"mayonnaise" poems
Earthquake Poem
3/5/2014
What do you suppose an earthquake does?
Sure, there are the shakes and scares,
Seismic shifts accompanied by tectonic tears.
But ditch this global perspective,
Figure out what rips those ripples, detective.
Let’s see you pound at the ground.
Hit it hard, ‘til you hear a heavy sound.
Is that enough to fissure some asphalt?
Tell me, could you bring this spinning planet to a sudden halt?
I can’t say for sure, what an Earth-quake does.
Though I’ve been a victim,
Earth isn’t where my quake was.
An Earth-less earthquake,
On a planet whose name I’ve learned to forsake.
Wynn’s world wandered ‘round someone else’s orbit:
Drawn to its gravity like grapes grow on a vine;
Brightened by its solar system’s shining smile, so divine;
Emotional tides tugged in and out;
Guided by its mysterious moon’s midnight meandering about.
That’s right – an orbit with its own time flow.
Time that could stomp its heels and steal a spotlight,
Time that could manipulate a moment like jello, mayonnaise, or some other squishy substance,
Time that could crash course, while standing still,
Time that could reveal something you never knew.
What do you suppose an earthquake does?
A quake could be anything that makes you shake.
Think of quaking in fear, as an unknown figure draws near.
Think of a jittery heart, that’s been bit by a bullet.
Internal tears,
think of organs bleeding,
Think of needing,
solid ground,
but falling and time keeps stalling.
When a quiet little quiver promises to deliver,
its slight shock signal straight through the middle.
When a molten magma core fizzes its manic madness,
like a shaken soda.
When an epic eruption carries out its upward excelsior,
Rejecting the spinning without a stop.
Oh, the mountains will tumble,
The hills and valleys, they’ll crumble,
And gurgle in the raging rivers’ rumble,
As volcanoes churn out violent bubbles,
Stirring up all kinds of troubles,
For one person’s personal planet.
For one person’s personal planet,
These violent forces of nature can’t compare to an Earth-quake,
When the ground you stand on begins to break,
When you realize your senseless stability is fake.
When that little quake knocks your Earth awake,
It’s reality coming alive to take, and take, and take,
Because for love, you put everything at stake.
What do you suppose an earthquake does?
I’ll tell you – it leaves a wrecked world with a cracked core and scorched surroundings.
Just because.
Just because, love on Earth always comes with a quiet little quake.
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 1:44 AM UTC
You were born on a cusp.
friends on the other side
couldn't decide,
Scorpio or Libra.
You yourself,
as constant as the tides.
A tenth sign ram
was blessed to cross
your lovely path
and the ram learned:
Short curly hair
pinned back reveal
asiatic eyes.
As you pass by and by
Time and time hearts race
Chicken salad sandwich,
its moist mayonnaise
is never as delicious
without a pickle.
Grubhub.
No, Scrubhub.
Too content to leave the room.
Yummy Rummy,
food in our tummy.
forever.
Broth, cheese and wine.
Mushrooms and time.
If ever I tasted love,
it was shared with me,
in a recipe.
Sound opinion in scores.
Royal, like the Tenenbaums.
Bill Murray fantastic.
Pink Moon over and over and over.
Divide that by nine.
And now I know,
almost as well as you,
how good Goodfellas is,
even after the tenth time.
Early morning awakenings or
snooze again and again and again.
Paralyzed in a dream or
awoken with a scream,
we tried a routine:
Once parts of a team,
a memory faster than it seemed.
Ran for miles.
A boy and girl in the hall,
amongst the boys and girls
in the hall.
Digital regulars in ecstasy.
Wake next to you a daydreamer.
So, when life gets hard,
and you're feeling down,
don't be so glum,
ignore your doubts,
don't feel left out,
I'll be there for you,
when you need me to.
Nov 6, 2012
Nov 6, 2012 at 5:48 PM UTC
How to cook carrot salad
carrot wash and clean. Grate the carrots on a coarse grater. Apple wash and grate.
apple, honey and the juice of red currants. Also add the chopped parsley and crushed nuts. All well and carefully
mix. Sitemap salad.
sprinkle with citric acid and mix. Vegetables lay heaped sprinkle with grated cheese and chopped herbs
parsley. Sitemap salad.
Heck, Cook the fish and carrots. Fish and carrots on toast to cut pieces. Cleaned fish and carrots to put in
salad bowl. In a salad bowl add the peas. In add grated horseradish mayonnaise and season with the Sitemap sauce salad.
