Unfixed Fear

The Night has made its way
into another nightmare of pains
that brings on more rain,
while his words start to sinking in,

I open my mind to an ancient time
that plays upon my mind,
when autumn became my friend
out in the rush of wind;

where hate and lies taken me back
to that hurtful time;
where witches roamed the woods,
making spells on all they see,
they love making the innocent weep,

I could feel the coldness renting the air,
holding much fear to all who hears,
I looked outside my window to see
if everything is secured,

that's when old memories
started rushing on in my mind,
while Dark Angels words started cutting
at my heart;

I see so much darkness all around me,
Witches calling out an unknown name,
I see the old streetlight on stick of fire,
holding its gloom of doom like the moon,

autumn leaves fallen by my feet
in darken dreams while Dark Angel speaks,
to my mind, Oh, Moonlight come to me,
let our soul dance in lust of darkness
like the fire and flames of rose dust,
I could see Dark Angel eyes
looking deep into mine,
while given me unfixed fears of an ancient time,
Oh, how he is playing with my mind,

My heart started to break like glass
From an ancient past;
while the blood of me started pouring out like ink,
My tears flowed into his cup while he drinks
On every tear that falls from my eyes,

the sea of darken dreams come to me
while I sleep and weep;
the moon is blood red
while his words filled my head,
his voice cutting into the fog of the night,

my tears run like a thunderstorm of rain,
Oh, how I can feel the yesterday’s pains,
that intensified protests cries,
then he would ask me, kiss me in passion
let me feel your hunger and lust you have for me,

I looked at him with anger eyes; saying to him,
why do you want me like this?
What is it you want from me, I have no lust for you
I have nothing to give, that’s when I became in
a state of emergency;

I feel I can no longer breath, he is taken over me,
Dark Angel is a rebel of the night,
giving so much pains and fright,
he taken me down into a place of the unknown
A place he calls his home.


Poetic Judy Emery © 2017
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery

Unfixed Fear

The Night has made its way
into another nightmare of pains
that brings on more rain,
while his words start to sinking in,

I open my mind to an ancient time
that plays upon my mind,
when autumn became my friend
out in the rush of wind;

where hate and lies taken me back
to that hurtful time;
where witches roamed the woods,
making spells on all they see,
they love making the innocent weep,

I could feel the coldness renting the air,
holding much fear to all who hears,
I looked outside my window to see
if everything is secured,

that's when old memories
started rushing on in my mind,
while Dark Angels words started cutting
at my heart;

I see so much darkness all around me,
Witches calling out an unknown name,
I see the old streetlight on stick of fire,
holding its gloom of doom like the moon,

autumn leaves fallen by my feet
in darken dreams while Dark Angel speaks,
to my mind, Oh, Moonlight come to me,
let our soul dance in lust of darkness
like the fire and flames of rose dust,
I could see Dark Angel eyes
looking deep into mine,
while given me unfixed fears of an ancient time,
Oh, how he is playing with my mind,

My heart started to break like glass
From an ancient past;
while the blood of me started pouring out like ink,
My tears flowed into his cup while he drinks
On every tear that falls from my eyes,

the sea of darken dreams come to me
while I sleep and weep;
the moon is blood red
while his words filled my head,
his voice cutting into the fog of the night,

my tears run like a thunderstorm of rain,
Oh, how I can feel the yesterday’s pains,
that intensified protests cries,
then he would ask me, kiss me in passion
let me feel your hunger and lust you have for me,

I looked at him with anger eyes; saying to him,
why do you want me like this?
What is it you want from me, I have no lust for you
I have nothing to give, that’s when I became in
a state of emergency;

I feel I can no longer breath, he is taken over me,
Dark Angel is a rebel of the night,
giving so much pains and fright,
he taken me down into a place of the unknown
A place he calls his home.


