I don't expect you
to understand.
I try to explain
But you say
that I'm vain

Thinking of myself
all of the time

I'm stuck in my
own head
Screaming
Crying

I know you'll never
Understand...

I'm terrified
of finding you dead
by your own small hands.
Though your hands are
almost as big as mine
I fear
the genetic curses
I have been battling
will hit you
and we wont know
until its too late
I'm scared to lose you
even though you are
fine

Time and tide waits for none.
I wish I wasn’t so dumb.
I feel too much, but I can't handle even one.
I wish I was special, but that won't happen, son!
I wish I was perfect, but this fake pretense makes me succumb.

My body feels stiff, and I break a cold sweat.
I’m not afraid of people,
but my body says otherwise.

That gut-wrenching nausea whenever I leave my room.
That vexing sensation every time I sit to dine.
That suffocating lump in my throat every time I’m yelled at—it shines.
That teary eye every time I had to defend my lines.

I wish I could lead you to my mind.
I wish I could lead you to my mind.

The constant naggings and whispers.
The feeling of never being enough.
The existential dread.

I hate it all.
I hate it all.

Call it self-pity.
Call it self-victimizing.
And I won’t even call you out.

I’m just happy you don’t have to feel what I feel.
I’m just having a random crashout.
I mean, gotta do something, right?
For stayin’ alive?

I’m sorry, but I feel Nervous.

                                                                            - Asher Graves

I always tell three truths
And one lie
Or is it three lies
And one truth?
The doctor said
People like me
Can never be trusted
Everything they say is a white lie
The nurses said
I don’t believe you
As I swore I couldn’t breathe
Choked and fell down
My old medical record
Called me
Histrionic
Manipulative
Narcissistic
So lock us up
Won’t you?
Tie us to our hospital beds
Inject us
Lobotomize us
Electrocute us
Put us in rooms
That kills us inside and out
Scream at us
Call us pathetic *****
Who aren’t like the rest of humanity
And can never be ‘normal’
Only call us by our names
When we have to take our
Medications
Medications that
Shut you up for good
Makes the world rush in waves
While your speech becomes slow
And slurred
And when you’re done with us
After you **** us inside and out
You can discard our dead bodies in our homes
Where everyone truly believes we are
“Cured”
And your shadows watch us
From the corners
Making sure we are
Always silent

But I never will be
I was always taught to fight back.

my soul is melting
burning away like a candle wick
crumbling like chalk

i read the words on a page
heart starting to race
"paranoia"

each person is evil
i tell myself
they have motives
that i don't know

the unconscious
leads my brain
driven by the id
about to break.

There are shadows
that don’t need light to exist.

They find me
in the stillness—
no footsteps,
just the pressure of presence.

A sharpness,
like something once broken
still echoing through the body.

The pain isn’t always real.
But it’s always there.

Ghost fingers,
tight around the heart.
Scars that never bled.
Memories I never chose to keep.

I don’t speak of it.
Not because I can’t.
Because I don’t know how to name
what has no face.

But somewhere,
between each phantom ache
and the silence that follows,
a flicker stirs—
thin, but alive.

And I follow it.
Even if I don’t know where it leads.

I've hidden it for such a length,
All the pain and suffering,
I believed my hidden strength,
Would be all this enduring,

Guess I was wrong about it all,
Now my bottle starts to crack,
My heartbeat now feels so small,
As if I'll get a heart attack,

That pain is what I may've known,
It may just be what I did hide,
Never may all this be shown,
I'm just not ready for that ride,

They said you're so mature,
So emotionally intelligent,
Guess It's in your nature,
A kid ever so diligent,

Intelligent? I know my feelings well,
I know them better than you think,
But there's a reason I will tell,
Who would I tell? I've got no link,

About my feelings I have told,
Only to one other,
Perhaps I'll just let it here unfold,
Not even my own mother,

I know so well only because,
I've only told things to myself,
None to give a round of applause,
I listened for my better health,

I really needed to be heard,
So I just made myself that guy,
A person who would say a word,
No need to give another try,

Despite it all I keep on going,
Despite it all I still have hope,
Despite it all I keep on growing,
Despite it all I climb this *****.