Someone once told me
where do I see myself in the next 10 years
and I told them
that I'll either become a billionaire
covered with riches and thousands of dollars
mesmerized by other ****** wealthy people
or
become a member of a random cult
mesmerized by a theory that a snob has put inside my head
and covered with a "good outcome " and "safety from the cruel society "

For 274 days I have been sober
throughout those days
zero painkillers have touched my tongue
but every so often I would have my urges
but I’ll continue to resist them until I perish
on the first day of being clean
I failed
and relapsed over and over again
I couldn’t stop myself
the idea of my brain shutting off
was my mission to complete
I’ll take them in my room
with the door locked shut
and take them in the school bathrooms when I know that no one was in the stalls
it was a time loop that never ends
never stops
but always repeats
until that changed eventually
on one of the days my counselor found out
then my mom found out
and then a hospital found out
those days felt miserable
questions were thrown at me
from different faces with same expressions
and all I could do was mumble my words
trying to hold my tears as I tilt my head to the ground in shame
after the “visit” I made a oath to myself
that’ll I’ll become sober
it’s been 9 months for me now
I don’t have these urges anymore
but I still had second thoughts
on random nights
I’ll look up at my ceiling
fantasizing about taking the whole bottle
and putting myself at rest
letting my body become numb
while my mind roams free
until that feeling fades away slowly
now I look up at my future
knowing I have gotten this far now
I won’t let myself go into another time loop
that never stops
never ends
I promise

I was working all night
my body wanted to go on sleep mode
but I had to resist
soon later I get a call
I answer it and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”
for a couple of minutes, I heard nothing
just static noise coming from the phone
I asked again hoping I get an answer
then I hear small snuffles
as if someone was crying
it was the sound of a woman on the call
“Ma’am is everything okay?” I asked
silence is all I received back
soon later I heard mumbling
“I’m tired….” she mumbles
I can still hear her snuffing
I continue to do what I am informed to do
“Is something wrong?” I asked
she stopped her snuffing and mumbling
“I don’t know anymore…. I think there is something wrong with me...” she said
I started to type on my keyboard
“do you need an ambulance or the police to come to your aid” I replied typing away in my keyboard
“I don't know... but I think I know what I need to do...” she said
I started to hear the sound of footsteps from the call
then the sound of the water was echoing through the phone line
“Ma’am where are you right now” I asked in a serious tone
“I’m at my favorite bridge... but don’t worry I’ll be in another place far better than this bridge” she said in a drained tone
I start putting the pieces together quickly
I send a ambulance and police officers on the way to her location
“ma’am whatever you're doing please resist, help is on the way” I replied with an anxious tone
sweat was running down my face
my heart was pumping in milliseconds
but all I heard was static on the other line
she then replied
“I don’t know if I need help at this point, I’m in a nightmare and I can’t wake up”
I look around the office I was in
no one was on the same shift as me
I was alone
time was ticking for me
but she thinks her time is up
with a heavy heart I said
“Is it okay if you can stay on the line with me”
she said “sure I guess…”
we stayed on the line for a while
for that time period I decided to stop acting like my profession
I start acting like her guide in beginning
then became her friend in the end
throughout our talk she told me everything
about her life, struggles, and her deep thoughts that dwell within
some of them I can relate too
we talk about our opinions about the meaning of life and death
until later I heard the sound of police sirens coming from the call
“well, I guess it’s no use to jump huh, you know I liked our talk, it’s nice to know someone out there who cares” she said softly
I got informed that they removed her out of the bridge safety and took her somewhere safe
the phone line went off after that
I look at the time
its midnight still
before I could even take a sigh of relief
I get another call
I answer and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”

“If I had 9 lives I would spend each of them with you” you said in a cheesy voice
I giggled a little bit but then you asked if I were to have 9 lives what would I do with them
I sit back and think
I would probably say something like “I would try to not to spend my lives so easily as if they were currency”
but to be honest
I would spend each life as if it was its last
and when I do reach my last life
I’ll cherish it like it was my first

