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Premji Dec 2011
Who cares for her shattered dreams when she is
Brutally ***** on the very first night?
Who cares for her preconception health when,
For him, the only activity is making her pregnant?

Who cares for her repeated abortions
Which results in cervical damage,
Which in turn makes her unable to carry
The weight of a later pregnancy?

Who cares for not to satiate his excessive lust
When she is pregnant, which can cause
Abortion and maternal mortality?

Who cares for prenatal care that can keep
Her unborn baby and herself
Healthy during pregnancy?

Who cares to relieve her excessive work load at home
And her ever expanding stress to provide
High-quality child care for her five or six other children,
From earlier pregnancies?

Who cares for her signs and symptoms of anemia,
Her fatigue, increased heart beat or palpitations
Paleness of inside of eyelids, gums and nail beds
Desire to eat indigestible or peculiar foods?

Who cares for her backache, increasing weight,
Change in her centre of gravity and powerlessness?

Who cares for her malnutrition, poor health,
Lack of education, overwork, mistreatment?

Who cares for her dental hygiene, her broken teeth,
For the baby grows within is another tyrant
Who grabs Calcium, even from her teeth and bones?

Who cares for her cramps and muscle spasm,
Heartburn and indigestion , insomnia?

Who cares for her needs to go to the toilet frequently,
As the growing baby reduces her bladder capacity?

Who cares her inability to get comfortable
When she has neither clean water nor safe sanitation,
And necessary support either from health services?

Who cares not to tense her,
Already she is suffering from all sort of
Tension and high blood pressure?
And her mother-in-law terrifies her again
The consequences if the newborn could be of a girl!
Sad, woman is the greatest enemy of
Another woman, in the most needed times!
If she dies, none is worried...
For he can marry once again!
More dowries, more *** and more kids!

Who cares for her post natal depression ,
As none to take care of the newborn and other kids,
She has to run for office and other workplaces
With heavy *******, pain and bladder infections?

Who cares that every pregnancy weakens her a lot
As she need some time to recover her health...
And on the very day she can spread her legs,
By force, he starts his activities again!
He knows how how to starve the newborn
Just by emptying her *******!

When things are like this,
Every religious clergy flays
The limiting of the family size by birth control!
Christians wish for a Christian world
Muslims dream for a new world under Islam
Hindus, Buddhists, Jews and
Every religious fanatic dreams of the same!
They offer gifts for women for bearing
More and more children
For more children is their cheapest weapon!

When will they dream for a HUMANE WORLD?

Healthy children need healthy mothers.
Healthy mothers need healthy food,
Loving husbands (optional!) and caring society
For true world is made of love!
Nhlanhla Moment Dec 2016
These things I've seen
 
A lover be unfaithful, allowing another man to boisterously indulge her...
The love of a 25 year life imprisonment sentence fall to pieces like the shackles at the end of slavery...
The characters of the bible being whitewashed and leaving the blacks in the dark, a black book with red sides and edging, resembling the sword that drips of blood --- Blood of the tribes fighting for their brown and green land but by way of religion fell into the enemy's hands...
Crimes of passion that claim to be unending and relentless symbolism of love and affection however psychotic...

These things I've seen

Drakes protecting the hidden treasures in the garden where the first temple was built --- I guess Adam had cousins but had no aunts or uncles...
Shapeshifting humans during intense low-level vibrational frequency ****** ******* - all ritualistic...
{In my dreams} Shapeshifting humans as they turn into star dust and crystal as they make love at high-level vibrational frequency - all electric...
Flying saucers that blip orange and red lights hovering about in circles...
Driving into the Neverland in the dark where the compass tilts clockwise then anti-clockwise...

These things I've seen

Tall Long haired pale ones looking down from a cliff in front of the greenest of trees through a mirror that connects the Universe...
A falling star descending as if it were directed or aimed with a cosmic bow and arrow...
Light elementals showing themselves through a register of time called the calendar...
Innocence fall as the heavens had color or people called the blacks such as the advanced humanoid-apes that fly spaceships...
Lion King being a true story of a faraway lost home called Avyon, where Cat People or the Felin live amongst the Bird People or the Carians...

These things I've seen

Starving children swell up and their heads being left huge on  slim a body signifying the aliens called the greys...
Aids killing brothers and sisters like they were not meant to have form, purpose and meaning...
Chemtrails arting toxic infections that cloud the nervous system with diseases...
Beggars begging for a penny and hobos pushing hope and home on a trolley...
Visions subliminal being told on tell-a-vision only to have the masses document orchestrated thought forms on social platforms...

These things I've seen, as I speak I hear them sing. As I listen I feel them breathe, as I gasp I smell their feet... and I am just below their toe nail. These things are real and the more I try to put on hope-headphones I realise there is a giant Zeitgeist being plotted against you and me, can't you see?
Kylin Luna Sep 2010
Something in his mouth, teeth
Quickly cut them out and ****
Those sweet infections into me.

Killings about wanting to be
Him, he’s soft skin binder,
The pages inside him shrieking.

Killings about loving, committing
Vomiting a heart and licking up
Leftovers for reminders.

Scratchy down my voice box,
His whispering tongue dances
I giggle, we’re ticklish.

Killings about craving, crushing,
His boney hands in half, his feet
With your crooked knife.

Iron metal bomb breath, his blood
In my blood, his mind in my mouth
Settling in my motionless middle

I love him, dead and dripping down
All over my printed carpet
All inside my sensitive stomach.

Killings about crazy, comfortable
And affectionate, to bruise, a battle
Swallowing fingernails, tears.
K Cash-Staley Oct 2013
Band-aids to prevent the social infections that could eventually
spread to the frontal lobe,
Diseases started on Fox News, spread to the living room,
circulate around the family dinner table
putting victims of ignorance on the coroner’s slab
Alleviate the pain.
Should we let the gapping wounds of intolerance fester, decay and grow maggots?
***** bigotry, vile illiteracy, primitive ideas coat the skins of society like a black goo.

Band-aids: self adhesive bandages
We aren’t teachers. We are medics.
covering the gapping wounds of life
lathering the lesions with Neosporin.
Healing the scars from parenting gone wrong
- scars from wounded self-esteems
-lacerations to the proverbial heart

Scars lasting longer than the body itself.  
No one knows where its impact will end.

Band-aids
temporary fix
heal the wound fast, heal the hurt faster
A Johnson and Johnson remedy for damaged organisms
Well-meaning ones hurling scriptures scald hands with tainted words
Healing is a matter of time.

Arm teachers to protect children from the crazies who loom?
What will protect them from their own inherited ignorance?
The damage is already done when they get here.
Equip us with Band-Aids, boxes and boxes.

Hello Kitty over their ears to block the infection from coming in
Spiderman for their mouths. Stop the seepage of any contamination from spreading to others.

