home is
sitting in my truck at 2:30 in the morning, smoking *** and talking endlessly about nothing.
home is
laying in your bed and heavily sleeping at 4 am.
home is
playing on a playground and smoking cigarettes at 3 in the morning.
home is
sitting in your truck at 1 am and looking up at the stars.
home is
listening to jazz at midnight. even though I really hate jazz.
for me,
home,
is not a place.
home,
is you.

you have no face
and you have no place that you stay.
I don't know your name
or your age
or the color of your hair.
but you are mysterious.
we speak the shortest of words.
but our words have so much meaning.
I have all of these feelings
and questions
and I'm unsure of what to do.
what do you look like?
who are you?
your words, although short,
are so caring and kind.
what's it like in your mind?
we are strangers
and there are so many dangers
but I like adventure
and these thoughts are torture.
so show me who you are.
let's not be strangers any more.

I still have all of your things,
and in my dreams,
my brain forgets that you're not really here.
I see you everywhere.
You're touching my face,
holding me gently.
I feel so at ease.
And then I wake up.
And I reread our last conversation,
the one where you told me about him.
Part of me hopes that your skin burns in all the places I've touched you and part of me hopes that you see my face when you close your eyes to kiss him.
But the other part of me is happy for you, the other part of me wishes I could stop feeling your hands on my waist and the other part of me wishes the image of your face wasn't burned into the back of my eyelids.

Cold is, a dark winter day.
Cold is, a cup of ice.
Cold is, the house in mid afternoon after a hot summers day.
But, if cold is a temperature..
Why do I feel so cold when she looks through me?

All of us are addicted to something,
wether it's
drugs,
***,
love,
food,
video games..
We are addicted to these things because they fill a hole in our lives that we can't do on our own.
We are addicted to these things because they distract us from the reality of our every day lives.
We are addicted to these things because we do not love ourselves.
We are addicted to these things because we feel that we can love these things more than we can love ourselves.
I challenge all of you to put down whatever you're addicted to and start loving yourself.
I challenge all of you to stop putting off that thing you were gonna do yesterday.
Drugs,
Video games,
Food,
***,
those things can't love you more than you can love yourself.
You just have to try.  
Next time someone asks you what or who do you love,
I want you to say "Myself".
The more you say it, the truer it becomes.

They say that you are your own worst enemy..
And I'm not sure who they are,
but whoever they are,
They're right.
Because not only do you have to wake up every morning and
hear your own voice,
touch your own skin,
see your own reflection..
But you have to wake up every morning
with every what if,
with every regret,
with every secret.
YOU really are your own worst enemy.

I remember what it was like the first time I laid eyes on you.
No one had ever taken my breath away like you did.
I remember what it was like when you first grabbed my hand in the truck.
I remember wanting to never let go.
I remember what it was like when I first kissed you.
I remember wanting to never stop.
I remember what it was like when you spoke of, and to me, and the way you spoke of your feelings.
I remember feeling like I was on top of the world.
I remember what it was like when you told me you weren't going anywhere.
No one made me feel as special as you did.
I remember what it was like the day you left.
I remember thinking that it was all just a dream.
And I remember what it was like when you said you didn't want me.
No one has ever broken my heart the way you did.

You smelled like heaven.
And I look like hell.
"you're the right person,
this is just the wrong time"
Well,
when is the right time?
There's never a right time.
You have to put your **** aside,
and make room for what's good.
Because one day the "right person",
won't wait for the "right time".
And you'll be wishing they would.

"I didn't say no.. Why didn't I say no?"
"It was my fault. I should've said no."
"Why'd he have to do it? Why'd he have to do it to me?"
"I shouldn't have let it continue. I should've told someone the first time."
"Why didn't he go to jail?"
"Why wasn't he punished?"
"I never should've told anyone. I should've just let it go."
"My mother hates me because of this."
"Will she ever forgive me?"
"She will always love him more than me.."
"Why didn't she kick him out? I was nine years old."
"Why did my own brother do this to me?"
"If I **** myself, I won't have to see his face anymore.."

