Nobodys perfect
Nobodys special
Nobodys amazing
Nobodys beautiful
Nobodys gorgeous
Nobodys spectacular
Nobodys perfect
But YOU're perfect to me

"i love you"
doesn't mean a ******* thing, if you spit it down the throat of 20 different girls one night, then get home and plant yourself beside me
"i love you"
i can smell the betrayal on your shirt and taste the **** in your mouth
you ain't nobodys angel

Heartbeats, breaths.
We're finding ourselves
Somewhere here
In the nothingness of our existence.
Are we nothing,
Because we are nobodys?
Or are we something,
Because we're a part.

Four walls to the room im in
Plastered white, no sun showing in
this place is my mind
these walls i paint
with memories that define
things not let go
feelings not left behind

Theres no exit
no windows
no escape
these four walls make up the prison i make
not to keep me in
but you out
Cant keep dealing with all this doubt

I'd like to think it happened out of love
awoken from a dream
it wasnt what it seemed
I feel in love with what couldnt be

Cant fight anymore
cant take the heartache
too many tears shed
in your wake

I cant take this torment
i stop myself
if your reading this
im not quite myself
but while im in this state
ill use this perspective well

Love is sacred,
trust is as well
Dont give it unless
you can be true to yourself
Fulfill your promises
it isnt that hard
CHOOSE what you want
and play the part

Dont tease me,
Take me for granted
Im worth more than that
I DESERVE to be cherished
Nobodys second choice
im taking my stand
If you dont come willingly
then i guess
ill see you in another land

Nobodys gonna love me better
i must stick with you forever
Nobodys gonna take me higher.
.i must stick with you
You Know how to preciate me,
im must stick with you my baby, Nobody ever made me feel this way..
..i must stick with you

It was a pleasure to see you again
Bulldog jawed with that wide fat ***
I wanted to tell you that I used to
Fantasize about you
Your dark flowers covering
My chest
As I feasted like a black bee
Like a disgusting butterfly
On you hair
I feasted again at the party
Last night
There is something about you
Some kind of dumb innocence
Shining from unraped eyes
That I wish I could return
To my heart
And we talked again and I really tried
To pretend to care
And I saw you frown at me when
They said "Better take it easy on the
Beers Ray..."
"****, I'm fine, this us only the 7th...
Or 8th..."
"Wait til he gets 2 more in him,
******* crazy!!!"
"Really?" You asked
You looked down at the empty green
Glass and
I looked as well
I saw all the light in the room cram
Itself into those bottles
Then I scoughed
And decided the party was getting
Dull
I had to hijack it
Somebody said
"Ray, tell the story about when you
And your ex were at the hotel for your anniversary"
"Well...****. She said 'ooooh baby, your **** is so big!' and I said 'yeah, biggest you ever had baby?' And she said 'well...no....the biggest I ever had was like 12 inches.'
And I was sore as hell about it
So we started arguing and she started crying and I just sat there drinking a jug of Carlo Rossi all night."
And everybody at the party laughed
And you couldn't believe I would say
Something like that
Then you asked "Ray, what size shoe
Are you?"
"11"
"False advertisement" you said.
Then I started screaming
"Hey! It's A DECENT SIZE, ILL PULL MY **** OUT RIGHT NOW, I DONT GIVE A ****"
And I stood up and unbuttoned my jeans
And some laughed
and the party hosts looked concerned
And I saw a scared fascinated and
Disgusted look in your eyes
"LETS GO TO THE BATHROOM, ILL SHOW YOU, NOBODYS EVER COMPLAINED ABOUT IT"
And I rambled on and on
And cleared the whole room again
Anyways,
It was a pleasure to see you again.

Angels are crying
as i stand on the edge of this bridge
i pray that i have the guts
maybe i shouldnt
but what am i living for?
nobodys there
nobody will stop me
but still my heart sputters
a beat that doesnt sound right
but i hurt so much
everydays a struggle
i fight back the suffering
choke back my cries
i look in the mirror
a face undeserving of
happiness
trying to hold myself together
trying to hold them together to
wish i could cut these suffocating strings
wrapped around me
binding me
chaining me
here
wish i could spill everything im feeling
but the words dont exist
i wish i could take this all away
but theres no way
i can only silence them for a minute
as i stand looking down at the swishing swirling
water below me
maybe it would be fast
maybe it would last

. One scar from someone who was supposed to be the one to hold me up through my life. No instead she abandoned me, left me like some trash on the side of a road.