Poetic Judy Emery © 2017
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery

Fixed to you with bolts and nails,
I think of all the boats and sails,
Torn apart by angry gales,
Trains go flying off their rails,
Restless pain, it howls and wails,
Stabs again as plan B fails,
C's a risk, it's heads or tails,
But games and tricks leave endless trails,
And under bricks hide slugs and snails,
Like faces scared hide under veils,
I'm terrified but won't leave trails,
Of helplessness for hungry males,
My terror comes in buckets and pails,
But if I'm with you when all else fails,
I will not fear even fear itself,
Because nothing has failed at all.


March 2009

The world is broken
Filled with war, violence, debates,
yet we still complain.

I wear stupid glasses unlike her
Teardrops are my own makeup
Looking at you is my dose
I just wanna be with you so close

I wear oversize shirts incomparable to her
She wears tight jeans and lovely corsets
I walk through the dirtiest streets at night
She sways and enjoys her princess life at bright

I roll over my untidiest bed
She amazes everyone with her lips at red
I glaze the road with my unfixed hair
She roams the cities and turns it to a funfair

I could not do all of that
I could not even give you what you want
This feeling is only what I got
I said it through this poem 'coz I can't be blunt

I am afraid to tell you everything
You are my best friend and you are my everything
Why are you so numb of what I am feeling?
Is it because I am not what you are dreaming?

If only I could be that girl
But I can not.
Because I just wanted to be me
The girl who slowly kills herself
The girl who keeps on pretending
That she loves seeing you happy with that luckiest girl

The rattle is shaken and life becomes unfixed
Torrential rains cascades downwards on ancient bricks
These stunning moments have been rediscovered
In wonder all is flustered in awe as the state of silence honks
Love creeps out of tune in time, the unsureness of cold feet
The voice fades, the toned whispers continually erased
Stormed and soaked, stilled and stalked by a heart that stole my dream
Drenched in uncertainty, non-favouring multitudes won't let me be
These flutters flattens and deflated, I stroll and I will not run
The floating fun fares vanishes, the morning bird furnishes
The time capsule evaporated, unstripped and frozen

Ohh, how I wished to plant and harvest inspiration
Wake up with a renewed breath of air, the flowing river
Of the days when the gloom masked, I hated what life had become
How could humanity be so self centred and selfish?
I looked for silence and the banging never ceased
The masses rushed, never to let me be, they snatched my freedom
I inhaled the hope of the freeness and longed for the racing momentums

How so?
That over time the weather collapsed to coldness, the darkness marbled
A nag of the songbirds, as I escaped in the ****** ozone layer
A disconnect of the mind, body and soul; when I saw my spirit sail
A snail sailing on its own course and journey slowly but steady
Reflections and visions of the timeline of growth and fertility
A heart of one, the soul of all, the mind of many, a tongue in sums
The chandelier hanged on a ceiling, high, holding the flickering bulbs
A condense of energy, the modelled nature of a prognostic intervention
A laughter and synergy rests in the symphony of the unsung melodies

Stared at a clock today
   it was broken
it ticked slower and slower
until it's time seemed to be frozen
     Even in it's current state
It would be right twice a day

                                                *  I was reminded of lie I was once told
                                               it had left me broken, bitter
                                                          ­    battered and cold
                                                        But even this lie would've been made true
                                                     if it was left to sit unfixed
                                                                ­   and I let those emotions brew

I stared at the clock, unimpressed
the clock had stopped,
         twelve o'clock it read
but I knew that it was taunting, teasing
   and I believed what it said

                                                        *Th­ere, I stood, alone and naked
                                                           ­    debating with myself if I stood
                                                         broken      and      forsaken    
                               ­                                  or if this was the start of the new
                                                           the beginning of the path less taken
                                                   for whichever I stood to believe, this I knew
                                                            ­where I stood then, that was the catalyst
                                                       and where I will be next can't be presumed
                                                        ­     but for this moment, this second in time
                                                        is the only time it will be my center, my middle
                                                         ­                   my noon