Oct 19, 2013
Oct 19, 2013 at 6:08 PM UTC
(a satirical pop at the Illuminati)
It's time to slay fatted consumer cows
It's time to fumigate the Great Unwashed;
To sow mutation's seeds behind the ploughs
To see the dullard's dreams forever quashed.
How movingly they pray not to be harmed!
How doggedly they work to make a wage!
How prettily they line up to be farmed,
Yet, how they long to be at centre stage!
The Useless Eaters eat their pizzas deep,
Their double fries and creamy mayonnaise;
Produce only some methane while asleep,
And fodder for landfill, throughout their days.
It's time for the superiors to win;
Unleash the virus, let the cull begin.
Sep 30, 2013
Sep 30, 2013 at 10:15 PM UTC
The youth
Youth is weird,
Somewhat interesting.
An adult pop rock mix
With child soda pop.
Youth is Coca-Cola,
Marlboro, whiskey and energy,
The eternal monologue of life,
ID number, property tax and Netflix.
Youth is John Lennon,
Che, Fidel and Hendrix,
Contemporary history,
ancient and medieval history.
Youth is pants ripped jeans,
Popsicle, lollipop, painted face,
Chicle, coffee and french fries,
Point G, miniskirt and condoms.
Youth is the Dalai Lama,
Techno, rave and rasta,
Drugs, drops and guitar,
Punk, samba and hopefully that-fall.
Youth is the opposite of the opposite,
It's a Friday at midnight,
Mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise,
X-salad, ham and cheese sandwich and X-men.
Youth is D-Day,
Vietnam, Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
Testosterone, Woodstock and Waterloo,
Afghanistan, TPM and MTV.
Youth is a pressure cooker,
Isis, Syria, sukiyaki,
Anonymous, Al Qaeda, rice and beans,
Genesis, Revelation and mint candy.
Youth is weird,
Somewhat interesting.
An adult pop rock mix
With child soda pop.
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 7:25 AM UTC
my room smells like that sandwich
i bought home
because of the fear of
loneliness
that sandwich
with
cold bacon
baked with temporary warmth.
spiced
with sweet onion
mayonnaise
honey mustard
which flavours fill the emptiness.
healthy-ised it with
lettuce
tomato
cucumber
onion
to make the most out of things.
my room smells like that sandwich
i bought home
because of the fear of
loneliness
Oct 10, 2013
Oct 10, 2013 at 3:56 AM UTC
Is there anything more depressing than visiting a forum that hasn’t been active for a decade?
Perhaps visiting said forum on a Saturday evening, reading every thread and replying to at least five comments before realising that the site hasn’t been active for a decade.
The saddest part would be to continue replying to each thread before creating new usernames and replying to your own replies.
I guess the next logical step would be to continue the charade for ten years before dying a solemn death atop your festering keyboard and not being discovered until seven years later.
The forum continues to stand as a testament to your solitude as nobody has replied to your last post about the perfect way to make a ham sandwich.
Mar 8, 2013
Mar 8, 2013 at 4:39 PM UTC
Contemplating the versatility of Mayo
And all that can be done with it
From the slathering on whilst sun bathing
To globbing it on my bologna sandwich
I find it tantalizing to the tastebuds
And it sure does sizzle in the sun
I once applied to much and set my toes on fire
Lucky for me I lost only one
Thank goodness I was near the water
When my foot went up in flames
I guess that's why God gives us ten toes
In case we lose any along the way
As with anything you can even get bored with Mayonnaise
That's why I strive for different ideas
So I put my brain juices into overdrive
And came up with this amazing list
Instead of milk in a shake you can use Mayo
Please wait till the end for all the applause
I'm still having trouble dealing with thickness
And have yet to get it through the straw
Perhaps if I leave out the ice cream
And just add Mayo, milk chocolate, and ice
I guess I'll just keep on experimenting
When it's ready you can be the first in line
And who doesn't like mayonnaise on anchovie pizza
The perfect combination at best
Even better than peanut butter and jelly
If only I can figure out how to package it
Mayonnaise is also the perfect conditioner
You could leave it in your hair for days I suppose
But try to avoid to much time in the sun
After all...remember the toes
I'm going back to my room for more ideas now
Or as I like to call it..."The Mayo Think Tank"
I know my family thinks I'm a genius
Cause they always leave me in there for days
Sep 23, 2013
Sep 23, 2013 at 3:47 PM UTC
I don't know you
I don't know how you feel right now
or how you feel about the current state of the nation
I don't know how you like your coffee
or whether you prefer drip over pressed
I don't know the lyrics to your favorite songs
or if you like progressive rock or indie
I don't know your favorite restaurant
or if your prefer Chinese takeout and fast food
I don't know where your next adventure will be
or if you prefer to stay at home
I don't know if you like mayonnaise
or whether you like mustard on your hot dog sandwich
I don't know what you think about in the shower
or what you think about when you're washing the dishes
I don't know what keeps you up at night
or if you're the kind of person who falls asleep right away
I don't know your deepest most vulnerable secrets
or your hopes and dreams and your crazy ideas
what I do know is your heart
and maybe they tell you you have no feelings
that you can't be moved or touched
but I know that not showing them
doesn't mean you don't have them at all
we have the same heart and that's okay
everything will be okay.
