All the qualities I require in a man of mine.

      Honesty, love, devotion, caring,
kindness, Understanding, mercy,
compassion, intelligence, Trust,
cleanliness, faithfulness,
sincerity, Strength, spirituality,
confidence, optimistic, respect,
Loyalty, pride, consideration, helpfulness,
Generousity, friendliness, morals,
safety, Responsibility, honor, truth,
justice, fairness, Equality,
peace, joy, harmony, happiness,
Handsome, nice, worthy, deserving,
tall, Innocent, charming,
pleasant, polite, sweet, Thoughtful,
sentimental, patient, complimenting,
Affectionate, & noble.

© Harmony Sapphire . All rights reserved,

I did my part, by staying in.
So effective, bored.
It’s a sacrifice.
The soul is very passionate.
The isolating, the flattening.
Foraging coercion.
For Immuno compromised persons!
Stay in your homes.
Prevent the increase in tombstones!
Then pat yourself on the back.
Knowing all the people you have saved!
Staying in, flattening the curve again.
Outcome, only time will tell.
Feeling relieved I’m not the only one!

And the stupidity will **** us all.
Hoarding toilet paper from the aisles.
But no one else can see.
The effects this has on the elderly.

Social distance, social distance, social distance.
Social distance, social distance, social distance.

Oh, there are arrogant *******, not taking this seriously.
But there are others doing their part.
The nurses and doctors have gone mad.
With people taking all their masks.
But when we cure it all,
The faith will be restored,
Who hopes we will be blessed?
We could start over,
Just cover your mouth when you cough!
It’s that simple.
Now there’s time to watch streaming platforms.
Helpfulness, committed.
To doing what I can.
I’m not the only one.

And the stupidity will **** us all.
Hoarding toilet paper from the aisles.
But no one else can see.
The effects this has on the elderly.

Social distance, social distance, social distance.
Social distance, social distance, social distance.

The limits of the research.
The limits of the research.
The limits of the research.

Fake news outlets (social distance)
Only check AHS, for info (social distance)
Your support to fund research would help (social distance)
Can’t stop the spread (social distance)
If you don’t stay home (social distance)
This is a must (social distance)
I’m not the only one.

And the stupidity will **** us all.
Hoarding toilet paper from the aisles.
But no one else can see.
The effects this has on the elderly.
And the stupidity will **** us all.
Hoarding toilet paper from the aisles.
But no one else can see.
The effects this has on the elderly.

The limits of the research.
The limits of the research.

I am fine, Until . . .
That gentle voice - pretending helpfulness
Maliciously whispers
In my inner ear
And suddenly my world is shaken to the roots

In the smoke of its lies I am almost convinced.

My friends are
Untouchable strangers
Who only tolerate my presence
because telling me to *******
Would be awkward for them.

My intelligence dissolves
Until I am nothing more
Than the fool that inspired
every blond joke ever invented.

I become a nuisance
Even to myself
And wonder why I should
even bother
Trying to make it to 50

Sometimes I try to fight back,
Using reason and light humor
To beat back the dark monster.
But even though I can usually force it
back into its dank hole,
It mocks me while backing off
And shoots a parting remark before
Sliding into the depths
To await its next opportunity at my sanity.
And I am left
hurt and confused.
Trying to clean the doubt out of my mind
As if it were a small bird rescued from an oil spill.

The fan is making angry.

Its hot but the sound of the blades spinning and catching air is deafening.

My heart is sore drumming through my chest.

Im hot from heat and hot from emotional overload.

There's nothing that can be done.

Don't even ask.

I don't want to talk, think, see, or even hear.

I want to be left the **** alone.

This fan is driving me crazy, but if I turn it off I'll be hot.

Im attempting to find a pattern in my breaths.

Im waiting for my heart beat to slow and steady.

The sound of the **** fan is driving me crazy...

Im not crazy...

But if you speak, I may scream.

Please stop trying to help.

Your helpfulness is feeding my pain.

The fans so **** loud, and NO you can't help!

Your driving me crazy...

But Im not crazy, maybe just a little angry.

The fan is the least of my problems.