The remaining scars will fade, but not disappear.
even with a band-aid.
Alan McClure Mar 2020
In search of distractions from fractured reactions
to viral infections conflicting us all
The beast on my shoulder gets meaner, gets colder
gets thinking of things that could do with a fall
Collapsing contentment and rising resentment
As vicious suspicions maliciously twist
And virally spiral compiling with ire all
the lists of the villains who wouldn’t be missed.
It’s easy, a breeze, to believe this disease
is a key to relieve us of troublesome foes
Let karma disarm those who lead us to harm
in whatever the form that enrages you most
But I can’t let it happen, can’t fall for that pattern
and so I shall seek a superior spell
A quick incantation from nation to nation –
I hope you don’t get it. I hope you stay well.
Though losing my patience in self-isolation
my station is not to condemn or to curse
We’re scared, unprepared, we’re deserving of care
We are all of us human – no better, no worse
It’s easy to send all my prayers to my friends
to extend my concern to my own personnel
but when all’s said and done we are all of us one
and I hope you don’t get it. I hope you stay well.
The bog-rolling, bankrolling blinkered baboons
who believe that their need is more urgent than yours
The greedy, the needy, the selfish, the seedy
who’d climb over corpses to capture the cures
To wish them destruction, distress or dysfunction’s
to sanction the strife that’ll send us to hell
There’s only one thought that can stifle the rot –
I hope you don’t get it. I hope you stay well.
The braggard, the swaggard, the ****-stirring blackguard
who puffs and parades and proclaims it a hoax
However prophetic, profound and poetic
the justice would be if you choked on your jokes
You’re only mistaken, a place often taken
by me and by you and by everyone else
You may be a fool, may be callous and cruel
But I hope you don’t get it. I hope you stay well.
The fashion for passion has stirred us to action
Habitual friction, regrettable, crass
I know that I need just a moment to breathe
my rage can engage when the danger is passed
From Daisy to Doris, from Donald to Boris
we’re part of a chorus for good or for ill
We loathe and we love and we hug and we shove
And I hope you don’t get it. I hope you stay well.
Isobel G Dec 2011
I must have one of those crazy infections:
Bitten on the jugular,
With silent jaws,
And within an instance,
All the sounds,
All the colours disappear,
Leaving you to die,
In static and white
©Nicola-Isobel H.         26.12.2011
Alicia Brooke Apr 2013
A wicked wind rages at your window
while you sit in the dim staring
with your zombie eyes fixed on
faces and names taped to the wall.

Coffee stains your teeth,
but ***** stains your soul.
The infections in your ears
make it hard for you to hear, but it’s not
like anyone was going to try to talk to you.

Your chapped lips long for a kiss
from the boy whose name you
doodled with a pen over and over
until the letters stopped making sense.

Pile trash on your bed so the
sheets won’t touch your skin,
and the whispers won’t keep you
awake all night unless you let them.
michelle reicks Oct 2011
It's this emptiness
the feeling of being
punched in the stomach

Not once
                  but every every every every every every every
moment

the skin on my eyelids is
raw

        I want to just
close them  

              and rest

from the pain
       and the (dull screaming)
ness of my headaches
and my
******* sinus infections

and my sore heels
from stepping on the
glass shards

from the window I had to break.

I wish I could blame
you

but the truth is

I slit my own wrists

this time

               and I'm
dealing with this pain
          alone

              I'm feeling it
until this pit

either shrinks
              or disappears

or until you come back



it's all my fault.
She was like the iron pyrite
The teacher asked them to examine, and describe;
Cold, dense and prickly,
Difficult to love.
Given the right light
And a gentle handling,
Oh, how she'd sparkle,
But in that place, expectations and sensory overload
rendered her lumpen, and resistant.
Removed from her books and her inner world - all she needed -
And placed in a maelstrom,
She was bewildered and forlorn.
Un-cooperative, they called her,
And the teachers loved the other gems instead,
Pretty little nuggets; Ruby, Jasper, Jade.

Two years of discouragement and dislike
And even the tentative sparkles had darkened.
The other gems enjoyed each other
And moved away from her magnetic pull,
sensing difference.
No outright meanness, not yet,
But hints were brewing, whispers had started
And she wandered alone, in the playground,
Talking to the seagulls, and singing to herself.
The teachers only wanted conformity
And called her parents to voice concern
about her lack of friends.
Had they asked her, allowed her to have a say
She would have told them it didn't matter
But they were determined that it did, to them, if not to her,
And her parents were added to the burden of people
Worried and disappointed, watching.
She knew now, she was different, she had always known but never minded,
Now it was a problem. She didn't fit,
Like that scratchy purple uniform, around her chubby waist
Food didn't judge, dislike or condemn.

That life ended, and a new struggle, in a new school, began.
This was harder; the meanness was apparent now,
Difference wasn't tolerated
And someone wandering alone was a target.
She found a place to hide, behind a staircase, with a book,
But they found her, removed her and patrolled her only refuge
Forcing her to submit to the torture.
Every day was a war zone,
So she found another way, and embraced ill-health, stealthily
Spraying deodorant directly into her own face
induced asthma attacks; and not all those  ear infections were real,
She was an accomplished actress.

She got through it, millions do.
She found her own place, her own friends in her own time.
Among Onyx, Jet and Tigers Eye
Her darkness didn't mark her out as different,
And all that fake illness
Was great prep for theatre,
Where she was able to return to her inner world,
And no-one cared if you feigned madness
Or embraced the real thing.
Difference was celebrated,
The whispers now, were that she had a great stage presence,
And a talent to be nurtured,
Not a difference to be despised.
Alexia Jul 2013
Sometimes I am petrified
at the mere mention of teeth
hinting injected infections, lies
it's a miracle when stones can walk
melt into a living creature
through revolving frames of mind
doors into the mystery mists
wisps of unknowable timeless destiny
Big Virge May 2016
Nowadays ... when I write ...
My Tension ... " Lessens " ...
which ... Helps me find ...
Some ... " Peace of Mind " ...

Enabling me ...
To Avoid ....

" Depression " .... !!!!!!

My writing style ...
Keeps On ... " Progressing " ...

Thus ... when I write ...
I do ... Less ... stressing ...

I'm now ... investing ...
So Much Time ... !!! ...

"Constructing" ... sentences ...
Built in .... rhyme ....
that time now seems ...
to .... pass me by ....

I don't know ... why ... ?
but ... now my life ...
Feels ... Less Complex ...
when I ... " Express " ... !!!
the thoughts that ... REST ...
inside .... My Mind ....

I've ... NEVER ...
been one ...
to enjoy ... a good cry ...

I'd rather try ...
to ... " Solidify " ...
My ... " Mental State " ...

So .... " Contemplate " .................................

and .... " Train My Brain " ....
to .... " Find A Way " ....
to .... " Ease My Pain " ....

That's ... Easy to Say ...
But .... " Not To Do !!! " ....

Especially when ....
You have .... " Dark Moods ! "

Moods ... that can lead ...
to .... " Self Abuse " .... !!! ....

"Intercepting" .... Progression ....

Well .....
That's .... NOT GOOD .... !!!!!

Simple inspection ...
of thoughts your collecting ...
can give you ... "Direction" ...
and ... Fuel ... Your Progression ...

