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IN SEARCH OF THE PRESENT

I begin with two words that all men have uttered since the dawn of humanity: thank you. The word gratitude has equivalents in every language and in each tongue the range of meanings is abundant. In the Romance languages this breadth spans the spiritual and the physical, from the divine grace conceded to men to save them from error and death, to the ****** grace of the dancing girl or the feline leaping through the undergrowth. Grace means pardon, forgiveness, favour, benefice, inspiration; it is a form of address, a pleasing style of speaking or painting, a gesture expressing politeness, and, in short, an act that reveals spiritual goodness. Grace is gratuitous; it is a gift. The person who receives it, the favoured one, is grateful for it; if he is not base, he expresses gratitude. That is what I am doing at this very moment with these weightless words. I hope my emotion compensates their weightlessness. If each of my words were a drop of water, you would see through them and glimpse what I feel: gratitude, acknowledgement. And also an indefinable mixture of fear, respect and surprise at finding myself here before you, in this place which is the home of both Swedish learning and world literature.

Languages are vast realities that transcend those political and historical entities we call nations. The European languages we speak in the Americas illustrate this. The special position of our literatures when compared to those of England, Spain, Portugal and France depends precisely on this fundamental fact: they are literatures written in transplanted tongues. Languages are born and grow from the native soil, nourished by a common history. The European languages were rooted out from their native soil and their own tradition, and then planted in an unknown and unnamed world: they took root in the new lands and, as they grew within the societies of America, they were transformed. They are the same plant yet also a different plant. Our literatures did not passively accept the changing fortunes of the transplanted languages: they participated in the process and even accelerated it. They very soon ceased to be mere transatlantic reflections: at times they have been the negation of the literatures of Europe; more often, they have been a reply.

In spite of these oscillations the link has never been broken. My classics are those of my language and I consider myself to be a descendant of Lope and Quevedo, as any Spanish writer would ... yet I am not a Spaniard. I think that most writers of Spanish America, as well as those from the United States, Brazil and Canada, would say the same as regards the English, Portuguese and French traditions. To understand more clearly the special position of writers in the Americas, we should think of the dialogue maintained by Japanese, Chinese or Arabic writers with the different literatures of Europe. It is a dialogue that cuts across multiple languages and civilizations. Our dialogue, on the other hand, takes place within the same language. We are Europeans yet we are not Europeans. What are we then? It is difficult to define what we are, but our works speak for us.

In the field of literature, the great novelty of the present century has been the appearance of the American literatures. The first to appear was that of the English-speaking part and then, in the second half of the 20th Century, that of Latin America in its two great branches: Spanish America and Brazil. Although they are very different, these three literatures have one common feature: the conflict, which is more ideological than literary, between the cosmopolitan and nativist tendencies, between Europeanism and Americanism. What is the legacy of this dispute? The polemics have disappeared; what remain are the works. Apart from this general resemblance, the differences between the three literatures are multiple and profound. One of them belongs more to history than to literature: the development of Anglo-American literature coincides with the rise of the United States as a world power whereas the rise of our literature coincides with the political and social misfortunes and upheavals of our nations. This proves once more the limitations of social and historical determinism: the decline of empires and social disturbances sometimes coincide with moments of artistic and literary splendour. Li-Po and Tu Fu witnessed the fall of the Tang dynasty; Velázquez painted for Felipe IV; Seneca and Lucan were contemporaries and also victims of Nero. Other differences are of a literary nature and apply more to particular works than to the character of each literature. But can we say that literatures have a character? Do they possess a set of shared features that distinguish them from other literatures? I doubt it. A literature is not defined by some fanciful, intangible character; it is a society of unique works united by relations of opposition and affinity.

The first basic difference between Latin-American and Anglo-American literature lies in the diversity of their origins. Both begin as projections of Europe. The projection of an island in the case of North America; that of a peninsula in our case. Two regions that are geographically, historically and culturally eccentric. The origins of North America are in England and the Reformation; ours are in Spain, Portugal and the Counter-Reformation. For the case of Spanish America I should briefly mention what distinguishes Spain from other European countries, giving it a particularly original historical identity. Spain is no less eccentric than England but its eccentricity is of a different kind. The eccentricity of the English is insular and is characterized by isolation: an eccentricity that excludes. Hispanic eccentricity is peninsular and consists of the coexistence of different civilizations and different pasts: an inclusive eccentricity. In what would later be Catholic Spain, the Visigoths professed the heresy of Arianism, and we could also speak about the centuries of ******* by Arabic civilization, the influence of Jewish thought, the Reconquest, and other characteristic features.

Hispanic eccentricity is reproduced and multiplied in America, especially in those countries such as Mexico and Peru, where ancient and splendid civilizations had existed. In Mexico, the Spaniards encountered history as well as geography. That history is still alive: it is a present rather than a past. The temples and gods of pre-Columbian Mexico are a pile of ruins, but the spirit that breathed life into that world has not disappeared; it speaks to us in the hermetic language of myth, legend, forms of social coexistence, popular art, customs. Being a Mexican writer means listening to the voice of that present, that presence. Listening to it, speaking with it, deciphering it: expressing it ... After this brief digression we may be able to perceive the peculiar relation that simultaneously binds us to and separates us from the European tradition.

This consciousness of being separate is a constant feature of our spiritual history. Separation is sometimes experienced as a wound that marks an internal division, an anguished awareness that invites self-examination; at other times it appears as a challenge, a spur that incites us to action, to go forth and encounter others and the outside world. It is true that the feeling of separation is universal and not peculiar to Spanish Americans. It is born at the very moment of our birth: as we are wrenched from the Whole we fall into an alien land. This experience becomes a wound that never heals. It is the unfathomable depth of every man; all our ventures and exploits, all our acts and dreams, are bridges designed to overcome the separation and reunite us with the world and our fellow-beings. Each man's life and the collective history of mankind can thus be seen as attempts to reconstruct the original situation. An unfinished and endless cure for our divided condition. But it is not my intention to provide yet another description of this feeling. I am simply stressing the fact that for us this existential condition expresses itself in historical terms. It thus becomes an awareness of our history. How and when does this feeling appear and how is it transformed into consciousness? The reply to this double-edged question can be given in the form of a theory or a personal testimony. I prefer the latter: there are many theories and none is entirely convincing.

The feeling of separation is bound up with the oldest and vaguest of my memories: the first cry, the first scare. Like every child I built emotional bridges in the imagination to link me to the world and to other people. I lived in a town on the outskirts of Mexico City, in an old dilapidated house that had a jungle-like garden and a great room full of books. First games and first lessons. The garden soon became the centre of my world; the library, an enchanted cave. I used to read and play with my cousins and schoolmates. There was a fig tree, temple of vegetation, four pine trees, three ash trees, a nightshade, a pomegranate tree, wild grass and prickly plants that produced purple grazes. Adobe walls. Time was elastic; space was a spinning wheel. All time, past or future, real or imaginary, was pure presence. Space transformed itself ceaselessly. The beyond was here, all was here: a valley, a mountain, a distant country, the neighbours' patio. Books with pictures, especially history books, eagerly leafed through, supplied images of deserts and jungles, palaces and hovels, warriors and princesses, beggars and kings. We were shipwrecked with Sinbad and with Robinson, we fought with d'Artagnan, we took Valencia with the Cid. How I would have liked to stay forever on the Isle of Calypso! In summer the green branches of the fig tree would sway like the sails of a caravel or a pirate ship. High up on the mast, swept by the wind, I could make out islands and continents, lands that vanished as soon as they became tangible. The world was limitless yet it was always within reach; time was a pliable substance that weaved an unbroken present.

When was the spell broken? Gradually rather than suddenly. It is hard to accept being betrayed by a friend, deceived by the woman we love, or that the idea of freedom is the mask of a tyrant. What we call "finding out" is a slow and tricky process because we ourselves are the accomplices of our errors and deceptions. Nevertheless, I can remember fairly clearly an incident that was the first sign, although it was quickly forgotten. I must have been about six when one of my cousins who was a little older showed me a North American magazine with a photograph of soldiers marching along a huge avenue, probably in New York. "They've returned from the war" she said. This handful of words disturbed me, as if they foreshadowed the end of the world or the Second Coming of Christ. I vaguely knew that somewhere far away a war had ended a few years earlier and that the soldiers were marching to celebrate their victory. For me, that war had taken place in another time, not here and now. The photo refuted me. I felt literally dislodged from the present.

From that moment time began to fracture more and more. And there was a plurality of spaces. The experience repeated itself more and more frequently. Any piece of news, a harmless phrase, the headline in a newspaper: everything proved the outside world's existence and my own unreality. I felt that the world was splitting and that I did not inhabit the present. My present was disintegrating: real time was somewhere else. My time, the time of the garden, the fig tree, the games with friends, the drowsiness among the plants at three in the afternoon under the sun, a fig torn open (black and red like a live coal but one that is sweet and fresh): this was a fictitious time. In spite of what my senses told me, the time from over there, belonging to the others, was the real one, the time of the real present. I accepted the inevitable: I became an adult. That was how my expulsion from the present began.

It may seem paradoxical to say that we have been expelled from the present, but it is a feeling we have all had at some moment. Some of us experienced it first as a condemnation, later transformed into consciousness and action. The search for the present is neither the pursuit of an earthly paradise nor that of a timeless eternity: it is the search for a real reality. For us, as Spanish Americans, the real present was not in our own countries: it was the time lived by others, by the English, the French and the Germans. It was the time of New York, Paris, London. We had to go and look for it and bring it back home. These years were also the years of my discovery of literature. I began writing poems. I did not know what made me write them: I was moved by an inner need that is difficult to define. Only now have I understood that there was a secret relationship between what I have called my expulsion from the present and the writing of poetry. Poetry is in love with the instant and seeks to relive it in the poem, thus separating it from sequential time and turning it into a fixed present. But at that time I wrote without wondering why I was doing it. I was searching for the gateway to the present: I wanted to belong to my time and to my century. A little later this obsession became a fixed idea: I wanted to be a modern poet. My search for modernity had begun.

What is modernity? First of all it is an ambiguous term: there are as many types of modernity as there are societies. Each has its own. The word's meaning is uncertain and arbitrary, like the name of the period that precedes it, the Middle Ages. If we are modern when compared to medieval times, are we perhaps the Middle Ages of a future modernity? Is a name that changes with time a real name? Modernity is a word in search of its meaning. Is it an idea, a mirage or a moment of history? Are we the children of modernity or its creators? Nobody knows for sure. It doesn't matter much: we follow it, we pursue it. For me at that time modernity was fused with the present or rather produced it: the present was its last supreme flower. My case is neither unique nor exceptional: from the Symbolist period, all modern poets have chased after that magnetic and elusive figure that fascinates them. Baudelaire was the first. He was also the first to touch her and discover that she is nothing but time that crumbles in one's hands. I am not going to relate my adventures in pursuit of modernity: they are not very different from those of other 20th-Century poets. Modernity has been a universal passion. Since 1850 she has been our goddess and our demoness. In recent years, there has been an attempt to exorcise her and there has been much talk of "postmodernism". But what is postmodernism if not an even more modern modernity?