Picture this:
Let’s say you’re a shy actor but not in movies but in theatre
And you’re ready to blow people’s minds with a performance that you have planned for the longest of times
But you’re scared of looking at people in the eye; especially an audience like this
So, your mind tells you to go up there on stage and give it your all
But when you step your foot out of the curtain you can feel the presence of a thousand eyes now locked in
You go into the center of the stage with your head glued to the wooden floorboards and before you take a breath in you start to have an idea
“Just close your eyes during your performance and open them when you’re done” that’s what your mind said
And you did just that
With both of your eyes closed shut
You began to perform your greatest talent that is filled with love and excellence
Or that’s what you at least thought
After you are done you open your eyes slowly starting to feel better about yourself
You raised your head
But in your surprise, there was no one to be seen
All the seats were empty
The doors are all closed
No voices or applause or chanting or cheering coming your direction
The entire atmosphere was dull and quiet
In fact, the spotlight that was right above when you first went onto the stage was gone
So, you’re left in darkness in the theatre
You felt confused and astonished because you knew that during the middle of your performance you could hear voices of different people coming your way but now that you opened your eyes fully all the voices stopped
Your body is telling you to get out of the stage, but you couldn’t
it was if your mind has shifted with the voices into the abyss
So now you’re frozen
Can’t move
Can’t act
Can’t dance
Can’t perform
tears running down your face as you stand still with your head glued onto the wooden floorboards again
And during this moment in this very quiet scenery the only sound that you can hear was your tears colliding onto the ground
This time was different because your eyes are open and not shut
You start to regain your movement again after being frozen and wipe away your tears
Starting to think about what to do next
Should you walk away from the stage and leave or look for where the audience left to
You couldn’t decide
Your mind has abandoned you
But for a second you started to feel something strong
It was your heart
And now your heart is telling you to just keep on performing but this time with your eyes open
And for a second you thought it was stupid and unnecessary for the situation you’re in, but you decided to go for it just for fun
You did a whole redo of a performance last time with your eyes open and not glued to the ground
And even though it was dark and empty from where you are you felt warmth approaching your way
And then 5 seconds later you see someone open the door and without thinking you begin to feel whole again

ever since I grew a consciousness
I was good at everything
I had straight A’s
Perfect attendance
had a high level reading level almost every grade I was in
I was one of the best archers in my freshman year
my reputation was very well known
but it’s not like I was popular or known by every at school
I was just considered on of the “smart kids”
and I held that title to my heart  
now you may know that their is a thing called “sophomore slumps”
when I first heard of it
I didn’t think of it as much
falling into delusion that I still will be in the top as usual
but now my crown has been snatched from my head and then crushed onto the floor
my grades were now…. average
to the point I’m more focus on trying to pass a class rather getting an A+ as usual
my amazing perfect attendance has been
ruined
since my therapist and psychiatrist has taken my sweet time away from school hours
plus I don’t even do sports anymore
and my love for archery has been diminished from my mind
my reputation was on a tightrope every day
aside from that
my high reading level stayed the same
but at this point who even cares about that

Now the only thing I’m perfect at doing is
waking up and finding a reason to not go back to sleep

Keep your soft soul
it’s very delicate and pure
Stay gentle with yourself so you don’t feel pain when going through guilt
Remain kind to people who have done you right in life
And most importantly
don’t let the ugly truth of the future
make you feel bitter in the present

For I have discovered how our future looks and now my eyes feel deceived

When it comes to expressing myself
I am incapable of doing so
If you were to tell me to describe how I feel today
In a expressive manner
You would just end up feeling disappointed in the ending result
Because in my definition emotions are just a bunch of puzzle pieces inside my head
describing those emotions is impossible for me to comprehend
I can’t tell you if I’m happy
Sad
Mad
Or even terrified
But I do hope one day
you’ll understand how I feel
without me trying to jumble my words around trying to find you the right answer