And with a taunting tick, this clock
began to move again
tock, tick; tick, tock
     and without a show of face
I stared in surprise
the clock began to run backward
         began to mock
Turning back time
  seconds, hours
     whispering, shimmering
tempting with the ability to rewind
                                                   time
                                                            ­              
                                                                ­           *   ...and her face began to focus in my thoughts
                                                        ­                                      the ringing in my ears became clear
                                                           ­                        became screaming
                                                       ­                                                    and the pain I had wrought faded
                                                           ­                  and the scars done to me dissipated
                                                                ­                   just for a second, I was watching myself
                                                          ­                                          holding her, touching her, * despising her
                                                           ­                         
                                                                ­                                                           ...and I awake alone
                                                           ­                                     sweating                    ­
                                                                ­                                                                 ­        yearning                
                                                                ­                                            scars burning                   
                                      ­                                                                 ­                                                 stomach turning
           
*And   down   the   hall   the   clock   can   be   heard   with   it's   ominous,   taunting   tick-tock   ticking   into *    
                                                      ­                             *oblivion

Im a bright idea.
A dreamer.
A lover.
A scholar.
A fool.
Of pure heart and...
A pure soul.
Pouring purely positive intent...
Placed within these words My story unfolds.

This is uneasy, unfixed, unloved, unending oneness.
And I sit un-interrupted in my unfounded unhappiness.
Willing it to fall like a ton of bricks.
And I realize...
Inertia is linear, not uniform.

So I sit.

Untouched by more than a few.
Unsaved by the untrue.
Behaviors become virtues.
Truth becomes reality.
Truth becomes trust.

Trust.
Becomes.
Everything.

All I wanna do right now

              is break into pieces and
    
                               never be fixed again

Moonlight Don't Run from Your Past

Moonlight don't run from what was in your past
In life there are people that will hurt you
Calls you so much pain;
Leaving you out to bleed in a hateful crowed,

You must learn to forgive
And let your soul heal even if it is so hard to forget
don't let your heart grow cold;
just let it all go,
hold on to no grudges of pains of long ago,

that would be like looking back to a darken past,
that will give him so much power of you;
Dark Angel will keep you on confused,
you don't want that back into your life,

so, let it all go Moonlight,
don't let darkness take hold of your soul,
Dark Angel will not be willing to let you go,
this would lead you back in to the life of coldness
A place of darkness;

In life, there are mistakes you will make;
you must learn from them,
But not run back to them,
let them go
never let the darkness take control,

In life, there are so much regrets
that must live with,
you must learn to leave the past behind
realize it is something you can't change,
Moonlight let go of the pain
And dance in the rain storms,

You don't need pain on your wedding day,
In life there are people you will lose forever
that you can't have back,
you must learn to let go and keep moving on
Please never hang on to the lies of Dark Angel,

Because If you do;
you will be lost in the storms of pain all over again
in life there are going to be obstacles
that will cause interference in your faith
you must learn to overcome these challenges,

If you don't Dark Angel will take over
your life and give you unfixed fears,
that will open the gate of hate,
this will hold you back from what you want in life,
Dark Angel doesn’t play nice;

He is always out making traps for you
He watches your forever move;
You must learn to fight for what is right
in Jehovah's eyes;
take hold of the courage of your faith,

Don't look back to sin,
Jehovah knows the heart,
He holds your life in his hands
if you Moonlight don't give into Dark Angel sin's,

Dark Angel wants you to fall into darkness
With him; this darkness to internal death
When Jehovah comes to destroy all evil
He is the one that holds the Mighty key
to your future of you and me,

Jehovah see's everything,
knows everything;
Because Jehovah God is the reason to faith
he is the light that shines into your eyes,
Derek thank you for going over everything with me,

I know my testing is on its way,
Never let me go keep the faith,
Dark Angel is on his way,
I will keep my prayers going
to keep my mind right to not look back to a darken past
goodbye Derek my faithful love.