For us, as Latin Americans, the search for poetic modernity runs historically parallel to the repeated attempts to modernize our countries. This tendency begins at the end of the 18th Century and includes Spain herself. The United States was born into modernity and by 1830 was already, as de Tocqueville observed, the womb of the future; we were born at a moment when Spain and Portugal were moving away from modernity. This is why there was frequent talk of "Europeanizing" our countries: the modern was outside and had to be imported. In Mexican history this process begins just before the War of Independence. Later it became a great ideological and political debate that passionately divided Mexican society during the 19th Century. One event was to call into question not the legitimacy of the reform movement but the way in which it had been implemented: the Mexican Revolution. Unlike its 20th-Century counterparts, the Mexican Revolution was not really the expression of a vaguely utopian ideology but rather the explosion of a reality that had been historically and psychologically repressed. It was not the work of a group of ideologists intent on introducing principles derived from a political theory; it was a popular uprising that unmasked what was hidden. For this very reason it was more of a revelation than a revolution. Mexico was searching for the present outside only to find it within, buried but alive. The search for modernity led
406

Some—Work for Immortality—
The Chiefer part, for Time—
He—Compensates—immediately—
The former—Checks—on Fame—

Slow Gold—but Everlasting—
The Bullion of Today—
Contrasted with the Currency
Of Immortality—

A Beggar—Here and There—
Is gifted to discern
Beyond the Broker’s insight—
One’s—Money—One’s—the Mine—
Even the bolt of a metal *****
will eventually erode.
Is it ironic to say that
a blowfish can implode, too?

The notion of wearing a mask
is an interesting one
Because nothing in this world
is meant to stand the test of time
And if you try to hide
you will fail.
Then, when you wake,
and try to see past your mask
you'll find yourself staring
at the wall behind you.

Even on a bright, sunny day
you can wake up feeling gray.
Making you feel out of place,
so wearing a mask compensates
Disguising blind eyes from reality
with a false sense of security.

The calm before the storm
is a deceptive moment in time
But it just goes to show
how quickly things can go
from good to bad
And it happens everyone.

Everyone has a shadow
no matter how you choose too see things.
It will never leave your side
Big or small, day or night
Your shadow is cast as a mask,
how you wear it is up to you.

Becoming comfortable in your mask
can be an uncomfortable task
As uncomfortable as a gullible mime
that is stuck on the outside
of his invisible box,
just trying to find a way in.

It's a queasy experience
that makes your stomach churn.
Trying to find the face behind
the mask
When you can't see past the facade
that acts as a mirage.

It's might sound easier to keep
the mask on,
put up a front and never look back
But that doesnt mean
things will be any easier,
just harder to hide behind.

Only when you choose to see
the reflection in the mirror
for its face value,
and not as a misleading mask,
will you begin to feel
how awesome it is to see clearly
George Anthony Jul 2016
so fixated on the idea of a father, just lately;
he's got a firm clasp on his own mouth
to stop himself from spilling,
wishing he could grip hard enough to
leave bruises
without thinking "look at me, becoming him"

pathetic, is what it is
shuts himself down with bitter thoughts and cruelty.
how ridiculous to look at mother's new boyfriend—
who she isn't even official with yet,
who she's only known for maybe four months—
and silently wish, more than wonder
"will i be calling you dad one day?"

his own dad, such a disappointment
that sometimes it gives him headaches,
trying to figure out who's more of a violent failure:
himself, or his father.
he has an ego the size of the moon
that compensates for his overwhelming insecurities
and hides his vulnerabilities;
but he can't escape his own self-loathing when there's
no one
to put on a show for

and since he grew up spending most of his days
alone and self-reliant

loneliness has been the best father he could ever ask for
talking about myself in third person makes things strangely easier
Kq Dec 2018
capricorn Kerri counts money
and compensates for her losses
with lots of cold hard truth

she says, you’re like
a tulip that bloomed in February
when there was still snow coming
you sprung forth in all of your glory
just to arrive in a moment
that wasn’t ready for you
and now you’re just some jutted textures
on a once ignited presence.
annie Mar 2014
you touched me.
we came from tupperware and 2 to 3 sets of silverware.
with it i gave worms a home and with you i made fig jam and we put it in a mason jar.
i stared at my milk at your dinner table the way one stares at a speck in the gravel when one tries to balance on one foot,
to help from embarrassing myself in front of your older brother.
i loved him like my own; i loved you like any soul-searching, trampoline-jumping munchkin loves their best friend-
you touched me
as if i could just list off memories and believe that it compensates for our loss
and now i can't do anything more than to brush it off like life,
but that in and of itself makes me want to *****.
from tupperware, from textbooks...
to an eternity of unknown nothings and everythings,
you touched me and though i want to believe i've been through it,
though i say i've been through the dinner party irony of havoc, through the tupperware dilemma of sorts,
what faults in this life have i missed,
to help me understand what brought you to jump,
my trampoline companion with a curiosity and endless potential,
with textbooks and tupperware in hand?
Sara L Russell Sep 2009
Introduction


Burning pages
Blood-red sky
Rage of angels
Days gone by
The Chosen one, with eyes of searing flames
Is opening the book of Living Names....


I


The turning pages tell of lives gone by,
Furled by the one whose eyes are blinding flames;
Hot ashes flutter to the blood-red sky,
Like burning souls of undeserving names.

Where justice fails in life, death compensates:
Rare Mercy brings the angel who redeems,
While cruelty brings down avenging fates,
Even if conscience sleeps throughout our dreams.

The one with eyes of flame sees everything,
His Book of Living Names is always fair;
Yet every page frail as a fledgeling's wing -
Tread carefully if your name is not there.

There are but two volumes: one leads to light,
The other leads to Hell, without respite.



II


He sat in shadows, working through the night;
A scribe writing in words of ****** red,
While brass lanterns imparted sickly light,
As nightmare voices raged inside his head.

And all the names of those forever doomed,
Of future deaths and those of ancient past,
Were on the page, committed and entombed
In holy blood, scarlet and colour-fast.

All those whom God shall cast into the flames,
Unworthy of Heaven's forgiving grace
Are ever here, in this Book of Dead Names -
Named, numbered souls, each one bereft of face.

Thus, all enjoying notoriety
Shall be vanquished in anonymity.



III


Place copper coins over these weary eyes,
Gather my gold around me in the tomb,
Pray overlook transgression, all my lies,
Cradle me unto death, as from the womb.

Bury my silver at my lifeless feet,
Burn sandalwood, utter my name in prayer,
Drench me with nard and hyssop, bittersweet,
Remember me with lilies in my hair.

Pray write me in the Book of Living Names,
God turn thy face from my iniquity;
Spare me the flail, the pit of raging flames,
But let the quiet waters carry me.

Float me upon the Styx when I am gone;
Erase me from the Necronomicon.



NOTES:

This was inspired by some of the startling imagery in The Book of Revelation from the Bible.
A metallic flash of crushing energy and voracious sound exploded through the facade of the Union Station. The sleek classical columns and Constantinian Archways crumbled into a zephyr of advancing smoke and billows of dust. It was like watching the collapse of Sampson after a haircut at Delilah's.

A flash of light
and thunderous sound
knocked all the people
to the ground

chunks and bits
of concrete flew
the Union Station
in a whiff just blew

apart into pieces
dust and jagged glass
nothing withstood
the tumult of the blast

scattered and broken
in desolation lives ended
innocents slaughtered
dreams suspended

what vexed and angry force
could light this terrible torch?
crumbling arches tearing keystones
this iconoclastic scorch

a sickness you say
of body, mind and spirit
too aggrieved and resentful
derangement gets the credit

ghostly shadow's gather
specters of force and might
pervasive threats devastate
some will not return home this night

happenstance of time
fickleness of fate
strange coincidentals
all pass through this gate

Who set this fuse?
who lit the torch?
that blew apart
our country's heart

a mind of ugly sickness
and a soul full of pain
a heart bent on malice
the definition of insane

does the culprit stand in glee
at the carnage of this act
does that type feel anything
for this murderous attack?

What profit them
from the agony of terror
holding our imagination hostage
only compensates the bearer

Before this dreadful perversity
all sat well in the land of plenty
freedoms serenity guaranteed
citizens crowned with sanctioned liberty

but the evil doers hate us
for our beliefs and what we have
this heinous deed of mayhem
alone shall make them glad

whoever lit this fuse
and lobbed this bomb
rest assured ****** terrorists
we'll place you in your tomb

The sirens blared throughout the plaza of the station littered with debris.

"*******. *******."

"What happened?"

"Whaaa"

Sirens blared.

Cries lifted up to the Lord. Moans and groans of incomprehensible injury were uttered.

"Where is she?"

"Donna!!"

A young cop came running from across the street. Unable to comprehend what he was witnessing looked on with shock and awe overwhelmed at the extent of the damage. He stood astride a dust covered cabbage patch doll. He kicked it aside.

"Jesus Christ." he gulped.

"What happened.?"

Boom Boom!!!!!!!!!!!

Indeed, what happened?

John Lee ******
Boom, Boom

Washington DC
8/2/09
jbm
shiftingclouds Nov 2014
(This post is dedicated to all my followers who still stuck with me after my long hiatus. I'm running low on inspiration these days. I am not a good writer but I'm working towards being one. I hope this post more or less compensates for my long absence.)

A LETTER TO MY LOVER'S FUTURE WIFE

     First things first, he is not my lover. He never has been and probably never will be. But he is very dear to me, and I do not think that I will be forgetting him anytime soon, and thus I considered him my lover. I hope you are okay with that. After all, my thoughts will in no way affect your life. I am writing this letter to congratulate you. You are able to trace the veins on his hands; his pair of hands which I was not privileged enough to touch. Run your fingers over his and remember how soft it is. Only then would it be fair to him because his hands are amazingly sculptured. Remember how they look like, remember how they feel like, even long after he's gone. I would also like to congratulate you for having the chance to see him every day. You see, he has the kind of face you don't get tired of staring at. I hope you notice that. I didn't know faces work that way when you're in love.

     That being said, I would like to pass on several guidelines to you. Guidelines on how to look after this boy. At the time of this letter, we are both eighteen. Young, raw, and still halfway through college. Okay, how do I put this in a nice way. He is light-hearted. Free-spirited. He does what he wants, as long as he is happy. He skips classes often here, I'm not going to deny that. Make sure he doesn't do the same for his work. Force him out of bed and make him go to his ****** job unless he's too sick to sit up. He has a family to feed and children to raise now. Help me shape him into a responsible man. I trust you enough to do this. Also, let him buy his cereals. He will still probably eat it in the morning when he's in a rush, in the evening while he's waiting for you to prepare dinner, and at night when he's too lazy to make supper but too hungry to go to bed after two movies. He makes the most disgusting-tasting oats. I tried it once and it tasted like *****. Trust me, there is nothing you can do about it because he's convinced that it tastes good. Perhaps his tongue has been surgically engineered when he was a fetus. I don't know. Either way, love him for that. But don't let him be the one who makes cereals for the children. Poor, poor children. One more thing, be ready to let his lips touch the mouth of your drinking bottle if he asks for water. He doesn't know how to pour liquid from a bottle without wetting himself. He's an idiot like that.