I’ll lit a match
and place the flame to my chest
so, when my skin burns
my weeping flesh rots
and my bones melt
you can take a small peek into my
heart
and see how much my heart beats
when I’m around you
because I would rather show you how much you affect me entirely
than just say it with my chivalry words

I wake up at 5:03
I want to sleep for a couple more minutes
but I don’t want my alarm to continue screaming at me
I brush my teeth, shower, and stare at my closet
contemplating what to wear today
I decided to dress like a nuisance
I go downstairs trying not to trip and fall
ditching breakfast along the way
almost missing the bus
I save my seat quickly
I put my earphones in and put my volume up to block the noises coming from the couple behind me making out
so I can only hear my music instead
when I arrive at school
a moment of realization hits me
“I forgot to take my meds” I thought

my first 5 classes are bland
and when lunch came I sat with my friends
in the lunch table we were at
to my left I see one of my friends with their ****** boyfriend
spreading their pda all over the table
to my right my other friend was talking to a few nobodies
my last friend had to go to detention because they can’t go one day without being a trouble maker
I was sitting in between
I made up a lie saying “I had to go to a school club” but in reality I just need to clear my head
I went to the library and drift to sleep on a book
but then I got awoken by the Liberian saying lunch has ended
it’s fine though
I didn’t want to eat lunch anyways

When I went to my 6th classes
the geometry teacher hands out a test
before I was really good at geometry
Trigonometry and Pythagorean felt like cartwheels in my brain
but now I just sink my head on my desk
counting down the seconds till the bell rings
when I reach to my last class which was Spanish class
it’s silent and calm
I prefer it that way
so I just memorize Spanish words till the day ends
when I’m the bus ride home
I picked up a book that I “borrowed” from my backpack
it was a poetry book and I read it till my bus stop came

when I got home
I immediately ran upstairs and went to my room
pouring out my tears on my pillow till my eyes felt puffy
then I drift to sleep
but then when night finally came
I was awoken by the sound of my mom and dad
they were arguing again
this was normal
their voices were sword fighting on who gets the last word
their argument awoken everyone else in the family
me, my grandma, my sis, and my grandpa look down from upstairs
watching two people **** each other with words of resentment

I go back to my room
locking my door and rest on my bed
staring at the ceiling
I put my earphones on
blast the volume up so the music can sing into my eardrums
then I daydream into the unknown

The symbol of fire reaches out to me
lighting every tree in its path
it finds me near the earth’s soil
it circles a ring of flames around my finger
telling me that I have been given a gift
with a smile of ego across its face
it returns back where it once came from
so now where I stand in the corner of time
whenever I am at arms length of a person
and reach my hand out to them
I scorch myself
leaving a permanent burn mark
that I can’t get rid off
leaving me disgusted of my own capability
of such a devastating curse
and so I try to find a solution
with a bundle of sticks from the forest
I dip my fingertips into them
letting the flames do the introduction
the sparks I had released formed smoke
with every breath I take I inhaled it
leaving gray clouds populating my vision
after this experiment I have done
I began to do it daily
throughout this process I found peace
until one day
I inspired the rapture of a wildfire
as it consumes every tree, bush, and ****
I didn’t feel it circling me
and so as the aftermath came
with smoke and ashes populating the burned down forest
where I laid
I felt satisfied but not fulfilled