WE ALL ...
NEED TO LEARN ... !!!!!

from life's ...
"Simple Lessons" ...
and make ... "Good Selections" ...
or face ... "Long Detentions" ...
once judges ... Pass Sentence ... !!!

AIDS ... keeps on progressing ...
because of ... " Infections " ...
So ... USE ... some protection ...
when getting .... ERECTIONS .... !!!!!!

and girls .....

" Take Your Time " ...

with ... EVERY ... New Guy ...
before yes ... " Progressing " ...
To Spreading ... " Those Thighs " ... !!!

"Progression' ... is nice ... !!!
when ... Temperatures' Rise ...
for ... " ****** Type Highs " ...

Especially when ....
Her Body ... is ... TIGHT ... !!!!!

When ... Everything's Right ... !!! ...
Drinks by ... " Candlelight " ...
or under ... " Moonlight " ... !!! ...
Way Up ... in the sky ...

is the kind of ... Progression ...
I just .... Cannot Fight ....
and that's a ... Confession ...
I'll ... ALWAYS ... stand by ... !!!!!

But .....
Only ... with women ...
with ... "Progressive Minds" ...

I Don't like felines ....
with ... Obsessive Minds ...
or those now .... Inclined ....
to sniff on .... " Cokelines " .... !!!!!

Relationships .... Lengthen ....
when both are ... Progressing ...
on .... " Similar Lines " ....

Opposites ... May Attract ... ?
but sometimes ... " Collapse " ... !!!
because of ... The Fact ...
that ... " Forward Progression " ...
comes easy when moving ...
in YES ... " One Direction " ... !!! ...

The point that i'm ...
.... STRESSING .... !!!

is ... have a ...
.... " Connection " .....
with who you're ....
.... " Selecting " ....

and this ...
You may find ... ?
Helps keep you ...
" Progressing " ...

Just like ... I now do ...
through words I now use ...
that help me .... " Defuse " ....
My .... " Aggressive Moods " ....

These days ...
I look forward ...
and ... try to ... " Progress " ...
because of the ... " Traumas " ...
that ... make me get ... MAD ... !!!!!!

But now ...
when I get ...
My Pen and Notepad ...
and ... start to express ...

It Helps me ... Progress ...
by ... THINKING ... much more ...
Therefore ... " Stressing " ...

....... much less .............

This form of ... " Progression "
Develops ... My Strength ...
and ... Helps me to ... DEAL ...
with ... " ignorant Heads " ... !!!

It's ... working for me ...
in this ... Society ...
of .... " Fallacies " ....

Built to place ... STRESS ... !!!
on our need to ... " Progress " ... ?

We're ... CLEARLY ...
..... " Regressing " .....
instead of ... " Progressing " ...

Life's ... providing
..... " Distress " ..... !!!
and ... " Stress-Filled Tests ! "

that ... cannot be ... Eased ...
by the ... Latest PC ...
or ... HD ... T.V.    
when so many live in ...

...... " Poverty " ...... !!!!!!!!!

What kind of progression ... ?
Creates ... So Much ...
..... " Stressing " ...... !?!
about .... Energy ....
and having .... Money .... !!!?!!!

Is this ... " Humanity " ... ?!?

or just a ... " Procession " ...
to ... Human Life ... ending ...
because of .... " Aggression " ....
and ... " Progressive Greed " ... !!!!!

So Many ... have questions ... ?
that they ... Want to ask ...
about our ... " Existence " ...

But .....
Where do we ... start ... !?!

When governments now ...
Refuse to ... back down ... !!!!!

Our leaders are ... " Messing " ... !!!
with most of ... "Gods' Blessings" ... !!!

We must ... !!!
Lessen Tensions  ... !!!!!

REMEMBER ....
that sentence .... !!!!!

If we are to ... " Strengthen "
We Need ... " Less Aggression " ... !!!
and should ... Pay Attention ... !!! ...
to ... " Historys' Lessons " ...

Especially those ...
that have ... " Hindered " ...

.... " Progression " ....
The poem says it all .........
Jonny Angel Jan 2014
In an age of plastic-alternatives,
brain implants & piercings,
augmentation & body building,
we can alter our states of being.

Little pills can fix headaches,
stop viral infections,
make our wood get harder,
even clean up bouts of acne.

We can paint our faces,
decorate our eyes,
replace body parts,
exchange them too.

But if we knew the cure,
could figure out the genetic code,
had the solution for stupidity,
we could change the universe.
Just a little rant-write!
Amelia Louise Nov 2013
So I fell.
Recklessly,
headlessly,
in all of the ways I said I wouldn't.
I fell deep
and hard
and fast.
Like the skydiver who's cord won't pull.
Like the traindriver who's car is full
I moved too quickly.
There was no time to stop and realize
this could never end well.
Whether now or in twenty years.
And all I have done is postpone the expiration date.
It hurts sometimes.
Especially when I realize the way I miss you
now
is nothing compared to the way I will miss you
then.
The day you lock that door for the last time will
**** me inside.
I gave you the code
to everything about me.
My fantasies, my family.
My deepest fears, my future dreams.
The words I speak will form the key that allows you to unlock me.
Leaving my heart broken open,
spilling all my tokens of
rejection and affection.
All my lifelong infections in
my lungs
my heart,
my brain.
I don't hold things back from you because I
can't.
I can't be anything but my crazy, needy, sad, scary
self, when i'm with you.
But recently, that isn't true.
I have been bottling everything.
Saving it for the perfect moment when
I could say it
and you could own it.
And that moment hasn't come.
It is no where in sight
and that makes me run from
feelings
like these
that I have for you.
I keep thinking an end is the right thing to do
but something in me won't give up on you.
Some part absolutely must refuse
my heart in letting go of you.
And I
am *******
terrified,
that this thing might be really true.
But I can't shake the feeling it isn't.
What is it about you that you keep hidden
that drives me along in my endless mission
to stay with you?
And will I find it
before you find out
that
everyone leaves eventually.
Hannah Mar 2014
There is no fantastical world in which civility between us can exist. Civility, of course, being perceived in the sense that we can coexist pleasantly, without a romance topped with jaded raspberries and peppermint liqueur.
After a generous amount of sneezing and crawling and crying in the moonlight with half embered cigarettes hanging from our dripping mouths, I saw this. A grievous vision of Hank Stamper clawing at my back end, a still-life embedded someplace dark and dank, a cradle so forgotten and filthy that only a mother woven from dirt-covered cloth could love it. We built some ridiculous, disgusting house and made love in it. Day in, day out.
In the end our urinary tract infections infected our kidneys and became fatal when paired with the dysentery. I will always remember your name paired with dysentery, my love.
I promised myself endlessly that I was laying in such a softer settlement without you. Your reckless lifestyle was grimier than mine and our paths collided and collapsed with validity, I was sure of that. I am sure of that. However, it seems my insistence that I recover from you, brings with it some kind of ****** up honor to be dealt your way. Should I write a song about you? No, I'd soon hear it in your trapeze act. Should I make a film about you? No, the lead would be sinfully attractive and further engorge your rather large head. Should I write a book about you? Should I? Have I? Can I? I doubt you would see the honor here. In fact, if you were to look for anything other than consistent misuses of punctuation in my writing, I feel sure you would find solace and comfort and silence would soon follow.
The soft wind yet breaks on my cheek,
Its frigidness does my heart keep,
Inside its breath and wantings weep,
I lost everything in the haze of sleep.
-
Upon a drifting willow's bark,
I spied the sights of twisting arc,
The ax that had here made its mark,
Had morosely torn the tree apart.
-
I found there that nothing may change,
Yet everything has something to gain,
The profit in sales of wilting and pain,
Has lead to self-proclaimed "insane."
-
Footprints in sand with tide washed away,
Echoes enchant the hive mind, astray
I walk only to get through wretched today,
Tomorrow holds no reason to stay.
-
Love contaminates the air I breath,
Infections break in my head and seethe
How does one follow this revolting creed?
I know not this virtue, it escapes me.
-
No folly of mine found in books of lore,
I'm not kept hero in tomes of yore,
I remember naught of all before,
And I lay down to die in the awaiting shore.
-
Bitter and relentless does my heart scorn,
That I wish to remove it and flesh betorn,
That my hopes may bring sickle to corn,
That I pray for mourning's distant morn.
NitaAnn Aug 2013
My heart is an ***** that pumps blood through my veins…it is NOT a room for my "inner child" to live in. And no, I cannot see, or hear "Little Nita" talking or sitting beside me, and no – I will not comfort her or let her sit on my lap. I will not do those things because she is not here. "Little Nita" does not exist – I cannot see her, or hear her – she used to exist, but she grew up and became ME, "BIG Nita", "Adult Nita" – and honestly, I like the "Adult Nita" much better….big improvement. And "Little Nita" doesn't live in my heart.