     Oh, and the air purifier in your room? Clean it once in a while. Make sure the machine works well. He's allergic to dust and I don't know the effects it has on him. And his body can't tolerate coldness that much, so compromise with him and agree on an intermediate temperature, please? Personally, I don't like it too cold either but I do not matter in this context.

     Anyway, I have to go to bed now. It's 1:27AM and I have a class in the morning. I might write another letter to you in the future, I might not. After all, both of us share an extraordinary bond. You are currently in love with someone I used to love. You must have seen the same things I saw in him, probably even more. Maybe I could actually get along with you well, if I could make myself stop wondering what I am lacking every time I look at you.
I got inspired to write poetry in a letter format after re-reading berry's 'the first and last angry letter' (http://hellopoetry.com/poem/687427/the-first-and-last-angry-letter/) and also kunthavi's 'A Letter To My Landlord' (http://dullsuns.tumblr.com/post/88929397603/a-letter-to-my-landlord-below-i-have-compiled). Therefore, my writing style might have been similar to these two pieces in several parts. I used them as reference. Credits go to these two. I love these two pieces so much I printed them out and stuck them in my notebook.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2019
.note to self: to make the perfect hungarian goulash, for ever capsicum pepper used, use a romano (sweet) pepper... bay leaf, allspice... pristine pork... no need for chicken stock... decently sizzled lard trimmings (from the pork)... a generous amount of garlic to balance the onions... chilli... and... a 2 : 1 ratio of paprika to smoked paprika powder: cooked generously for an hour+ having poured water into the mixture and some tomato purée... a decent cut of carrot and root parsley... and then... only then: the chopped tomatoes... salt to taste... fresh parlsey on top; yes, served on a massive hash brown (raw potatoes, grated, egg, flour, salt), with a sidedish of coleslaw... come to think of it: no... why would you add nutmeg to the sauce?

                                              nicht ist mehr?
              nicht ist noch -

                       a cough of Ernst Bloch:
    and there i was thinking:
where does Franz Marc (blues horses)
                        and Kandinsky ever begin?
precursor to:
      postcard poetry -
        i'll watch me a painting and invent,
rather, succumb to: phenomenalism -
               what with the senses already dimmed,
blunted to b & w and bad deutzsche grammar?


walking through the mess of yesterday's town,
i couldn't but succumb to the allure
of a thought:

   a thought that resurfaced just about
when i finished my going-to-bed-routine:
smoked a cigarette,
did the no. 1 & the no. 2 &
    ****** off on the toilet,
             smoked another cigarette,
drank a glass of water with
     the prescription,
                     dressed myself in pajamas,
     closed the blinds,
   closed the window,
    put on the headphones -
      put on a horror movie soundtrack,
switched off the light,
       lay myself in bed:
   toiled in it for an hour...
hyper-excited by the prospect of
heading to central London
        to pick out a cabbage vinyl..
     ate a piece of chocolate in the dark,
followed by a decent gulp of water...
fell asleep...

  but prior: in between - the allure of
the thought:

       self-worth attached to certains
jobs...
         and... how else to expand on this?
i reckon i'll write as much a decent
verse in the morning with
a coffee: than i will ever
           (constipated) get out of a nightly
session with a bottle of amber-glug...

if only i was so desperate as to have
written some of this prior to
closing my eyes:
                                 exposing my eyes
to the insomnia glue
       of a brightly lit screen of
                            a brain-harvester...

comparison:
    no one would really care to think
of a street cleaner as important...
     well... for me:
                            if i could be a street
cleaner: i could have all the legs
   and recycling heavens' wheels of
fortune to: blah-blah this sort of
wordings...
                       walking yesterday
through town i noticed two of them...

clean streets...
    what could be more important than
clean streets?
           ***** streets for rats...
            
         but i could never...
never count a barista to be a barrister:
yet both could cite you
some sort of philosophy:
  one would cite you something from
jurisprudence,
   the other something from
       what pedants discuss in an opera
prior to the curtain fall...

yet with a barista?
   a strange hyper-inflated membrane
of self-worth:
  noticed in a supermarket cashier,
noticed in a ekspedientka (saleswoman)
  ekspedient (salesman)...
the more trivial the job becomes:
the more self-worth buds under
the surface: with no ulterior outlet beyond
the role...
   like this shawl of glass full of
water: having more water poured into it...

(god, this looked better in my head):

            how much self-worth permeates
from the face of a street-cleaner?
                zilch...
                    ah..­. but how much of "something"
permeates from you walking
down a clean street:
    indifferently -
                you'll hardly think yourself
as garbage: staring at the blank canvas
of pavement...
             yet the barista?
              it's as if he knows:
i've just put on a kettle, boiled some water,
squeezed some coffee...
   ergo? i have to "look" important!
the street cleaner?
    do i really have to "look" important?
i know this is important:
what? whatever the hell i'm doing.

or at least that's how the narrative goes...
in my little head on my little planet
of cycling upside-down apes...

the more trivial a job:
   the more self-worth needs to permeate
from the person given
a function, which, otherwise:
would conscript disdain...
        the camouflaged workforce...
self-evident:
   walking past a bank...
wait... weren't there 6 cubicles
here with cashiers?
                em... self-service?
imagine that!
           sooner or later
                there will be talk of
                             the                   self-:
not being a philosophical curiosity,
rather a study of the past,
or the reaching out attachment prosthetic
of revealing a dead someone
  a dead former profession...

                   crux hyphen:
                       i'm already part employed
as a supermarket cashier,
  i'm already a bank cashier...
               nothing new: auto-cue:
propagandist line, skewed news...
    
but there's still the blatant glare of
the staring match (and the missing E
starring - and the missing macron
on top of A in the latter) -

                  a láte(!) lātte -
rhythm (caffèlat) - cough-la-la-'t:
   hey, scribble here, scribble there,
you hear it in English all the time,
the ever pertinent question:
how do you say that?
  measure metres in inches
in: metric syllables no good...
   'ave to *** beck tou d' imperial...
yes: and because Dickens...
really really, wrote just any better
   schlang than anglo-saxon Idaho...

self-worth: volumptous in certain
instances in public:
   the same self-worth attached to...
would you really want
to have your shoes-polished
with your feet in the shoes?
i wouldn't...
                      trivial *******,
i know... but such is the beast of
self-worth disguising the trivial
nature of certain professions...
   where would be the Wall St. broker
without a shoe-shiner?
boy oh boy: on the same dirt road:
        shoeshine is that thick splodge
of canvas worth a twinkle 'ere,
           a twinkle o'      'er...

airy-fairy: bottom's up and
flaky in the visage of the pompous
boston alto horn of
              a Parisian kelner...
bulging mass: bloated larynx:
puff ****: the three piglets and
the asthmatic bad wolf...

quick... untangle me from this language!
i have a no-nonsense person
to speak to later:
and i can't be bound to
  this metaphor Dali allure;
literally a square is a square,
red is red,
     and escapism only in
              a prosaic paragraph;

this hardly compensates
even the bare scraps of what is
a work of ethic of...
                                                an ant.
John Prophet Dec 2016
The world slows down.
That’s a good thing.
Priorities change, also good.
The rat race fades into memory.
It’s now time to appreciate things.
Let the next generation battle to climb the ladder,
keep their heads above water.
Time for walks with the dog, stoping to smell the flowers.
The body creaks where it didn’t before but the wisdom gain
more than compensates.
Reading and learning still much fun.
Smile at the young ones as they expound, knowing
time and experience mellow their sound.
Enjoy the children, appreciate the miracle, then smile when handing them back.
Reflective walks in the woods wondering what other paths you could have followed. Then realizing though, the one you chose lead you into the woods.
As time passes on and the young ones grow old, it’s important to remember, we had our time, our time in the sun.
Prepare to move on, our time is now done.
David N Juboor Apr 2019
It is a fact
That it takes
About 80 milliseconds
For the brain to
Generate consciousness,

To take all the
Information flowing in and
Construct a model of reality
From moment to moment.
An 80-millisecond-old afterglow.

It is a fact,
That major league hitters
Cannot biologically
Keep their eyes on the ball.

That actually
Human eyes can't
Track at a ball whose
Angular position is
Changing so rapidly

And actually
You could close your
Eyes once it was
Halfway in the air
And you'd still
Catch it with the bat.

In fact,
Your brain is
Doing this right now.

As I speak,
It is taking a fraction of a moment
for my voice to reach your ear drums.

But your brain
It compensates for this by
Making you believe
That you are in this moment

For
This moment

So here is a poem
For those who
Can't help but
Live in the past:

It’s called “Climb”
__

They say
The most fertile land
Forms from tectonic shifts
So great
The earth erupts into chaos
To settle into mounds

Mountains
So majestic
That they were once
Mistaken for gods.

This
Is for the ones
Who are settling.

For the lamp light.
The nightstand
Of mistaken majesties
And snow-capped summits

For the time capsules
Of recipes and
One line poems
That I once forgot.

For the promise of prosperity
That we all had and have
But none of us got.

For the thought
That breath
Is only there
To say goodbye.

The last time
I hoped to die
I pried the crosses
From my trinity heart
Buried them one by one
In my holy stomach
Until even God
Didn’t have enough
Grace to to pull me back.

Until even God
Didn’t have enough
Grace to make me
Anything but a soldier
In a war with
Myself that I’m
Tired of fighting.

Fighting for moments
When the barrel of a gun
Tastes like revolution.

When poetry
is no longer a verb
I can believe in.

When freedom
Is one man
On one stage
With one voice
And enough courage
To be something
When freedom
Is one crowd
In one room
With one voice
And enough courage
To be something

So for the moments
When gravity,
Is everything
Tearing you down:

You,
Are a temple
Where the only God is

You,
Are a map,
To time capsules
Of recipes and
One line poems

You,
Remember gravity made the stars.

Forged them
Bright and burning,
Like a phoenix
From the stardust
Of planets and galaxies
That we once forgot
From the promise of prosperity
That we all had and have
But none of us got.

So gather the ashes
And shake the dust

Like every breath
Is only there
To say goodbye

Like love
Is the moment
You caught your
Mother’s eye

Like hoping to die
Is just another mountain to climb
Another God to find
In the sacred temple
Of your trinity heart

So if you’re ever
Falling apart

Remember bars
Do not make a cage

And wings
Will never set you free

‘Cause
You can spend
Your whole **** life
Wearing a life vest
In the desert

But the bottom of the sky
Is the top of the sea

And sometimes sinking
Pressures chaos
Into courage
Breaks the
Bedrock into beauty
And we can
Erupt again
I can't sleep,
With thoughts of you clouding my mind,
And this is an unusual feeling,
One I'm unfamiliar with.

I'm used to thinking of one I love,
And the thought brings me a smile,
A calm heart and a calm mind,
One that puts me right to sleep.

But right now at this moment,
Just keeping my eyes closed is difficult,
Because you are painted on the backs of my eyelids,
And I know I can't be with you right now.

You, in all your beauty, are too much for me,
I cannot see you without feeling you,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because it hurts my heart.

On a common night,
Your smile would put my soul at peace,
And set my body at rest,
But tonight is uncommonly longer.

