"scrunched" poems
I Don't Average Out
I remember crying during lunch my senior year —
my math teacher's eyebrows colliding,
one plane folding into a fractal.
He had sat there, nearly four years,
watching me struggle through an unreal number of numbers —
literally and figuratively —
while again and again the test scores whispered:
You
are less
than average.
But behind the eyes of a determined man
my insecurities never won.
He refused to believe the numbers.
He was searching for some unspoken meaning —
and so was I.
I almost found it the day of graduation.
I almost found it between his eyebrows,
creased like a point of pride —
because I was the first of my family
to hold something as light as a diploma
instead of a heavy head,
nodding under the weight of ******
The first to feel like a feather
instead of a six-pack,
a bad back,
the slow grind of manual labor.
I was flying.
Then college tried to land me.
Again I let an institution measure me.
Test scores trying to tell me what I was worth —
intelligence reduced to something
too narrow to understand its own diversity.
Less than average, they said.
But I wasn't below the line —
I was just outside it.
An individual
above their point of comparison.
I could read a room like a text.
I could build connection out of nothing.
I could debate, move, make people feel something.
Gold doesn't average out either.
So I learned —
it wasn't the diploma I should have chased.
Not the thing I'd wave at my little brothers and sisters
to show them how to live better,
burn brighter,
burn longer.
Here I am.
Red-faced and unafraid.
Spoken word was always there —
hiding between the creases of my teacher's brow,
folded into the question I didn't know I was asking.
The answer was never in his book.
It was in his look.
In his refusal to quit on me.
I could have found it sooner
if I'd known what I was searching for.
I
am
not
stupid.
I haven't failed by choosing something
the institution doesn't recognize.
I am not defined by a score,
a line,
a rule,
a rhyme.
I don't average out —
and that is not a weakness.
Power isn't in a piece of paper.
Power is in your words.
In your chosen behavior.
In the silence you finally break.
The answer was never in his textbook —
it was in his persistence.
In the way he looked at me
like the numbers were wrong.
He just didn't have the words to say it.
But I do.
Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 2:16 PM UTC
1. We are critical.
We find flaws in
everything we see
because nobody
wants to write
about perfection,
even though sometimes
we wish we could just stay
staring into that
unblemished surface.
2. We are never satisfied.
We live our lives upon
mountains of
scrunched up
bits of refill and
ideas we gave up
trying to
express.
3. We never forget.
We write words about
eye contact made
three months ago
that we replay over
and over in our minds
even though it
stopped
being relevant.
4. We are fickle.
Our emotions flash
from one
to the other
like strobe lighting that
disorientates us
until we feel as if
the world
will never be still.
5. We are exposed.
We don't know how
to keep our feelings
to ourselves so
we'll write them
down for
you to find
'accidentally'.
6. We are vulnerable.
We wear our
hearts on our sleeves
and won't lift a
muscle to fight back
if somebody tries
to break it
because we thrive
from the pain.
7. We will never stop.
We will never stop
feeling and
we will never stop
hurting,
we will never stop
breaking and
bleeding and
loving
even though the cycle
is endless
and we know what's
coming next.
We are addicted
to agony,
but we agonise
for the art.
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
You'll never know...
When you'll be head over heels
The most enchanting feeling in the world
Your unknown desires, it reveals
A current in you will endlessly twirl
You'll never know...
When happiness fills your heart
Having a precious bundle of joy in your arms
You'll realize in your life, he's the most important part
Not forgetting, he'll make the best morning alarms
You'll never know...
When your heart will be scrunched
Like a ball from a piece of paper
Feels like your chest is being ruthlessly punched
Your skin peeled off with a serrated scraper
You'll never know...
When a friend will turn his back
Whose hand you held, all these years
Intentionally causing an emotional attack
In disbelief, you gather invisible tears
You'll never know...
When you'll be caught in an unexpected plight
Daily reflections occur, due to lack of wisdom
To ease your dark path, you yearn for a ray of light
Nothing much you can do except to crave for freedom
You'll never know...
When the time comes, you might bleed to death
Tears will flow drowning your skin
As you breathe your last breath
You wish you had more time to atone for your sins
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 6:14 PM UTC
I would have really liked
just doing laundry and taxes with you.
We're near the avocados
and I can't help but tease you
"when are you going to make the avocado dish"
it's with a sly smile I ask this.
