when people ask you what your favorite color is it pains me to hear you say blue because you’d always told me there was no prettier color than the hazel-green of my eyes in the midday sunlight and what hurts more is that when you’re asked what kind of girl you see yourself falling in love with you don’t automatically respond by saying I am in love or I used to be in love but rather go on to describe exactly what I’m not and what I never was and it makes me question whether you were lying to me all along because I’m pretty sure I don’t have velvet hair or skinny arms I’m pretty sure I don’t have a lovely laugh or a freckled nose or any of the features you described as perfect I’m not quiet and I’m not funny I get sad a lot and I like long conversations about little things and I thought you did too but now you claim to hate everything I am and everything I love
how do you think I feel knowing that all your words were fake and all your conversations with me meaningless it hurts I swear to God it cuts me like a knife dipped in salt and vinegar and I don’t know how someone ever gets up after being pushed down so hard you make me feel like a fool who was played and who fell for the same dumb stories and the same dumb excuses over and over again but don’t you remember the way we laughed all night and the way we kissed in the middle of the street don’t you remember the way we swore we’d never let go when we sat on the top of the ferris wheel and the way I told you I’d follow you to the ends of the world don’t you remember the time we rolled down the highest hill and when we reached the bottom you picked the grass from my hair and put it above your lip like a mustache and I couldn’t stop laughing so you tickled me until I begged please stop please I’ll do anything
it’s hard to believe you’re the same person and it’s hard to believe that your sincerity was never there you’re such a good liar oh Lord you’re such a beautiful liar but please stop please I’ll do anything please stop declaring your love for fair girls with tumbling locks of fire kissed hair because i will never be that way and I never was that way and I don’t know if there’s a cure for heartbreak but even if there was I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t work on me anyway so please stop torturing me more than you need to I’m done I’m so done just let me go

for truly,
who would ever want to kiss a girl
with cut lips
and scarred wrists?

He thought she would stay
but she was smoke
dancing from his cigarette
entangling herself in his lungs
he could not hold her
she left swiftly and softly
flitting away through his exhale

The lips I kissed tonight,
didn't taste like you.
And the cotton shirt that I
clung to didn't smell like you.
So I kissed him harder and
pulled him closer,
pushing you deeper into my
memories, always trying
to forget that
my lips,
and my arms,
weren't enough for you either.