Mom was dozing off in her sofa with the tv still on
until she got up and went back to her bed
my dad was snoring on the living room couch
until his body rolled over in a slow motion
but he still continued to sleep on the rug
my sister was in her room
with her tablet taking away her attention
her door was shut that night
if you wondered where I was
I wasn’t in my room staring at the ceiling
I was back to where it all started
the bathroom floor
if you were to ask me why I was in there
I would probably just shrug my shoulders
the cold smooth bathroom tiles
always welcomed me gracefully
usually during this type of event
my brain would turn off and on rapidly
but I would let it go on for a while
for a while I thought my day was gonna go well but I was so naive
now I’m back to the beginning
my eyes started to water up
but I tried to hold myself down
the last thing I would to do is wake up anyone
my body was sat on the floor with my back up against the wall
trying to take deep breaths
but that was not making my situation any better
so my eyes gave up on me
and my weeps started to reveal themselves onto my face
the tiles on the floor catches every tear drop
I put my hands on my mouth to silence myself
my brain was not in my favor anymore
soon words started to pile up in my mind
like questions of my existence
the reminders of all the mistakes I done
or the severe urge to puke out my sorrows
this went on for a few hours
until I got up from the bathroom floor
washed my face
off the lights
and went straight to bed
shutting my brain off for tomorrow

Putting your trust in someone
Is like giving them a sword and a shield
They’ll either stab you with the sword
Or use the sword for your protection

And when it comes to the shield
They’ll either protect themselves against you
Or take the shield and protect you along side them

So choose who you trust wisely
Because trust is a powerful weapon that can be used against you if placed in the wrong hands

If a flower can survive bone chilling winters that turn their leaves into icicles
Groundbreaking floods that make their petals drench
Hot headed tornadoes releasing their wrath upon where they are rooted
Hazard hurricanes shaking their stem until it almost snaps in half
And the glaring sun that beams heatwaves so hot it’ll toast the pollen that was stored within
So, if a flower can survive all those dreadful moments
And still find a way to grow from those experiences
Continuing to blossom like they once did before
Then I don’t see why you can’t too


For it is time for you to blossom

a woman is put at the center of the court
with accusations of witchcraft wrapped around their name
she would beg and plead to the people of the courtroom that she is not a witch but rather a mother or a daughter or friend or a sister
the jury and the people who watch upon the woman’s demise will begin to share their stories trying to prove that she is not innocent
but the judge has heard enough
his decision has now been made
they take her away
dragging her with all their might
ignoring the woman’s pleads for mercy
they tie her to a log with a rope
which tightened her breath to a degree
stick and stones surround her feet
everyone in the village gathered around her
some tried to negotiate with the higher ups
trying to prove that she isn’t a witch
while the majority was chanting for her death to be quick and painful
one person started the fire with no remorse
letting the flames collide with each stick and stone in their path until it reaches to the woman’s feet
the flames started to consume her
her screams were heard from across the land
her body was melting
revealing every layer of her skin
until the only thing left was her skeleton

I wonder what Icarus felt like
when he tried to touch the face of the sun
and rub his hands on the sun’s cheek bones
only for the sun to reject him from trying to reach its throne
I sympathize with Daedalus grief
when he tried to warn his son from the dangers of confronting the giver of light
then watching his sons' wings fail him
When they both flapped their waxy wings
they both had visions
of where they want to go
Daedalus wanted to seek a place where their freedom would not be taken away
while Icarus wanted to fly
he wanted to soar with the clouds
and migrate with the birds
he wanted to reach where the golden gates were placed
and hold the embrace of God between his fingers
but the sun refused this
the sun took Icarus wings and clipped them
removing every feather that was sewn onto the wings Daedalus made for him
the hot wax pulling Icarus down to the depths of the earth

I imagine what Icarus had to conclude
when during the fall he then realizes
how this was going to be the last thing he will experience
before his body hits the sea
drowning from the great ocean currents
which took his last breath
I can picture what Daedalus must have saw
when he saw his son falling into the arms of death carrying him down below
knowing that even though Icarus was able to fly in that moment
that cause led to his demise