I can't resist,
seeing your little dance
your face scrunched
and you're flustered -
"we'll get them right now, so I can make it this time"
"No, no."
"We'll get them next time"
but really I don't like avocados
it's just part of the fun.
You drop some blueberries into the cart
"they're good for the heart".
Mar 26, 2023
Mar 26, 2023 at 11:56 PM UTC
Some fears are simple.
Others are not.
Joy murmurs above.
We crave patience.
Twisting the top off each other's head.
Who first insults permission.
Applying our hands as cups.
No longer dull to the vapor of how we feel.
We recline in long verse.
Spudders of interruption.
The rush of anticipation.
Pressed against the couch.
Some fears are simple.
Others are not.
Opening up to you without cease.
Frequent sips of red wine.
Tilting you over filling my cup.
Eager to sip in weighed sway.
I hear and smile.
Feeling the effects.
How you laugh.
How you smile.
It's funny how time flies.
Leaves in Spring.
Blown away, scrunched up in the crinkle of your dress.
Rustic brown & red accented in black.
Some fears are simple.
Others are not.
There's no alternative.
I'm an alcoholic.
Pursuing sip after sip.
Civil in how we converse.
Neighboring bold taste
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 2:42 PM UTC
deep below the wishing well,
in the tomb of wishful pennies,
live a team of diligent elves,
working day and night.
palms outstretched
they grab each cast away coin as it falls,
clutching them to their grimy chests in hunger.
they box them all up
and melt them down in flat sheets by the dozen
in factory fashion
in precision.
and they build from them tools and weapons;
whatever it is that they need.
their business is balanced on the backs of believers
who pour out their hearts to deaf coins
in scrunched eyes and in whispers
and a flick of their wrists to the darkness below.
perhaps if they knew the fate of their coins,
the industrial dungeon just storeys below
they might have spent their wishes on a shooting star instead,
destined to shatter through space.
May 22, 2014
May 22, 2014 at 6:34 PM UTC
There's something majestic, yet also extremely gloomy, about a streetlight at night in the rain. Something, some unplaced dimension within the echoing cars and within the particles of water, as they spray...into oblivion
Mother, do you recall that rainy day?
The day my gumboots soaked through,
I beleive we were waiting for a bus. It was one of those city rains, when all you could dream of was home or the warmth and comfort. When all you wanted was a bath and hot-chocolate or another item of food, steaming with love. Mother, I remember holding to you're body for warmth as we sat under that old wooden bus shelter.
I clung to you're body and melted into you're lingering scent, you're falling breath and you're human form.
You held me, you hid you're shivers so as to warm mine.
We watched the cars spray etheral mist into the orange lights of the city.
We watched lovers rush by under umbrellas, we watched rain curve down the cement like a snake on it's own journey.
We listened,
oh did we ever listen, we ate up the noise, the stories within the rain, we cuddled until we felt the warmth from our bellies rise out of us like smoke or a dragons breath, tainting the air.
I, you're daughter. You, my mother.
You're long hair curling down your breast. Me, like a little berry scrunched up as close to you as I could get. Like our bodies would drip into each other as one, our breath the same. Only my gulps of air came much sooner and you silently resisted my subtle games. When the huddling was done you reached out to me with you're strong hands and you led me along the night of echoes. I can't remeber much else, asides from sitting with you in the empty pizza shop as we both savoured and satisfied our cravings for comfort. Cold-handed laughter as we danced over the most delectable pizza.
Then we caught the bus home, you sat on the red leather, grabbing the creamy yellow bar, I jumped onto the ratty blue seat beside you and leaned once again into you're body, melting into sweet harmonies.
Eating in the sounds of humans and the sound of the bus, splashing through water
and journeying on through the deep
and endless city night.
Feb 8, 2014
Feb 8, 2014 at 3:18 PM UTC
There once was a little pug
Who's fur was soft and amber.
We got the little thing
On the fifth of November.
Her grumbling so sweet
Muzzle so scrunched
We stared at her face
Even as she ate our lunch!
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 3:46 PM UTC
Christmas
as usual, buttered
with senescent conversations
this year fizzed with a citrus dialogue
of scrunched ears, hot water bottle hugs
and altogether too much hair
on the smallest head
Dec 26, 2021
Dec 26, 2021 at 7:10 AM UTC
She laughed when I first told her
Only nine years old, my little sister
"Sometimes I feel more like men"
"Well, that makes me a frog, then!"