Keeping my eyes open makes me all the more aware,
Of all this time passing me by,
And me alone,
Because you are not with me.

I am all too aware of the extra space on my bed,
I am all too aware of the emptiness beneath my hands,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because love for you usually compensates.

But it seems that right now,
Mere thoughts simply won't do,
I need you here with me,
In all your physical presence.

I cannot sleep without you to hold tightly,
And I cannot stand to close my fingers around nothing,
I cannot stand to reach forward and only feel blankets,
Until my arm is reaching into thin air.

Now only your presence will let me rest,
I need to feel your soft skin at my fingertips,
And your lips brush right up to mine,
The curve of your waist under one hand.

And this is an unusual feeling,
Because I am not usually one to commit,
But I can confidently say I want to marry you,
And that I want to spend every day I have left,

          With you.
Raw form, unrevised, just wrote it as it came to mind,  I may change it a little if I find better prettier ways to word things.
vircapio gale Mar 2014
Samaria can burn for all i care.
unchecked **** existed there as well.

each of us is torn.

you dare proclaim: you love me now.
but acts of speech will not belie
your inner need.

i  will  not
return your spineless love
i only see you as you were
passing me
another errant body uninvolved
you haven't changed
your distant eyes avert
your guilt to span the globe
your condescending anger
poorly compensates
your shame

you chose a silence then,
seeing from afar,
you ran and wrote a story
as if my story were a gem
as if your facets claim a right
to make of me a cause

so now i lock you eye to eye.
you owe me nothing,
my pleading done
i'm only here to shout --
to poison what you see as well --
to crack you into seeing hell as hell

sweet weakness soothed you
just for being powerless

while i retched in corners,
alleys, on the train

my captors blinded me
to hide themselves

but you see.
and you flail with understanding,
broken more than me.
you mutter pridefully
you're 'bearing witness'
... but an aperture of musing
only fades into the smoke
you ****
into a screen

regurgitating pity
to be swallowed by your peers,
you have found your hiding spot
in brightness, plugging in

no longer even passing by
Journey of Days Jun 2017
marked out
scars are deep
granulated
raised
hate designed this pattern of lace
body compensates for punches and kicks
pinned to soft pillows held with steel
bobbins twist and cross intricate designs
capturing events in delicate knots
infinite combinations
belying pain, tales, drama
to create a work of beauty
in silk and blood
triumph
you did not win
victory was mine
I wear the lace mantilla


@journeyofdays
Somethings better left unsaid
Some debts of heart should never be paid
Shades of darkness of eyes
Shouldn't be washed off with lies
Better its left to burn inside
Instead of extinguishing it by assuarance tide

Damages of time heals anyways
What is the need to cover up with stiches
There is no buyer to pay off for truth
Is that bargaining what it worth!!!
Faking yourself is the new trend
Sometimes its better to be blend(with trend)

Sleepless nights never compensates the pain
Still heart desires to be ******* in chain
Mind often plays trick with heart
To wrap it up with hidden fact
Dealing with scars always turns out *****
All that what it want is, a little bit of pity

Ripped off emotions never need skin
To multiply dearer's deliberate sin
Freaking out is the ultimate destination
Why there is matter of botheration
Nobody cares anymore and memories merely fade
Somethings better be left unsaid.....................
Jared Eli Feb 2014
I am
An open book
Made up of the ashes
Of fantastic people and books
Of miraculous animals and fantastical structures
Of civilizations grander than I could ever conceive
Civilizations burned down specifically
To create the pages
That I am
"Buy a building to burn, sirs!
Triple your investment when we build this child!"
They wasted a **** good concept on me
And I didn't fail
To let them down

That's right, I came from ashes
But I'm nowhere near a Phoenix
Cut me and I'll bleed
The ceremonial color of a man
Whose last will and testament
Is that no one he knows will see him
Cry so hard and so long
That the dying is over long before
The tears are through
And when the blood and tears mingle
Sense is lost
Because Spielberg's AI was not that sad
And no one understands why
Okay?
Okay.
Hits me the way it does

They used to say that illness sprang
From bad blood
I know inside I'm terrible
And maybe that's why I love
Donating blood
That on a deep subconscious level
I try to purge my impurities
Through my borderline masochism
A vampire girlfriend would suit me just fine
I think to myself
And I pump in the sleeve
Take from the vein all you desire
And my eyes roll back
What a ******* ******

"Don't judge me" I tell them
Half-joking
So the sincerity in the concern is mistaken
For a good leg-pulling
I am aware and scared of what people think
In a secret sort of way
The kind that's alright as long as
No one knows
Because when they know
They'll control you
And you, helpless to your worry
Will stress and believe everything
"I don't want to be hated"
Be non-committal
See both sides
Don't vote for anyone, tell them you have to go
Take a stand, *******
I am a spineless *******
Who is trying so hard to grow a spine
You can be emotional and have a spine
But some days I would rather just have a spine
And the will to speak

Arrogance is a virtue
According to my mind
It compensates feelings of intense insecurity
With bouts of arrogance
Founded in the juvenile feeling of
"Everyone *****! I'm the best!"
Which is only thinly veiling
"Why the **** do I continue to be a waste
Of oxygen and space? This is what my shoelaces
Are for. . .
"
But I don't want to be left hanging in the wind
Feet kicking off the chains of mortality
And accepting the un-existence
Of my destined oblivion

I am
A self-fulfilling prophecy
Written on the charred bones
Of civilizations grander than I could ever conceive
"He will grow until he doesn't
Live until he doesn't
Think until he doesn't
And when the stars are aligned
In the perfect triangle
He will exist as an entity
Until he doesn't"
I cannot escape this fate
But I can ease my mind from
The horrors of pre-destination
By being defiant
And every once in a while
Live even when I don't
Think and exist and grow
All while not doing any of them
I will do what cannot be done
Because my life deserves the illusion
Of control
Connor Sullivan Oct 2012
I have found

A person I can trust in you.

A person

so merciful

compassionate

tender.

Someone who will stand by me

As I would them.

Someone whose elegance

Far surpasses my own,

And with you I can find

Redemption

A blessing

Who compensates

For my own lack of grace.
coffeemantra Jan 2014
Depression comes with tearing her hair loose.
The floor trembles in her presence. She likes my bed the best, curls herself up and weeps in silence.
She looks in a mirror and stands up straight, ***** in her stomach, pushes her shoulders up front and looks idly at what so much inactivity has done to her body.
She is always this way: nearly deteriorated for the heaviness of her heart. How she moves ghostly from place to place. How she can’t look at anyone in the eyes. How she compensates her lack of will with caffeine.
I hold her every night as she cries herself to sleep. I tell her, you can’t stay here forever. There’s things I've got to do.
There's days I come to find her gone. No explanation, no said words, just the smeared mascara of her absence on my pillow.
I lose myself trying to protect her.  
It's a unilateral decision, it always has been.
But the longer she stays, the longer this undesirable impregnation of inaptitude stays in my body.
These days, I've conquered the times this disease embodied my soul.
Silver Wolf Feb 2014
I don’t know the way can you show me
Because I don’t really know where to go
From here on or the step that happens next
After you find out that happiness is a figment of imagination
And everything you thought was true is now a lie
Looking back I wonder where her conscience went
Slipping underneath and recoiling back inside herself
Deeper inside seeking shelter in a place that I don’t
Even know anymore
A place that’s not my own
Can’t call it home
Emptiness comfort me
Listen to my questions
As you answer in silence
The sounds of silence perforating my mask
Glaring through two green eyes and locks of brown
And features morphing into that of defiance
Hoping no one really knows
Or finds a vacant shell
Filling up with liquid injecting poison
Faster unstoppable
Increasingly invading
Controlling the hands decorated with welts
As it takes over me
Why do I find solace in solitude?
The voices in my head speak to me
It feels better
Drown out
Ring again
The voices in my head telling me
This is the right thing to do
So my mouth compensates
For lack of a better word
Spewing out nonsense
Among other things
Better left unsaid
Saint Ozz May 2014
No. 116


I should have loved her
Instead I loved her friend
I will never forget when she walked away
Not out of my life just the room
The woman who loved me
Disgraced for the woman I sought
I should have wanted her
I should have held her close
She was immeasurably sweet and loving, intelligent and fun
Instead I went for her (our) friend who was nothing but attractive
I spent months without true feelings fueling a farce that
always ends badly.
Even after she broke up with her fiancé to date me we were
not to last as it is ever written
I ended up outside her apartment with tears sitting in her car
It ended and the three of us were altered.
I should have been smart but I sinned against right and mistook
friend for lover.
When lovers abscond, the friend never re-compensates the loss.
I miss the us all these many years later and
mourn the affection that I should have maintained.
The I massacred the triumph of kinship.
I miss them, the two girls.
One I should of loved and the one that I did
If only momentarily.

Fin.
True Story
4/4/2017 "day 4"

"Used to?
Isn't being a father permenent?
What, did she die?"

Yes.
Tragic accident
I prefer not to talk about it.

"I'm sorry..."

I'm better now,
it's been four years
She gave me lots of poetry to write
Gave me lots of happiness
when She was mine.

"She'll always be yours."

No.
Okay she didn't die.
She's still out there
somewhere
but she's not mine.
I fell in love
with a nerdy irish woman
We were both fifteen
When I said her one year old daughter
Wasn't gonna scare me away
I was in the trenches love.

"That's powerful
To love someone so much
That you are willing to raise a baby at fifteen."

At fifteen
I didn't even know what love was,
not when I met her anyway.
I was in lust.
I was blinded by a beautiful woman
who was so pretty
I didn't care what baggage she had.
I was willing to risk my life
to spend it with her.

"That's what love is."

No. That's not love.
Love is waking up to someone
staring at you
from over the edge of your bedsheets
Because that's as tall
as they can get in their tippy toes
Love is Mashed potatoes
on your nose
giggling at toppled over snowmen.
Love is not just
putting a bandage on a boo boo,
but knowing someone has always
and will forever kiss and bandage
every single boo boo

"So You can never love someone
like you love a child."

Well, You might.
But I'm broken

Always nuture or abandon
Usually both
While I wander around
praying for a ******
to pop.

"do you really want another child?"

Yes. I am ready.
I have wandered four years
with no purpose of life
other than to provide
for my own baby
I need one,
can't you understand?

"Can you even support a child?"

I could make it work, find a sitter.

No... I can't even feed myself
regularly. ..
There's no way I could
support a family
when I am as sick as I've been.

"who was the real father?"

You all ******* ask that.

She wouldn't tell me okay?
Slept around,
never asked for names.

"But she must have told someone."

she lied to the government.
It was a pack of men
who ***** her.
Wearing masks.
Never got a dna test,
never got ANY testing
Do you think I know?

