To the next one,

Don't let my heart arrive at an empty home.

Love,
Me

I could sit before you and use beautiful words and rhyme to tell you how I feel. How I fell.

But that would be a futile attempt, because you never took the time to understand my heart, you understood my skin. Everything that looked pretty, but nothing that felt it, sounded it or lived it.

My eyes? Perfect.
My smile? Perfect.
My shape, stature, hair, epidermis art work? Perfect.

My heart, mind and soul were secondary, and when I asked you to learn them, to understand and study them... it was all "too much" for you, you weren't ready for love.

Yet, you were ready to paint a picture of a life with me. I can be your wife and you could have kids with me. All because your eyes liked the way they felt when they gazed upon me. But taking the time to learn my mind was a chore, clutter that needed clearing out that you could not get to just yet.

Maybe one day, you said, as though my mind could hold off and my heart could pause its affection like we were half way through a movie and needed a moment to grab a bite, as though my skin would wait for you to run your fingers upon it again to resume its aging.

You touch was stimulating, only half as much as your words, thoughts, ideas and dreams. I knew them all. I KNOW them all. I could recite them, because I listened, took them on board and you achieving your dreams became one of mine. Maybe I wasn't listening intently enough, I didn't realise none of these dreams involved me.

I wasn't listening when you were painting a picture of life with me, it was with my body, not my heart, not my soul and not my dreams. You heard the parts of me that best suited you and your needs, the parts of me deemed desirable. I heard every part of you, even the parts that should have made me hate you. Even now this part, the shallow, relentless, unloving-me part.

And yet, I love you still.

Maybe one day I will be old and withered, but my soul, heart and mind still beautiful, and you will be there telling me how you achieved all of your dreams. And in knowing that, I will have achieved one of mine.

What's wrong with me?
No, hunny...

What was wrong with my upbringing?

And now I will look back and laugh
realising I gave my everything
I missed you when you were here
and loved you for longer than you deserved
I fought for you
defended you
I cared for you
gave myself up for you

I laugh because
I thought I had never seen anything like you
and the funny part is
I really thought you were the most beautiful thing
I would ever lay eyes on

But today I woke up
stood in front of the mirror
and finally...

I saw my soul

Bent double.
Sick.
And I cannot really blame you.
Maybe it was me.
Because I wrote so much about avoiding the devil, but little did I know I was sharing his bed.

Would it be selfish to ask you to stay?
Knowing you would suffer.
Knowing I suffer without you.
Which would be worse?

Why didn't you stay?
Is the emptiness fulfilling?
Does it make you whole?
Fill a void my love never could?

You will never see me in white.
Never see me with-child.
Never see me ache from love.
Never see me overwhelmed by joy.

Would it be selfish if I followed suit?
Knowing they would suffer.
The way I suffer without you.
It cannot be much worse.

Your heart has been torn.
Shattered into pieces.

Yet still you are so fast to give it away.

There is strength in that.

Selling my soul to strangers
For a love that never starts
Cannot lend me their words
On my pictures leaving hearts

Falling in love too quickly
With a man who knows me not
Am I coming off too keen
Does he know what he just lost

Have I asked too much

Asking you to love me
I know it is a task
As am I

I'm a little lost
And I don't really get it
Why are we here
Why are you so close
Yet so distant

How could she leave you
All I can do is love you

Hold me tight and tell me
Please
Tell me you love me

I look at you
And I am home
The door wide open
Hinges need oiling
But that is ok
Because I am home
And the stove is on


Who left the stove on?!

I cannot turn back clocks
Nor can I travel through time
So I smile when I think back
Not because you made me happy
But because I survived days darker than night
I have lived through horrors worse than those on screens
I have loved more than characters in books
And I have cried rivers longer than those surrounded by lovers

So I can smile really knowing that not all storms last through the night.
And I am alright.

Hello?
Hi.
Who is this?
It is you.
It is me?
Yes, I am you just a few years from now.
What do you want?
To tell you this is not the way.
But, what other way is there?
Not his way.
But, what else, what other way?
Your way, the door way, any way but this.
Will it hurt?
Not as much as his way does.
But, what else, what other way?
The better way, leave a letter way, any way but this .
But what if he follows?
He will, but you can be strong, I know it.
But, what else, what is my way?
The strong way, do things wrong way, any way but his.
But, what if I can't?
What if I don't?

Come find me here
I'm over here
With locks of fire red

Come find me here
I'm over here
Eyes lifeless and dead

Some nights I fight
Others I fall
If only you were here
To pull me through it all

I found myself in the baron lands
Of love

Dead ends and nowhere to turn
Your heart it feels like home
These walls are broken down
Yet still I sleep alone

Everything sounds warm
And this sun feels oh, so green
Nothing ever makes sense
When ripped away from dreams

The temptress beckons you over
And soon you too shall run
And when I awake again
The night leaves me alone and numb

"I hate you", I cry.
And the mirror shouts it back.

My heart is not a weapon, so why does it hurt the most when they use it?

Four leaf clover
Little black cat
Good luck bad luck
What's up with that?

As dark as the ink on these pages
As numb as frostbitten fingers
My heart just beat 3 times as fast
But still a darkness lingers

My head is busy, it wonders
Stomping all the time
A flash and I am back there
His eyes still covered with dimes

Cannot escape the horror
The circus of my life
Are you afraid of clowns, my dear?
Good - '*** this ones bites

find me on a hidden path

and my heart shall lead us home

**** that boy/he ****** with your head/he's got another little pretty girl/laying in his bed.

But, every time someone leaves me,
I learn to love myself a little more.

I wish you could see me now
in person instead of from the stars.
But you would be disappointed
by my hate stricken heart.

He said he would fight
but he never did.

Said he wouldn't let me go
then he ran and hid.

Next time,
do not let your walls come down.

Even the Trojan horse looked like a trophy in Troy!

He didn't want me,
so he used my poor broken heart as an excuse.

I just want to feel wanted,
I want to be happy.
I want to love someone
and to actually feel loved back.
I want to feel appreciated.
And I want someone to look at me,
seeing not my past,
but seeing my heart
and the love I have to give.

I just want someone to tell me
that one day
it will all be ok!

He turned my past into a weapon.
And then...
He stabbed me in the heart.

I love you but you don't see
That much I can't deny
I care for you more than the wolf
Cares for a moonlit sky

I didn't REALLY lose you.

The reality of it is, I never really held a single piece of you,
but you possessed my entire heart.

Did she save you...
Pick up your pieces and fit them back together oh, so perfectly?

Did she save you?
Or were you just too afraid to be alone?

Her beauty was unmatched;
not because she had clear skin or a flat stomach,
she had neither of these things.

But, because she knew one day neither of them would matter.
Her smile, however, would last forever.

What isn't beautiful about that?

He called me perfect,
and for a moment
all of my flaws disappeared.

She picked up a pen,
and her soul spoke.

I am closed off,
not because I am afraid of what you might do.

I fear I might scar your heart, in a way no lovers kiss may heal.

After all 'hurt people hurt people', right?

You see the smile
not the scars.

You see the beauty
not the beatings.

You see the present
not the past.

So why throw your words at me,
when you could throw your arms around me?

If you could walk a mile in my shoes,
you would need to sit for a while.

If only you could see
how your soul has captivated me;
maybe then you would love yourself the way I do.

I once loved something
that was filled with evil.

And that scares me, more than anything.

Sometimes you want to force the tears out,
just so you can say you cried
over something other than him.

I opened my heart, and told him about the darkness;

now he has to sleep with the light on.

And he took my hand and said "I will never treat you the way HE did"

But I didn't believe him, because I had heard those words before.