I don't know what is so addictive about him,
What's the thing that make me crazy?

I don't understand why i can't forget him,
He is like everyone else.

Don't get me wrong,
He is flawless,
The most beautiful human I have ever seen.
But he have nothing special, nothing more, nothing less.
Tall, dark hair, brown eyes.

Beauty isn't everything,
I still don't know why i can't ******* forget him.

I don't believe in God.
I don't think there's an hell or heaven.
But i think there's something bigger than us.

I don't believe in destiny.
I don't believe we are made for something or for someone.
But i think that at some point we get what we deserve.

After all that pain he put me through,
I think i deserve him.
I deserve his love.

I think he's broken and afraid.
Actually i don't but i want to believe in this.
I do believe his deserve my love and my soul.

I want to believe than he hurt me now to love me harder soon.
But i can't believe in that.
I'm not a believer.
I don't have faith.

I was born with big blue almond eyes,
Blue as the sky,
Blue as the ocean.

But by growing up,
My eyes became grey.
They lost their color as if theys reflected my sadness.

They have lost their color when I lost the happiness.
But sometimes we can see the blue in the grey.

Which one is the worst,
Having our heart broken or broke the heart of someone else?
Hard question.

The one who breaks a heart has his heart broken?
Or it is just pure wickedness.
Do we even do it on purpose?

Your heart is broken so by revenge you break the heart of somebody
who gives you his?
Or is it rejection?
Protection?
Fear?

We don't want to feel this way anymore so we close our heart, to anyone, coldly, without guilt, for our own good?

Today the sky is grey,
And your eyes are brown.

Tomorrow the sky will be blue,
But your eyes will still be brown.

Let me hurt myself, leave me alone.
Don't watch me while i'm doing this.
If it's not physically, it will be mentally.
I don't know which one is worse but,
My body seems to heal faster than my heart.
Don't watch my wrist, it's pointless, i don't cut them.
I'm smart enough to not look this desperate.
I wont show you were i open myself, but trust me, i hide it very well.

I must look crazy,
It's for sure.
You drives me crazy,
I can't blame you,
Look at you.

You make me feel this feeling that we mention in all that book i have read.

You drives me crazy,
Crazy for you,
Simply crazy.

I don't know how long this feeling last,
I don't know if i want to know it anyway,
I'm already insane.

We were in the same room.
Full of people,
But I had the impression that we were alone.

Your eyes was on me and mine on you.
I felt this desire growing in me.

I wore this blouse, the one that you adored.
And in a daydream,
I remembered the number of times that you undressed me.

Then I came back to earth,
Telling me that everything was over.

But if everything is over,
why I still feel your perfume on me?
Why your voice is still in my head?

I want you and I crave you so much,
Even more by remembering what we had.

We were in same rooms,
But nothing was as before.
Your eyes was on me and mine on you.
But in your look, everything was cold.

We were in the same room, full of people,
and i looked away from you.

Look at me,
I want your eyes all over my body.

Touche me,
With your mind, not your hands honey.

Kiss me, eat me, bit me,
I crave it baby.

I bet i look good in that white shirt of yours.
I bet you look good on your knees,
Begging.

I had this dream last night,
Or maybe it was a nightmare,
I don't know anymore.

It was cold, my teeth clicked, my body trembled.
I was in a forest I think, it was dark, I was in the middle of nowhere.
I raised my head towards the sky, it was black, i could only see a few stars.
I moved forward, without knowing where i was going but my body warmed little by little.
My hands were not cold anymore and I felt the sweetness of the sun on my face.
Then I saw him.

He was there,
Flawless like always.
Standing feet in the sand in front of the ocean.
He looked my way and my name went out of his mouth,
He called me,
His voice was sweet like vanilla is.

I moved forward to him without any hesitation.
He took my hand,
Leading us towards the water.
Little by little my body was submerged in this cold liquid.
The sun had disappeared,
the sky was filled with black and dense cloud.
He took a big inspiration and dived into the depths of this ocean.

He had disappeared.
As the sun and the heat.
Leaving me alone in this cold water in the middle of nowhere.

I envy those people who feels quite intensely.
Fear, pain, anger, love.
I want to be in love.
I want to feel all that this feeling brings.
The before, the moment and the after.