In the depths of my dreams
I see her within my proximity
her face is scribbled out with sharpie
and her voice is static
her name was Ms. Euphoria

oh how I miss her motherly love
whenever my tears hit my pillow
making my eyes become drowsy
I fall into a deep sleep
my body is taken through a tunnel vision
and when I finally open my eyes
I have been transported into a dream
where Ms. Euphoria will be waiting for me
with open arms to wrap me into her embrace
I tell her everything that comes to mind
and even though I can’t hear her well
between the static lines of her voice
I can sense her feeling of understanding

But was ages ago
now my dreams are blurry to remember
but I hope one night I can see her again
waiting for me in the distance
ready to hear my cries of sorrow
comforting me with the blessing of empathy

everything was set into place just like I planned
I found myself the perfect spot to hit my targets
without them noticing me from a higher up distance
I can’t be seen though or I’ll blow my cover  
from afar there are two people in a isolated area
a great place for me to carry out this lovely mission
without any witnesses interfering
I take my “bow” out of my suitcase and start to reload my “arrows”
I line up my first shot to the first person’s frontal lobe
with one push of the trigger
my love magic pierced through one of them with ease
the other screamed in a great terror
but don’t worry they’ll meet up with them soon
as I quickly reload my “arrow” I see them run away in fright
they try to signal for help but I can’t let that happen
with a quick shot my love magic went through the back of their head
now both of their souls can finally interact in another life
“did you carry out the job “ my boss said through my walkie talkie
“affirmative sir” I replied
with each mission I carry out I do it with love
even if it ends with me being on the wanted posters

I’ll walk to your house
At the middle of the night
With a ladder in my hand
When I reached to your window
I’ll set the ladder down gently
And crawl up to your window
I’ll knock on your window shield
And wait until I see a light turned on

I’ll see you open the window
And I’ll get to your angelic face
As I sit on the side of your window
I’ll watch you talk for hours on everything
You’ll tell me about your day
Your friends who you love dearly
How much you hate your family dinners
And tell me about moving away from here
And I’ll try to think of what to say to you that wouldn’t sound embarrassing
We’ll stay with our eyes locked on for each other
You reached your face closer to mine and I’ll do the same with my eyes closed

Until I hear a knock on your bedroom door
You’ll quickly off your lights
And I’ll quickly position myself to crawl down from the window
But before I head down
You’ll tell me to perk my head up
Before I could even say “why?”
you’ll kiss my forehead
And tell me goodbye

I’ll crawl down the ladder
And when I reach the ground
I’ll make a run for it  
Running with the smile you gave me that angelic night

Even though I’m smart enough to understand many things
I absolutely love to act dumb sometimes
It helps me see people’s real motives, intentions, and personal values when they are alone with me
It’s like playing a game of who slips their words up the most
Whoever loses gets to be seen as who they really are in the inside
And I’ve never lost once

I want to be free
That is all I ever asked for
For I have been cocooned in the hands of  person who I have thought was an ally but I would later find out that they are truly the embodiment of wickedness
and for so long I have been trapped in a deep void never to see where my future lies in the next few chapters
So I have made a promise to myself that when I have reached full capacity of my own self and my mind
I will regain my freedom
For I will not stay cocoon forever