All though I can't blame her I mean she would have to look at me the rest of her life, I’m a daily reminder of what happened to her and she hates me for that.

I cant help it though, but you know what aren't your parents suppose to love you unconditionally?

Scar number two…. Oh and don’t forget about being ***** by someone you trusted with your life, the person you are suppose to go to in times of need.

You're expected to **** it up and continue on in life as if nothing ever happened. Why is that? Society society society its always labeled people as this or that.

If you were beat up then its your fault you ****** someone off, being bullied….

My personal favorite being ***** is your fault “what were you wearing”, “were you asking for it”, “what were you doing”???????

I mean since you were wearing shorts you wanted it to happen. No, the word means no how about people listen to what the girls saying not what shes wearing.

Shorts or a dress doesn't give you automatic permission to do whatever you want, if her mouth is saying no then the answer is no.

You can't just buy peoples love, trafficking makes me sick those are people nobodys property.

This is an overpopulated planet, selfish people killing and hurting one another. How do you cope with it?

Colour of a blue eyed newborn's
Iris sneaking itself through
Marshmellow clouds lined
With pink mother-of-pearl
And my admiration.
I want to touch everything.
I work with my hands.
I can build whatever you need,
And am the best tickler
South of the Arctic.
I want to put my fingers through
Anything beautiful I see.
Always looking;
Wanting to touch.
                              
That which begs to be touched
My mind caressing tree limbs
Breathing in celestial counterparts
To weave through this new configuration
Third eye open
Stumbled upon fathomless depths
Unknown
Wide brimmed, wide eyed
Don't sleep, don't sleep
So much yet to soak up
To taste


That which begs to be tasted.
Skin, warm with wanting,
Wet with relief and
Passing contentment.
Lips that uttered
Curses now kiss soft
Fingertips tracing
More love than
Love has ever had.
All is new
To the reborn.
Here are my hands.
They see through me,
Look into you, and rest
Upon the centre of your
Innermost centermost.
An umbilical between
Godess and
Man.
I smile mouthfulls
Of everything.


Hopeful, hope filled
The silver edge to this cloud
Dropping rainbow 3pm's to halo
Around my grinning skull
I am simple in my sobriety
Chrystal cut clear in winter yearning
Seeing the forest finally for the trees
These wonders reaching down out of the darkness
Shedding light on this pale, pale mourning
Nerve tips trace along your dips and curves
Memorizing
Mesmerized

And that baby-eye blue
Is now a full grown heaven
Full of sweet nothings
And nobodys,
Holding only such ideas as
Void and timelessness
In its handless hands.
I watch it with you; arm
Around your doll waist,
Shoulder against your
Head.
It's a new day.
A new, beautiful day.
A new, beautiful, hopeful
Day for us both.
Pots of gold on either end
Of this unimaginary
Rainbow.

Do I even matter anymore?
to anybody
I’ve been peoples firsts
and their last

First friend
first love

Last person to see
Last person to care about

Could they care less?
Nope
cuz theres nothing to care about

just a poor helpless girl
abused
depressed
suicidal

unwanted
unimportant
not needed

if only they knew

everything

but they don;t
cuz nobodys got time for that, right?

sitting here
writing this today

staring at my fiingers typing
scarred
stabbed
scratched

these hands don’t mean anything

hands of hers
abused
suicidal

why do i care so much
why me?

why am i so caring?

