RIP to the little girl that i let die
you left me so quickly
i never got the chance to say
goodbye
i'm sorry i didn't fight for you more
i wanted to protect you
so i lock us behind my bedroom door
but as the days went by
i looked in the mirror
and saw you die a little more inside
the sobs grew louder
your voice grew hoarse
leaving your throat as dry as powder
.....then you stopped talking at all
the world would disappear
through your tears
as you stare at the wall
one day i woke up and you were no more
i screamed your name
but you never came
you died in the middle of this mental war
i'm sorry little girl i let die
you left so quickly
i'm sorry i never said
goodbye

Our relationship was strong
many things happened this year
I dont know quite
where it all went wrong
I try to connect with you
but you cut me done
Make it all about you
You say I'm making something out of nothing
but that impossible you can only make a something out of other somethings .....
You are my something
I built my life around you
If you liked it,I liked it
if you hated it,I hated it too
But I guess it doesnt matter
The only conversations we have now
is if i lost weight or am fatter
Your love is conditional
i just want to be myself
even if its not traditional
When did you stop loving me for me ?
I gave my life you to
I thought living for you was my destiny
You say I'm selfish
but im alway hiding my feelings, crys and desires from you
To be a good daughter was my only wish
Now I just crave acceptance
I cant live in your shadow
Im done...
Ive served my 18 year sentence

The sun is shinning
We sit in the grass
Your eyes dance as you tell me a story
I could stare at you forever....

We're laughing
I tell you, I love you
Your smile widens
Your lips start to form the same three words to back to me...

Time stops
The sky darkens
Your expression hardens
Your eyes shine no more
Then you stand up and walk away

I'm left alone
The birds stop chirping
The trees no longer whistle
I thought this was bad dream
but I'm still waiting to wake up

I wanted to thank you all for reading, commenting and enjoying my poems. This site mean the absolute world to me. A year ago ago today, I was told to deal with my metal illness myself. I decided to sign up for this website Hello Poetry. I sent in a crabby poem (My Friend Fear) and within hours I was accepted. I then wrote Depression is my Soulmate ( on my mothers birthday.... Happy Birthday Mom) That was the first poem I wrote just for this site. I thought it was too sad and went to delete it. To my surprise it trended and had so many amazing comment. Now that poem is at 8.5k views! Although that sad depressed little girl had no idea how worse things would get. You all helped me build myself back up.
Through my eating disorder or suicide note you all have given me so much love and support. Thank you!!
I cant forget "It" I wrote that while having a panic attack outside of a store that my mind wouldnt let me go in. To have that poem reach so many people makes me tear up ...just thank you.

I couldn't write this without mentioning the greatest part of my Hello Poetry experience.
I met my rock, my other half, my favorite person, my bestest of friends.... Jules
You will here this whole speech all over again because its soon our one year anniversary too. Thank you Hello Poetry for letting me met the best person I've ever known. I couldn't have survived last year without all of you... thank you!!!

When the day is right
I've breathed my last breath
let the birds still sing
the sun shine bright
When you find me, with my heart beating no more
stay with my cold body
let your tears fill the marks
that were inflicted behind closed doors
Please close my eyes
they have seen enough
destruction, disappointment, and lies
Take my hands and cover my heart
protect what little is left
so no one can rip it apart
As you brush the hair out of my face
don't ever think u were the one who put me in this place
When you gather to remember me
don't cry...
even though I'm six feet under
just know I'm finally free

When you are a mother..

You talk but don't listen
You spew hate and but dislike haters
You want to be loved but don't love
You listen to sermons on compassion then you scream at your kid when they tell you they're depressed
....or is that just my mother?

My mother loves to cry but lacks empathy
She quotes this book of life and almost let me take mine.....

She mocks happy couples but is clinging to her broken marriage
She wants respect but doesn't respect others
She hates judgy people but calls women ******
She hates a messy house but is a hoarder
She thinks she's dying but is in perfect physical health
My mother......
Drives down a one way road and think everyone else is going the wrong way

One day her mental illness will run everyone away...
leaving her not be able to make excuses for her actions.

"i'm sorry "
"i'm here for you if you need someone"
presses send

tears run down my cheek
i didn't realize
how much that hurt
i guess i'm still a bit weak
do u have a clue
i waited three months
to hear the same words
from you?
"if you need someone"
I opened every text
wiped away all my tears
use all i had left just to smile at you
but you just walked away
i stood there perplexed
Now its months later, a guy dies
and i saying these sacred words to you
i hate how i give some much of myself
to only receive lies
"i'm here for you"
you will never know
these tears are not for him
i never met him
so...
these tears are for my hope,
my heart,and my soul
that shattered one by one
because of you