When I heard you ripping off the wrapping paper keeping me hostage
I knew you were just as excited as me
when I saw you for the first time there was a big smile on your face
and so every day when you come back from school you’ll take me out of the toy box and we’ll go on our little adventures until the sun sets
those were times I could never forget
when you dress me up as a pirate and made me go down the slide with you while you screamed “AARRRR!!!”
when you would dress me up in little outfits
to match what you’re wearing almost everyday day
and I still remember those nights when you would read stories about fantasies and superheroes until you doze off to sleep
with me right next to you
hoping that no nightmares disturb your precious dreams
back then I see those as memories of nostalgia
but when you got older you started acting strangely off
it was as if one day you were leaving the door to go to school
and suddenly the next day your replacing almost everything that looked “childish”
but that didn’t bother me at all
when you replaced every inch of your wall with band posters
removing all your clothes that were filled with color to colors that represent the meaning of shallow
to taking out every toy and putting unfinished homework that you’ll never touch ever again
even those nights that I thought were still in our schedule for bedtime stories are now replaced with nights of you taking pieces of your unfinished homework, putting a weird substance on top of it, rolling it up and smoking it outside the window
the smell disturbed me and left the little remnants on my fur overalls
and on some days your parents who would yell at you when catching you do it out of sight
which led to you slamming the door on them multiple times
before I would watch this all this happen on the corner of your bed
but now you changed my location to where I am now next to the night lamp you don’t use any more
during this period of our lives it was like a roller coaster
until one day you slammed the door
and came back again with a sign of maturity around you
with band posters ripped off the and your secret stash thrown away
I observed you putting things away in boxes with your parents watching you with small smiles on their faces
I didn’t understand what was going on
until I saw a college paper near my line of sight
before you took off and said goodbye to your parents
you noticed me for the first time in a long time
I was collecting dust on my fur
with cobwebs piled on my buttons eyes and overalls
with the particles of that weird substance still lingering on me
you picked me up for the last time and tidied me up so I looked new
and instead of putting me the numerous of boxes you put me in a separate singular box
you carried me away and put me in a car
then we drove away for a couple hours
until we reached a new destination
you knocked on a door and a woman appeared and you guys talked for a while but before I knew it you put me in her arms and watch you leave
I finally realizing I will never be in your arms again
soon a few days past by
the woman wrapped me up in rainbow paper with a bow on it
and carried me away to a celebration
before I could question what was happening
I heard a young voice unwrapping the paper that kept me hostage again
then I saw a new face both filled with excitement and joy
and so the cycle repeats

I fear to be seen as the person next to me
to act and present myself how society wants me to be seen
never being different in my own way
but I also fear to be the odd one out
to be treated for the way I express myself
becoming singled out from the population as a whole
it's quite interesting when you think about it
wanting to be different
but to also want to blend in with the crowd
so, every day I change myself
switching my persona in a quick flash
just so I can't let this odd fear of mine
to swallow me alive just so I can spit it out
leaving an uncanny taste sizzling in my mouth

My friend group is known for being quite a handful
but if you were to hear them out you might see their point of view
even though they are loud and reckless
they weren’t always like that
sometimes they are spreading their childlike nonsense to every lunch table but we all pretend they aren’t there
it’s not as if they are troublemakers
but if you were in my shoes for a minute
you feel as if you need to put leashes on them
even though my friends gets glances from the crowd
with shared whispers of annoyance in the public eye
my peers never cared one bit of their opinions at all
every day with them is like a wacky episode to rewind on
but I am not a mischief myself
but I am a quiet observer
and my friends don’t mind me being one at all
when they are causing their daily havoc I am their along side them
watching them with an open mind
they don’t pressure me to do the things they do and I’m glad
in fact they like my quiet persona
but even though they don’t have a good reputation
they don’t know their stories of why they are the way they are
some days I watch them act like ruthless hyenas
but on other days my friends talk to me alone in private
talking about their lives outside of school
or they’ll tell me about what their going through
or even the thoughts that haunt them at night
and I’ll just sit back and listen to it all
sometimes I’ll act like the guidance they always wanted
and in the our final hours of me hugging them in my arms
I tell them “I’m here for you and I ain’t going nowhere”

It’s kinda funny
How some people would consider themselves “grownups”
Until it is time to
Communicate
Apologize for their actions
Accept accountability
Or rather yet just tell the truth
It’s only then their “grown” selves would release a childlike tantrum
And play the victim cover up their childish crimes

It’s somewhat ironic to know that no one likes to admit that their wrong at times

I was sitting in the bottomless pits of hell
staring up at the heavens
with rose tinted glasses
as angels hovered down from the heavens and placed their gentle hands onto my cheekbones
several hundred hands from the underworld holding me and pealing my flesh off in a slow steady pace
until the only thing left of me is my throbbing soul
But I wouldn’t know what I have now become until I get lifted towards the heavens
And see my rotting torso decay halfway down below