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 6:31 AM UTC
I used to keep my baby teeth in a butterscotch tin.
I guess I was making an investment
in tooth-fairy stock; trying to diversify my easter bunny portfolio.
Quarters: Like chocolate I could feed into a Coinstar and turn to dollar bills
which I could then use to buy more chocolate.
I just, hey, I just remembered that I have a butterscotch tin filled with quarters
sitting in the back of my closet right now. Funny,
when things move in circles like that--I can’t even remember
the last time I ate a butterscotch. Or even how my final tooth
came out, which I’d think would be a milestone.
I was eating an egg-salad sandwich when I lost one of the last ones--
I just took a bite and one tooth stayed behind.
For weeks I couldn’t even look at a sandwich,
I just kept thinking about the disturbing look of blood on mayonnaise.
I wonder if there’s much business for the tooth fairy these days--
my dad, winding blue ribbons around small stacks of quarters so they’d look nice;
my dad, stepping on LEGOs in the dark and stifling swears;
my dad, navigating bedroom geography to make a swift exchange
while I slept and turned a tidy profit, trading old small parts
for riches and a grown-up mouth.
Now I wonder what they did with my wisdom teeth,
after they pulled them out last year.
Were they drilled out, finally, into dust? Or did
a dental surgeon slip some pilfered teeth
beneath his pillow on the sly,
turning one last profit out of my face,
the summer someone noticed
I needed a grown-up mouth?
All I know is that for days
I stayed at home moaning into my pillow,
strung out on percocet and eating anything
that could be sipped through a straw.
(It was only then I discovered the Sonic had stopped
serving butterscotch shakes--years ago, apparently.
You’d think I’d have noticed. But then, you’d think
I’d notice lots of things.)
I wonder how much my teeth would be worth now.
I wonder if the tooth-fairy has adjusted for inflation.
I still get excited over stray quarters,
but now I guess I just have to find them on the street
like everyone else does.
Mar 14, 2013
Mar 14, 2013 at 4:19 PM UTC
She sets down
her very large glass of Malbec
sighs and lights
a poorly rolled
tampon-like cigarette
the look on her face
bothers me deeply
I open my mouth
with good intentions
and probably should have
said something like
"Are you ok?"
but what came out
went something like
You are nothing to me
just an **** potato
there's almost nothing
that you could provoke
within anyone
except for the cats
Yeah,
I'd bet you could start
the feline revolution
with your poisoned toenails
and mashed carrots
not even seventeen vats of ****
could make you more slippery
No,
I don't want your wet cake
just bees,
endless mayonnaise
and cherry flavoured toxic yoghurt
Jan 26, 2021
Jan 26, 2021 at 11:41 AM UTC
Mayonnaise is not an instrument
it
is gorgeous
is better
is nothing but oil
is on sale right now for $1
is so easy to prepare that one often wonders why
is made with lemon juice instead of vinegar
is on Facebook, sign up for Facebook to connect with I hate mayonaise
is in your extended network
is just fat
and yet
is my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song
Jul 25, 2012
Jul 25, 2012 at 12:49 PM UTC
Can she have another coffee please?
And fill it to the top
She doesn’t have much milk you see
Yes, up to there, now stop
Can he have that breakfast there?
But change the egg for beans
And swap the bacon for tomato
Are you getting what he means?
He’ll have a sandwich, hold the butter
He’s not allowed much fat
But then he asks for chips
And mayonnaise to go with that
All six of them want carrot cake
But don’t all want to pay
Can I cut a piece in half for them?
If not then they won’t stay
Can she have a salad?
No wait a Cornish pasty
No, hang on, now she wants a cake
And still I don’t get nasty
If it’s not there on the menu
Why do they always ask?
