

I will impale your corpse on the wall
So i would never ever forget your beautiful face
I'll dress you in the finest of them all
And make you wear a collar which will have your name


I really want to cut you open inside and out
So i can see for myself if the beauty was only skin deep
You'll be dead no matter how much you shout
Don't worry about the rest of us no one will weep


There is not much on my mind
All i can think about are the ways to gift you pain
hope it hurts less when you're blind
I'm not a monster but maybe i think I'm deranged

Bell chimes at a distance, as the winds call back the dusk
Dark clouds kiss the skyline, as they march towards their fall
In a hope to conquer, they've been possessed and cursed
Desire for a kings throne has crippled them all

They seek a kingdom, riches that lies beyond their dreams
And to see the strange, rejoice in what's not known
Ready to forsake their freedom, traveling where they've never been
Ruined homes, wandering in the darkness all alone

They come across a wall, every brick holds one key
Each to one gate, that'll lead them far away as they can be
On the same path, but every step leaves a print of its own
Deeper the mark, more the weight is  Borne

They barged through the gates onto the field
Mirrors all around them and wet moss beneath their feet
They seek a reflection of their own to mourn and weep
As they walk in confusion beyond the woods, deep

Bones littered about the wicked land as a warning
That the one who crosses, may not see the morning
Devoid of reasoning, thoughts stuck in their grave
Symphony of destruction lurks in their eyes, fades

A pile of corpse rots in the midst of a darkened meadow
shine of the moon dances along with the blazing fire
Each on his own scatters about, a shadow follows
Consequence for this trespassing will be more than dire

A strange creature looms about the cursed land
In each palm he holds a blade made up of silver and gold
A name without a face, where one falls, he stands
Warmth leaves where he walks, leaving a trail of dead and cold

Only welcomed if they invite him in, he lures them with greed
In a void full of darkness, one will believe what he sees
And he watches them approach, forsaking all that could be
Shine in their eyes, pulling them softly to the crease

One after one cascades, reaching for the hand that glitters
And the pile of the corpses feeds on his own kind
Fear erupts in chaos, as the sanity in all but one withers
only one to make it out alive was the one blind

I'm just a f*cker who's insane
taking names talking the game
I can't wait for you to complain
I'm already out of the frame
they say something's wrong
in my brain
but the facts don't change
they remain the same
pain or not
I'm not ashamed the way I am
so profane

dealing with blames
juggling thoughts on a chain
I'm the circus and what remains
when you separate
the heart and brain
operate on me
I'm breaking under the strain
stretching, and memories drain
always fetching me more stains

scars I'll wear like medals
dreaming about them butterflies
blue sky and coloured petals
and I still feel so strange
maybe under the weather
don't know whether to
tell you or not
I'm hungry for some shelter
to be the only one
isn't that special
and when you playin' some regret
don't forget what matters
there are too many mad hatters'
ready to falter like feathers
wearing them hats and leather
in a hope they'll feel better

but there's no hope
for the one's plagued with flames
always burning
turning flakes till nothing remains
but they alone in a room
with so much dark to bloom
watching themselves
shine brighter and be tamed

but enough about them
it's gotta' end
I can't be a friend anymore
there's so much to give up
before you can make amends
and the tail never bends
the dog keeps barking on
and things just go on
while you feel like a fool
who cannot go on no more
for he has no strength

afraid, always afraid
with things made
things said
there's no one else here to stop
so why don't we have a face-off
man in the mirror
won't you tell me my name
and keep repeating
till it fits in my brain
so I can keep it in a box
wear it by my neck
with a key to lock
so when the noose breaks
and I'm standing there
I'm ready to disappear

for i fear
what you cannot hear
monsters you never thought
were any real
caught in the middle
trying to figure out the riddle
to catch a moment and heal
this torment is the real deal
everything else is there to rot
and I bless you not
there's nothing there to feel
no mask to peel
everything is what everyone does
not point in screaming insane
and shoot down the doves
when they're not trained
wear them gloves on
nothing wrong in wiping
the evidence as medicine
for a heart too lost to complain
shut in love

and I've told you enough
there's not much left I should be sayin'
but these words keep payin'
and I'm down on my knees praying
taking my chances where none exist
and it's now too late to insist
I cannot resist the shame
no, I want it just the same
all the non-sense wrapped neatly
ever so sweetly in a pill with my name

and I'm trying to
tell you a story that's plain
could be fit in a frame
but that's not how life is
not everybody's happy
when the sun rises
some want just the vices
without having any
sacrifices, that's not pain
you haven't seen the rain
the sky's still blue
I'm walking with you
and you're in my shoes
don't you know where
I'm leading you
can you not feel it in your veins
every word I've been speaking
now forming an illusion
repeating the delusion here
can you not hear ?
confusion in your brain
rippling across the galaxy
ripping off the reality
gripping you when you're lost
in your humanity