31.  
Funny what you think of after a collapse. While lying in the dirt the first thing that comes back is never quite what you’d have guessed.  Or envisioned. Nor assessed the second time around I digress. And they play back like a movie reel. Funny how things come harder the second time around. Were reliving memories, like watching movies with no sound. And if you could have, you probably would’ve. Said you’d check if all your limbs were intact still and then try to get out. But whats the point in running away? Was there a point to be made? Did I even make it? Now that I mention it. I believe ive forgotten to regret and repress it. And if the spaces are narrow. And all the walls begin to look the same again. Is there really a place far enough? Are there visions in the pavement, a beautiful arrangement, and sophisticated places. Where you could dwell on the past. But still remember why you hate it. This is wild imagination. Its purely entertainment im painting in color, but im running out of room. In fact, running out of time even while im just standing in place. Its like im drowning in the water but im standing on concrete. It’s the land beneath my feet.  Am I losing my mind? The equivalent to falling bricks. When you’ve got wings but theve been clipped. And they think you’ve got it all figured out. You know what youre doing now don’t you? You seem happier now don’t you? Why don’t you tell us your secret. Why don’t you voice your opinion. As if there was any secret at all to be kept, I digress this is the mess within my head ive tried to keep buried and or left for dead again. And this quiet silence is piercing. The silence is violent, how it drags you down with frigid grips at the ankles. Whispering “come home again”, “weve missed you for some time”. But you ran away for a reason, so why the hell would I ever come back? And then the flashbacks come, breaking in unannounced. The things ive kept forgotten for so long. The faces. The people whos names became blank spaces in my head.  I remember once they came in said, “You think this is bad? You don’t know the half.” And they laughed. It’s funny what things come back. The first things you see. How they sort of smiled like it’s only a joke but they were lying. There was something else inside of his eyes. All those secrets people tell to little children. Are warnings that they give them. Like, “Look, I’m unhappy. Please don’t make the same mistake as me.”. Because I guess im only a joke. And my life is just one big comedy. But nobodys watching. And ive stopped laughing along to the track. Because I gave up on everything. So why do they constantly visit me? Do you know what its like? To give up on love, well it hurts,to give up on everyone you used to trust the most. There are ghosts, and there demons, and they all live within the walls. In every room you ever visited. In every crack and fracture in lonely halls. So they speak out in volumes. And you try not to listen. So they speak up a little louder, from a hum to a whisper. And its sinister almost inaudible, yet it resonates so loud. It becomes so much it almost perforates your eardrums. Why are those old worn out jokes on married life told at toasts at receptions still? How does it never occur how easily people are burned? And how easily people are afraid to trust or want or feel or want to trust to feel? Speak slow, the echoes in the shadows know. They hear you in your sleep. And the way you shift positions in your dreams, the darkness peaks in through the windows as the light dismisses itself. Almost polite, almost embarrassed. Everyone knows were afraid. Afraid to feel the same pain we discovered a few years back and some days. So we want nothing to do with you. I was happy for once, I was doing just fine. My timeline was becoming redefined, and I could stand on my own without anyone’s help. Especially not the people who pushed you off the edge in the first place. Those who left you to drown in yourself. The very same people who tied your ankles to cinderblocks. The very same who promised you safer ground. And then the earth quickly broke away. Why they then offered you their hand in safety. You’re a contradiction, a manipulation. A fabricated idea of what it meant to have someone. I gave you trust. I gave you visitation rights. So if you believe this is about you, then perhaps the shoe fits. Funny what you think of in the wreckage, lying there in the dirt and the dust and the glass how you’re suddenly somewhere, in the desert, in the nighttime, and it’s getting close to something like Christmas. Something warm and familiar. An open ended idea of literature written about a time where things felt, and smelt much similar rather than simpler. Glance back, I remember how irresponsible id been. How pathetic I was to blame everything on people instead of myself. I was sadistic, and intolerable. Improbable and pathological with the things I spoke. How did I ever manage to expect to keep anyone around? When all I did was keep my mind occupied. Not occupied with anything but shallow thoughts of insecurity. When that summer ended we came back I was jobless still. I guess in retrospect I should’ve sensed decay. Then that day, how you said, “I just don’t know” and I promised. We’d rearrange things to fix the mess I’d made here in some way. And that goes in the same cycle. And that goes in the same way I lost everyone I had. But I guess in the end we just moved furniture around. Don’t you get it, your demons never left. The demons in your head never moved out. They simply moved the furniture around. But I guess in the end it sort of feels like every day it’s harder to stay happy where you are. There are all these ways to look through the fence into your neighbor’s yard.  Why even risk it? It’s safer to stay distant. When it’s so hard now to just be content. Because there’s always something else. Now I’m proposing my own toast, composing my own jokes for those times I stayed afraid in bed. But never again. Noone will ever have control over me. No one should ever be that deserving or ever so worthy. And maybe I’m miserable, but I’d rather run forever in the opposite direction, than suffer your jokes again. This was just a well composed reminder, to never leave the doors open for old friends