The water pours through the soft crease river
The water rings through the leaves and the trees

Water hollows through the canyons and the wind
Water calls through the splashing crashing waves

All water brings is good and hearty helpfulness
All water sings as the canyons flow it home

I want to die hungry
I want to die knowing life meant something
I want to die with piles of work unfinished....
unfinished poems
unfinished books
unfinished illustrations
unfinished paintings...

I want to die knowing I tried to my very last breath
to make this world a better place
that I tried to shed light into the worlds darkness
that I tried to transform something cold
and heartless and ugly into something beautiful

That I did not turn a blind eye
to the poor and the hungry and the homeless
That I spoke up when inequality was still a monster
guarding capital hill
and its stash of gold and treasure for the 1%

That I acknowledge that white privilege
was a serpent in the court room
devouring real justice
while turning a blind eye
to the crimes of daddies little boy
who just made a mistake for "twenty minutes"
over and over
again and again
in and out
in and out
for "twenty minutes"
and why should "twenty" consecutive "minutes"
of poor choices ruin his whole privileged...
I mean promising life...

That white privilege was obvious
when one person convicted of ****
walked free in three months
while other men just accused of ****
found but not proven guilty
spent decades behind bars
to only be eventually freed
when their accusers told the truth
about how they had lied
and none of it happened
and if you can't guess the difference between the two
you probably believe the world is flat
and that white privilege and climate change and global warming
are paranoid delusions of people who are lazy and worthless
and want something for nothing

That the dead no matter their color
still need to see their murders pay
for what they have stolen
what they have broken
and the pain they left behind
when they decided that when
they "feared" for their life
it went from to protect and serve
the community and the people
to I'm going to **** this *******

That I knew that #blacklivesmatter
was a call for justice and equality
not special treatment or supremacy

That the vocabulary of my sons heart
did not know the word hate
other than when he said things like
"YUCK!, I hate GREEN BEANS!"

That he not only understood kindness
but he knew and lived by its importance
that he strived for compassion and empathy
that he treated generosity and helpfulness
as a responsibility to those in need
that his pursuits of happiness
included helping others in their pursuits

That he loved and gave with a heart
that was always full
that was always hungry
from the time that I leave him
to the time he takes his own last breath
that he lived
to make this world a better place
that he tried to shed light into the worlds darkness
that he tried to transform something cold
and heartless and ugly into something beautiful

Hopelessness and despair led me to you
You shed a sacred light on my darkness,
I buried the bones and shed my old skin
Helpfulness and repair held me born anew
I kiss goodbye the blackness, as your heart
healed the wounds of the enemy within

Nasser and Aliyah met each other for the first time at a picnic hosted by a mutual friend. Aliyah impressed by Nasser's acts of helpfulness and altruism, she asked her friend Nasreen who is the guy with a willingness to bend.
Too soon did Aliyah know, Nasser was more than altruistic, his way with words whispered into her ears. Salamu Alaikum, would you like some pink lemonade or ice tea? I don't serve alcoholic beers.
Nasser was confident, self assured. He thinking to himself, What do I have to fear. Aliyah contemplating at that moment, Is it possible that Nasser and I might be a couple to be and me his dear.
Aliyah's fantasy didn't last long. The picnic on a sunny day ended with she and Nasser in a courtship that couldn't go wrong.
Their coming to know each other for marriage was effortless. Together Nasser and Aliyah went to different places and they talked about many things - from where they would live if they married and moved to how they would raise children so they wouldn't be rude.
Nasser and Aliyah's courtship was taken seriously and their days were fun. They laughed at each other and felt happy eating ice cream while sitting under the sun.
Their families pleased, both set of parents consenting to Nasser and Aliyah's decision to wed, reminded the couple who were also committed to courtship rules to wait until after their wedding day before making love in bed.
A year after their first encounter, Nasser and Aliyah's big day appeared. The couple was thrilled, so were their family members and friends. It was an intimate and joyful occasion, Nasser in a tux with a well groomed beard.
Nasser and Aliyah's wedding day brought happiness and contentment to their hearts. As they held hands at the alter and hugged each other close, they vowed never a day they would be apart.
Smiles shining on the two couples faces bright, Aliyah says to her husband before he gives her a bite,
You look splendid. You look handsome.
You look debonair.
And whispers into his ear, "And I go home with you tonight."