"But really, I'm not only a girl"
That's when she almost began to hurl
Her face scrunched up, she was crying
No longer thinking I was lying
"Don't worry, it sometimes lasts only a day"
She sniffed, "Will this go away?"
"It's always been here, nothing new"
"Tell mommy and daddy, they can help you"
I tried to explain how I felt
Took her face in my hands and knelt
"Sweetie, remember our secret game?
It's still me, I'll always be the same"
She nodded, finally eased
I told her my pronouns and was quite pleased
When daddy asked "What's my big girl up to"
She replied "He's really busy, lots to do"
Jan 19, 2016
Jan 19, 2016 at 9:54 PM UTC
My face is like my personal snitch.
It betrays me by revealing what I'm feeling.
The crease in my forehead shows worry, in some cases, anger.
My quivering lip shows that I'm about to cry.
My rapidly blinking eyes are tell-tale signs that I'm holding back tears.
The twitch of my nose shows me being ****** off.
My scrunched up mouth is me holding back my sharp tongue.
Oh, why face are you such a snitch?
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 11:40 PM UTC
it reached a point
where lies came easier
than the truth
and the truth was
that i wasn't a liar
but i would do anything
to save our little world
so i lied and i lied
until my heart scrunched
into an empty hole
and i was left with
trembling hands
and a sour mouth
because the truth was
i wasn't a liar
but when i looked in the mirror
that's all i saw
and it spread
like a rash on my skin
and there were black spots
within
because every lie crawled
under and inside
in the deepest parts of me
they'd grow and they'd grow
like a rash on my skin
***** incantations
were my mantra
lie after lie
i'd look myself in the mirror
and say
you're not a liar
you're only trying to survive
but the rash wasn't a rash
it was a disease which owned me
my mouth opened and closed
what came in and out
i do not know
my mind stopped dictating
the words i spoke
and the disease
taught me all i know
the truth is
i wasn't a liar
it wasn't me
because i was hidden
beneath the surface
of the disease which overtook
the parts of me
i could never touch
i ripped my skin
crying-
*let me out
let me out*
but the liar took over me
and i was stuck
beneath a film of safety
lies which spread like gel
over my surface
i was untouchable
until i couldn't differentiate
between the liar
and myself
and maybe all along
they were one
inside me that voice of truth sung
you are not a liar
but maybe
that was the biggest lie
of them all.
Aug 7, 2016
Aug 7, 2016 at 9:59 AM UTC
The shoe won't fit...the shoe won't fit...
Cinderella sits on the velvet stool.
My toes won't fit...my heels won't fit...
She desperately crams her foot into the shoe.
The glass it burns...cool against my blood...
Her curtain of locks mask her scrunched-up face.
Just a little longer....just a minute more...
She holds back the tears smarting in her eyes.
It fits...it fits...I'll make it fit...
Slowly, she gets on her own two feet.
A better life...better future...
She grits her teeth, walking forward, step by step, scarlet tears dripping from her mangled feet.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 1:42 AM UTC
If my world's a bakery
in an endlessly large country
you descend upon my city
we pass at the stale loaves
eyelashes flutter, aghast
like I'm an insect assailing your glasses
I watch you smile or grimace
Run your tongue, checking for guilt stuck in your teeth
"Oh! Hhey!!"
Your voice surprises us both
it is the same timbre in which I render
words more decadent than your courage
to spit at my living person
when it stands all but 5'6 and breathing in front of you
washing up bottle messaged on the beaches of my awareness
***** jezebel, ******
-her-
See, I've been receiving your cookies
in brown paper parcels
Little birds didn't want me to miss out on the flavor
I see you, small creature
how quickly you frost your hate
with buttercream icing, your loathing is cake
you devour and feed to anyone who'll taste
You have laid your field fallow
and let me assume disgrace
I want to tell you you're wrong
I want to push you with my mind
I want to throw sprinkles at you
I see you, small creature
with scrunched up fists
and I taste your poison
like grand marnier
it spoils everything
The recipe was followed rule for rule
The souffle rose
***** though you may
I'd almost rather hug you
if it would squeeze out your wretchedness
a flouncing whirl cupcake summit
so we could be tin-pan square
and may our pastry never mix again.