Take this deal,
Sign it with red,
Use one of these drops
In which I have bled

I'm tired of everything
Now do you see
What all this ****
Is doing to me?

My sanity is slipping
Slowly losing it's hold
Like in a poker game,
I'm sure it will fold

I'm on the verge
Of losing everything I had
All because I ****** up
Did something bad

I'm sorry I'm not
The perfect child
But could you please understand
That I will never be for a while?

Perfection is a goal
Something you desire
But like a normal man
We all stand too close to the fire

Dreaming of something
That we can never gain
Throughout this journey
There's nothing but pain

The truth comes out
Nobodys perfect
So in the end of it all,
Is the pain really worth it?

Your love overwhelms me,

you look over my scars,

never at them,

how caring,

and understanding you are,

you don't tell me to cover them,

like everyone before,

you simply say,

i will kiss every one,

and that means everything to me,

no one has ever cared enough,

to get to kow me,

the way you do,

nobodys ever loved me,

the way that you do,

and everyday,

i think God i have you.

. One scar from someone who was supposed to be the one to hold me up through my life. No instead she abandoned me, left me like some trash on the side of a road.

All though I can't blame her I mean she would have to look at me the rest of her life, I’m a daily reminder of what happened to her and she hates me for that.

I cant help it though, but you know what aren't your parents suppose to love you unconditionally?

Scar number two…. Oh and don’t forget about being ***** by someone you trusted with your life, the person you are suppose to go to in times of need.

You're expected to **** it up and continue on in life as if nothing ever happened. Why is that? Society society society its always labeled people as this or that.

If you were beat up then its your fault you ****** someone off, being bullied….

My personal favorite being ***** is your fault “what were you wearing”, “were you asking for it”, “what were you doing”???????

I mean since you were wearing shorts you wanted it to happen. No, the word means no how about people listen to what the girls saying not what shes wearing.

Shorts or a dress doesn't give you automatic permission to do whatever you want, if her mouth is saying no then the answer is no.

You can't just buy peoples love, trafficking makes me sick those are people nobodys property.

This is an overpopulated planet, selfish people killing and hurting one another. How do you cope with it?

You're just a **** and should be left alone
Its what you want anyways, people dont like your tone
Always on guard ready for a fight
Even when theres no need, your always right
You big *******, saying you wont answer stupid questions
When the answers are obvious thatll teach them a lesson
You have reasons you're so snappy
It makes people cry, nobodys happy
And when that happens you turn to stone
Cant deal with emotions leave them alone
Beacause people **** you off, or you're just a ****
Its your fault relationships never worked
You think you know whats best
But people never listen so save your breath
Push everyone away so they cant ask for ****
Afterall you give what you get