Poetic Judy Emery © 1980
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery

while age is only a number,
experience is a set of volumes.

you, thanks to time and genetics,
have overflowing shelves.
you've done it all.
a house of your own.
a car of your own.
a cat.
a rose garden.
(are you gay?)
nieces, nephews.
unfixed income.
"making it."
how can i be so proud of you?
it's hardly been 4 months
since
i ran into you in the doorway
of the bar
trying to make my exit unnoticed
as i had avoided you not one hour before.
knowing one of us would have to say "hi" first.


but that was then.
now is this.

this
this
this dull glow
that never leaves my heart.
someone's always stoking the fire.
your shift starts
now.

The following statements of truth were brought to you
Not through, but circumnavigating fated parameters
Of insane, yet normative, largely uninformative
Mechanisms that formally give birth to *******;
And instead, strategically splicing said bounds with
Ideal variables derived from the courageously quixotic,
Unrobotic, and outraged agents of, and for, capital Real:

The train of corporate reasoning derails so fast
To follow is to snap the head backward,
Far past angles within measures of pleasurable fit
And open gates to deluging tangled circular
Failures of logic that trick and co-opt the proletariat.

We are Present-Ambassadors with broken flux-capacitors
Demonstrating a consistent tendency toward error
In efforts to obtain diplomatic access to a future where
The same reemerging deficits do not manifest unfixed.
One of said deficits may include all positive freedoms.

For the record, it shall be noted that civil society
Currently arrives implicitly to find it compliantly fine
To promote systems of labor designed to illicit behaviors
That will eventually undermine the actors of exhaustive work
And make benefactors of those complicit in crime.

As case studies of this paradoxical paradigm, we observe
Nations signing trade agreements aligned with
Selling more of the goods whose extractions have
Cataclysmic exactions upon locals contracted not to resist.
Those who take issue with this are directed to appellate institutions.
The projected scarcity of over-consumed poisons causes fear
Which leads to faster hoarding and more ex(t/p)ensive death.

Thus, most human behaviors presently inflate pricing, popularity,
And rapidity associated with committing system-wide suicide.
As shackle-some power consolidation bends toward a transnational peak
I hereby slide-tackle these forwarded trends, seeking goals of the rational.

Moonlight Don't Run from Your Past

Moonlight don't run from what was in your past
In life there are people that will hurt you
Calls you so much pain;
Leaving you out to bleed in a hateful crowed,

You must learn to forgive
And let your soul heal even if it is so hard to forget
don't let your heart grow cold;
just let it all go,
hold on to no grudges of pains of long ago,

that would be like looking back to a darken past,
that will give him so much power of you;
Dark Angel will keep you on confused,
you don't want that back into your life,

so, let it all go Moonlight,
don't let darkness take hold of your soul,
Dark Angel will not be willing to let you go,
this would lead you back in to the life of coldness
A place of darkness;

In life, there are mistakes you will make;
you must learn from them,
But not run back to them,
let them go
never let the darkness take control,

In life, there are so much regrets
that must live with,
you must learn to leave the past behind
realize it is something you can't change,
Moonlight let go of the pain
And dance in the rain storms,

You don't need pain on your wedding day,
In life there are people you will lose forever
that you can't have back,
you must learn to let go and keep moving on
Please never hang on to the lies of Dark Angel,

Because If you do;
you will be lost in the storms of pain all over again
in life there are going to be obstacles
that will cause interference in your faith
you must learn to overcome these challenges,

If you don't Dark Angel will take over
your life and give you unfixed fears,
that will open the gate of hate,
this will hold you back from what you want in life,
Dark Angel doesn’t play nice;
He is always out making traps for you
He watches your forever move;
You must learn to fight for what is right
in Jehovah's eyes;
take hold of the courage of your faith,

Don't look back to sin,
Jehovah knows the heart,
He holds your life in his hands
if you Moonlight don't give into Dark Angel sin's,

Dark Angel wants you to fall into darkness
With him; this darkness to internal death
When Jehovah comes to destroy all evil
He is the one that holds the Mighty key
to your future of you and me,

Jehovah see's everything,
knows everything;
Because Jehovah God is the reason to faith
he is the light that shines into your eyes,
Derek thank you for going over everything with me,

I know my testing is on its way,
Never let me go keep the faith,
Dark Angel is on his way,
I will keep my prayers going
to keep my mind right to not look back to a darken past
goodbye Derek my faithful love.