We all need something.
Grace.
Love.
Compassion.
Trust.
But my days have been spent judging,
myself mostly, but others if I find I must.
It's a disposition
An antithesis of helpfulness.
I desire to speak life, to give life, to live life
freely...
But I have been stuck in a pit.
And I cannot dig myself out.
And I cannot sit myself down
And say, "what you are feeling is ok.
You are not ruined,
And you're just learning to stay."

I have a lust for rightcheousness and luxury
Help me
Help me
Help me
Dig deep
Dig deep
Dig deep
corner ego it’s turgid.
And **** it.
Must cleanse myself of this evilness.
The corpse reeks of malice.
Without it the breath of my soul is aromatic.
Must crucify possessive vocabulary.
I want
I need
I
I
I
Hang them on a cross of selflessness.
Nail them with actions of helpfulness.
Forget narcissism.
Forget avarice.
Forget being vitriolic.
How unbearably odious my behavior has been.
I apologize as sincerely as I can.
After all we are all cursed being human.
All my faults only show how weak I am.
Through reflection I have shed light on the faults I am capable of revealing.
Yet I have not sought action.
That’s how weak I am.
“I need help” I say.
But the first step of healing.
One does by themselves.
Seek help.
I sit here lethartically.
Thinking help will come to me.
I’m so tenaciously idiotic.
And.
To make things worse.
I grow impatient and annoyed that help hasn’t found me.

See.
I realize this.
And I’m so week that still. I won’t do anything about it.
I won’t seek help after writing this.
I might think I will or think I do.
But it’s either two lazy a cry or not one at all.
I am repulsive. Yet to blind to accept it as the divine truth it actually is.
I say I know myself.
I do. But I don’t actually embrace truth as confronting as it is.
It would help me.
I’m to lazy to face that though.
To scared.
So I slither back into my pitiful narcissistic chasm.
Like so many of my self involved peers.
We all realize it. We resent it.
But for now it’s a part of us.

In the homecoming

joy

in the barring

regret



of letting go

freedom

of craving

imprisonment



at the welcome

belonging

at the termination

abandonment



with waking up

insight

with shutting out

ignorance



in kindness

compassion

in aggression

self harm



upon reflection

knowledge

upon dogmatism

blindness



with helpfulness

endless option

with ill-will

limitation



and

remarkably

within each experience

the possibility

of discovery





Martinos © 2017

I am yours in memory
And I am willfully bound inside
Every kiss that you bestow
Upon the top of my head,
nestled into my hair
On the sides of my face,
and my forehead
Pressed to the back of my hand,
and placed in my heart,
with all of your love

I feel a fool and I do not care
I would taste each day in a bite, as long as it tastes of you
This is a dream and you are my sleep
You give me rest and helpfulness
It swells in my chest
And bubbles out of my mouth
Like a brook swelling in Spring

**** these hands that they would ever let you go
Curse these eyes if they would ever look away
I cling to you like the edge of a cliff
I look to you like the sun on the horizon

Would the birds let me join their song in the quiet of the sun rising in the morning to scatter darkness and dew alike from the skirts of the earth

Would the stars give me but two twinkles, each for an eye so that when I look at you, you can see the lightness of my heart dripping out my eyes

Would the moon bathe me in dreams and fill your head with all the beautiful thoughts of you I hold in my heart

Would you love me for every day that I love you because then we will never run out, like water roaring over the falls to chase the rocks down the stream

I see you in the world, and I hope you can find me in your heart

Ruby I can hear your helpfulness
In every word and breath
Quietly you look around
Find  a mission to make sound
Quided by an inner thought
To make the way less thwart
In your silent cares
The needs of others
Always there.
A pleasure to have around
A lovely girl good and sound
Understated child
You grow more beautiful
By the hour.