If someone asks ME, "Adult Nita", I have no problem telling you about how unfair life can be sometimes. People do bad things –and I accept that. I guess my life will be filled with a perpetual struggle to find my voice. In essence, it all comes down to that. And perhaps rather than face the struggle in defensive move, always poised, on guard, ready to fight, I should embrace that ideology as one of comfort, something to look forward to. Maybe the difference between living and a life is found, not in the degree to which one succeeds in finding her voice and making it heard, but in having a voice to find in the first place. Without that constant, continual fight – you are silenced, and a spirit silenced begins to die (I know this to be true). And once this happens, one becomes empty, numb- a shadow or a shell of one's former self, with nothing constant to hold on to. My cutting – that was my "constant", my "comrade" – when everyone else walked away – I knew that I could depend on this. But perhaps I've been wrong about this too. It's not the cutting that's been the constant, but rather, my struggle to be heard. That struggle has never gone away. When everything else is stripped away, what is real will still remain. When you take away my cutting, my restricting, my past….the one thing that remains is ME, Nita, still trying to make my voice heard in a world that has never listened, never cared. And rather than fight for it, my voice, rather than embrace that struggle as one that lets me know I'm still alive, I have spent all this time fighting against it, keeping it quiet, never saying what I needed to say. Never expressing my feelings, or allowing myself to just "BE". Here – now – right in this moment. Instead, I spent my time acting out, or looking back, trying to make sense of things, or looking forward trying to get everything figured out. And I've missed the little things – the seemingly unimportant things. The "everyday stuff" that makes life what it is. Without it, life would be nothing more than a series of empty moment. And that emptiness would in turn, only fuel the hunger, the drive, the need to find one's voice…a never-ending circle. How do you find your voice and "BE" heard. A search for meaning hidden inside photographs, poems, turning thoughts into "written words"…. Searching for meaning….It's a universal struggle, regardless of the art form, I suppose….

No one cared about the 4 year old brought to the hospital with recurrent bladder infections and vaginal tears. That wasn't their job, their job was to "fix" the symptoms, not understand why they were there in the first place. When my father went to prison for what he had done and I was placed in therapy where I was required to "participate" – all I ever heard was, "you're very angry" – but no one took the time to "ask" why I was angry – because no one wanted to get involved. No one wanted to take the time. Why do you think that is? Why is that?

And all the latest "DBT" mantra, ranting, training, teaching, talking….all treatment focused on making me stop self-harming. I want to feel less depressed, I want to feel less anxious and less distressed, I want the memories and the nightmares and the compulsive thoughts to stop. And until they stop – I have no desire to stop cutting – because cutting makes them stop (at least for awhile). And it seems to ME as though no one wanted to deal with the depression and why I was depressed and self-harming…the focus seemed to ME, to be much like Pavlov's approach when he trained the dogs……it seemed to ME that you thought, "if I say MINDFULNESS, or DBT, or MEANING-MAKING, she will make the connection that she must stop cutting." Or perhaps the experiment of the rat who received a shock each time he displayed an unacceptable "behavior" – eventually, the rat will no longer do it. There was no longer an interest, or a care, about ME, but only interest and care in stopping the unacceptable behavior….so that the patient can go back to work, and function as a normal human being, in society. I no longer existed- and that confused ME – because I cut myself – I bleed – I see the blood – I must exist.

But you insisted that DBT was the answer! You no longer saw ME, you saw only the behavior, the behavior that needed to stop. Suddenly I am lost in a sea of "symptoms". And I exist no more.
And yet, I do exist – because here I am. Not the "trauma patient" the "cutter" the "ED" the "CSA Victim"~ not "the stubborn child" "the willful child" "the angry child" – but ME. The ME that somehow got lost in this process – ME – the intelligent, successful, caring woman who succeeded in spite of her childhood. The woman with a heart of gold, the woman whose smile could light up a room.. ME! ME! Nita – my favorite color is green, my favorite flower is a violet – my favorite food is tacos– I love the smell of clean laundry and rain when it just starts falling, I love the feel of a newborn baby’s head. I love to watch the sun set. I love to drink coffee out of the cup my daughters gave me 5 years ago that says, "Happy Mother's Day”. I love to make my husband dance to Air Supply even though he pretends he doesn't like it.

ME…Nita ~ I’ve known you for 3 years, but I don’t think we’ve ‘met’.
SamanthaX Jun 2019
1.19.

It’s been
thirty three days
since I had a my
last nightmare

I still have my
dreams of
realities
soon to come
What I see
there
is far more
frightening
then any
nightmare
you can dream of

This is why my
presence
has become so
haunting
When I speak of
the things
I have seen
Memories of
my voice engraved
forever in your
thoughts
Like silk tainted
with burn marks

I am the fire
that lives inside
you
When your soul has
become burnt out
I will call it my home
Try to defeat me
I will take you down
from  within

All your bottled up
desires
I will turn into a exotic
perfume
That’s how I know
You’ll be back soon

My infections ways
Defective tapes
As I examined back
in time
I realized
I was my own saviour

It’s so hard
to be a Saint
when you’re
this good of a
Sinner
Yet a bad
Sinner trying to
become a
Saint
Neither black nor white
Neither light nor darkness
I am not the space either
But the space
between the space

A woman gone Grey

An rouge observer of what is to come

This is why
my beauty terrifies
You have seen me
before
Everywhere
In dreams and memories
of make believe
In magazines and
works of art
A timeless beauty
Flawed and adored
Boughten of the
shelves
of dusty stores

I have become a
bi product of
provocative thoughts
A alluring fantasy
of a collective humanity
That seduced you
into believing
I was something
I was not

That’s why my
words
you will put on your
grave

I am the first
to wake up
And the last
to fall asleep
Can anyone tell me
Who I have become?
Kevin Eli Jul 2015
Within the last few years since I left recovery, I have let many people and things into my life that have dragged me down over and over again thinking that my sympathy, empathy and support will somehow give these people the hope and help that I, myself was given. Combined with the feeling that many mistakes (that hurt people) I have made remain unfixed, my life choices from past to the present haunt me and cause me to lose sleep on a regular basis. I wake up half of my mornings feeling this isn't the life I want.