"I do."

look. It's the only gift
I have left to offer that little girl.
I will not tell a single soul.
It was someone her mother loved very much.
Someone she would never be able to love
without being judged.
someone who must be buried
beneath old corpses
Hidden at the bottom of every bottle
carried on her shoulders
until the day she dies
And even then if she is very lucky
he will never know it's his.
She looked him dead in the eyes and lied.
she was dead in the eyes and lied
she is dead in everyones eyes
because she lied
she can't drink enough to forget
That her family regrets her
And no matter how many
strangers she *****
She can't make up for the ones
she lied about in the beginning
back when he was
the only one to touch her
She compensates
to unravel the web with her body
But the silk is woven so thick now.
as thick as it is

it still won't keep her baby warm.
Sophia Lynne Feb 2017
I wake up with the feeling of a million kisses now
and I just feel like nothing can top the original
and your smile compensates for every tear I feel like shedding in a day
the chemistry doesn't lie and I was right this whole time
Kewayne Wadley Jan 2017
I waited in line,
Standing behind those in need.
Women, children.
Full carts, the other cashiers closed.
 
I stood in line,
Barely making it to the store.
Hurrying, grabbing what I sought.
Making it over to the line before it got longer.
 
I waited in line.
A deep thought, It never use to be so complicated.
Coming, grabbing what you needed.
Bypassing everything that compensates essential need.
 
I stood in line.
Barely making it to the store.
A different brand to replace something or another.
The P.A system announced the store now closed before I could buy a new heart
Butch Decatoria Sep 2018
Smart and as selfish as the Streets

Attracted to those in need and easy to leave

Validates those who compensates generously

Values worship on hands and knees…

Youth ****** eager to succeed in defeat.
mvvenkataraman Mar 2014
Never get upset very soon
Be like that cool round moon
It wanes, but grows again
A lesson, so, we then gain

Anger is a wrong thing
Only gloom, it will bring
Replace anger by patience
That will teach joy's essence

When someone is foolish
Be not toward him devilish
If, to you, he is important
Teach him to be prudent

In case that man is unfriendly
Never correct him very kindly
Leave him to learn a lesson
Defeat will teach him my son

Hatred stores in heart displeasure
The loss, even God can't measure
Hatred will make the worst effect
Hating soul is never at all perfect

Doubt will block the solution
And will also cause confusion
Derive a way to arrive at the truth
Getting clarified will always soothe

Cry not, but try ever hopefully
Take all possible efforts fully
Tears will aggravate sadness
Sadness leads only to madness

Pray and do it with true trust
God alone will do the best
God never cheats or hates
But, he finely compensates

Aim high and just go ahead
Let pessimism leave your head
Achieve progress by working hard
A true worker is loved by the Lord

Make attempts in full swing
Success, God mayn't bring
But, he will shape your mind
Then, peace you can find.

mvvenkataraman
Everyday we mourn, But, from that if we learn, A great lesson we earn, Let us accept every turn, And with confidence return, Like the Sun, let our energy usefully burn.
Saint Ozz Apr 2014
Lord I pray if it is thy will
Guide us through the time to come
And if your will be just
Help us find each other again
If not corporeally, then in the spirit of a love that compensates
Not in pain and pseudo-truths
But in tranquility molded from unconditional redemption
Trusting in ourselves and others by a space
May we navigate the rending shoals that seek to tear our spirits
The impermeable walls of destruction that keep our hearts from conciliation
And may the love that once outshone our mutual hope, have not been a mocking enticement
A whisper caught within a dream dreamt not so long ago
But may we always mean something metaphysical and real
If not together than in solitary contentment
May the forgiveness given always bond our hearts
Thru space and time and life between
Conciliation is hard to achieve but worth the effort
Vernarth in the evening of his life is called again to raise his sword, perhaps following the paths of Paul of Tarsus, precisely here his Word would begin in the figure of a Hoplite who will redeem the oppressed, who will reinforce the growth of the seeds, that will give hope to those deprived of Faith when they have to face their own Apokálypsis that would allow them to take with them when embarking on this adventurous daring in pages of life that follow that for many will be unknown. The seer's paranormal experience in Patmos will vivify his commendable virtue of confessing himself as a defender of Life and Death from the same intermediate final point, to then reach the nexus of gratitude that compensates that leads to make amends when leaving his abode naked and return every six months to Sudpichi in Solstice, and Equinox in Spring to Patmos explaining the premiere of this final event.

Vernarth's distinctive and codes will swell an intertestamental Biblical event, made up of crude abstract and demonstrative images that from so much decanting could be assimilated to what the Mashiach did in the Siloam Cistern, more than water being the same Hydor that is born from the origin and reaches the end of the erudition. The desperate desire to limit the spirit of a soldier is clouded within his own microclimate, wishing for a possibility that lies in the impossibility and fruits of the fan that separates the Universe from the Earth. From here the Faith is professed by the reflections of all those who have lived in a body of Flint, as were their parents freed by Vernarth, letting rest the readings of the sunset to those who from Flint have become meteorites that wander through the universe. As possible Christians to re-convert after a pre-tribulation or a new order, separated from what deprives us of new incursions. The Apokálypsis according to Vernarth does not diverge from Saint John; rather it tends to seclude itself from all the windstorms of divinities that are intermingled in its mysteries from all the exuberances of an endless gospel, which moves the hair of the Yahweh with the scent of lavender even within the pantheon itself after three days. The mystery of not understanding that a common man bears stamped on his body all the signs that give observance of a Passionate John that is in all of us having to share his silence within us, as suggested by the silence of which we are fertilized by clairvoyance’s of Patmos more than the consequences of some supra desire of Vernarth to cover some hint of autobiography, but more generously than the doors of his Megarón or Dypilon, be clairvoyance that shows us that the doors are the unknown within what is and we cannot Observe, V.G. as is illustrative in Spinalonga when Marie des Vallées settles at the point of the salvation of Theus and Vikentios all behind the transom as a consistent metaphysics of the unfulfilled desires due to burdens of other souls in salvation entrusted to resplendent beings. This is testimony to buried or invariable enemies such as Edomites with the affinities of the Seleucids or Pharisees with the Primitive Christians in the channel of each word that interprets the opposite diameter adaptable to a prayer that circulates the course of what an exegete does well If the original word of Vernarth's testimony of never perishes to aspire to do as the manah on the flowers that well deserve to perch on the Xiphos, where the central nerve of its shoe is the Baldric, many times it turned only in the battlefield when Vernarth used both hands, what a mystery! Here is the glossary of what is double-edged and double-handed metal when its length is pointed to the edge of the world where the Sun at its tip let the Light penetrates. Each unknown hemisphere will be possible to slice with both edges of each Xiphos as interpenetrated bronze and iron until it dissolves in the light of the Spring Sun.

All the causes were weighted to a grandeur where the messages of recomposing all the patrimonial legacies that would be the influence that everything could decline in the grandeur of bloodcurdling screams from the temples, which remained in the dark because they did not know who to unbind from the co-responsibility of seven churches of the Hellenic Elegies; from Ephesus to Laodicea trying to remove from the jaws atrocious empires that sentenced policies with more than a thousand years without having any more than a macular century. Vernarth in the depth in which nothing bothers him incites his sensitivity with what reduces the pain in his compassion of the 1st century, which will never stop passing through the well-deserved waking time in all the streets of Greece in which all his traces are they shuddered in challenges that deserved to be from a great classroom that is oversized more than any possible Odeon to fill with spectators from a well-to-do society and satisfied as it seems today with a high price paid for an unworthy degree.

Also, his apocalyptic metaphysics flees by whole perverted societies, and not half due to points of tension of his overwhelming immorality, and defense of all nature that does not corrupt itself, perhaps from an echo locked up when converting from Laodicea to Ephesus as if he were to remake Vernarth's Inverted "V" as the initial contact point of these seven derivations of his decline. The barbarians are at the foot of the very door that enters rather by inertia, and decline from the extinction of the Sun to later redefine it through cycles from spring to winter as we will see that it will emerge with the Duoverse manifested, after trampling on the beast that feeds on of pain and ingenuity from which all our destinies are focused to be swallowed by the snout of a battalion of enemies that migrate from the beast, but they do not realize that this is how calls should be made to all the empires that leave to his abandoned combatants, left on burning pyres immune, punished by flames that will never consume him, who were dazed and with their temper will come out alive with bodies that do not belong to us, annoyed at not prospering because of this anti-divine ****, understanding that the harshness of our tears will not make us neutral or worthy of the joys of suffering together what belongs to us in a body already sacrificed, this is the Apocalypse of flourishing images that are directed in processes of slaughtering the lamb that I cannot and will not be able to identify with the apparent strength of knowing how to be forgiven or undermine the riches of a leadership that for long millennia hoarded riches and never delegated its feigned goodness to us where the grass grows and twists from its root, rethinking days to count and increasing the agony of counting the simulated strengths that never let us enjoy.

It must be understood that all the opposing forces merged with the numbered days of a new rebirth, with the cries of Vernarth from Hyperborea, the pre-tribulation from Erebus or Sheol, from the anguish of the pectoral or Lynothorax from which the days counted in the same distance of traveling in the Purgation or Katartirio of the total confinement of which could be mentioned shouting in the acoustics of the Valley where the last word will remain. We place ourselves in the extravagance of which the rays of luminance deliver us the entire body of credibility to reach the step of happiness that will flow from the first and inaugural vision that confirms the first of the first of the alchemy that has been positivist, even of what paradoxically resurrects not expecting to be who we expected it to be, but despair is cast down in an act in which Vernarth dares to let go of the Mashiach's hand, to go help his parents from being petrified by the Flint that It would be provided for the end of the world with the prompt assistance of St. Jerome of Estridon as it was for an act where the Dragon calmed down, and stopped moving its tail, perhaps from the Green Dragon of Slovenia or its offspring for spreading within the world expelling fire with scales, horns that could be trusted from the Ibex of Valdaine, the Dragon of the Stained Glass of the Cathedral of Avignon hitting with its tail the Portals of Saint George, stating that such time the Nibelung Ring Cycle with Siegfried or secular specimen of the Draconian descent of the Merovingians, of the very Greek Drakon that began to subjugate Patmos in the year 76 AD. C. in between and badly wounded between the rocks of the Wind Tunnel of Profitis Ilias or as the dragon could be welcome, and if it were Lohikäärme Finnish descent stopping Soviets on their borders of blood that roars fire from the deepest corner of their land. The Greek serpents were born in the seas for several miles around where there were no other species but them, because if they had they would have been devoured by the great Ha-Shatan with ten horns and seven heads, much of the literary inspiration of San John is in Greek, but it is more likely that he originally came through the Near East. In the embryonic Roman Empire, each military cohort had a particular identification Signum (military standard), after Trajan's Dacian wars in the east, the military standard of the Dacian dragon entered the legion with the Sarmatian and Dacian cohorts: a large fixed dragon at the end of a spear with large open jaws of silver and with the rest of the body formed of colored silk. With its jaws facing the wind, the silky body was inflated and undulating, resembling a windsock, the Dragon continues to travel along roads that are the marks of the chariots without any mercy to those who awaited them at their destination with legions throwing hot breath that only Saint Jerome of Stridon knew how to mitigate. This huge lizard will continue to lay siege to the evil that cannot contain it, just like the basilisk in the Raedus Codex to imbue the never-burning blades of fire from the Apocalypse of Saint John, by chance with the fiery semblance of a Wyvern in the dome of the cathedral of Saint Nicholas in Slovenia, swallowing his own fire. With a fateful language of birds that would codify Siegfried that the end of everything comes from the seas of Patmos with heated water.

