I can’t bear to watch
your coffin kiss the ground.  
I’m begging you, ring the bell—
please just make a sound

You stain my skin
like the indents on my wrist.
The hair-ties from my weary day,
unused and painful.

Luckily, I employ you.
The indents fade and the angry
red marks vanish,
while my vision clears with it.

The crack of my wrist,
hyperextended like my patience,
I bring back feeling to my fingers.
Time to get to work.

Bees. Circling my ears,
I hear their buzzing like
remote drums.

They sting me with color—
flashes of green and violet,
their touches so distant.

To breeze in my home,
my mind drifting and
going with the flow of my blood.

Faces oscillating past,
hundreds melding into one,
yet I’d stake my life it was you.

I swim through the air, closing my eyes from
the pain of keeping them open—
somehow I can see with perfect vision.

Darkness, all but the stars,
enveloping me in their arms.
Ah, such a wonder to rest at last.

Write me.
Scribble me into
your existence.

Craft me the way
I know you’ve
always wanted to.

I can be a commander!
Building up your world
around your feet.

I’ll be your manuscript!
As long as it means
you’ll still read me.

Please,
just warp me at your leisure,
if it means you’ll stay.

To dance through the
negotiations of gods and men,
To pull the strings
tighter than the strings of your dress.

Adrift from hand to hand,
with fingertips soft as leather
and a head as empty as the city,
you delicately play your hand.

God has woven your souls,
or so the legend is told.
But somehow I find you four years later
With another man, and a country to rule.

To stand over the world,
to watch the turn of time—
I don’t think I’ll be ready
to take on the burden of a god.

So here I sit, waiting—
I will sit and watch until my last breath.
I will await my end, so hellbent on gods
that I will miss the time I had dreamed of.

Oh ancient traveler,
I will see you again.

One day when the sun
rotates around the earth,

Our paths shall cross again,
and I shall weep for the
end of all things.

Eyes are not
the windows to the soul.
Eyes are nothing,
Just as we are.

Run towards danger, my love—
the quicker you get there,
the faster we’ll meet again.

While the world crumbles,
hear the trumpets hail to you!

I wish I had the strength
to give all of it to you.

Today, I had more calories
in my beer,
than in my meals...

But who’s counting, right?
(me)

I yearn for the days
of me sighing at the spider
way up on the ceiling,
and you commending his skill.

“Look how high he got!” you’d say,
big old grin on your face, soft hair in my hands,
with kind eyes locked on the spiders’ hair
that dangled boldly from the ceiling.  

We’d play a game.
Armed with cup and blank paper,
evenly matched—
in the race to catch the beast.

I’d watch you win each race.
The satisfying sound of the cup slapping drywall,
it still rings in my ears.
How tenderly you’d speak goodbyes on our porch.

Where the hell is my goodbye.

Yesterday,
I stole your drink.

At least now you can hate me
stone-cold sober.

I lost my notebook the other day
It didn’t quite look like something
I had made.
It looked too pristine, too manicured.
I wrote on its pages with all my heart,
I could have no way of knowing it wasn’t messy enough.

It had a grey cover.
My last name written on the inside.
It wasn’t exactly filled yet…
But the words inside tumbled out like
I’d never intended them to.

It’s long gone.
Probably left in my classroom…
Maybe on the floor of my car.
Who knows!
I don’t quite have the energy to look right now.
Not enough energy until it’s too late to look.

I spent six dollars on it.
Down at the local craft store.
Its’ cover design fades from white to black,
Very different from the contrast of my pen.
I only ever used black ink.
Maybe it’s because, that’s what color pen was closest.

I lost my notebook the other day.
Hopefully someone will find it.
I guess they’ll probably read my name on the cover,
God help me if they read anything but my name.
They might think
I’m sad.
I guess they’d be right.

Forget one night.
Forget your claims.
God knows my heart
will still beat the same.

Forget this sorrow.
Forget this pain.
I could never be enough...
Why can’t I ever change?

Nobody ever told me,
that I don’t have to prove
my worth to stay alive.

Nobody ever told me
otherwise, either.

So wonderful, so plush,
A warm like no other.
Wonder in your eyes,
Treat me as a mother.

I shook in the night,
A fear consumed me
But you laid on my chest
And grounded my minds’ flees.

I thought I felt hands
Grabbing my feet,
Silent tears hit my pillow
But you made me complete.

You thought You needed Me
You just wanted my hand.
Little did you know,
You did more than you could understand,

I stroked your back,
Buried my tears in your fur,
I felt your kind rubs
And was deafened by purrs.

I was still terrorized,
Still shaken to my core,
You built me a forcefield
While you just laid by me and snored.

Confidence and cowardice
Which is your path?