Apr 15, 2012
Apr 15, 2012 at 5:19 PM UTC
As I stare into the mirror
Her face scrunched up
Is she disgusted
Sad
Does she know that I am
Waiting for happiness too
Does she know that I am
Trying to hide as well
I try to relate as I am
Reaching forward to comfort her
My hand
Meeting glass
My eyes
Grey
As I stare into
the mirror
Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 11:53 AM UTC
I recognized him, not by his ruffled hair,
But by the way he ran his fingers through it.
Not by the clothes he wore,
But the way it shook as he nervously bounced his leg
Like this was our first date again.
Not by his bag or flowers,
But by the scratchy marks on his coffee cup
Showing how picky the boy is.
When I sat across from the boy, so familiar,
I knew it was him by the tinge of a smile
When he made a joke.
And by the way his nose scrunched up
When he realized his coffee was still not right.
And the rhythmic tapping as he stirred more sugar in
Just so he can make jokes about me
Being as bitter as coffee when he returns.
He could look completely different,
And I would still know him better
Than I know myself.
For, when we said goodbye,
I recognized him not by his lips,
But by his kiss.
Apr 18, 2015
Apr 18, 2015 at 7:19 PM UTC
It should’ve been Bagan –
she always loved Bagan,
Myanmar.
look, woman.
I am a dog outside your home,
overwrought and disarmed,
hunting for bones.
inverse moon over Pasig
tonight and I am on
my 4th bottle of beer already,
barking without teeth.
raged behind the typewriter
with nothing but a visibly
veiled waiting
this stance so
obscure,
so absurd
like the abrupt life
of candle-flame.
I was the lover
and you cared for flame:
now the fire is dead
and there is nothing left
for the sea to lambast,
erased by the shores of feel.
symphonies out on the streets
like leprous children scrunched deep in
the mire of the streets for alms.
it is now my 5th bottle
and I **** on the stone-gnome
in my mother’s lawn
and she will know of the reek
of this pungent disbelief – scorn me for
my heavy drinking
but what is a man to do
when he
is as destroyed
as
the morning
outside?
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 7:10 AM UTC
They asked us to think of the person we respected the most in our lives.
Once we had that person in our thoughts they continued,
"Now, write a letter to them coming out"
My throat hitched and I felt my chin start to quiver,
One kid called out, "But I'm not gay?"
That isn't the point of the exercise, Michael.
My mother always told me when I cried my chin looked like a walnut because of the way I scrunched it up in attempt to keep from sobbing.
And in that moment I knew my chin was contorting into a nut and my eyes began to burn,
Because am I?
The constant names and ridicule, "You're a **** *you're a **** **you're a **** spit at me like venom after I donated my hair,
The family jokes of, "So you have a boyfriend yet?"
No.
"A girlfriend then?"
The countless times I have walked downstairs in the morning only to hear my mother say, "You look like a lesbian" and laugh because I didn't feel like putting on makeup that day.
I had spent my entire high school career terrified of the thought of being gay.
But so what?
What if I am?
Why does it feel like being gay is wrong?
The word "gay" is used as an insult time and time again.
If you're not straight then you're not normal.
Normal?
We have to crush this assumption that heterosexuality is a must, that it's the norm.
The LGBTQ community needs you.
We need acceptance.
Someone should not feel threatened due to their sexuality.
That exercise, of writing a letter to your idol coming out, shouldn't even need to exist.
Coming out shouldn't be so scary, so difficult.
We need to learn and to accept one another.
We can't place such negative connotations about being gay, or trans, or pan, or bi, or anything but straight and cis into the youths head,
because then they end up terrified and confused,
just as I was.
Please,
We need to save these kids.