I feel used, unappreciated, helpless, unaccomplished, worthless, scared, alone, don't want to talk to anybody because I don't want to burden them... The list goes on.

(This is not every day. My friends, family and loved ones are plentiful and there for me. I am nevertheless thriving.)

This has caused me to be resentful, unable to trust, become guarded and unloving. This isn't me, nor the person I want to be. I have since cut out several people in my life, some suddenly and without explanation. I want to love these people just as much as I want to cuss at them. Steal from me, get loaded and make bad choices, refuse to pay me back, lie to me, cheat me, slander my name. Go ahead. You aren't going to be in my life for very long. Those types are no longer welcome, and I pray they stop one day because those people and those actions destroy this world slowly.

Regarding MY mistakes, there are some people I will never be able to make amends to because I will likely never see them again, while some will simply not accept it. Since I cannot make amends to these people, the only way I know how to feel better is to make a living amends and add good to this world in other places. These people will never know how badly I want redemption; for the last 6 months, I have given up my Saturdays and gone to the local ER and volunteered. My soul feels a bit better because of it and sadly it is the only institution that I feel valued at (irony that I don't get paid). I try and find things in my life that give me meaning, and do them. While some people will always hate me and only remember the messed up, strung out me, I have no choice except to breathe deep, but shaky, and trudge on. If this is the only life I will ever have, I choose to not let these people and my past haunt me. I choose to be here as a positive in the universe and will struggle with this until it kills me or hopefully until I don't have to.

I have tried for three years now my **** hardest to cope with a difficult work environment, deadly addiction and debilitating neurological issues. Few have given me answers or much less understood what the hell is wrong with me, none have provided a solution. Doctors don't know anything beyond their prescription pads it seems. The best help I get is a blank check for medical bills from my parents. They should not be suffering for my problems, I am 27. This only makes me feel more inept and worthless as well that I cannot take care of them. I took so much from them when I was bad, I don't want to take anymore.

I have gone and lost my **** far too many times because of what other people do... If you are finding yourself being self-destructive, you are likely hurting others with your actions. You need to remember that when you bring negativity to the table, you share it with those around you... I fight everyday to keep these negative demons away literally self-checking every hour I am awake and breathing (it is exhausting), but the factors adding to it must be recognized and dealt with. I'm tired of putting bandaids on infected situations, I want the infections out and the scars to form. I'm done with this phase of life's BS.

I made a promise three years ago that I would never give up, nor fall back to where I was. I am not perfect, but I will give myself one hell of an A for effort.

The few times when I see my efforts or apologies were appreciated, it feels like heaven. It is always worth it to help others as long as you don't give yourself and everything away.
augustinenzimana Jun 2014
refugees are discrinated and what is discrimination?discrimanation is unjust and  unfair.it is a violation of another persons rights .I may be tempted to involve in ****** exploitation that can  not just to ****** transmitted infections and pregnancy, but to other numerous unforeseen dangers so the choose is  life or death as a refugee.
Louis Brown Apr 2011
Man moves real mountains
Conquers deep oceans
Explores new infections
While probing the  stars
With God in his spirit
He tackles the mysteries
For answers beyond us
It never occurs
To doubt His Great Maker
Who opens new trails
To far away worlds
Out far past forever
And then turning inward
As worlds microscopic
Shrink smaller and smaller
Finding new questions
The farther he goes
It seems not to end
In stars or in atoms
Amazed that forever
Keeps going both ways
Copyright Louis Brown
james nordlund Mar 2020
Whilst there is no 'Devil', which the Roman Catholic Empire needs to, and projects, exists,
while that's just them dictating their notsee/totalitarian control over the world, there is
the closest thing that has ever existed to it, the united **** of assassin's gov't's '****',
as it's called on the street, specifically the republikan conspiracy's psychic-terrorism.
This 'devil', which is dictating their 'final solution' for humanity is the only game in town,
like ******'s was (though they did a slower blitzkrieg by dividing and conquering the country
into a baskin 'n robbins of 23 flavors of supremacy), as well as a plethora of conspiracies,
which 'gotherdone', all feeding on the genocide of heterosexual, Caucasian, non-republican
newborns to men, this notsee dictatorship's 'Jews', which includes some of them too, ends all.

Climate crisis and our king-kong sized terrible-two, ****'s playing his keystone President
act for two months has determined his, the republikan conspiracy's, global oligarchy's
agenda, which they couldn't get done politically for the last 2 decades, the stealing of
social security from the elderly, infirm.  Instead of privatizing S.S. they're exterminating
recipients through the purposeful spread of corona virus, which kills the elderly, infirm,
predominantly.  Also, daily domestic notsee attacks by the republikan party has numbed the
populace to them, so their doing terrorist attacks before the election won't have the same
effects of determining a polity vote more right-wing, ergo, plausibly deniable extermination
by pandemic, incompetence, is happening instead.  Will dreamers awaken before their ******?  

This is nothing new, the republikan conspiracy led Gov't, it's **** and millions of minions,
Neuter newborns, anatomically destroy toddlers, kids, teens, adults constantly, also doing
all crime, spreading all disease, pestilence against and to them, shoving it down their
throats to further their ****** of those non-republikans.  How could you not know their the
devil.  Every republikan uses their jobs they supposedly do to exterminate non-republikans
instead.  That's the same as ******'s minions did, for it wasn't generals, admirals, etc.,
who realized his and his ***** rise, it was the file-clerks, receptionists, cab drivers all
destroying, committing treason every moment, instead of doing their jobs, like the serial
murderers who masquerade as cops, exterminators ..., as doctors, judges ..., as justices.  

**** and his admin. were informed by 17 intelligence agencies about corona in january, he
lied about it extremely, pathologically and still is, as recently as March he was saying
"we have 5 cases and by the end of the week we'll have one, then it'll disappear", in order
to determine as many people were infected as possible before the states jumped in to try to
stop it, the highest of treason.  Simply because the quickest spread will be in the largest
metropolitan areas, specifically Cali and NY, where most voters are democrat or too sane to
vote ****.  Also, the predominance of infections and mortality will be in the lower-middle-
class to poor, 60 % of the nation, who can't defend themselves as well, and will die from
it more, price of living skyrocketing, people have less $ than ever, class war by pandemic.  