Love Grandma for Ruby

do you believe in it?
- what?
- love at first sight.
- it depends laugh what do you mean by 'love'?
- i... i don't know. i feel like it has multiple different meanings in my mind. but i guess... love at first sight... similar to a crush but a bit different, yet that little bit counts for miles. love at first sight is when your heart warms to a person upon laying his eyes on them. the feeling like another piece of your life fell into place. it's joyyy, so much joy all at once, for no reason, but also a little sadness, because you know people don't believe in love at first sight, and that most likely you'll never get a chance. it's constantly thinking about the person, swooning over, but also loving their personality. the jokes, the laughs, the helpfulness, the understanding. the friendship, the sense of belonging. it's smiling randomly. it's having conversations in your mind that you know you'll never be able to have in real life. it's wondering when you'll see them again, grief every day that you don't. longing for what will never be. pain upon uncertainty. it's trust that you shouldn't have , risk you shouldn't take. it's all pretty chaotic, but it's all there in a massive whirl in my head, and i can't sleep. so, what is this? how can all this emotion be nothing?
- no emotion is 'nothing'. but what you described does sound a bit suspiciously crush-like. what's the fine line that separates intrigue, attraction and love?
- it's safety. the feeling of safety, feeling of being home when you're far from your house, it's the feeling of calm and content when you know that you'll see them again. it's- i don't know, man. but this HAS to be more than a mere crush laced with intrigue and boredom. it can't be something that'll disappear as fast as it came about. not all of this.
- yeah, maybe. i'm seriously as lost on this one as you are.
- uuurrghh, why are people so hard? and why are there always so. many. obstacles?!
- who knows? but you're right. nothing comes easy.
- 'easy'?! sometimes the one thing you need most never comes at all!
- now, now-
- i read a quote from a book the other day; "i could not understand why i wasn't allowed to have this without everything else falling apart. was this the only way the universe could find a balance? by taking so much away in order to grant me one pleasure?" and, like, i read that and thought, ****, well, ain't that relatable
- wow. that's pretty deep.
- deep is one way to put it, anyway, i don't know what to do, what to think, how to go about. what now?
- i guess we'll just have to wait and see. *shrug

I get so tired of one religion
tearing down another.
It seems so cheap to me -
a protestation better muted
in favor of a simple act of helpfulness.

Sun or rain...
Never be mad again...
Anger is bad...
It makes other people sad...
Sing a happy song...
Admit that you are sometimes wrong...
We must accept imperfection...
It is time for action...
We should make a difference...
We must break down the fence...
The fence between black and white...
Because neither is right...
We should live together without fights...
We should put on our inner lights...
We should shine friendliness...
And happiness...
Helpfulness...
And gracefulness...
We should be full of understanding...
No matter what is happening...
We should help wherever we are...
We should share...
Even though we aren't always rich...
We can help people who fell in a ditch...
Just think about how it would feel...
Unhappiness always on your heel...
Nowhere to go...
You would need help, wouldn't you?
We are able to make a big difference...
All we need to do is shine kindness...
Other people need help, that is why...
Are you going to try?

i treat people as they treat me

yet lately i have realized

that i do not do this

no

in fact i treat others
with much more respect
tenderness
love
care
appreciation

then they have ever given to me

if they were to fall
you could bet i would
be there to pick them up
tend to their wounds
heal their broken hearts
wipe away their salty tears

but for me?
rarely has anyone ever
been there in hard times
and stayed for the after party

or let me cry
while they hold me close
and not expect ***
to follow

or keep me around
because i boost their ego
with all my compliments
and sweet nothings
i whisper into texts
that i send just because

where men i dated
come and go like the wind
"oh no she has emotions!"
i've cried more over heartache
than of joy
in relationships with the opposite ***

i'm 27 and yet my social resume
is that of a 16 year old

my closest friendship
dissolved into nothingness
only 2 weeks ago
my heart completely shaken
to its core
my heart utterly broken
into more pieces than its ever been

but when i look back now
from this side of the window
i look in and see how
in love i was with her
and how not so in love
she was with me

and with this
i look to my other friendships
hoping someone will hold out their hand
and pull me close
and whisper soothing words
and let me cry the hardest i ever have
to accept me in this shattering
heart wrenching moment

to find that not one
did
any
of
those
things.