That winged creatures will come copiously to quiet the world to the world of Miðgarðsormurinn perhaps in Jämtland, besieging the Soviets like a serpent more than winged in vigor that shakes the Celtic tree with its Birch and Beech in Solstice or a dragon that was not with wings glued with wax that crashed when falling before reaching Sicily as is the case of Daedalus and Icarus, or the Lindworm dragons that expelled fire from the Mörser 16 howitzers of the Second World War. All these wealthy treasures are fundamental pieces of all the paradigms that form the prelude to a History that has blinded us without giving rest to everything that surrounds us, not even lavishing Christian burial with evil eyes that are characteristic of the dragons that they spit fire from your back, stalking a Britannia Pendragon.

Much of the banners, heraldry, and heraldry bear this emblem of beings made up of male and female offspring to form as a family the antigen of Slavic Bulgarian humanity, as a dissident figure that was torn from the edges of the Apocalypse to protect the crops where probably Rains of gold would come for his crops if he were male, and female if it were a prophecy of bad deeds to denigrate the farmer's seeds. Strong-blooded dragon would be Zmiy, Ukrainian carrying a four-legged beast, and on each leg a Cornucopia for golden petals that are collected from other maidens who will never stop being lush, protecting the arteries that rain healthy blood from Ukrainian maidens like the Zmei. From Zsablas that carry the Polish Smok on their backs that will be reborn from this apology of the Dragon of the Apocalypse that freed them from the Katyn Forest, on the banks of the Vistula where Bogdan drank water with his Zsablas to go free the Heroes of Smolensk and each Polish officer who had a Dragon stamped on his forehead, and also on the Coat of Arms of the Cracovians in Piasts of Czersk, fleeing from the cellars of some Warsaw revolt.

The climbing of the Basilisks of the Profitis Ilías Wind Tunnel will reign throughout Hispania as a prophetic emanation from the mouth of San Juan in Asturias and Cantabria with the magnificent silhouettes of the mountains in the Dragon Saw, followed by gargoyles that come to life in the peaks as a young Hoplite who wears his Áspis Koilé polished to annoy the dragon, which is nothing more than the basilisk when he was tricked by the Raedus Codex by mistaking them for his own offspring, thus allowing those who went to the Investiture of the Himation. It will be the eponym of Sugar, a Basque masculine god, who is often associated with a serpent or a dragon, but can also take other forms. His name can be read as "male snake".

Marielle de Quentinnais shows us in Saint George and the Dragon in the era of the Antipopes in Avignon, of which Saints and Blesseds would fight with the powers of the Dragon as in this sub-sequence that was released from Forli, with great similarity to the Mercurial Ambrosia due to Saint Mercurial as the laurel of Christianity over the idolatry in which terrified people did not sleep because of the frightful tremors of Forli and Forlimpopoli. Possibly, Saint John, the Apostle helps them put the stoles around the cornered Dragon's neck. Every evil force that is not defeated is a postponement of that moment in which it will fall surrendered, as it was from the original of the Dragon Hunters like Saint John of Patmos styling in the acroteras, and ledges of the Megarón that points to the Aegean seas to see if some of them are coming regurgitating the intact body of Margarita de Antioquia, that burst from the black belly of the Dragon saying "Draco vivit in Homine, non in Legendis" "The dragon lives in Man, not in Legends"

Having established Draco Vernarth Apocalypsis liturgy "Apocalypse of the Liturgy of the Dragon of Vernarth" the message continued along the path of Hydor where precisely the defenseless doors will be protected towards the enthronement of Silence with the ardent hope of Salvation as evidenced by the Pauline message "Marana Tha” building the coming of the Eternal that with all its dimensions will transform the collapsed world, tearing the senses that can reach the trade that transforms the ritual that is entrenched in the genetics of eternity in the tail of the Dragons that have formed classes and subclasses of heraldry of the Black Templar Knights, who roam on the run, creating the confusion that the medieval feudal mysteries were the continuation of an antiquity even if hostilities did not exist unless the tails of the basilisk of Patmos are crossed with some science from Ephesus to Pergamon , with the providence of a god in extinction that s ea disobeyed by his troops, and is bloodily decimated by the suffered trances of evil from which the ill-fated Knight is transformed into his own Dragon bled and immolated.

The end is not made with a mere vision of a Draconian Liturgy, from the year 72 AD. the Roman legions of Palestine were uncrossing where voices were heard like an occupied face of land but free of religious authority, which in one way or another saw the contemplative passage of half kindness or benevolence of a Caesar that would later be followed by the chins of fire of the Dragon, always escorted by Vernarth who lived and heard everything succumbing to imperial systems that were attached to filings of Hebrews that burned on their backs, to corners not sharpened by Greek spears to corner the frequency of a detractor of symbols of the Apocalypse, that was embodied in Vernarth with sumptuous flint that adhered to the Áspis Koilé or smaller Peltas that became prosaic to arrows that adhered to the tin shaft to vindicate itself in the foliage, as a recurring expression of the apocalyptic mentality assumed by recognizing that the Apocalypse is lived inside, and nothing on the outside that corrodes more than its own entrails. Indeed, everything private and non-transferable exhorts us to the end of the melodrama from where we must share hearts for those who keep their manners, and make the opening of the Kassotides a tiny possibility of change after Vernarth realizes that he has the furthest possible the dung of the Human Dragon, creating a dominant culture that recovers what enables us to preserve in its own Identity, illuminated and reinforced by conviction.

Vernarth, a few steps from falling from the abyss, makes his prophecy to ask the sky, the Mashiach, and Spílaiaus to release the chains of Kairós, so that the genre of granting life revives the system of the flame of the omega point, which then is reversed in celestial spasm, strongly grasping the tail of the dragon that will transport him with three lightning bolts and trumpets with the seven trumpets that will leave them in Delphi according to the nature of the Cassiotis or Kassotides moat, as a praiseworthy insurrection of being reached by a metaphorical being in Daniel as an apocalypse that will indicate that rain of light and fire will flow from on high, but they will all be directed from Patmos to Delphi.

Vernarth joins the Maccabees to obstruct the Seleucids, as the two books of the Maccabees tell, who start a ****** guerrilla war against the oppressor, and the prophet Daniel chooses a totally alternative and non-violent path. This shows that the worst militia of an armed man is to break with the sovereignty of his oppressed soul, and then be batoned in literary artifice like books from the present to a past with leaders buried in the ruins of lost civilizations, as in the case of the Seleucids and Edomites in open bread on themselves by Mikaiyáh, Archangel Saint Michael. Behold Vernarth where each gloss of contracted episodes never disengaged from the muscular tail of the Dragon that evidenced his vision of St. John, in such expectation that it resolutely rose from the heights of the Iridescent Nimbus, subduing all empires in the tail of the Dragon. The dragon that shakes the resistance of the ungovernable walls, but not the law of the powerful who makes himself believe, but the muscle piece that is rooted in Tel Gomel, is nothing more than the Holy Scripture of the duality of Saint John the Apostle / Vernarth; both as a monosemic (uni-meaning) and univocal lexicon that penetrated with all the desire of the heart moving them together, to decipher after the year 96 AD, towards the unveiling of Sardis to Laodicea with the Iscaton that is subtracted from the Dragon's Tail.
Cauda Draconis
Ammar Feb 2018
Are you even aware of all the pain
you caused me every single time ?

A short mail with a sorry at the end
You think that compensates
for all the pain you caused
or even that which you caused
with your short mail

Didn't you just want "space"
I wasn't even ready
you showed me a world
where we were about to fly
and threw me down from the 7th sky

Hours turned into days
but for once
I didn't see days even turn to weeks
or weeks into months
months of forever

Do you even know the feeling
when you love a person
and care about them so much and miss
so much that they become a part of
your very existence

Do you even know the feeling
of loving a person so much
with your heart and soul
that you lose your mind
missing them

Perhaps you may or may not know that
but there is something you surely
do not know
The feeling when that very person
walks all over you heartlessly

I took your word
when you said
this was just space you needed
it wasn't supposed to be a setup
to fck me over

Perhaps for you this is a game
all just a measure of pain
to see how much it takes
for my skin to tear apart and
for me to bleed out of my eyes

You don't even know what its like
when your soul is being ******
out of your body
yet the only name you can still think of
is of the one you love
and they still choose to walk all over
your dying breaths

fck your sorry
and fck you
how does giving me so much pain (knowingly) amuse you.....
Luke R E Webster Jan 2016
As great men and women pass on from this world, all we can do is exist, for now. Our function within the world is a single serving occurrence. We exist for it’s own sake, just as life exists for no particular reason. There is comfort in this, there is comfort in existence, life. As we near the end of our time with life, we realise this truly. My Father realised this at an early age, war almost bringing to him a premature end, and his life since has been free of a fear of his own death. My Mother doesn’t approve and I don’t truly understand. If I knew in my soul that an afterlife existed, then I would not fear my own death, but I would still fear the death of those I love, of those I know well and have loved since time immemorial, for what life is worth living if one is entirely devoid of love? No, for now love will be better than all the riches in the world, for love, unlike riches, or fame, or power, is worth the fear. It compensates for the unparalleled trepidation with an enrichment of the soul that none of these could ever offer, or even attempt to emulate. Love is love, life is life






Love is Life.
My Father is a great man, who is one of the greatest storytellers this world has and will ever see.
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2019
.compiled with the hallucination of a diety making farting sounds with a hand lodged into its armpit, and then squeezing, extracting a synthetic farting sound.

                                   the belittled heart,

   counter arguments
to a "belittled mind"...

or is that,
what you call....
a "late take" on reproduction,
with birth defects,
and how,
subsequently,
these people,
these "people" are treated worse
than sheep,
when herded outside
the concept of a slaughter-house?
no? no really?

    just because i *******
into you,
suddenly i'm freed from
the pol *** disposition
of performing a genocide
into a tissue?!
      
   "suddenly": we don't care
what you feel!
came the constipated /
constricted heart...
and, who, the ****!
made you believe,
that someone,
might,
   even begin,
to, give a ****...
about, what, you, "think"?!
huh?!
     who ever gave a ****
about what people thought?
you know,
i care, what people think,
because that's the closest
i'll ever get,
to what thinking doesn't
allow...

