Ammar Jul 13
~
let us dance
like our hearts
on a beat

let us sing
like our souls
in a melody

let us love
like our bodies
set free

~
Ammar Jul 11
I want to mumble
and stumble upon words
that I haven't used
since you left
but these words
they linger somewhere
on the tip of my tongue
I want to say
I love you
I want to tell you
to come back home
but I know I shouldn't
I try to hold back
but these words
they are too sacred
to be repeated
or to be left
unsaid
and I don't know how but
I let them slip off my fingers
somewhere between the texts
somewhere between hello
and goodbye
I tell you I love you
and I try
to take it back
but I try not to
and I know you noticed
but I'd rather you pretend
it was left unseen
I'd rather you pretend
to not notice
the tears
that flow down my cheeks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDwVsoIen3k

I miss that girl so much and shes so close yet so far away
things are exactly as they were but everything has changed
this hurts
Ammar Jul 2
You've done this before
and all that came from it
was hurt & regret
in the end
the only place left to go
is home
and you know exactly
where that is
so don't burn the attic
or the walls
the hallway
or the lounge
there is fear
there is stress
but beyond that
is success
so stop
pause
and breathe
there is a mountain of troubles
left to defeat
time isn't your friend
and health isn't mine
so there's no time for games
and no energy left to drain
and so you stop
STOP RUNNING!!!
there's misery where you're running to
there is grief
there is sadness
there is hurt
there is regret
there's a life where you run from
there are troubles
there are solutions
there is happiness
there is love

but if you run
you'll find yourself far enough
to never find the way
that leads back
home
you've been taught to run
but who showed you to fly
Ammar Jul 2
write me a text I'll never read
send me a pic I'll never see
call me 243 times and it won't go through
email me and I won't respond

do it all because
I've sent unanswered letters
and I've made unanswered calls
and I've sent unread texts & emails
to you

and you are yet to know
how it feels
to be me
with you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0rKB_bsUNg

to be cheated on
to be left again and again
to be treated like ****
Ammar Jul 1
To you it was always about
how beautiful I find your soul
how much love I give to it
it was always about
how I expressed love
in all the different ways
how much I cared about
the nights you cried
or the days you were happy
how I pampered you
or how I lectured you
it was all about how much
you could take without overflowing
and how much I could give

Love was a one way road for you
a road that didn't bend or curve
where going the other way
was a wrong way
a road with no stop signs
or signals

It was never about
how much love
you could give me back
or how sometimes
you could care about the nights
that were too dark for me
or how some days were just too bright
It was never about
how desirable I was
or how you could show me love
instead of speaking words that were lies
to you
it was about you
and so was it to me

I was finding ways to love you
you were finding more men
who would love you as I did
or ways to love yourself a little more

Love was a one way road
that went your way
and never turned back
your words don't match your actions
Ammar Jun 28
~
This world
in the love of a lover
is no less than heaven
is no less than ****

~
Ammar Jun 26
I read through our old conversations
some full of love
the morning I tried to make shine for you
you'd wake up and ask me to hold you
I'd say cuddles you
and somehow that was good enough
for you to feel warm
you'd call me crying
when your shoulder ached
I'd calm you
give you love
and you'd be better
it was too easy
too good to be true
late nights you'd text me
asking if I was up
you had a nightmare
and you just want to hold me
I'd just text holds you tight
and almost like magic
you fell back asleep
as if nothing had happened
there were conversations of days
before and days after
your best memories

I read through our old conversations
these were you telling me
how you had never loved me
nor you ever could
I'd say nothing
and everything
in the same lines of empty texts
I'd still sit and hear you tell me
how I wasn't what you had wanted
or when you'd blame me
for being so far away
and leave me to cry in the night
or the texts from when
I called you late night
I'd wanted to say I love you
but you screamed at me
for waking you up too late
you silenced the same special notifications
from calling out your name
there were conversations
where I'd beg you to stay
but you'd leave mid-convo
and disappear
blue ticks turned gray
double ticks turned single

I read through our new conversations
and they aren't on whatsapp
they are right here
in the poetry we write

its me talking about the havoc
that you caused
or you talking about the texts
which you could never send me

its me telling you "I hate you"
when I have nothing to prove that
or you talking of our old memories
the ones that stretch from summer to winter
from spring to autumn

its me filling your whatsapp inbox
so you'd maybe speak your heart
or you adding my name to your contacts

its me trying not to say "I love you"
because I'm more afraid of love
for what it did to me
for what you did to me
or you trying to remind yourself
of what love looked like
when you had it

its me trying to deny love
when I am filled with it
or you trying to hide your heart
behind your mind
I didn't deserve this
you did this
you deserve it
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