I For Got This Was Coming,
Intuition Tried To Numb It,
I’m Alive For Nothing,
I Sit And Look Grey,
On Display Like A Pumpkin,
I Don’t Know A Home,
I Don’t Want These Bones,
I’m Gonna **** My Self,
I Don’t Where Ima Go,
Ill Probally Be Alone,
The Mind Is An Asylum,
I’m Silenced By Silence,
I See Grave Yards Not Sirens,
I’m Already Dying,
The Pain Is To Giant,
No Structure ,
Or Solid Support,
**** My Life,
**** My Family,
**** Court
,
Yea Im Sure
Im Sore,
Of Course ,
Im Paranormal To tHe Core,
I Deal This With Demons,
They Cant Battle,
I Feel The Devils Rattle,
**** This Time Im Stuck,
I Had Enough,
Its To Much,
When I Need To Be Heard,
Im Pushed Away,
I Wanna Walk And Talk Today,
i Have An Awful Lot To Say,
I Hate These Monsters On This Plane,
Im  Leaving Today,
It Didn’t Have To Be This,
I Guess Things Don’t Change,
You Can Only Try So Hard To Remain,
Im Suffocating And Im Blamed,
Your Welcome And Thanks,
Its Nobodys Fault,
Ima Head Of My Time,
Dont Cry,
At My Funeral ,
Lay Black Roses Upon My Eyes,
Darkness Caught Up,
I Cant Lie,
Night Mares Everynight,
Im Scared Of My Life,
Things Never  GO Right,
I Am Def To Objections,
Im Always Rejected,
Deaths My Objective,
Who Cares,
Don’t Sweat It,
Just Hold On To People You Love,
Cos The Devil Might Step In,
**** The Cops And The Mourge,
Ignore All The Questions,
Of Why,
Or All Reasoning,
Im Bleeding In Front Of The Ones I Thought Loved Me,
They Cant See Things

there you all stay
tucked in your beds like the little ants youve grown up to be
prancing around in your dreams
to and fro
on the way to meeting your destinies
they're all the same mind you
here now its time to attend the masquerade ball
paint your face on
ask them how their mothers are getting along
yeah sure im prone to flights of fancy from time to time
but you can ask me anything youd like
not saying ill answer
the offers there waiting on the table
take advantage or dont
am not here to pass judgement
only here to be here
and to go
same as you
same as anybody
going
going
gone
thats what they all do
go and go and go
til they cant anymore
whos doing the staying
the scoundrel
you demon child you
stop waiting around
get up and GO
there's places to be and youre waiting at home alone
for the lights to go out
the paper trail to disappear
thats all fine and dandy when you dont have a train to catch
you miss your chance and youre out
badda boom badda bang
all thats left is the old messenger bag
filled with an empty bottle of liquor
that girl really knows how to sing
she can belt it out like nobodys business
really

I am sitting in the middle of sky ,
and adoring this beautiful morning
Mountains are standing like a wall in front of me
The whole place surrounded by the black clouds
and showering love by tiny raindrops

Birds are chirping behind the trees
seems they are also enjoying
this beautiful morning same as i
These pink and white flowers
spreading their smells in the air ,
and palm trees are swaying by the wind.

The whole place is feeling so quite
seems every piece of nature  complaining to the GOD
that nobodys here to adore us
hoomans killed animals ,cut trees,blasts mountains
For whom???
what they are taking from nature and what they are giving???

There are nobody on the stairs of mountain, and
the the temple on the top of hilll is empty .
Hibiscus and champa had fallen their flowers ,
but now nobody is here to take them
near to the statue of lord shiva

The waves of river is flowing in the same way as before
but now nobody is here to bath and for suryanamaskar..
what we've lost?
                                                                               -samra

I would sing you song if i could CARRY a tune.... I would always be holding your hand...
Instead of always leaving for work.... My job would be you....
.But never use the word job.... A job seems to be the biggest obstacle..... Early mornings... Late nights... Inappropriate anger that i know you absorb....
How i call home when i feel like i cant do this anymore... And how u never know that i was anything but dad....
The words i can never come up with.... A day without an egg is gonna be really sad...
I would **** anyone who hurts you... Because hearing you in pain kills me.....
I made you..... Hmmm i realize now you made me.....
You made me smile… You made me strong and You made me something i thought i could never be...
What that is will always be  yours....
I once wished to   fall in love... with the perfect girl...
I now know wishes do come true...
I never want you to be anything but you...
The way you sing like nobodys listening...
How a four tooth handicap may be necessary...
Because when you smile its already too amazing...
Where did these four short years go??...
Time can be the only thing i never accounted for...
Every minute i can steal from life i will give to you...
So I can teach you to never steal....
I will always be in the front row of every Christmas concert....
Be on the sidelines of every game...
I'm not watching the Rudolphs or even keeping score...
It's Your game… Your recital....
And if the day ever comes your too scared or embarrassed to be on a stage....You can see me in the front row...
And i hope you give me your best.... You brought out the best in me...
I will never have the same sets of rules for you.... Mine will be simple.... But maybe ill put those in other poems........
And one day when i am no longer cool....... I am no longer fun……..
I will give them to you.... So you will realize that you were always my baby...
And even though i cant sing a song….. I Will always CARRY you….

