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farthest star Jul 2019
they say to not bite the hand
that feeds you

yet the same hand that feeds me

has scarred and left me incapable
of feeding myself.
i need therapy
farthest star Jun 2019
Thou wrath is filled to the brim of God slaying vigor
it cuts through ******'s mares
and suffocates flames of the mind
splitting the atmosphere till thou breathes
nothing but smoke
~
thou body becomest nothing more
than a cavern of seething madness
eager to fill a void that thrives in thine scowl
thou feast upon hearts thou hast scorned
and the blood of thine enemies
~
I am forced to inquire,
with the shred of empathy I have left in thyself
why hath God forsaken thou and beholdest a life o' vengeance?
it's so easy to blame those who love me for why I hate myself.
farthest star Sep 2021
I wish I were dead.
But not really dead, just unfeeling.
Unfeeling of pain, unfeeling of love,
unfeeling of all of the above.
But I resist everday
and stay alive.
Hoping and praying
I'll stop feeling dead inside.
I'm tryna fight my depression but DAMNNN DEPRESSION GOT HANDS
farthest star Mar 2019
We lay breathing beside the mausoleum
our bones covered by dirt
speckled with diamonds and grime
how precious we could have been
how little we realize within ourselves
our bones are cut from the same gem of life

He gardens us into peaceful beds
so that we may bloom as we slumber
looming over velvety prisons
stretched as far as the eye can see
He grasps his mighty scythe
and slashes our stems for The Harvest
so that we may be set free
I couldn't choose a title. Titles are really hard for me :/
farthest star May 2019
Her ribcage woven of wood and climbing roses
in the center nests a family of tiny blue-birds
singing Her soul to sleep
a displaced heart clenched in Her bony fingers

              eager to for-give

eyes bursting with diamonds and rubies
In Her skull, a roaring fire that can never be quenched
wind dusts Her chalky exterior to reveal a skeleton of gold
hair of scarlet silk and tied in a ribbon of promise

                  wondering

She'll outlive the eons to come or her beauty withered in vain
For my friend. May you rest in peace :(
farthest star Oct 2021
At night, I'm afraid to dream
of warmth and nostalgia and light;
fleeting moments of joy you brought into my life. Only to wake up knowing it was a memory; that my walls are no longer kissed with golden sunshine, that my days no longer consist of your sweet messages of love and empathy and hope.

At day, I am numb and fixated on your death. I bargain reality; dozing off, speculating scenarios of what could've been. My despair like a whirlpool of devastation; of loving thoughts and regret that I'm clawing to get out of only to sink deeper and deeper. I am trapped in a constant cycle of overwhelming sadness and feeling nothing at all.

At all times, I miss you, loved one.
I miss you as the sun misses blue skies at night and the moon misses stars at day. My soul searches for yours through my memories and passing thoughts. But your presence has left me in this lonely world, and I ache for the time we are finally united again.

I mourn you, I pray for you.
I promise you
With all that I am, I love you.
I love you, Auntie. I'm sorry. There are so many things I regret not saying to you before you left us. May you rest in paradise.
farthest star Oct 2021
still regret how I treated you
all those years ago
underappreciating
the love you've shown me
throughout the many years
through our ups and downs
laughs and cries
I can't help but miss you
I don't want to say goodbye
I'm sorry, Auntie. I miss you so much.
farthest star Aug 2019
Jarring notes leap off your tongue
yet they flow through my mind
like the passing of seasons
         Deep down you always knew that I was not the one
Now and again, my thoughts just bury me alive
but it's better than being by your side

So *******, *******
go cry yourself to sleep
I'd rather hurt you now
than be stagnant and incomplete
****, who hurt me? I wrote this months ago but I forgot why.
farthest star Dec 2018
Twist and turn, avoid the blackberry vines
as I
                   descend
                                 down
                  the
staircase
As my sneakers touch the freshly cut grass,
I run past the thorns and shrooms
the atmosphere filled with soft piano notes
but my heart pounds like a drum aching in suspense
the gravity of eonic stars demanding to be seen
while I pray I remain hidden from everyone

For once in my tedious, shelled life I let myself
Breathe
in the humid air of summer
Breathe
in the midnight ocean breeze
Breathe
in the smell of his skin
Breathe
in the first taste of freedom.

The ocean waves back and brings forth
  alluring new minerals and crystals for me to indulge
The stars are laid out upon a swirl of ebony and indigo clouds
Tonic daywalkers and the king-queen owls of midnight
but we are neither yet birds of a feather
I hear the whistle and barreling of a cargo train
we watch as the tracks screech and embers fling into the air like
hysterical fireflies, O what sights to see!