Poetic Judy Emery © 1980
The Queen of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery

I

Crested by the infamous gown
during a tribute                            to all digestible,
                                                     ­  sentient,
                                           grown strips of light
            playing splatter off the sockets
                                                         ­      of fishermen birds,
                                     who can no longer ignore all
                                     the puppy dogs and kitty cats canned
                                                          ­               in squeeze tubes.

Now every corner of this landscape--a puzzle-piece room
                                           designed to think in shades
                                           and seasonal plume dances.

The usual beautiful* late evening
has become clotted with hip hop Down's Syndrome
mixed with jazz Dual-Personality Disorder.

                                                   Vampire Hades' skull evacuated of ****** power,
                                                          ­      a scene of literal watercolor
                                                    wh­ere moods collage with paper rings

                   on their stubby tongues. An unfixed saturation,
                                                     ­         clean oils
                                                            ­   split
                                                           ­    like the parting of hair

                        Alice's pirate boy, her beauty is parched of tomorrow,
                                                       ­ a wolf for a blood-red moon
                 that works like a farmer
                          to      
                                                              th­e                       water.

                            Let us all that are wild
              quote the stormy truth that                          shifts the particles in space
                                             "It is all in the direction a flower grows,
                     educating a sea of doubtful faces--to the cruelty of nature
                                      Close the brutal mind,
                                                           ­       unless your eyes are flame-proof, Alice."

--It is yours to consume
but it is relatively us that belongs to the consequences--

                                                 ­  Churning coffee water,
                                            reenacting romantic bloodshed
                                    to addicts in attics
                                                          ­  --jostling war heroes
                                               back to this side of the looking glass.
--coming back to their tempest
                          of cremated breaths--a den with no one
                                                             ­   to sing with.
        Sad Alice,
   always sad Alice--mud on her face from             the Dead Sea's end
      of immortality           because Death is albino.


II

  
The top of the day,
                                                            ­              negative space
  has a dying voice        as it lies under the boot
                                       of the night sky  
                                                           ­      watching stars.
                                              "Simply tomorrow is right there
                                                above the mortals," Sweet Alice
                                                speaks, "To the many heavens
                                                      its­ overpopulating the fields."

       The earth needs its cotton blankets.
   Fresh air accents symptoms --dancing on slick gravel
  at 10:18 at night with a pale, pompous view of someone else's Paris.

Crocodile roads spit up by patterned archipelago drags,
updating the scream, "think more about going off the edge of hair and the last number
after twenty shots                         of anesthesia." The culture of Spanish sun denial devolves
         the fig tree
     novel delights.
99% of the fear that saturates the throats of people is a blonde tumor.
1% of the love is too passionate to contain the fires of field cotton.


III

         end of immortality
accepts her                 trying to escape her pirate boy
              but tones of nostalgia prevents the revival--a war with God, herself,

                                                       ­                 trying to escape looping Paradiso,
factory vents malfunctioning forth
                   the guts of Inferno.                     Purgartorio  plots on
                                                              ­          erased continents
                                                      ­   rolled down lamp shades/ everything is useful,
             waste nothing.

Republics spawned in damp pits stamp bargains on trust
     ringing each solo anthem as one: I saved you,
                                                            ­  feeble beast.
                                                          ­    I saved you,
                                                            ­  dear lonely and you didn't care.
                                                           ­    I reserved us both
                                                            ­  and you cast me back
                                                            ­  into Dante's imagination.
                                                    ­          I saved you,
                                                            ­  you feeble child
                                                           ­   and you burned
                                                              me­ with your
                                                              wo­rld.