It’s as if just being awkward
Is for them a daily task
I could easily say no each time
Not go that extra mile
But that not how it works here
It’s always service with a smile
The customer is always right
Even when they’re wrong
We keep our smile in place because
They’re never here for long
And so we keep the rictus grin
The smile will never slip
Because without service with a smile
We’d never get a tip.
Jun 13, 2012
Jun 13, 2012 at 11:10 AM UTC
You said I
shouldn't
eat it before
dinner.
But I
did
anyway.
Sorry, Mom.
Dec 20, 2010
Dec 20, 2010 at 7:01 AM UTC
The louche magniloquent maladroit malaise of the dense mayonnaise mouth of political palaver and longueur left me with that sad sinking feeling of believing there is nothing left to live for.
Lugubriousness aside, I was nevertheless momentarily nonplussed until I recalled that a bona fide thespian was once president. And to my dismay I remembered to say: nothing in the world can bother you as much as your own mind.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 9:44 PM UTC
Collin behaved very well today.
He went in the pool,
And learned to blow bubbles underwater.
It was easy for him though,
Ghosts never sink.
"I only float, mama.
Look at me floating."
He tells me.
Yes baby,
You only float.
You're doing great.
He ate pasta salad,
With no mayonnaise.
He is allergic to mayonnaise.
It gives him hives.
Oh Collin.
Jul 31, 2013
Jul 31, 2013 at 4:55 PM UTC
I hear my last words
lose themselves
hanging from the precipice
of a precise demise.
Looking for nectar,
I pick at thorns and scabs
you name your regrettable yesterdays
though I won’t find any syrup
In your horseradish skull.
Tuesday’s malaise will spread
across the week turning sour and heavy.
Summer to fall I thought I had it solved.
Fall to winter,
I know nothing at all.
12.13.14. Cem copyrighted
edited 6.15.16
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 1:58 AM UTC
Big Daddy
They call me big daddy,
two soft buns with an extra long patty.
Bacon, lettuce, tomato with extra mayonnaise,
women say it's the latest craze.
Tastes so good, it melts in your mouth,
I just love when a girl goes down south.
A foot long hot dog with a bulging vein,
there is no one higher on the food chain.
Some use ketchup, some use mustard,
either way it comes out custard.
Whipped cream with a cherry on top,
if you're a ****** I'll give you a pop.
They call me big daddy,
it's so big, I had to hire a caddy.
I put all **** stars to shame,
they're not even playing the right game.
Even a loose girl feels so tight,
women think I'm black, but I'm really white.
I can't wear shorts it hangs so low,
my third eye just loves to grow.
They call me big daddy,
all my pants are extra baggy.
Girls pay me just for a look,
it's more thick than the New York City phone book.
Don't be jealous that it's so big,
women hire me for their *** toy gig.
Mom must have had a three way,
with John Holmes and Nick The ****
girls pay me just for a lick.
They call me big daddy,
I've had every girl in Cincinnati.
Sorry to say but this story is fiction,
brought on by my sudden *** addiction.
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 1:49 AM UTC
There are no distractions
at 3:10 A M
There's not even a breeze
no stirring of wind
I sit alone in silence
listening to nothing
No , no I'm not in any
kind of suffering
Just letting my consciousness
expand beyond the borders
Beyond the mountains
and the sea's waters
Not even the space
surrounding the stars
There are no limits
as to just how far
My universe
is my man made cosmos
A thought turning to whim
Seen through like ghost
I sit alone in silence
but I'm not really lonely
I have all of my friends :
mayonnaise , mustard and lots of baloney
Apr 27, 2016
Apr 27, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC
Egg salad sandwich
Sandwiched between two hands
Hands covered in rings
Rings covered in mayonnaise
Mayonnaise made with olive oil
Oil dripping from every pore
Pores huge on his skin
Skin once not-so grotesque
Grotesque since he was nine
Nine years ago he formed a habit
Habit of feeding instead of sleeping
Sleeping isn't quite as entertaining
Entertaining is the absorbance of flavor
Flavor replaces satisfaction
Satisfaction in life
Life not chosen by he
He the king, the insomniac
Insomniac turned glutton
Glutton turned manic-depressive man
Man turned monster
Feb 14, 2017
Feb 14, 2017 at 1:18 PM UTC
If it is sunny in Europe
The Dutch caws of misunderstood will hallow my pestle and mortar skull to round tinnitus into song;
The French Fries will come with mayonnaise in a Bruges cafe,
Light lines tracing dust in cycled prose.
Light lines tracing medieval footsteps on a Roman road.
Bonjour, old world.
Mon nom est Kyran.
Feb 28, 2013
Feb 28, 2013 at 3:05 PM UTC