stop thinking about the society
there's other variety
another inking virtuality
so many dimensions to choose from
and I don't word what's wrong
but I heard they found
love in some other galaxy

why can't we be good neighbours' ?
I'm feeling like you don't care
who's peeking through the mirror
through you to pull your lever
I think I'm gonna' have a fever
give me something to lift this world up
I'm all for love in this season
in a hope good be delivered
no reason for me to not keep her
but it's still treason to stop
when you start to love her
I'm just a weaver
fallin' asleep to be a dreamer
and now I've to wake her
tell her I was never a winner
but I'm gonna' win it all
now that I'm with her

and I feel like such a loser
I just want to wither
I'm too cold now
i cannot wither
I don't know how to linger
I'm in love with winter
but everything melts in summer

and I'm back where it begins
taking names talking the game
I can't wait for you to complain
I'm already out of the frame
they say something's wrong
in my brain
but the facts don't change
they remain the same, so vain
pain or not
I'm not ashamed the way I am
so profane

dark sky is weeping,
down a heaven, tears-
sparkling in the sky,
until the sun ends,
everything in its path.

i sat by the window,
as the light ate away
my walls apart.

i hid away by the shadows,
in the hollow, with my scars,
a touch that belongs to no eye,
so much to live a lie.

then bird's came to life,
echoing the nature calling
my name, from afar,
and here i sat, on my throne,
alone and scared, finding
a star.

so cold, as i have always been,
but more now, that the ice
melts, heaven is hell if you have
a need to sin, a want to dim the
divine lights, those, that burn
through the sky every mourning.

to every morning that has
suffered, to every breath
that has struggled to put a name
on lonely whispers-
there's a greed in my veins,
to turn blue and dark,
black eyes, charcoal brain,
a piece of coal for a heart,
so coarse and strange,
stranger still, than you can
ever tell.

there's only noise in silence,
if you don't learn to spell.

only things in the light and
it's violence, no stories and
mysteries to sell, no poet to
bleed, no ghosts to feed, so naked,
with no secrets to read,
in hell, in mayhem.

and as it claimed my home-
the light, i saw my night,
and i prayed, i wished.

and as the light broke in-to me,
kissed me a disease, i could see
the storm approaching-
roaring from far, and with it,
a heaven.

do you want to die?
he kept staring in the mirror
do you want to die?
and he kept staring at the picture
no words nor whispers
only silence
burning his skin
numbing his breath
subduing the voices
crawling inside his head
with a static smile
eyes red
he kept staring at the wall
in a hope to forget
Death
Dread
and all the little things

i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
as beautiful as the first day
again.

wearing same smile
world in your eyes.

bearing all this while
my reason to be alive.

i hope i find you someday
again.

walking down the street
and it's about to rain.

i hope i see you like that
once again.

i know then,
i'll remember your voice
for in the end,
i had no choice but to
delete you

and now after so many
years without you

i still don't have a clue
if there was any without you

for i can still feel you
in my arms

as if you never left
as if you have always been.

you were right here always
in my dreams,
walking down the street,
like we're still sixteen.

always.

tethered to her ivory wings

nestled in arms of a corpse

and to her lover she does sing:

a song of the white horse.

from her tower of purple pearls

she weaves her a sky of plume;

wherein distance morrow whirls

weary of the yester silver moon.

she lays upon an emarald gale

another spell to cast in bloom

for her love is now old and frail

becoming of dread, death and gloom.

monsters under my bed
monsters in my mind
masters in my head
whispering to me blind

voices that are gone
come back to remind

my heart begs to mourn
afraid of what my eyes will find

the silence begins to roam
and i'm back in rome
on a colossal tide

travelling back and forth
between love and loath

i'd rather have them both
open my scars fresh and wide

in a room so silent
where sound travels
faster than light

here darkness resides
in lust and fright

wandering all night
with stars to hide

photos to like
memories have lied

to all those who have died

since past

when it all began
with plight

of all those who have cried
but died

yet, i want to be there still
wide open
when a lonely heart
begins to beat

begging to be free
but in a delusion
that cold is just
absence of heat

give me a pill to be enlightened
and i'll set fire to every thing

for the chaos is
just a form of silence
some thing's aren't
meant to breed

so, have you been
in a thought so violent
that everything around
starts to bleed

filling the emptiness
with opulence
a forest made up
of lonely seeds

ready to feed, steady and asleep
in this silence
you can taste the essence
of the universe rearing to be free
telling tales
of men and monsters

and of everything that came to be

standing on a piece of heaven, I crawl-
watching the birds fly to the west, it's so cold,
so many insects in my head, I'm filled with all these walls,
and they remind me how small I am, and so cold.