I wanted it so badly
I needed it within my reach
but you knew that already, didn't you?
the glory of knowledge
the power of wisdom in its truest form
the answers of what intelligence can uphold
this is what thrived me
but that feeling soon passed away
and went directly to you instead
with open arms you embraced it
you let it take control
while I watched in the side lines
this type of curiosity was consuming you
but you knew that already, didn't you?

my mom makes me leave my door open
she doesn’t like it when I lock my it shut
if I do that she knocks gently
telling me to open the door with a very worried tone in her voice
unlike my dad who bangs on my door
as if he is a robber trying to steal a car
I’m now counting down the days till I see a big dent on my door because of him
he slams my door without an alibi
telling me to open the door so he can send me off to do an errand for him
while my mom does have an alibi
when I leave my room door open
my mom will poke her head out
time after time again to check on me
making sure that I haven’t turned myself into a funeral photo that she’ll soak her tears into
crying for answers that she’ll never receive
wondering what she’s has done wrong to make me remove myself from our family legacy for eternity
but that’s not the case
because she didn’t did anything wrong
so I’m ok with having my door left open
because I want her to know that
even if I want to erase my existence at times
I’m still here

If I can just hold onto the life I have
inside the palm of my hands
and give it away to someone from the past or future who has something more important to live for
then I can end my day knowing that I have done something that will be worth it
But I guess for now
I’ll continue to cry to God one more time
and I'll beg to him one more time
to grant this life donation of mine
Because I can’t just continue running forward
knowing that there is someone else who should be running faster than I could ever run

“Why am I here?”
I asked myself that over and over again
as my body floats in space
the outer layer of the atmosphere is so dense I can feel the surface rub against my helmet
my body is light as a feather
I can hear my bones rattling with one another within my body
when I was standing on the earth’s crust
I can see the stars at the night sky
if I where to look hard enough I can see constellations dancing and embracing themselves with glee
now I’m up above with them
but the constellations do not applaud for my arrival
they just shimmer until they turn dull
so I dance with the void instead

for a while my brain feels quiet
a constant low ringing in my ear
I couldn’t tell if I was just imagining it
or my ears were in shock from realizing how quiet the universe is when you only known sound from I’m from
I snap my brain back into reality
remembering what I must do
I look at my surroundings
at first all I saw was nothing
but then I see a gray sphere a distance away
it was the moon
spinning in rotation
impersonating a ballerina in a huge ballroom filled with mirrors
I paddle my feet to its location
setting my feet in its dry surface
“mission complete” I told myself

I sit down with my legs crossed
observing what’s around me for the final time
I can sense the earth mourning my name
begging me to come home
I put my hand out in a cup-like position
where I can see the earth within my fingertips
then I finally realized
the earth can give you so many questions
but the stars give you theories

If all the negativity that is stored inside of me was in a form of an object...
It would be as big as a window frame
and it would be shaped as a spiral that floats around my head to my shoulders
if it was a color it would be a light baby blue that'll also glow in the dark
I shall name it "  "
and the only thought that " " would probably be thinking right now is "Why am I like this"
"  " can take as many forms as it desires
and to be honest I don't like it most of the time
it'll always hover around me during the worst times and even during my happiest moments in life
I don't know if "  " despises me the way I despise it
but since it had been stuck to me for the longest of times
I'm slowly starting to get used to it