Time clashes it's whip against the fantasy of this world
for mourning is to come, as anticipated
But I look into your eyes and I see the ocean and it's gems
endless and shimmering with affection and acceptance
I press my sneakers between the railings and screech
embers fling from my mouth for I have found new love
a new beginning for me to take on.
I don't regret a thing, my love. The distance and the time between us will never change my mind about you.
farthest star Dec 2018
my sweet sensation
over the moonrise
how it glistens and ignites
a gentle glow
upon my skin
across my soul

nothing to fear
unless she hides
my greatest devastation
all the sunsets and
sunrises with no
golden hour
or moon phases
farthest star Dec 2018
We all eventually walk the path of black
narrow, claustrophobic
burrowing deeper and deeper like synapses of the mind
run, tumble, twist, contort yourself to just move along
until you're nothing but a crumbled mess
consumed by the insanity of the labyrinth and dwelling on previous trails that have taken you awry

Then you realize that this is the way things are meant to be
this is the price of freedom, this is the cost of living dangerously
the path is not black, it is unknown
and the path is not one path, it's a manifold of possibility
mystified truth and purpose around every turn, finally found
demented trails leading to dead ends, learned opportunity costs

Forgive the ***** that drenched your vantage point
strike a match and burn it to the ground if you must
but reserve them, those paths unknown you know now
and take it from there

For a fruitful outcome, one must prune the branches
and what is life without pain and suffering? A delightful fallacy.
Sort of wrote this on a whim. Just me in my feelings atm.
farthest star Jun 2019
trains and sardine people
mobile devices, a modern steeple
always moving, always plugged
always never enough.
My life 5 days a week.
farthest star Dec 2018
Her essence like a fleeting dream
                        floating through the ether of spacetime and
            grasping my heart so ******-y

Perfection wrapped in satin, bow down
independent queen
no need for a crown
she knows she's my everything
and she speaks to me like no one else
no other being alive, just her in the moment
and she bestows upon me
an illustrious golden token

            A being angelic, a punisher of poets
                        but a pen a weapon, a paper a field
            My mind a war of how you make me feel

against the blanket of black
move swiftly
like an aruarian dance
"Come with me" she whispers
and yanks the strings
that bind me to her
she's unforgiving, hands around my words
and we form a fragile melody
with us so valiant, we concur
I wrote this for a poetry class I took last year and it is one of my most precious and proudest works I've ever created. I chose this to be the first poem to share because I think it shows the level of skill I'm at in writing at the moment lol
farthest star Jun 2019
a sweet serene gaze captures my spirit
like light through a glass prism,
I diverge into a spectrum of colors I wished not see for myself.

I wonder if he would forgive me;
an abomination or merely another being
amongst an ineffable design of life?

to be light through one's prism,
to ricochet and bend through the fragility of their ego
but never distort the truth,

beholding all the colors they reflect
and acknowledging that there will always be a palace
a temple and sanctuary for them

within my hands and my heart.
Sometimes it just takes one person to get us to face the parts of us we don't fully appreciate or accept. Happy Pride  Month <3
farthest star Oct 2019
What will release us from our own mortal folly?

a burn across our stricken cheek?

a sorrowful departure?

a gentle kiss?

Death himself.
Sorry my stuff's been pretty drab lately. I've been having a rough year but I really look forward to writing more wholesome pieces.
farthest star Feb 2021
You surround me like an open sea
I'm barely alive above the water
but I know I'll be sinking soon
once again,
engulfed and swallowed whole
by Your merciless waves
but I'll emerge damp and breathing
waiting to sink again
farthest star Jan 2019
Traversing the constellations that unite our worlds
         of light and dark,
I seek refuge in the ephemeral soul that is you.
Although our time together is fleeting
such as any and every star that reaches my observation,
         I still adore the intertwining of divinity
with that of mundane creatures, like myself.
         the salient life that emerges from this phantasmagoria
is priceless in every respect because it comes from you,
who inspires me to dance amongst the nebulous gala
         perhaps we will collide
and we will swirl into the abyss of everlasting night
or collapse and rebirth a new universe.

Nonetheless, we will meet one day
my muse, my treasure island,

my farthest star.
farthest star Jan 2019
Tears of the Sun shrouded by clouds
make their way to Earth
for she can feel her sorrow
better than anyone else

darling Earth prepares the green
so when the Sun is ready to be seen,
the earth blooms from her rays of light
and is reminded that she is
just as important as everything else in this universe.
farthest star Dec 2019
harrowing wails awaken my bones
it is the Call of Mourning

farewell to the flesh and blood i once was

the core of my being answers to a new melody
As we enter the new year, I think of how people want to reinvent themselves or just become better versions of themselves. When it comes to someone looking to make a big change for the better, like someone whose done bad or just feels rotten all over, I think of it like how someone starting from scratch. Not just shedding their skin but stripping all the undesired, poisonous, rotten parts of themselves which can be hard and painful. But in the end you have the core, somewhere to start anew.

I also think of how trying to be a a better person is kinda like abandoning one tune that led you down a dark path and how  answering a new one might sound so foreign to someone but it marks the end of one song and the beginning of another, better tune

— The End —