I want the fear of the first times,
Heart beating and hands shaking.

I want to miss him so much that i can physically feel it.
The fear of losing the other one, becoming paranoiac.

The anger when it's over, wanting to break everything.
And the pain when the memories go back,
The heavy feeling of everything which collapses.

I want to feel everything,
I want to be lost and desperate to want another person.
I want the feeling of wanting to scream his name so loud
and with so much hate that his heart would break instantly.

I want to love someone with all my soul and to die of an heartbreak.

The sky is grey, my thoughts are dark.
The wind blows but nothing moves.
I feel empty, I am certainly empty.

When the night falls on the city, it takes my happiness away.
I feel alone at midnight, i feel alone all the time actually.
Even surrounded i feel alone, and empty, and sad.

The seasons change, time goes by, i know that i'll feel better soon.
It's always like that, right?
I need it, i have to believe it, everything will soon get better.
I fill this permanent space with temporary.
Music, wine, thoughts, I become sleepless.

Is it like that that we know that we increased?
When everything becomes dark and heavy.
I'm loosing myself, i ****** me from the inside, i change too fast.
Is it necessary? Do i have to **** my old self to reborn?

I can't see tomorrow, or the next day, or the next month.
I only see yesterday and before.
I have to wake up from this, that can only be a bad dream.
Too calm to be a nightmare, but too violent to be a sweet dream.

Give me some wine,
Play some  music,
Says nothing,
I don't want to know.
Knowledge is power, except in my case.
I am lost and empty.
I am sad and no myself.

I need this revival, I don't want to have suffered for nothing.
Tell me that it wasn't for nothing.
Life must have something for me.
I don't ask much,
I just want to be myself again.

I want to live inside a black and white TV.
Magazine and Studebaker Commander.
Country houses and housewifes.
Jewels and red wine.

Roses shall fade, as well as my beauty, but my anger is eternal.

You knows what we say about past? That it's better where it is.
I beg you, take me there. But if you can't...
As Judy Garland said,
"This is the end of romance, I'll go my way by myself, love is only a dance"

They told me i wasn't good enough,
So i try to be a better person.

But somehow i must have failed,
Because everything get worse by minutes.

Thinking about him is now a habit.
A bad habit.

I scream his name in my head until having headache.
I always have headache.

Maybe it's how we know it,
Maybe forgetting someone isn't that hard.
Maybe being over someone is easy, after all.

Being busy all day, busy enough that our thoughts don't have time to disturb us.

Claim that everything is fine, that you did't think of him today, that you are cured of him.

Lie to yourself, until you start believing it.
Repeat that you deserve better, until you mean it.
Crawl back to him until the humiliation eats you from the inside and then cut any contact by fear of doing it again, again and again.
If that should have worked, that would have worked.

Maybe this is how we forget somebody.

I hurt myself today to see if i still feel,
I focus on the physical pain the only thing that's real .

I tried to **** all the memories,
But i remember everything.

You are now someone else,
But i am still the same.

You once told me
"I'm not the good guy you think i am"
And all i could anwser was
"I knew it since the first time we talked"

Bring your poison, i'll bring cheap red wine
I need to forget you, i want to forget everything.

I'll drunk text you when my bottles will be empty,
I'll call you when my tears will create an ocean.

You ordered coffee but you end up loving tea more.
I know i wasn't good enough for you.

Give me some pills, i crave leaving this world.
I can't live here if i can't have you.

I'm lost,
Profoundly lost,
Desperately lost.

How do we know what road to take?
How do we guess what choice to make?

Every things, every words, every act,
Influences the future and depends on the past.

Do we make a choice by instinct, by experiment or by chance?

How do we know that we are on the right track?
How do we know if we must continue or turn back?

I am lost,
I am too young to be lost,
I should move forward but I move back.

I move back to see better,
A general vision on this situation,
My life, my future, my past.
The more I move back the less i see.

I don't know.
I know nothing.
I want everything.
I want nothing.

I want you,
I want you in so many way, i can't even explain.

Sometimes,
I just feel like i want to be in your arms, all nights and stay still.

But others times,
I desire you, i can feel it all over me, i need you.

Is it love or lust?
Maybe both after all.