breathing the winter air, it's everywhere, and now in my lungs,

the snow falls, and the lights go dim, there's so much white, it covers the dark,

I cannot even run, they'll know where I have gone and died,
I cannot see the sun, somewhere on the far side of the mountain it hides-
looking over everything,

I remember a blue lake
beneath a blue sky,

I remember you when I'm awake,
you're always there in my eye,

always here, always to stay,
as the world goes grey, when the sun dies,

and I sit there, on a wooden chair,

caught in the memories by the moments, whispering feelings into a box,
locked on all sides but inside of me,
where it rots, where it stays, where I watch it all, play back and forth,

until it's so cold, it begins to paint the world white,
until i can no longer hold it all together,
until the weather becomes as calm as the moonlight after the storms,
I feel you in my arms, I feel you in my today, I feel you in my tomorrow,

and I swallow the lakes, the mountains, the snow and the stars,
and I follow you into the darkness, at the end of the world, with my never healing broken heart,

and I swallow the white, and I swallow every last drop of snow,
every last sip full of an empty void, and a voice that keeps howling at me,

from the inside, from the lakes, blue skies, the mountains and the scars,

where we'll live forever, until the snow falls,

where we'll love forever, until the spring calls,

I look up, and the snow falls,
I look down, but the snow falls.

you talk about flowers;
i want to shoot myself in the head

you talk about the sky;
i want to slit my throat and go to sleep

wanna' talk about the love gone sour
or how hard are whispers to breathe ?

gonna' talk about kings and cowards
and how them wolves wear the sheep ?

how about the sad things by a lonely hour
ghosts and tears they bleed

doused in flames of ink and its power
where the emptiness sleeps

beyond the everglades

so when are you gonna' dig deep
and turn to a different page

like back in second grade when
everybody made the same mountains,
a triangle, with river maybe a beach

when are you gonna' pretend
you're in a spaceship not on an
old ugly *** wooden seat ?

like all them other poets
too broken to weep

open your mind
there's an ocean to blind

and dead lines to complete

no hurt or violence to teach
happy childhood so good
got no stories to preach

only apples and peach
deep down where your sugar coated
hands cannot reach

don't understand a thing that
comes out of your tame mouth
your ******* doubts out loud
creep the **** me out
and i'm about to pick a creed

maybe we're just a generation of creeps
too eager to swim and hardwired to speak
too tired to think we're machines
metal and fire we're only wired to repeat

not go out of way down the road
with bag full of ale and smoke
enough to make a pained man choke
they say tragedy is comedy plus grief

in dark i know one cannot read
only the owls
but it's clear that you cannot tell
if it is a wolf that howls

clear blue skies from hell
when hounds prowl

what it's like to spell
when you're filled with nothing
but a void and a voice with two hearts
and halves of syrup and bleach

and yet you're so full of salt
and then you fill yourself with walls
mannequins and statues and dolls
watching the dead space
as the dead pace in empty halls

as the head breed


for gods sake there's so much
to hate and to forsake
the happy times cannot even compete

stories can never be complete
they take a life of its own
monsters and demons only reap
where they are sown

the mind can only lead thus far
every heart has a mind of its own
eyes that only read at the dusk hour
right before a new sun is born

and you want to talk about flowers ?

little red drops of pain
dripping again.

and i'm sipping on
the salt, telling my
brain, that there's a name
i need to burn.

I'm cold, and that's not a lie,
like the ocean i hold, of
delusion, and petty illusions,
that creates a ripple, in the
pond, and i find myself adrift,
and so on my own. in this
confusion.

give me knowledge,
questions. answers are
for scientists and the
redundant. i have an
abundance of those.

i hold myself close.
like thorns to a rose,
i'm my own sin,
nothing ever more.

i am sure, there's a door
somewhere to the light.
somewhere on the right,
away from sight and wrongs-
i've heard so many songs
about kisses and stars,
of names and scars,
i need something else.

i need a new galaxy,
to hold on-to and learn,
to cherish and then burn.

because it is only, i, here,
and i'm not the only one.

screams and moans
litter the scape

swirling in storms
no soul can escape

and here i sleep;

scattered
with no shape

wandering the dusty
old shelves

settled in a picture
frame,

frozen in silence.

separating thoughts
      from my head


fighting the demons
     haven't slept

awake every second
    nobody to tell


this is hell
this is hell
I swear, it feels like it

this is hell
nobody to tell
i fear, i'll be like this

forever in my soul
nobody to love or hold
watch time grow old
a heart gone cold

how do you live
like this anymore ?


there's no spell
this is hell
i swear, i'm so naked

nothing to sell
this is hell
my dear, i have waited

for so long
in this lake of fire
that now i am nothing
but ash
and you'll always be
what i could never have

a part of me
bearing my black

a dream unsold
never be, untold

how do you
get it all back ?