     Weaving Alice, calm Alice lies in a dingy on the river Styx,
                                  cobwebs fit to her feet like rank shoes
           she gave her children when they were born malnourished
                                        ---starved of insurance money, mouths agape
for the silk heart of their father--an image of a moth in the shape of a human pelvis
                                                      with­ alligator mouths on the wing tips. They shared
                                      --Alice and him--those wings like scribbles tied together on chalkboards
                                                     ­                                 
                               ­                                       --places to venture--

Your Wonderlandia, she spells, a wasp's nest
                                  of combs
                                          in a hive locked
                              in with the others--concave atlas skies.

            Alice smiles with inebriated
   country boys
                          tossing comrades in the natural flow.
             Richly blonde Alice, admires the impression
                        of the night
                  once charred dreams,
                                               now volcanic forests.
              She glides on a dingy
              across the luscious joy
                             --lubricated veins in atheist's beliefs
                                 don't get lost here, just new places to venture.

Beneath malicious eternity, on the River Styx
                                                            ­        
               the boy she adores
                                    all of a sudden, she steals his hat,
looks into his double-barrel eyes,
                                       sees how sad
             she makes herself                  --like a mother tired of brushing
                                                                ­ her daughter's hair, looming tears
                                                           ­                                         extend beyond widows
                                                          ­                                          to the water.

                      The pirate boy says
            his friend isn't far up the river--she cries through her hand.

                               Hopeful Alice prays, smiling, hoping everyone goes to Wonderlandia.
                                             The pirate boy never finds his friend
                                              but keeps his promise
             and takes her away from Euphoria
                                                        ­       --the cranium loss still fresh.

David spied Bathsheba sitting in Uriah's bath
Up on a roof one night, before he fell into her arms...
Then bathing wouldn't cleanse Jehovah's wrath;
Bathsheba's man and baby came to harm.

Samson saw Delilah; they caused a perfect storm;
A plague of woe from love was roused,
'Til, blind and chained, the mighty man performed
The feat of strength that rattled down the house.

Antony and Cleopatra fell to each other's charm,
Just who it was who conquered whom is still unfixed.
We only know a serpent stung her in the arm,
And Tony died a lonely man, perplexed.

A flower stood alone out in a lonely glen....
"If love appears to you," Persephone would say,
"There may be thrill at first, dear friend.
Beware, beware!  Hades must have his day."

"The course of love ne'er did run smooth,"
The Bard was wont to say, and fully I agree,
The human heart may promise love and truth,
Then wander off in quest of agony.

wake up, feel terrible
for all the right reason
   it is all too easy
          this augmentation
                        this grandeur of emptiness

                                     it is silent

     a car traverses
  another road
humans are out there
alive and breathing and asleep
                                  still asleep
                                  eyes open
                 the humans are just
                          as empty

   in seventeen years
they will be as empty
      in paris
  or new york
  or moscow

their eyes will still speak
  as their mouths curl
and their children cry from
   their cultured gardens
the unfixed faucets dripping
     in their marble slate bathrooms

in the shower
they still wonder
what happened to their lives
          their dreams
and how they'd changed
with every pivotal moment
         they'd passed up
              for comfort
                or a new dream
     conveniently forgetting the rest

   they'll think back
to the faces of lovers
they lost to the road
   or to chance
     or to themselves
       and cry
           in the shower

            if they haven't
     forgotten how to

               recollecting
         how once
       long ago
   in a dream
       they had learnt
dreams don't mean anything.

My New Year's Resolution
is not to keep a running count of unfixed nicks and cracks along my foundation
i want to train myself to understand that the blemishes and smudges i see when i look into a mirror are not real because the beholder is broken and the beholder is me.
i want to sit down at a table with myself and have an honest conversation
stop telling myself that my accomplishments are amateur and meaningless
i want to stop wiping my name off the trophies in my brain with nail polish remover
give myself credit where credit is due
i want higher self esteem, don't you?

Close to everything.
Not fixed in anything,
like a dream.