Feb 2, 2017
Feb 2, 2017 at 10:38 AM UTC
I saw her at the diner
She caught my eye right from the start
It wasn't too long after
That this woman caught my heart
She didn't fit in with the people
Drinking coffee , eating up
She was drinking with her pinkie out
As she held her coffee cup
She's was high class in a low class world
That was plain as plain could be
I wanted to be in her world
And I wanted her with me
She was queen of somewhere
I don't know, and I wanted to be king
She was high class in a low class world
And I wanted to be king
She had her napkin tucked
Just so, you know
Not all scrunched up in a ***
And she only dabbed the corners
Like an Angel sent from God
She was crisp and pressed and perfect
Not a hair was out of place
And the light just made her eyes shine
She had such a lovely face
She's was high class in a low class world
That was plain as plain could be
I wanted to be in her world
And I wanted her with me
She was queen of somewhere
I don't know, and I wanted to be king
She was high class in a low class world
And I wanted to be king
She was sitting in our diner
although she belonged far uptown
Most folks here all wore ball caps
while she deserved a crown
When she spoke, my heart just trembled
Her voice was breathy, like a wisp
And she spoke like she was Royal
So cool and cut and crisp
She's was high class in a low class world
That was plain as plain could be
I wanted to be in her world
And I wanted her with me
She was queen of somewhere
I don't know, and I wanted to be king
She was high class in a low class world
And I wanted to be king
She was someone from a movie
Full of mystery, intrigue
And I knew from looking at her
She was way out of my league
I wouldn't know just where to start
She was gold and I was tin
She was High class in my low class world
And I surely wanted in
I stood there in the kitchen
Washing dishes in the sink
And I knew I'd go home lonely
What else was there for to think?
She's was high class in a low class world
That was plain as plain could be
I wanted to be in her world
And I wanted her with me
She was queen of somewhere
I don't know, and I wanted to be king
She was high class in a low class world
And I wanted to be king
Nov 1, 2012
Nov 1, 2012 at 6:55 PM UTC
Paper soulmates
Drawn together by fate
Glued into each other's lives persistently
As we are paper soulmates we are prone wear and tear
Torn paper is truly unfixable
You can only try to sellotape together what has been torn apart
Scrunched paper can't truly be smoothed out again,
there is still going to be evidence of past experience
Our story Inked onto the pages of our body
Stained by water, the ink smudges off of us
Our stories ??
unreadable
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 4:06 AM UTC
Don't let a piece of paper define you
You write who you are
You don't rub out
You leave a mark
Your romance carved into trees
Your sadness watercolours of ink
Your happiness an explosion of paint
Your anger scrunched up beside the bin
You write essays on stories you don't care for
Read something that makes your heart cling to your chest seeking love
Something that makes your brain question the very beauty of life
Something that gives you goosebumps with feelings you cant explain
They are scared of how strong you really are
Schools don't educate they dictate
Educate yourself
You are the greatest teacher
Your brain is the self made nuke
They are scared you are going to blow
A war that is your true self
Its better to fight standing than fearing on your knees.
May 18, 2015
May 18, 2015 at 5:53 PM UTC
You were so close, yet so far.
I had so much to say to you,
So much to apologize for,
But i never got a single word out,
Before you disappeared into the dark.
You're just gone. It's like you never existed.
All I have now, are faded memories, which I cling on to
as if they were my life line, the string holding me together.
I wake up with a hope that maybe, you'll reply today.
Maybe, you'll come back today.
Slowly, days pass. One month, two months, three months, four months.
You're gonna be 17 soon. You're probably freaking out.
Or you're excited like anything.
Don't worry, you'll be the most amazing 17 year old in this entire world.
17 years old.
I haven't forgotten yet, no. You were always older than me,
and I always asked you to stop there, stop for a while and let me catch up with you.
You'd laugh. And I'd smile at the sound of your laughter.
So angelic and calming. So nice. It made me happy, your laughter did.
Oh all the memories I have are so precious. So **** precious.
It may not mean much to you, but I still remember and have every single word you ever said to me,
every single song you ever dedicated to me,
every single smile you ever shared with me,
everything. I have folded each and every memory, neatly
and put them away inside a box, stored in the back of my mind.
The lovely sunrises we talked about, the riverside tranquility,
the funny incidents in your life,
the inspiration you had,
the way I imagined your topaz eyes would sparkle,
the way everything fit so perfectly,
the way we'd "Knucklebump" all the time,
oh all of the memories stay with me, love,
in the back of my mind.
Sometimes I wish I could let everything go,
scream your name till I'm out of breath,
maybe the world will scream with me and you'll hear?
Hah. Who am I kidding?
The faces you'd make.
The walks through the forest right next to your house,
the times you'd spend on your balcony, just sitting on that swing,
talking to me, with a cup of warm coffee on your hand,
the times you'd be so immersed in a book, with your eyes scrunched up in concentration,
How you loved the thunderstorms.
Love, you're the strongest person I know.
Been through so much, yet you still go on, still have so much inspiration,
so much motivation, such a drive to succeed.
You never give up.
Chocolate,
Smile.
knucklebump
Nov 19, 2013
Nov 19, 2013 at 11:05 PM UTC