His latest, "the cure's worse than the pandemic", everyone should die by criminally insanely
putting them all back to work 'til death, to get Utin's **** more $ sooner from his corps.
I told you during the campaign that if he won we'd be lucky if he doesn't pull a Caligula,
that's only three steps from his current hitlerian positions.  The "Stimulus bills", the
Dems are pushing back but the Repubs are getting the edge as ever, 1/2 a trill to bail out
big businesses and they kept his criminal cuts to food stamps, still stealing food from the
mouths of babes and handing it to billionaires.  Pharma, medical supplies corps making hand
over fist from bidding war between States, federal agencies, Bush, **** klans kafknchinging.  
The 'big fix' is in, if it ain't fixed don't break it, stop criminal insanity, vote Bernie.
It's a twig of poetree in progress.  CLIA = central lack of intelligence agency.  The 'big fix is in', stop criminal insanity, vote Bernie; please.  Thanx for all you All do; have a good day   :)   reality
Wuji Sep 2011
You filled,
My head with false hopes and dreams,
About our future.

You extracted,
Every emotion from me,
You malevolent moocher.

You taught me,
To swim,
Just to see me sink.

You used,
Your infections charm,
to capture me with a wink.

You made,
A hole in my heart,
So I could bleed out.

Why did you,
Feel the need to torture me?
What was that about!?

Is it,
Because I loved you,
Just the way a man should?

Or is it,
Because you'd rather be beaten,
Like your other guy friends would?

With your love you,
Built me a house,
Just so you could burn it down.

So you could hear,
My painful,
Heartbroken sound.

YOU SAID,
THIS WOULDN'T,
HAPPEN THIS TIME!

THE WAY YOU,
ARE KILLING ME INSIDE,
OUGHT TO BE A CRIME!

What ever happened,
To our,
Perfect fairytale?

I tried to stop it,
From breaking but you let it,
Derail.

Is there,
Someone,
New!?

Do you,
Plan to,
**** him over too?

So now what?
It's over?
This is the end?

Us minus you,
Equals,
One lonely me to contend.

Just do me a favor,
And stay out,
Of my life.

If this happens again,
Who knows who,
Will be holding a knife.

So stay away!
And don't show me,
Your face.

My final hope,
Is that you will,
Find me hard to replace.
Three months and four days. Good job babe you beat your record by four days. </3
Big Virge Mar 2018
Ya Know ....
  
I'm Beginning To Think The Truth Is ...
A LOT of Folks Are ... STUPID ... !!!  
    
You Can Tell By The Way They're Moving ...  
And Who They Choose To ... Move With ...  
    
It's CLEAR Some NEED Improvements ...  
Because They Deal In Looseness .............................. !!!!!  
    
Like CLAIMING Their ... " Religion " ...  
DEFINES How They Be Living ... ?  
    
Here's What I Mean You DON'T EAT PIG ...
Because It's UNCLEAN Is Your Religions' Theme ...  
    
BUT One Night You're At Home ...  
And Your Hunger Says ...  
    
"Yo it's time for some food !"  
    
So Do You Start To Cook ... ???  
NO You Go To The Phonebook ...  
INSTEAD And Have A Look ...  
For Something You Can Order ...  
    
An Option CLEARLY shorter ... !!!  
Than Cooking For ... Yourself ...  
    
So You Then GET A FEVER ...    
To Order Up ... Some Pizza ... !!!  
    
Ya' Hunger Says ... " Oh well " ...  
    
You Order Up ... " A VEGGIE " ...  
I Guess Cos' That Is ... " Healthy " ... ?!?  
    
ONLY To FIND Later ... That Night ...  
That Something MEATY Was Inside ... !!!  
    
Because THAT Night You Spent The Time ...  
With The Toilet By Your Side ... !!!!!!!  
    
It Now Becomes CLEAR ...  
STUPIDITY Steered Your *** To A Place ...  
Where It Had To ................................ DISPLACE ...... !!!!!!!!!!  
    
WHATEVER You Ate From That .... " Takeaway " .... ?!?  
    
Next Day When You Check ...  
The Pizza Then Said .... !!!?!!!
    
"If you didn't want meat,  
why did you eat me, without double checking !  
Why now are you stressing ?  
You were stupid to believe that you'd really receive,  
what we say we'll provide. The sales what rules our vibe !  
If you truly were, all that concerned about swine being a part  
of food you ingest, that makes you **** !  
You'd of got off your ****, and cooked at home,  
so that you'd of known, what it was you had,  
and wouldn't of eaten, a piece of ham !"  
    
You'd of Marked Your Own Card ...    
And Then Wouldn't Try To BLAME ... ?!?  
To .... "Cover Up Your SHAME" ... !!!  
    
It Seems Your Brain Is ... LAME ... !!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY Holds It's REINS ... !!!  
    
Your ANGER Is A FARCE ... !!!!!  
You People Make Me Laugh ...    
    
Actually ... YOU DON'T ... !!!!!!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY ROAMS ...................................
RIGHT THROUGH Your Bones ...  
And Into Zones Where It SHOULD NOT GO ... !!!!!  
    
It Seems That ALL YOUR Bleating ....    
DEFINES Much Like Your ... Leanings ...  
    
Your Faith To Be A SHAM ...    
And Quite Stupid At That ... !!!  

Just Like Wearing ... " LIONS " ... ?!?  
As If They Are ... YOUR TRIDENT ... !?!  
When NOT ONE Lion Roams ?  
In The Place That You Call ... " Home " ... !!!
    
Isn't That Something You STOLE .... ?!?  
From AFRICAN ... Time Zones ... !?!  
    
Somebody's CLEARLY LYING ... !!!!!  
And DOESN'T Come From ZION ... !!!  
    
I Clearly Am STUPID ...
To See THAT As FOOLISH ... !!!  
And PROOF of POOR Schooling ...
That Is Mind POLLUTING ... !!!  
    
Who'd They Think They're ...
..... " Fooling " ...... ???  

A GREAT MANY People ...
Like Those Under Steeples ... !!!  
CONFESSING Their SINS ... !!!  
Because of BAD THINGS ...  
That They Have Been Doing ...  
    
It's Church They Are USING ....    
To ACT As Their CLEANSER ...  
These STUPID PRETENDERS ... !!!!!  
    
USING Religion ...
To Give Themselves Visions ...  
of AGAIN Being ... PURE ... ?!!!!!?  
    
That's STUPID ... Fa' SURE ... !!!!!!  
    
A Leopard DOES NOT Change His Spots ... !!!  
    
He's A LEOPARD ... FOREVER ... !!!!!  
YES Humans Can BETTER ...    
Themselves ... YES IT's True ...    

But NOT In A Morning ... !!!  
That's STUPIDITY ... Calling ... !!!!!  
    
Is It Stupid To Say These Things Nowadays ... ?!?  
NOT IN My View But MANY Would Choose ...  
    
To Say .....  
    