Although my soul wanders
Although my heart is searching
Although my eyes are unfixed
Although my breathing is heavy
I will stay concentrated.
The goal
The outcome
The final walk
I will stay focused.
The pressure and stress
Build and build.
The trees of fear
Grow and grow.
The doubt of a cloud
Storm and storm.
Yet keep me focused on you.

You gave me more than I could ask
nurtured my physical form
an ultimate satisfaction
then fixated your all to my statue

It hurt when I walked away from you
My soul was dying and decaying
setting sadness for the man you became
a homebody with no life and adventure

You gave me your time and energy
when all I wanted is to see you fly
spread your wing and soar in skies above
I smile inside for who you have become

Unfixed but with a zest and passion
Take the skates and roll on the world
Flyboard on the open seas and oceans
sky dive and let the air fill your being

My pain of your suffering has vanished
It's furnished by the life you embrace
the fearless true gentleman in you  
Life is for the free baby, live in the openness

You are who you are
until someone expects you to act how they perceive you to be
one hundred percent of the time

It's something maple,
something thick when
you breathe, like dark
chocolate, like tinnitus,
like overandoverandover
again, hard to explain.

I have never met anyone
that could fade and still
burn like you do.

Smooth violence,
bottomless in all its
eternity, moving in water
so deep the ripples never
make it to the surface.

It's not weightless. It never
is, but it waits there, half-
suspended, fixed and
unfixed, solid but slippery
in your hands.

Hold your breath. She
knows you in a way the
angels don't. There's
something she coaxes out
of your chest, something
dark she rolls her tongue
around.

The act of inaction and the
odds, particularly of getting
by unscathed, may be slim
and far between, but the stares  
last longer, everything in  
h
  o
    u
       r
         s

I exist at a depth, beyond wallowing and sorrow
Where No emotion could reach, except love
But love has betrayed me, love
has left me strewn and sown;
Haphazardly, irretrievably, sown

I stand now, not broken.. unfixed,
Unhinged.. from pain, from grief
Removed from tears, my heart; a sieve
that is unwanted by love, undesired by it.
Though it dwells in me it spares me no thought.

Though I have reached out,
I am held down like Atlas
The tension is unbearable, tearing;
at the self-inflicted knots, caverns of solitude
Pits of loneliness

Left unsaid, is the hurt
Gnawing at the pillars that once held,
carried the burning torch that lit up my soul
I am undone, I am alone.. I am alone

This lead vest is hard to breathe in, and theres to much blood in the air.  I can't figure what went wrong here, the x-rays seem to leave negative space on white paper floors.  A guilt of one mans atrocity, transfixes the colors in his brain.  The veins like puppet-works control and define.  The master has no rights, left them all to vacancy inside.  

Walking over what lies only in half of his life.  The other side never made a move, its to afraid to die.  Paused and unfixed, he waits for the moment of peace to fall behind. Far ahead of another mans decision, breaks fatal pieces of reality.  Can time really take what has no life or dignity.  Crumbled footsteps sick of fantasy, leaves through glass that brings forth everything that will last.  

Comfort for the man, that really could never laugh. For his lead chest is to hard to breathe in while he fills with a repulsive vigor.  And all problems are left as a sliver.

Molecular tales, these wiles of mine;
amygdala soaked in weeks of wine
will only function half the time.

And fears, in-fight-or-flight response
are jaded flickers only, now
arousal first, aggression next
you cannot choose the ones betwixt
your memories peeling, still unfixed.

Life's luxuries cannot soothe that sting
And soon your troubled nerves won't fire
Silks and satins won't mean anything
And countless women not suffice
The contrast between cloth and skin
will blur to numbed-out Braille and ice
But you sir; still insist on this-
To drown yourself in every vice.

You may go out in fire yet
If one day all becomes too much
I wonder if you've passed that gate
The one marked 'Point of No Return'
And if you saw it, smiled and waved
or felt a pang of hostility
or sadness,
pure futility......

I cannot save you, no-one can;
I'll not be your last gluttony
And thus I submit my defeat-
The impotence of this soliloquy.