I'll drop from the sky, not because I am a falling angel, but a leaping human, on a suicide mission, that's at least what I want to try.

I'll either fly away or die, but whatever it will be, there won't be any changes, and nobodys gonna miss me. I am alone for all these days, months and years, and tired of all my tears.

I feel sad and negativ, but at least this turns me creative,
so I write, and that's better than skinning myself for all this stress.

Can someone hear me out and I ain't gonna be to loud, because all I do is whisper in your ear, asking you to be the slayer of my fear. But who'll be that guy who listens to a insane person like me, they better take their stuff and flee.

I don't know who I am, because everyday I am someone else, told by the voices in my head, tomorrow I'll be dead. Awaking from my dream and getting up from my bed, taking my last steps to the roof and then leap, as soon as my foot doesn't feel the floor I start to regret and wish I would still be in my bed, but that's over and am falling, let's call it a voice-take-over.

One mans Trash is another
ones gain an Treasure..

So dont discriminate
An dont base it off -genoism
( ;p )

Knowing nobodys perfect

Dont go making excuses
for whos the strongest..

Because people now a days have discrimination down to a science..

Their is no gene for fate,
Blood has no nationality..
An
Family dosent necessarily Mean blood
Like a first family.. Their just as much..

Never was as curtaint of how far away I was from my goal, Then when I was standing right beside it..

Even if your 100% best is
only half as good to other's..
It is greatly appreciated to me
So dont forget to remember me..

Because if at first you dont
suceed Try an Try again..

Because if you remember this..
You'll want to keep on going..

"For every stroke to the horizan it was one we had to make back to the shore"

So pretend your life was swimming..
Dont let no anchors drag you down,
Dont stop till you Finnish
or
you might drowned

Also
dont let your resemas
be based off genetics

Holding on for something real, i wont fall for that devils deal, ive been down that road before. Before i jump into the dark im making sure i wont get hurt and ive got my light shining brighter than its ever been. That old man told me i might feel lonely but not to worry cause time will mold me to be a better man. So i close my eyes look to the skies and pray it wasnt just a lie, i can do this i say. Just another day. It all seem odd these wheels and cogs keep ticking on until im gone i feel my days are fading fast i have to make these moments last. And even as i slip away ill know whats right ill know whats wrong and still im trying to be strong living with this weight inside my mind. Waiting for the rain to wash away all of these poisnous thoughts these feelings of uncertanity the feeling insecurity. Only i can fix it all, i must try and if i fall ill learn to walk right up again holding on nobodys hand.

Can you feel it?
Can you fee the heat?
Can you feel the pressure in the atmosphere, or is that just me?
When did the calm disappear
and my palms get sweaty?
****, I'm unsteady on my feet.
I've been flipped like a light switch.
Cool and collected I am no more.
The words I pitch to you are already formed without thought and will hit you full force.
Maybe I could've waited?
But angers never procrastinated.
It's instant and ferocious.
I know this, you know this, we all know this.
But it doesn't help knowing in these briefest of moments.
A flash and its done,
nobodys won.
Just two broken people with regrets of whats happened with a loved one.
What a shameful and painful time to be alive.
It almost hardens the heart,
It takes its toll on the inside.
It's something we can't plan for
We can only realise after the fact and apologise.
Even if the wound is still sore.
I'm sorry.
In that moment my mind was blinded.
Can you forgive me for that moment of unkindness?

Im beaten and im broken
Im face down in the ground
What sweet grace i have spoken
But nobodys around
who can hear me
Baby
Cant you hear?
See its driving me crazy
That i cant have you near

You gave my whole world color
When everything was gray
Your glue held me together
Til you took it away
Now im in pieces
Baby
Its not fair
Because i know youre just fine
And you dont care

Dance like nobodys watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live on earth like it is in heaven.