things i wouldn't ever question
to do
for them

so i take back
my love
respect
kindness
helpfulness
tenderness
support
care

and absorb it back
into me
where it belongs
and where it is
appreciated
and adored

i am a lover
my heart lives on my sleeve
i bare my soul to find
a person who can also
do the same
and not flinch
at the sight of a
passionately emotional
human being
who isn't numb
or afraid
to feel

christ alive, so am i.
i am otherwise dry compost
like becoming sand far from water
just sand resonating sand.
still the signals of consciousness are there
but far from complex growth or
helpfulness.

a stain, a mold, a t-shirt in a palace.
all things ductile, all things closely resembling hyper athletic celery.

we mirror amplifiers. constant alchemical gain undeniably transmitting unstable, uncertain, postmodern programming.

the devil is real.
existing in things like air conditioning and silicon. moving subtle through maple syrup and backsplash.
the devil is mycelial and plastic;
a beach of wet, burning relief;
a root system of universal, cosmo(logical/politan), terran and mythological cinema.
the devil is a pisces that smells like lemon rinds and rusty door hinges.

we live in a bottle
where we create our own weather.

Sometimes I dream of a new start
a new world, the earth
without human vices

only divine births
of helpfulness and wisdom
so that those words become obsolete

finally no more auditions
of imaginary comedians
with endless filth

their bundling of centuries
of coercion, humiliation, and abuse
in the joke of The Aristocrats

A world without me
only plants, animals
and avatars as a kind

of people who walk the virtual reality
of the golden means
of Aristotle

It is a sharp pain
stab-like
intense and
unaccountable

The boiling bubbles over
A crow taunts from silken skies
I SCREAM outwards
shockwaves trembling at their own forces

But it is a pithy pain
an instant retreat
the anger fizzles like steam smothered by rain
I smell the indolent petrichor
this after-taste of after-rain
and the doleful waking death returns
a smooth decent to sleep beneath the flames
the choked-throat ash

I am the biblioklept of my own diary
and as I scour the stolen words,
I cry,
because I do not recognise their meanings
the one limpid fury has dimmed
to such dolour and that all colour is sapped
and the world, painted in shades of grey
in its own dilatory helpfulness
does not bother to weep for me, either

I reify this idea of living
as if life is actually a moving form
but in these bewitched static seconds
of frightened rage to doused sorrow
I see the blackness between the stars
and the finite that lingers in the infiinite's wings
like a shard between ribs of steel

and I recall
in my words of fulsome wisdom
that even steel one day melts
and only but rubble can remain

I could whisper dire warnings
or scream to have the deaf hear
the result is same both ways
for the knowing and the numb
both show compassion for my plight
each struggles in their own way
to react with helpfulness
stop my hand from harmful end

ignorance is the best haven
of those who walk in lily fields
with a bliss of newborn babes
there is no blame for lucky ones
for in their hearts they can't relate
or understand the painful place
to speak to them will do no good
these caring allies with few tools

this contrasts with fellow kin
who exist in shades of pain
seeking exit that can't be found
except by ways that all condemn
they relate with torn flesh
attempts to end the torment felt
this gives no pill that cures the soul
instead reminder of lost hope

in the end I feel alone
standing next to idles hands
filled with camps that stand outside
my pool of shame with one desire
the clueless gawk at my wounds
while knowing look to see their own
the sum is nothing for this one
with screams and whispers for the world.

© 2018. Sean Green. All Rights Reserved. 20180219.

Obey the golden rule, my friend,
But not by rust gilded with words,
Like politicians feed the herds,
That have no value in the end.

There is no parsing of the rule,
Not for those who are honor bound,
Let kindness, helpfulness abound,
Even when others call you fool.

When others scorn you, show them love,
I know it's not easy to do,
But your kindness will shine through,
To them and to your God above.

If you sow bitterness you'll reap,
A bitter harvest in due time,
To reap a harvest that's sublime,
Sow only kindness, take that leap.

Obey the golden rule your whole life through,
It may not save the world, but may save you.

small things, the little way
a contribution here to stay
a lifetime's love in time today

                  helpfulness