Today it fell
Like stars across the land:
The unfixed permanence
Of Earth's ceiling
(Just a dome with
Little pinpricks of light)

Ask: what's the weather like
Outside?

My hand raised over my head
To hold my father's.
I skipped across the blacktop
By the playground
Thinking that those red streaks
Looked like the meteors
I envisioned falling
Through the solar system.

It's interesting:
It can be both a blue pill
And a red,
Taking me away
But leaving something more honest
In my place...

Walking through the parking lot today,
Drowning in the sea of smog,
I open my mouth and stick out my tongue
To taste the rain
Like I once could-
But now instead of a smile
I send the sky
A whispered apology
And walk away, still trapped
Under this irreparable
Dome we've ******

Physics and Philosophy go hand in hand,
I have to say.
One without the other is a hollow, empty shell.
But every now and then, you'll find someone
Who says they're two different things.
And they are.
They're completely different.
But one without the other is an empty, dry shell.

Every time you look at a ray of sunshine, you're looking back in time.
Time is distance,
Time is relative.
This is what Physics will tell you.
But Philosophy might say,
Time is not a fixed thing,
It's so unfixed we can control and warp it
With our minds.

We can crack the universe open and empty it out into
A sparkly pile of planets and stars with Philosophy,
And use Physics to make sure that
None of our stars
Break.

In my room, the grandfather clock has been busy
Busy moving its needles around for over a century
Seconds, turning to minutes, to hours, days and years
A young clock growing old, pendulous pinions and gears.

That’s what passing time does, a chime unfixed
But truly, as I introspect, does time really exist?
Rising sun and the onset of night, an unending event
Churning of moments, past, future and the present.

Creeping on us, time is the rhythmic rhyme of history
A song sung by my clock, and its ubiquitous mystery.
A silent, unspoken, unheard, stealthy crescendo
The ever changing panorama I see outside my window.

But then what is the datum to know elapse of time?
Is it a mere yardstick of your evolution and mine?
Replacement of dying cells, a genetic work so complex
My grandfather clock, tick tocks unmindful, unchecked*.

Remonstrances sound in the pale evening gloom
One that is feared, a midnight rose' bloom.
Concealed by a thick, emerging wall
Cries never heard, dying off at her call.

Peering round the tombstone tree,
I see leaves swaying in the ominous breeze.
A foretelling of an unknown story
That has come to end, Grimm's morning glory.

Peeling off the gigantic red brick house,
Are cement and paint in cold dry blood.
Parting gazes deceive the spider
As the web tears apart for the cunning outsider.

Flickering and broken lamps unfixed
They cast light on the wicked, devouring mix
Of witches and grumps, different and alike
Who ruin our lives
And rip even knives.

A considerable vacation it must be
To head in and out, oh how much fun and glee!
But horror tales come undone only in the fall
When the glimmer wears off
And ink splatters the prison wall.

Standing before iron rods,
I've reached the point of no return.
Struggling ever against the odds,
The chain on which I yearn.

Words now fail me every night,
When sorrow pours out in thought.
Hope abandons with the light,
Leaving prayers left to rot.

I've tried so many times to say,
What exactly is going on.
I put talent upon display,
But my heart dies with every dawn.

Ten thousand words and many more,
I've left laying, only half said.
The rest are strewn about the floor,
Lifeless, soulless, dead.

I tried to show what I couldn't write,
But neither did that suffice.
I chained myself, cuffed too tight,
Each strain another slice.

Without pause, again I failed,
Letting eyes command my thought.
Delicate plans brutally derailed,
All my work and heart for naught.

I struggle to climb from the ashes,
Like a pathetic, weakened phoenix.
But I again bear new lashes,
While the flaws go on unfixed.

My fate is sealed by my weakness,
Though I knew what to solve.
I'll never recover from the abyss,
I've fallen, even devolved.

Looking up to precipice,
I've reached the point of no return.
I couldn't swallow my pride and ego,
Now too late to learn.