for i swear,

this is hell
this is my hell
i swear, it's mine to keep

nobody to tell
all i have felt
for an eternity

somewhere within me
burning me

for this is hell
this is hell
i swear, it's true

this is hell
this is hell
my dear, here without you.

sitting here so cold
with things untold

waiting for my soul
to write me in ink
to make hollow whole
with stones and gold

words written in coal
they'll speak my sin



but when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was



sitting here so sold
with nothing left to hold

waiting for the door
to open and take me in
a mind riddled with holes
now every thought's a *****

broken and then some more
i am so torn from within



but when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was


through my pain and loss
without you or them
or your rules and laws
far away from your claws


and i just stood there in awe
for the world to not end
in love with my flaws


so don't tell me about your loss
i don't need tears to fill my sea

and what i see is still travelling
loud enough for the sky to hear

and it cannot pause
it's still raw and it rots
like my brain when i'm not
in a place that never was

between people
and the world they forgot

my mind cannot stop
there's nothing here for me
nothing real for me
everything's bought


and when they find me
please help them remind me
that i was never ever lost
it was just the cost to be at
a place that never was

stuck in a vortex,
a void devoid of any voice

a noise poised in a pause,
lost in thoughts,
caught in a rot,
making pretty children
out of clay,

hold your breath
don't run,

there's an ugly
out break far away

stay inside and keep warm
slay in style and feed worms

delay the sky from
deliverance, and seed storms,

so that the black eye
and the black dye

can read between the lines,
of all the things in my mind

dreams and memories
howl the most,

between sharks and owls,
i stay awake,

in the forests, by the trees,
beneath the oceans,
under siege,

and i wonder
i wander
for the famine to leech
and bleach away the surface

the complex layer,
that ever was,

and cradle me
in the depths of its conscious

where even the simplest
of universe makes sense,

not like this room
here, and her cold walls

not like the empty chair,
questioning an existence

nor the winds, that screams
against the window,

this grey and moist
and cold and ugly
and away and destroyed
and sold and ***** place,
keeps a face

in the mirrors,
and its peoples

with arms, legs and hearts

made to catch me
and latch onto me,

between smoke and
the vapour
bleeding me dry,
as i lie to myself

that it's only on the paper.

with my hands on my heart and knife on the clown
I'm just pretending I'm laughing..while it all crashes down..
just breathing for a moment.. and watching everyone around
they look so happy.. have they all been swimming in the magic potion..
brewed by the old ghost i found lingering in the shadows..
I wonder if they can see how the flood has swept everything away on the ground..
the noahs arc is broken.. begging for mechanic to repair the scars..
every hour a new boy is born to rip off the struggling heart..
no daughter to confuse your soul with.. the father makes me sick..
and mother's out there in the ocean.. ready to drown..

is that what they preached when we were kids ?
I never came to know.. i was down for a while with random ****..
and they told me my words don't mean anything unless I learn with fire..

where there is hate there is desire to destroy whatever you make of it..
stranger times have weathered the storms.. those gave me the chills

and I'm forgetting if I was supposed to be polite to the outside world..
the same folks who never cared if the little boy was hurt..

now Give me your solution and dissolve me of your worries..
I want that bollywood hit... where I'll be lost with a beautiful chick lost in poppy seeds.
I've bled what you bleed and I was never disgusted to how it all panned out...

no matter how much the school principle spent the time in screaming..
I never heard  anyone shout...
MAYBE I never cared for the migraine bouts..
far too less concerned with life and all that it takes away..
always ready to run away
from their dreams and what they kept out to be lost..

I was never the good child.. always pathetic and vile...
ready to **** in a moment of heat.. now I've stabbed myself enough to leave..

Let me go.. let me rule my world..
let me love like no other..
I don't need your fake sisters and brothers..
I DON'T pray to your god.. I'm just happy alone in the woods...
With a pair of socks and twenty dogs..
waiting for me to whistle I never came to realise..
I'm ready for your demise..
I'm ready for mine..

pray that I don't ever cross your path.. they say I have a burning mind..

too engrossed in moment of bliss.. that i don't have the time to be who's right..
But that's alright..
that's enough for a fight..
and in the night I'll pretend I've fallen asleep...
dreaming about things they never let me keep..
for an age.. I was getting on the stage.. for the reapers who wouldn't really reap..

that's a thousand feet from where I've stood all my life..
holding the knife on my throat that cuts deep..

isn't it beautiful to be different when you don't know how to be anything else ?

maybe a tree that isn't free ?

What they cannot be And what I cannot see ?

do I have to be what they tell me how it's all supposed to be ?

never beautiful but always afraid..


why not be how i was made ?

even though a mistake..

isn't it beautiful to be ugly..