            "justified" complexity...
i don't need to visit thailand
for that sort of ****,
i just need to dig a trench
into the psyche
of: the neighbors i'll never
talk to,
the natives...
        why?
   and they talked to me to begin with?
no...
           so?
hello, friend, hello, shadow...
            some people haven't
moved outside of their inherent
lodging,
  they, don't know
what it "feels" like,
or that the thinking behind
it requires...
              
        no, i'm with the people
behind the: feel movement...
given that...
pretty much all of the "thought"
associated with engaging
with the currect dialectic,
leaves me...
   more inclined to reply
to feeling,
rather than the "thinking",
of sourced counter measures...

   feeling compensates
the complexity of thinking,
when thinking detaches itself
from feeling and explores
         the regions of when
emotion doesn't compensate feelings...
but...
to somehow turn around...
and debase thinking...
with slander contra emotion...
  to turn us into apathetic
                    autistic zombies /
muslims?
                       a belittled mind does
one thing, it shut ups...
but a belittled heart?
when someone belittles
someone for having emotions?
you know what is worse
than belitteling someone for
the "possession" of thought?
the next, the ultimate,
is belitteling someone
for the "possession" of emotion...
  
i can be called dumb,
i have no problem with that...
but... being called...
"something" associated,
with the automated expression
of owning a heart?
  now, now you're holding foot
on sacred territory...

       and with something akin
to the christchurh shooting...
i really don't need a reason...
   the reason reasons itself
into a completion...
      'i don't care about your feelings!'
reply?
   and i really didn't give
a **** about what you think,
but you managed to speak,
so, i guess my care for what you thought
is off the table.

          but by now,
it doesn't really matter...
the horrible has already taken place...
and...
                english "existentialism",
somehow being woken into
a philosophical humanism,
with the current counter-scientific
delusion of trans-gender
grammar inclusion change...
          i'm post-soviet...
and i want the soviets back...
this isn't working for anyone's
worth of crafting favour...

         nope...
                                not really...    
i'm just hallucinating
the flavour of apples,
and pancakes in my mouth
while i drink having made proper
due to a fast...

                    that usual talking point...
'i don't care what you feel!'
that's true, it's all true...
but why should i care...
what, you think?

   at least feeling is less suspect,
when entertaining the medium
of writing...
   if you really wanted to care
about what you thought...
you should start writing cipher,
if trasmitting thought
was on the cards,
        it would only become fathomable
via something akin
to a sudoku;

    i sometimes hear a song,
pretend to not peer into the night
donning a pair of sunglasses...
pretend,
i didn't just date a russian girl,
who would read me extracts
from the cosmopolitan magazine,
did?
         oddly enough:
the heart, and the brain,
  "talk"...
          the heart reserves the same
freedoms associated with
the brain...
              thought:
i get a head-ache...
    thought:
i have a pang of a "feeling",
a stone grip of the heart...
                 so shouldn't thinking /
ought-making be associated
with the liver?
              the only sensation of
the brain: is a negative
     connotation...
               at least the heart can allow
the entire spectrum...
           no... usually...
when it's "good"...
it's a sense of goosebumps...
which occupies
   the presence of skin and hair
of the cranium,
but not the brain itself...
        
        and by now...
                   none of my thinking translates
into some deviation of an einstein's theory...
but i could never dismiss
the point of feeling,
akin to: no one cares about your feelings...
well, dialectic disclaimer...
some would claim that:
no one cares what you think... yes?
Taylor Marion Nov 2014
Deep down, there is a pulse.
A weak tremor of an adolescent heart. It loves profoundly and feels passionately. Dreams hopefully.
It may not be as fresh as it was once, but it endlessly and relentlessly aims to redeem itself.
Take your doubt and replace it with this.

Deep down, there is shelter.
An immortal ground for the comfort you seek to maintain. It hovers humbly and awaits patiently; remains unlocked when you're homesick. It invites you warmly and nourishes your hunger. Although tattered and tired, it remains standing storm after storm.
Take your doubt and replace it with this.

Deep down, there is a purpose.
It flutters when you smile and it consoles when you weep. It picks you up when your kicked and compensates when you're conquered. It's modest. It won't demand its presence and refuses to beg to be heard. It whispers. It listens. It knows its place and speaks when spoken to.
Deep down, its inside of you.
Take all your doubt and replace it with this.
Olivia Greene Nov 2014
Can you promise me that I'll be a good mom?
That I'll cherish her.
That I'll ask her to look up as much as she can, even if it's scary.
That no one should make you feel inferior.
No one should make you feel any less than who you are and you should never make anyone else feel like that either.
To bring those around her up and never to forget who you are.
To be gentle to those who need it and a strong word when there isn't one.
Do you promise me I'll take pictures of her when she's drawing on the table and to explain to her why that mean boy said those things to her? And that no matter what people deserved to be loved because there is nothing in the world that compensates for love.
Nothing.
Can you promise me I'll teach her to be everything and change peoples lives? To encourage concert- going, loud music, and ***** dishes in the sink. For chipped paint, and mistakes, and unbrushed hair.
To wake her up the smells of comfort, like coffee and peppermint, and make her feel safe.
To remind her not to hide and never regret loving someone.
To never apologize for who you are.
Can you
promise me that I'll never make her feel the things my mom made me feel?
But of course not,
you can't promise me those things.
Just like I can't promise myself I'll be a good mother.
But daughter,
I can promise you I will try.
i. calypso

in my soul I seek the
calypso
who hides me
from myself
to keep me for herself
against all odds
I seek her
daily
and thus am
lost
to myself

ii. stupa

but this odyssey
now
has other rules
        to lose
        that self of unremitting
        joylessness
        who professes no love
        for me
        who compensates
        with fantasies
        of love unrequited
        who keeps me yearning
        for a ghost in a glass pain
        who keeps me blinded and cold-pressed
        by her charms

iii. belltower

in the rugged terrain
of the soul stands
a belltower
a beacon of measured
tones
sounding for Love
with Love
in Love
of Love

a hermes bell
commanding me back to myself


c. 2017 Roberta Compton Rainwater
Salmabanu Hatim May 2019
Aging,
Don't worry,
Be happy,
Snooze and relax in your rocking chair,
First the hair,
Getting white and receding,
It happens, it's nothing,
Nature compensates.
You tend to get fat,
Diet and lose weight,
No, she makes your teeth go rot,
So you eat less what you eagerly sought.
Decayed teeth, ugly,
What a pity,
Don't worry,
She makes your eyes go bad,
Your vision somewhat fade,
See, others can,
They call you toothless gran,
So she makes your hearing become less,
What they say you only guess,
And if you hear anything,
You soon tend to forget and remember nothing.
Life takes its course,
Make of it the most,
Don't worry,
Be happy.
8/5/2019
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
how heavy the heart:
on an otherwise empty mind.

i really should think something more,
should i?

it's called experiencing a hangover
   after having ingested too much
science.

i get that a lot...
     the cool crowd wears gucci,
and the cool crowd wears
   atheism, as if they don't have
limbs, and are merely brains
    in pickle jars...

but hey! my hands are up!
i'v succumbed to the plague
of *adam & the ants
with:
a nervous trill of: stand! and deliver!
which is very much akin to
the fashonista circumstance
with donning red and leather,
and whenever:
     it didn't happen in romford...
adam and the ants
   like a cold war cultural exchange
        project
making them akin to lady pank
and that rough recording via
mniej niż zero (less than zero)...
what, people party!
i see russia as: fertile ground worthy
of being explored...
      cheap sound, and the less cheaper
lives in the west-world...
come... we can be more scandinavian
with that ż writing ƶ instead.
  the best analogy concerning me
is already presented with the imagery...
   the angry microbot from
big hero 6...
            and i'm always bound to return,
fuse with the grey matter...
you have no idea about the reality of
being ethnically, well... technically: homeless.
i'm already a homeless artifact...
     i don't know why i want to
merge with the crowd,
  i guess i only thought about
unlearning the english language...
  
and you really can read a philosophy
book like doing mathematical rubrics
of arithmetic,
but unlike 1 + 1 = 2,
i can't make it as simple to suggest
that i + think = happening, being, or i am,
when there's this ergo octopus
that say otherwise...
   reading these books is unlike doing basic
mathematical yoga / stretches...
  i never know what σ i am to arrive at...
it's never a stable sum...
     it's easier to state 1 + 1 = 2
than to state a:
  you should do that,
   which extends into someone using their
body and faking a mind
      and actually doing it so that you can
waste your time before a television set...
   and be called a vegetable...
    couching...
            
it's painfully obvious that people have
an aversion to philosophy,
because there seems to be nothing about it
to equate to the systematic acceptance of
psychological systems of therapy,
the pain is that: thought should be the sole
therapeutic stance... odd, i know:
just, thinking about it
   away from the moral dimension of
making choices that magnetises thought
away from narrative...
  and how not many Tolstoys emerged since
writing war & peace...

but unlike dealing with numbers,
   we are oh so more disposed to remember
a set of combinations for 26 digits
      than we are remembering
the many combinations
involving only 10 digits (0 - 9)...
         wow... for the first time, i am actually
awe-numbed...
              but philosophy books do that to you,
and there's also that much necessary
computer analogy,
   the dark web being akin to
   the grammar circus...
to write a basic 1 + 1 = 2 with words
   can't be reached so suddenly,
it took Descartes and a human history
worthy of a 17th century...
            
which is why we have this fascination
    with mathematics
being wholly optic investigations,
    and wording things requires
feeling and cannot be
pure optic...
           how could the two systems
ever converge?
would i say 1 + 1 = 2
            in the same way as i might say
a + b + b + o + t = abbot
    or i + am + an + abbot = a + church?
mathematical language is too definite...
  it's what we say: when human interactions
are reduced to
    the basic human interaction
of asking for directions, or buying whiskey...
  
but when did we really begin
to want the two mediums
to converge?
   primarily when we took to writing ♪, ♫...
    
given ♪, ♫, there's no point
treating the two otherwise
comprehensive systems of encoding
          to be worth
a marriage that could ever consolidate itself
with punctuation marks (, . ; : - etc.)
and operation marks (+ - x ÷ √)...

   or, cf. heidegger aphorism no. 167...
how the style of aphorism encourages
writing something
in between... in the least:
               something akin to this...

quiet frankly, some call it chance
   and the odd padlina, well, a corpse...
you wait for these vulture moments
and hover over a sudden waggle of the tongue.
                    
so who could argue...
                 so much of our feelings' narrative
doesn't translate into the mind's,
within the framework of being, of consciousness,
of the unconscious...
most of our heart's narrative is likely unconscious,
as incomprehensible as a dream...
    and if this is but a myth,
then the only alternative is that is speaks
a language of auto, automatic...
                so how heavy it must be to have a heart
that cannot be translated into a narrative
of the head...
        how we're naturally **** schizoi
rather than **** sapiens...
         i said it over and over again:
i'll turn the authenticity of schizophrenia
on its head... i'll apply a groundwork of using
only one tool: metaphor to prescribe humanity with
a much more reasonable account of itself...
     given that, democratically speaking,
we cannot account for a plateau of sanity,
and a coherent circumstance of reasonableness.
    some peoplke thought that solipsism was
a medical condition rather than a theory,
others said: dualism and the shadow of dichotomy...
otherwise merely wrote a sleeping 8: ∞.