" It is true, cos expression moves, and causes issues,  
and if you're not careful, may turn and bite you !"    
    
Man ... FEAR of YOUR TRUTH ...  
Seems Like ... FEARING YOU ... ?!!!?  
    
Something I View ...  
As YES A ... STUPID MOVE ... !!!!!  
    
Stupidity REIGNS ...  
When FEAR Takes The Strain ... !!!!!  

That's Now What's IMPRINTED .....  
And Runs Through My Veins ... !!!!!!!  
    
I Try To Use THINKING ...  
To Avoid ... STUPID TRAINS ... !!!  
    
Cos' Thought OVERPOWERS STUPIDITY's Power ... !!!  
    
As Does DISCIPLINE ...
Which Is Where I Begin ...  
    
NO RELIGION ... Within ... !!!  
    
Just Faith In Reflection ...  
And Thought FILLED Selections ... !!!  
On Life And It's LESSONS ... !!!  
To Give Me ... "PROTECTION" ...  
Against The INFECTIONS ... !!!!!  
    
STUPIDITY Spreads In UNDISCIPLINED Heads ...  
It's CLEAR TO ME Now That FOOLS Run Most Towns ... !!!!!  
    
And My Thinking That THOUGHT ...  
In People ... Runs FLUID ... !!!!!!  
    
Gives Me LIVING PROOF ...  
That I'm Being ........  
    
..... " STUPID " .....
Nowadays, people expose things about themselves on social media, without truly realising the extent of what they are showing sometimes ....
Big Virge Sep 2021
I've Had This Said...
A Couple of Times...

My Cadence Is TIGHT...
When Reciting Rhymes... !!!

The Movement of Sound...
When I... Vocalise...

Which Is Also Known...
As... INTONATION...

If You're Reading This... ?
That's.... Education.... !!!
Cos' Words Like These...
Have Close Relations... !!!

NO NOT Like THAT... !!!
But That's A... FACT... !!!

Intonation And Cadence...
Make For Good Entertainment... !!!
When Done With STYLE... !!!

But You NEED A Good Voice...
That Is... TOP Choice... !!!

And Keeps The Ladies....
Slightly... " MOIST "...

Pay Attention Now Boys... !!!
Cos' A Voice That's SWEET...
Can Help You Get...
Girls In Your Sheets... !!!

YES For... RELATIONS... !!!!!
So We're Back Again...
To... INTONATION...

If You Use It WELL...
You Make Pulses RISE...
Just Like... INFLATION...
Or Just Like England's Taxation... !!!

But KEEP Your Cadence Moving On...
Keep It Slick And NOT TOO Blatant...
Cos' This Can Make Some ...
LOSE Their...................... Patience... !!!

Then Your Message Is LOST...
Like Beds For Patients... !!!

Intonation Is A Wonderful Gift...
So I'm Using Mine For Poetic Scripts...
Cos' When The Two Get Together...

It's A... PERFECT FIT... !!!!!

Like Guns And Clips... !!!
Or Cues And Tips...
Or A Great Pair of Lips...
Around A STIFF... DRINK... !!!!!

Did You Get The Link... ?
See Words I Write...
Make People THINK... !!!

And Leave Some Resting....
On The... BRINK... !!!

Or On The... VIRGE... !!!
Cos' Some of My Words...
Make People... SINK...
Into Leather Chairs...
Talking To... Shrinks... !!!

But Cadence Linked To Intonation...
Makes My Message Seem Less Blatant...

My Message Is Honed...
To... UNIFY Nations...
Through Usage of Prose...
And... INTONATION... !!!

Are You With Me Folks... ?
Can You See The... " Relation "... ?
Or BETTER Still The Slick Connection... !!!

My Message Is STRONG...
And Has... Direction... !!!

But Does Inflection...
DIVERT............ Attention... ?!?

Well THAT's A Subject...
WORTH... Inspection... !!!

Does My Voice Attract... ?
Or Is It Because I'm BIG and Black... ?!?
And Do NOT Run From PAINFUL Facts...
When Using Words To WOUND Infections... !!!
And EXPOSE THOSE Who Have DEFECTIONS... !!!

Sometimes I Laugh...
When I Read This Stuff... !!!

Cos' CLEARLY Some Get In A HUFF... !!!
And Wish That I Would Just SHUT UP... !!!

That's Cool With Me...
But PAY ATTENTION PLEASE... !!!!!

My Poetry Will NEVER Freeze... !!!
And NOBODY Will Stop My Speech...
From Reaching Those It NEEDS To REACH... !!!

Well Someone CAN...
Guess Who... Yes ME... !!!

But That I'm Afraid Is UNLIKELY... !!!
Cos Yoda Has Instilled In Me...

THESE Three words...

… ”It's Your Destiny !" …

I'm FEELING That...
Are You Feeling ME... ?

Feel Free To Applaud...
If You Like My Style of Poetry... !!!

I'll Continue To Read...
While My Mind Runs FREE...
And Want My Words...
To OUTLAST me... !!!

Through Publishing And OTHER Things...
Like TEACHING The Dumb To STOP KILLING... !!!

But THAT Will Be WITHOUT My Voice...
Soothing Mics' With Baritone Noise...

Well That's The FUTURE...
But While i'm Here...
I'll KEEP ON Speaking And Relating...

By Using STRONG...

... " Cadence and Intonation " ...
LISTEN HERE :

https://soundcloud.com/user-16569179/cadence-intonation/s-3p70o
Anne Davies Oct 2014
There is a silence now that you have gone
Somewhere - who knows where?
A silence of your suffering, your laughter,
Your excitement, your enjoyment of food.
A silence of your telephone calls, our lunches,
Your family get togethers, the Christmas puddings.
A silence of birthday cards, Sunday roasts,
Shopping trips, seaside walks and ice cream.
A silence filled with my children's laughter,
Summer picnic days and your flower garden.
A silence of your dementia voice, muddled
And forgetful in your inhabited, twilight world.
A silence of your tears and requests to go home
To safety and your memories of a past busy life.
A silence now that you are gone which I fill with
The voice you gave us to fight on your behalf,
That speaks with truth and grief and sadness
Screaming for your help, care and support.
There is a silence now that you have gone
It fills the deaf ears of those who won't hear
Your sorrow and our pain, who dismiss your
Diagnosis and replace it with a list of lesser
Tick boxes, low scores and minor symptoms.
A silence that is full of blood transfusions,
Infections, falls and fainting and fevers,
A silence that gave you leukaemia and took
Away your life, your heart and soul and being.
A silence that I promise to break very soon
For your silent voice needs to be loudly heard
So we can all rest in quiet,  everlasting peace
Knowing you're protected by God's 'Continuing Care'

God Bless Auntie Joan x
My battle to get my Aunt 'Continuing Care Funding', she died of terminal leukaemia 3 years ago and I am still fighting the NHS.
I am inside her, Every move
I feel it; I am lost/found
Thoughts, feel, The sight
Glimpses of her - *******
******* touch me, gentle perfect
Cockhard, this love

Her navel to *******
Beard on milk skin.  Behind, the beat move
Her moans are.....Infections, they
Fill me with tiny Virui of lusts
sweetly whispered, then......
Acted upon
Oh I want to *** - on you, in you
Please, she whispers
I need you to - **** me
I need you too, I need you too

Hair, it moves, but I want to see
Her face, observe/witness
Her quiet fierceness,
with **** walled inside
As she rides, then her small wail
As she touches herself, just there
As we are joined, her ***, breaks,
On me, i revel in it, every drop
Every part of her - I am hers.