One of righteousness
Or one of wrath

One lets you live
One lets you live on

A fine line between
Old age and long after you’re gone

The only difference I see
Between brain and brawn

Is the motive you have
And who sings your song

I study your story,
Earthly in nature.
Horror written by men,
Men with little to wager

I read the rules—
I read them like a prayer.
I cling to them in hopes
When I turn you’re not there.

My breathing grows cold,
My muscles bloom violet.
The fire in my bones
Obediently falls silent.

I ran all too fearful
I pushed my mind too hard
Your punishments were harsh,
And yours, only the start,

Why are you trying
so hard to lose your mind?

My dear,
Just grab my hand.

My mind
Spins
On an axis of my creation,

It twists,
So very fast,
With not a single nudge!

It whirls
In its circles
For no reason at all.

Pulling,
Pulling.
Pulling!
A string tied to its base

It weaves that string tighter,
Until there is no more string to weave
And my twirl must cease.

But end! End it shall not!
The string has broken,
and my mind has won at last!

Maybe the spin,
Ever growing in speed,
Can at last go in the right direction,

Before I fall off my axis
And tumble
Down
down
d o w n
d  o  w  n

running and falling
does not scare me.
because if I hit the ground,
at least I’d feel something.

Is it
Too much to ask

That I
Will be allowed to soar

Legs balanced
On translucent platforms

Maybe
For once in my life

My feet
Will be punching streaks of gold

I would run
So far down the river

That flows
Miles above our heads

But alas
I must lay down

And melt
Into the crowd

Deep to your soul
Why do you help?
Is it for your own gain?
Maybe for emotional wealth...

You lift others up
But do you get love?
You may not think you deserve it
Because you’re so above

Are you really yourself?
You haven’t been a Self in ages,
That all that’s left of yourself
Is on weathered written pages,

You discovered you were kind,
You made that your forefront.
But you realize people like that
And that you were a prize won,

That got swirled in your head,
That you were needed,
Always being used—
Your fields were seeded

The plants grew tall.
The plants of your egos
Because you were crucial,
And helped with all woes

You took their pain.
You took their burden.
But they took things too!
They stole your person.

We wander into death,
drunk and stumbling.

Just as we wander through life,
eyes closed with no plans of opening them

And quite honestly—
With no plans at all

Dirt flying like rain
With feet forever churning,
Grass and plants uprooted
His muscles moving and burning

Stop for a much-needed drink.
The only chance for him,
Look up from the water
As he goes for a swim

Rabbit runs from me,
I move slowly to not scare
But my dropped blades are too loud,
And off goes the hare!

Ripped grass from my hands,
He meets me as he coasts over the ground.
He glides in my direction,
He feet slap the earth as they pound

Fur to dazzle a crowd
Browns as the eyes of few
And streaks of red, with power he fled,
While I was left to stew

I saw his tracks
Detailing his run
He strives only for warmth
But was blinded by the sun

Is it God I’m searching for?
Is it whispers deep,
deep in my ears?

Is it someone puppeting me?
With threads of gold
tieing me into knots

Resisting the pulls on my hands,
I tug with my might
And my arms fall with a thud

I wish to lift my arms,
Their muscles weak
By my own design

I beg for my tethers back, to a blank face.
Stone gaze,
With eyelashes of gold

Tears crash like waves on my chin.
Puddles of ash,
Begging words spilling out as sand

Cold lips press together as a silent nay.
I lift my arms to pray
But sadly they stay limp at my sides

Cold morning dew
Dirt sticking to each ridged side
It was all so damp
Illuminated in something plusher than a sunset
The moon quickly disappearing
Gentle streams of light touch the ground
It was still cold
Cold enough for my hands to lose feeling
But warm enough to wear shorts
Smells of grass
Smells of flowers
And leaves
Nothing stirred except for the assorted bugs
Cicadas buzzing in the brush
No wind
But the air was not a bad stagnant
A chill swept through me
I rolled my sleeves down
My knees were wet and covered in tiny bits of grass
All stuck from the dampness
I placed my excavated carrot in the bin
It left my hands damp
I leaned back on my knees
My teeth were exposed rather quickly
I didn’t bother rinsing my hands
Too chilled
I rinsed off my fresh carrot
The frigid water brushed my hands clean
Ice cold from sitting in the hose overnight
The sunlight trickled down
It offset the chill seeping into me
I breathed in the air, eyes closed
Sun tickled my nose
The chill felt good as the sun rose higher
It slowly disappeared
The damp dew turned to sweat
I yearned for the peace of the quiet mornings
Busses roared, children yelled
No cicadas
I rolled my sleeves up and pulled the next carrot
My skin turns red
The heat seeps into my blood
Until it turned to a chill I can never break
The skin is much too thin
To keep any sort of heat in
I guess the morning sun is more forgiving
And embraces me in her warmth
Seated on a throne
Right next to the chill
Ruling over my fleshy expanses of land
A pair of monarchs
Deeply in love