the engine hums for the call of the small constellations
that twinkle when catching their gaze up above
the lone biker chased the fading road with no warning signs
which is an endless line where time intertwines
both delicate and cruel to unravel
through the shadows that creep in the darkness
memories start to stir in a spiral motion
the old withered echoes whispered in soft voice
sounds of laughter, love, dreams that where once bold
have now became fragments of a folk story being told before
the throttle twists tightly in disgust
leaving the tires to burn with smoke rising
a path started to appear soon ahead
and with an uncertain turn the lone biker rides through hours
that blur and blend within a mixture
a journey past leaving a road to mend
with each mile questions began to float in the air
questions of who they are
and who’ll be there waiting for them
the past was a weight that for sure can’t be shed
and yet forward pulls where souls are lead
the silence sings of battles fought
where moments are lost and lessons taught
the future was a road to the unknown
but with each rev there was a realization that they aren’t alone
in the rhythm of the ride
they soon find a solace in the shifting winds
the past was a map of twist and turns
and so the future awaits as they return

Nature is not your ally
she has nothing to do with one person’s actions or feelings
she didn’t ask for your permission
or rather yet your opinion
whether you love her flaws or not
you have to accept what she does
and that also concludes her final decision
for what she wants to become next

I was born from a womb of poison
my family was full of this type of chemical
so to be fair I never asked to be part of this
tree filled with apples infested with worms
where one’s own leaves will start to become tarnished and then break away from our tree all the way to the ground
where only the bugs will look upon the smooshed apple
as fine treasure to ravish
each member of a relative used to be spoon fed doses of toxicity down their throats
until they are old enough to use the same spoon fed tactic onto the next generation
if you where to see our ancestral history with a magnify glass
you would find anything out of the ordinary
until you decided to squint your eyes
and see the thin cracks on all of our faces in all of our portraits
even if you were to just poke your finger on the steel frame
you’ll end up getting a cut that won’t stop bleeding
Ejiro was the name given to me from the tone of the unrighteousness
and no it is not some weird typo error
I was given this title since it is defined as the symbol of mercy when given praise for the truth of the world
it is carved across my back with great pride
but I wonder how long my back can ignore the scars
that ache me so often when I sleep
since the ink quill used to write my back was filled with the divine poison with the hands of the unfortunate

I used to have a camera back then
A polaroid camera
It was a small, aqua blue camera that also had a camera bag
And during the last day of school in 8th grade
I brought it to take pictures with my friends
I didn’t want to be in the photos though
Just want to create memories with every flash sound that came from the camera
All my friends will do silly poses as I count
3
2
1
And when I press the button
it will then create a flashback
that my friends can look back on in the future
when time went on other people that were in other friend groups would ask
“Can you take a pic of me and my friends”
And I nod my head signaling yes
I was seen as a photographer that last day of 8th grade
And I loved it
Because every photo
Will create a smile on their faces
That same smile will then appear again when they take that pic home with them
Who knows what they will do with the picture
Put on the wall
Put it in a time capsule
Or maybe in a drawer filled with *******
But I know that one day
They’ll look back at it in a couple of years
And a flashback will flow into their head
It will make them feel as if they went back in time
and see their younger self with a silly pose
with their friends around them as I count to
1

every time I passed you in the hallways
and we lock eyes together
my pupils will grow bigger ten times more
but your pupils will stay the same
now when I bump into you
my pupils will dilate a bit
but your pupils will stay the same
before I was blinded with delusion
and now I finally snapped back into reality
I found out who you really are
so, when we met again
my pupils will shrink ten times more
but your pupils will stay the same

When you come across the city lights
that shimmers in the cool night sky
were the breeze will hum melancholy toons
Remember me
where moths will circle around lanterns and start admiring them
but too afraid to touch them with their wings
Remember me
when you look up at the moon
open your eyes upon its magic
that awakens the creatures of the night
roaming through the shadows
looking for their next meal
or looking for a safe place to call their home
Remember me
when you pass a small bakery
that may end up closing for a few minutes
but then you’ll find a smell so delicate it
you can taste the food in your mouth
that’ll warm your heart
and purifies your soul
Remember me
when you find what you are looking for
between the cracks of sorrow
where inner peace dwells within
Remember me
and I’ll continue to remember you forever