*how heavy the heart:
on an otherwise empty mind...
      
            and how the mind compensates
the lightness of having a heart
with so many theories and theoretical
promenades...

           and how unto man thus given:
a desire of reclaiming a heavy heart once more;

alas, no "leisure" activities bound to the fields of
  a bachelor status...
         run a mile as a man solo...
walk to the local shop as a man with a ring of
monogamous status...
      
i guess the problem can be solved by a simple
answer...
   do you like drinking alone?

yes, yes i do.

    that's a joke, to be honest,
how heavy the heart: with a mind filled by too
much contemplation...
the bearable lightness of being...
           a revision of Kundera...

       could it possibly be paradoxical?
well... not unless it's taken as a fleeting pass.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2022
hubris

cypher: d'
    'e
         -           antithesis
of non-negation: Tt...

i.e. to decipher: lost a
snake's tongue
and a tree's branching out
i.e. Y.
(502 bad gateway bypass)

i'm coming up to doing this job for a year, come December,
late December i will have done this for a year,
time's up... time to rewrite my curriculum vitae
point to people who will give me references and apply
for a teaching job...
                                   if i can manage drunken football
spectators and people with mental health issues
freaking out on me and me calming them down...
if i can supervise a team of at most 15 people...
    i think i can tackle a bunch of rowdy teenagers:
even though i have this motto in my head...
sure, i could teach high school chemistry...
   i have the background for that, but...

sometimes it's not what you teach:
but who you teach it to...

same ****, different cover borrowed from that old chestnut
of: it doesn't matter what you know
but rather who you know...

if i could land a job as a primary school teacher i think
i would never again regret not having children
of my own...
i rarely do.... sometimes... there's this "evolutionary psychology"
element to my thinking but it rarely conforms to
what most people speak about...
notably about women...

women? how can i not love women...
i couldn't live with women,
i couldn't do what most men get up to with women
i see them with an invisible leash on their necks...
in the supermarket like down-trodden
beasts pushing the trolley while a woman
is throwing in, not necessarily good food...
certainly not vegetables, not fruits,
ready-*******-meals...
me?! i had a fancy for pizza today...
obviously i'm going to make it from scratch!
obviously i'm going to first make the rising
mixture of a little flower, dried yeast,
sugar and some water... wait for it to rise
and then make the pizza dough... d'uh...
but i see these guys with women who throw ready-made
meals into the trolley... seriously?!
one hour less watching pointless television
and enough time to make a PROPER MEAL...

i sometimes wish the television could be replaced
with a fireplace or... at worst an aquarium
with pretty fish in it... in between? *******...
esp. during the winter months...
i'm not even buying into the whole stereotypical
"oh honey, i'm tired, i have a headache"...
maybe i'm just a freak like that:
lethargy makes me *****, it's an aphrodisiac for me...

the best year of my life... state funding for
the drinking and the writing and earned money
for... prostitutes...
i don't believe in the concept of a worth of virginity...
women are like leather...
the best leather is worn leather...
over the past year having regular ***
(i try at least once a week, the rest of the time
i fill with epic cycling routes, reading, writing,
thinking, not thinking, drinking)
has taught me that there's this great veil
of ******* hanging over society...
clearly i'm a tame **** / a gentlemen or i'm sometimes
peeping into the extremities of ****** lives of...
not actual people: actors...
once more, to reiterate... we are living
under a Thespian Tyranny...

i once mentioned that we live under a Silicon Curtain...
if there was once an Iron Curtain coming from
the Soviet Union... now there's the Silicon Curtain
coming from stateless entities, companies...
who the **** knows or even bothers to care...
the media conglomerate coupled with internet social
media companies... oh... and let's not forget
the dating apps...

a rekindled fascination with Taoism from my teenage
years having found a pinpoint to a person
whom to associate Taoism with, i.e. Zhuangzi
have paid off... the best way you can help the world
is to forget the world and let the world forget you...
but with the current state of the world...
i'm growing "paranoid" / suspicious...
i'm on my own path, i'm living a life of a freedom
some kings would weep over to have...
i don't want to engage with the world...
i've forgotten the world, but it seems the world
wants to remember a little bit of me...

ooh yeah... that little mix of brandy and whiskey...
let's call her, i.e. the spirit: bra-     +   -ndy
                                                vs. bran-  +   - d(y)
          whis-  +         -key...

a quadratic... brankey... ****...
     brakey... sounds better...

                                   whisdy... whisp?! whisdy...
whiskey can be too smoky sometimes...
then again it can turn into bourbon and become too sweet...
there's a whiskey in between these two extremes...
but brandy, i.e. cognac?
the last one had an aftertaste of chocolate and charcoal...
charcoal is not smoky, it's bitter... so we're basically
talking bitter dark chocolate... which is ******* great...

but i'm bemoaning the fact that i won't be making
my own wine this year... i'll try to make a bottle or two...
but landscaping the garden left me with very little yield...
well... at least i made my favourite flavour ice-cream
this year... no ice-cream like it:
mint and chocolate-chip...
and never! ever! follow the recipes on the internet!
people have become either **** junkies,
or caffeine junkies or... SUGAR junkies...
sure... the Arabs are such greater men because
they have all these NIQAB hidden ****** fetishes
and they don't drink...
but aren't they BACLAVA MAD DIABETICS
on the verge of either amputated limbs or going blind...
but sure... sure... decent human folk because
drinking alcohol is b'ah b'ah bad... *******...

i hate sugar, i hate caffeine... water and nicotine
and vomiting like an Ancient Roman
in the morning... taking a ****... nice... esp. a well rounded
****... although a diarrhoea is just as pleasurable...
*******... hmm... that's a sea-saw debate...
one time true, another time not so...
kissing... or rather stealing kisses from prostitutes...
my grandfather collected stamps...
i steal kisses from prostitutes...

clearly we're living under a Silicon Curtain
and a Thespian Veil of Tyranny...
however we interact or however we love...
******* is not how *** looks like...
like i said before: maybe i'm a tame lover...
the most extreme i ever "accomplished"
was slapping the *** of the ******* top of me
or i either bit her lip, chin or nose...
not hard... i try to be tender...

it's so strange sitting across from 5 women...
and you ****** all 5 of them...
4 are smiling at you, enticing you,
but there's this one grumpy one growing a massive
frown on her face...
as if she's putting on make-up...
you have to go with her because she decided
to go on the pill just for you and for all
the heavens of unprotected ***...
you already bought her lingerie and now she's asking
for more gifts, i.e. jewelry... oh **** me...

i stopped listening to these promises of prostitutes...
this was the last time i listened to her,
we were supposed to spend an entire night in
a hotel room together... she failed...
fair enough... once i'm done ******* these five
i'll look for another brothel, simple!

the steady influx of money has released me
into unexpected territory...
i can finally scrutinise *******:
it's ******* unappealing... it's horrid...
it's acting with the gravest of consequences...
i want a tender ****...
i don't need this western bedroom barbarism!

and i haven't smoked marijuana in well over a decade...
chances being: the chance that was
Elizabeth II dying i met with this Afghan
"Jamie" and he gave me a pinch of the ****...
even i was surprised... i used to sit up and smoke
and listen to music and vaguely remember time:
because time extended into eternity when i did...
this time round?
first i had to take my first aphrodisiac:
lethargy from a shift...
my second aphrodisiac: a bottle of 8.2% dry cider...
basically half a bottle of wine...
aphrodisiac three: i had to walk alone
in the night... hmm... that "star" so close to the moon,
esp. when detailed on all those Muslim flags...
that's not a star... that's the planet Venus...
seems like Islam is a cult of the marriage of the Moon
with the planet Venus...
fourth aphrodisiac: a sip a two a three of
either whiskey or cognac...
fifth aphrodisiac: three cigarettes...

who the hell said you need chemistry to invoke
a hard-on?! well... if you're ******* a beached-whale
i wouldn't be surprised... if you have something
against a woman that's like a leather: of anything...
chair, sofa or jacket...
i found out that women "taste" better if
they have been with a man beside yourself...
they're... more keen... they actually have some:
"ambition"... no no... it's not arrogance...
they have... confidence....

and come to them akin to a ZZ-Top song:
sharp dressed men... they ******* lose it before finding it
very quickly...
the last one i had i first had a forced *******
with... luckily the ******* did the trick the first
time round: otherwise i would have left
frustrated... and howled into the night...

second time i don't remember...

third time? a talkative... スカ... SÜKA
   Ü = UU / Sue SOON... in the ****** zunge that's...
it's not *****, *****... it's a female dog that
readily gives *** to males...
not so talkative when the ******* began...
she contorted her face as if she was in pain..

it's a more endearing word than, say, KURVA...
i.e. *******, it's more a case of:
i'm *****, she's *****, i want to ****, she wants to
****... we ****...
but none of this pornographic extremes
of Thespian nymphomaniacs,
as a "poet" i feel i have a duty to obligate
people to turn away from these faceless
shadow-stealing phantoms...

this one writer in particular, a Joseph Roth from
the Austro-Hungarian Empire noted the rise
of the Thespians back in the earliest dictates
of the 20th century...
  
oh it was funny... i only paid for half an hour...
at least not half a steak and a ticket to the movies...
but as i was about to leave: ****'s sake...
another hard-on... but the ******* was pulled back...
dried up... i laughed, she laughed when i asked her for
some oil to lubricate and pull the ******* back...
well i can't be walking about
with an "unsheathed sword"... can i?

i like writing about women in a way that Marquis de Sade
never wrote about them, like i might have some
revenge strategy in place...
as long as i'm not lied to... i'm fine...
the moment people start spinning me fictions they
speak: but never write...
i start thinking about grating cheese...
or feeding my cats turkey steaks...
i take great precision cutting the steaks
delicately as if i'm preparing sushi...

i like the texture of raw, dead, meat under my fingers
in a way that compensates itself with the
touch of living meat under my fingers
after i scrubbed my fingers against a brick or
two... when touching a *******'s body
i need rough finger-tips...

but i won't be buying into this western libido "insomnia"
any time soon...
*** in real life is or never will be what the pornographic
industry prescribes or... well... back in the 1970s...
the Italian movies had tender loving care...
these days... it's ******* sadistic... all that ****
and all that one woman "vs." five men power action
*******...

if i am healthy *** with prostitutes...
that tells you a lot about the supposed "healthy"
people having "healthy" *** with other "healthy" people...
clearly unhealthy...
sure, i too have my kinks... but i don't enact
them... that's why they're kinks...
they're part of the cognitive circus that will never be seen!

well... apart from the one renegade clown...
you'll always see a clown from that circus...
i don't know why i decided to write about ***...
over-saturation is my best guess...
talk of *** in the most wrong sort of way...
that must have been the clue...
annexed ******* of disused men's capacity
coupled with a woman's over-stipend over
excusing herself in "too much action"...
whichever the case is...

the world has passed me by,
or rather: i passed the world by...
and turned around and said:
clearly no, i don't feel like it...
even for all the riches you have on offer...
i don't, feel like, it!
the richer a man becomes
the more obligation he has to his status
and the woman he, most assuredly has
to take for company!
me? i have zero to no obligations / dedications
for status and a woman of status...
i like women like i old leather:
they always tastes better if they have been
with plenty of men and i know that to be true...
****, lips, arm-pints and all that's thighs!
**** too...

             i'm not a jealous man...
i wish i could be a jealous god... but i'm not jealous
at all... that's my weakness...
i believe in love: universal...
hell... if women think it's worth sharing their beauty
and majesty.. why refrain from the argument
they're making... after all...
whether pretty or ugly: all can admire the sun
come either sunrise or sunset...

if that's how it's supposed to be...
   so it is to be...
she tells me my name is not Matteo: you can't be
a Matteo... i tell her in a groveling voice:
CON-RAD...
finally she understands me.

— The End —