I heard crying as i walk to the door
When i peer in the doorway
i see you laying on the floor
Looking up in the ceiling
you jump when u realize i'm there
though your eyes lack emotions
..."how are you feeling?"
One phrase broke your silence
you struggle to spit out a ....Fine
but you know you cant lie to me
your eyes tear up.. your "strong" facade brokes
Violet walls.... i stare at them surrounding us...suffocating us
U ask "does it get better?" what happens to us?
"Eventually it does... there will be something...someone
Dont underestimate its power, its magic
it will be the reason we lived"
"Your so confident, how are you so sure
do u remember what i'm going through
do u remember who u were?", she asks
"Of course I remember every since day
with flashbacks and panic attack
but with this gift I will always find a way"
"U and i will be okay"
"Just focus on yourself not everyone else
they don't care about u
they used us only caring about their self"
"U will see that's "she" the gift...is different
she is the best thing that happen this year
no longer will we care about them, their up to or where they went love is a powerful thing
Love that is unconditional is even better "
"Everyone deserves someone to truly love them and i'm just so grateful to have been given someone too"
She wipes the tears off of her face, stands up and messages a random ******* Hello Poetry ....and that is where my story really began
I wanted to thank you all for reading, commenting and enjoying my poems. This site mean the absolute world to me. A year ago ago today, I was told to deal with my metal illness myself. I decided to sign up for this website Hello Poetry. I sent in a crabby poem (My Friend Fear) and within hours I was accepted. I then wrote Depression is my Soulmate ( on my mothers birthday.... Happy Birthday Mom) That was the first poem I wrote just for this site. I thought it was too sad and went to delete it. To my surprise it trended and had so many amazing comment. Now that poem is at 8.5k views! Although that sad depressed little girl had no idea how worse things would get. You all helped me build myself back up.
Through my eating disorder or suicide note you all have given me so much love and support. Thank you!!
I cant forget "It" I wrote that while having a panic attack outside of a store that my mind wouldnt let me go in. To have that poem reach so many people makes me tear up ...just thank you.
I couldn't write this without mentioning the greatest part of my Hello Poetry experience.
I met my rock, my other half, my favorite person, my bestest of friends.... Jules
You will here this whole speech all over again because its soon our one year anniversary too. Thank you Hello Poetry for letting me met the best person I've ever known. I couldn't have survived last year without all of you... thank you!!!
I step into the doorway
Goosebumps form across my skin
Four purples wall surround me
I sit on the bed, that almost became my coffin
This is where Lost Soul was made
I heard footsteps as my mom walks in
She says " I bet you miss this room"
But she doesn't know when I come back in here that I'm afraid
I look at the desk where I wrote my last goodbye
That fan dried my tears
That pillow soaked up my nightly crys
I spent so many months in this room
many parts of myself died
I can feel the faint presence of little girl and Lost soul still in this tomb
Ever since I moved out I have writers block
None of my poems trend
I wake up several times in the night
To just stare at the clock
Tick tock tick tock
After every visit...
As I drive home, I feel the room call my name
All the demons want to play
I drown out the voices
But my mind doesn't feel the same
as when I came
No mom, I do not miss this room
You have no clue what went on in here
All u do is assume
I say all of this in my mind
Because if she was to pay attention
Theres secrets in here that shes not prepared to find....
Happy Birthday Mom
Today is my Hello Poetry 1 year anniversary
Happy Birthday Lost Soul
One year ago today
I got thrown aside by someone
..who promised me the world
On September 15th, I struggled to be okay
For three hours all I did was cry
"How could I let another person leave?"
"How could I push someone else away?"
"I'm sorry I ruined your life... I promise I didn't try "
Little did I know it would get worse
I had no idea what rock bottom was
I tried to reach out for help
And was told to deal with it
"Just let to run its course"
But on that day was the first time
I said that I wanted to die and meant it
I started dying inside
As people around me just watched
I was isolated..apparently depression is a crime.
From that day on I didn't stop crying
and will never be the same
Slowly but surely i pulled myself up from the pit
Suicide is a awful mind game
Crying went from hourly to daily and from weekly to monthly
It took at least 8 months and I'm still stuck on monthly
But I am getting stronger everyday
Don't take my story as a sad tale
It is a survivor's story
I am a survivor.
If someone is going through something similar and needs someone to talk to, I am here to listen.
Also, I choose not to go into detail about the events because I wanted to avoid being repetitive. If you really want to know then read my old poems, they explain it best.