Feet, knees, long *****, tigh ***
I will mold them all
With my tongue and fingers
Till she is,  and is again
Now you come, and again
Reins held, she has me
I want to be in prison
With this one, just alone
She and I
This is a work in progress
NitaAnn Sep 2013
Just pray harder, Nita....

I have been on edge and triggered all day long…actually all week now…there are a variety of reasons…and the mere fact that it is almost the  weekend tends to steer me toward the ’bad place’ – and I am falling quickly into the darkness tonight.

There’s no comfort tonight, other than in a bottle of wine and a pill box full of ativan...the therapist would tell me, “Nita, there is no reason to be scared. Find your safe place. Listen to your grandmother’s soothing voice.” Nothing to fear? Are you serious? And the safe place comment always cracks me up! Do you really think there was any place ‘safe’ to go then? Where the hell would I find safety in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, filthy trailer? There was NOsafe place. There was no place to hide! Except inside my head.

I should pray about it. That’s what my very religious grandmother would tell me. ”Just ‘pray harder’ Nita.” God answers prayers. Just pray harder, Nita…pray harder. My grandmother was very religious and very private. Don’t ever air your ***** laundry to anyone, well, with the exception of God. Pray harder Nita…pray harder…

Why didn’t God every answer MY prayers?

Why is that?

Because I wasn't "good enough"?

Because I didn't pray LOUD enough?

Because I didn’t pray HARD enough?

Because no one cared!!!!!!

That's why!

No one really cares now either…throw it all in a container, spray some holy water on it, drop to your knees and PRAY.

DON'T you dare tell me that my fear isn't 'real'. Don't you dare tell me that you ‘care’! No one does! And it doesn't matter anyway - no one can accept the 'unacceptable' - apparently not even GOD!

My grandmother was loving...yes, she rocked me, she sang to me when I was sick - she spent every night with me when I was in the hospital repeatedly for recurring kidney infections... because kids that get f@#ked tend to develop recurring UTIs which left untreated lead to bladder infections which then lead kidney infections. She was THERE! But she NEVER asked me! EVER! No one did!
But I guarantee you she fell to her knees every single night and PRAYED for her f@#ked up alcoholic son and her ******* up grandkids.

Just pray harder, Nita. Just pray harder!

Yeah - I should get down on my knees RIGHT NOW! And PRAY For f@#king  RELIEF!

If I'm still breathing tomorrow you'll know HE heard me!
Zaza Oct 2019
I was defended by the soothing tones of his voice
I can no longer hear the surrounding noise

Only the memories of cherubs
singing beautiful symphonies
In his lies
Those infections tones
Would pacify my heart
Like the sweetest of lullabys

And I could no longer hear clearly

I would selectively
Hear his words
To upease my reality

Because at night
As I would lay by his side to sleep

I could no longer hear his heart beat for me
Ramona Argo Aug 2014
I've dated an artist for over two years
of headaches and yeast infections.
He's skinny, hairy, and the pointdexter I never knew I wanted.
I never wanted a man
to pin me to his wall as some temporary masterpiece.
But life comes and
kills us into what it wants us to be.
Every time I say “Let's stop”—
I shake my mind like empty soda cans
and roll over and take him again.

My trouble is
I love getting ******.

Though we call it something else, truth is
I am his *****. It's an artistic statement
that's been done a million times over. But he needs me
to tell him he's brilliant.
And so, I bury my cheeks into his chest fur.
Feeling its scratches like a returning stray at the door,
As he twirls his finger around in my mouth
romancing me into
something lovely and agreeable as Zooey Deschanel.

I hope one day I can break away and
just be

my own ***** again. But for now, I walk on all-fours
bent over in sharp-submission
and it's

delicious.
For we are nothing more
than two hungry dogs, running back to each other
panting and stinking
through the pouring rain.
Quinn Apr 2013
music becomes mucus, leftover remnants
of bacterial infections that refuse to vacate
my brain no matter how many decongestants
i consume, those sound waves reverberate back
and forth and back and forth within my thick
*** skull and i am driven mad by memories

how to cut tender wires intricately woven into
the most simple mass of a mess you will ever see

i find myself muttering solutions in my sleep and
when i reach conclusions i'm already half awake
pen in hand, paper on chest, but ahh, it's gone, it's gone

my dream world holds more clarity than my walking
daze and i can only find the words for poetry, my
tongue and throat are revolting, refusing to take part
in walks down memory lane, fingers soon to follow suit
A B Perales Feb 2014
**** dribbled down
the shaking leg
of the angriest dog
in the neighborhood.
He stood
whimpering and
shivering within his
own fear driven
*****.

She paid him
no mind as
her presence
brought
a chill to the
otherwise warm
Southern California
night time breeze.
Her shadow engulfed
the cockroaches,and the
mice as they scrambled
and attempted to
flee.
She left them belly up
on the concrete
as her darkness
move on.

The teen aged
lost boys and girls,
****** harder on their
spit glued
joints and
their generic brand
cigarettes
as they silently
watched her stalk
from
across the street.
They would all
be dead
within days from the
infections
her presence brought
forth.

A Flock of
screaming birds
exploded from a tree
as she moved her
darkness beneath
their night time
roost.
The moon sighed
as the fleeing,
panicking birds
began to fall
from the sky
like stones
and land all
around her
as she floated
forth.

The clouds up ahead
retreated into themselves,
and the Milky way
grew tighter
as a new born star
forced its shine away
and took refuge
within the dark
empty matter
of the heavens .

All of the Earth
and the
living Gods in orbit,
all moved a
bit more carefully
as news of her arrival
began to spread.
Spread like murderous
wild fire across a dry
and parched
landscape.

The city blocks
did not stand a chance.
Their concrete
cried beneath her
bare blank lined
feet.
Tiny clouds of
dust and
fear trailed her
like broken bodies
across a losing
battlefield.

The skinny lady
with the line-less palms
and the timeless existence
made her way
toward the sea.
All at once the
Pacific receded into
an unexpected
low tide
as she began to
cross the empty
sandy beach.
She bowed her head
and watched as the
grunions flopped
and died before
her.
Down the beach
two smiling dolphins
beached themselves
as the waves
brought forth
a drowned
sea lion who had
suddenly
forgot how
to swim.

Sadness she
knew nothing
of ,alone was
the only way
she had ever known.
Her duty on earth
and
in the heavens
took precedence over
all.
She knew only
one thing about
the living,
they all lived
in order to
die.
Her duty was
to gather the living
who were ready
to enter her world
of the dead.
A world more
filled with the
empty then any of
the living had ever been
told.

— The End —