I'd rather hate myself for the rest of my life,
than to love you for even just a second,
because you hurt me more than my own thoughts ever could.

Never invest your time into someone more broken than you are.
You can't save a person,
You can only love them.
And sometimes (most times) love just isn't enough.

It's perceived as a wonderful thing.
It's portrayed to be beautiful.
It's spoken of so sweetly.

I only know it to be horrible.
I only see it to be dangerous.
I only hear of it harshly.

It's perceived to be glorious.
It's portrayed as something that saves you.
It's spoken of as though it's God.

I only know it to be horrendous.
I only see it as something that kills.
I only hear of it as though it's the Devil.

I want you in the rawest form.
I want you while you're crying on your bathroom floor unsure of your worth.
I want you naked in my bed with your legs shaking from exhaustion.
I want you while you're angry and throwing everything in your path voice as loud as it can get.
I want you happy and dancing to your favorite tune at 3am in your underwear and my t-shirt.
I want you in your most vulnerable parts.
I want you in your strongest moments.
I want you all the time.

I still smell your perfume,
even when you're not around.
I still reach for your hand,
even when you're not around.
I still crave the taste of your lips,
even though you're not mine.
I still find comfort in your arms,
even though you're not mine.

We ran the streets
that spring evening.
And I think that's
when I first fell in love with you.
We ran the streets
that month of March.
And that's when the
taste of your lips stained my brain forever.
You left me that
harsh summer night.
And I think that's
when I first felt true heart break.
You left me that
harsh summer night.
And that's when the
stains on my sleeves became real,
and you became a part of my dreams forever.

I'm moving on now.

Flowers do not compete with each other in their prime seasons.
They just bloom.
I am a flower.
Flowers do not hate the color on their petals.
They just soak up the sun.
I am a flower.
Flowers do not hide themselves from the world.
They just bloom.
*I am a ******* flower.

You are a living, breathing poem.
And my god are you so tragic.
You said there was no competition.
And my god you were right.
You have already chosen the winner.
And my god she is so ******* lucky.

you are so extraordinary.

and I am so ordinary. 

but I pray to whatever god you believe in,

that you’ll fall in love with me and,

I hope that maybe someday soon

that I’ll be able to give you the moon.

You're getting bad again and I would do anything to help you.
But you're in love with her and I'm in love with you.
So I'm forced to sit here and watch you tear yourself down.
And I'll still be here for you until I'm shattered on the ground.

I love you like the moon loves the sun.
I love you like the sea loves the shore.
I love you like you love your cigarettes.
I love you like an artist loves their outlets.
I love you like none of these.
I love you like more of these.
I love you more than all of these.
My love for you is non comparable.
Just know that I love you.

These cigarettes remind me of you.
But I'll smoke them in hopes of killing all of the hope you left inside of me.
These cigarettes remind me of you.
They burn my skin when I least expect it.
These cigarettes remind me of you.
They are slowly killing me from the inside out.
These cigarettes remind me of you.
But I'll smoke them anyways because this is the only way that I'll taste your lips again.

I thought I hated you for the way you left.
I thought I hated you because she can now call you hers.
I thought I hated you for leaving me when I had so much love to give to you.
But I don't hate you.
I understand why you left the way you did.
And I understand why you did the things you did.
I understand why you said the words you said.
But I'm still here.
I still have so much love to give you.
I still have so much to offer.
I still have so much love for you.
Come back.

Knowing you exist
is what gives me purpose.
But you're too stubborn
to ever love me back.
Knowing you smile
is what makes me happy.
But you're too clueless
to notice what I see.
Knowing you're happy
is what gives me purpose.
But you're too stupid
to realize I love you.

"**** you stupid girl
why won't you drop your
guard"

The space between the two of us
is what is breaking my heart.

"I am sure that you will never
find a man that is ever
gonna love you more"

So please just love me.

I remember how I felt when I first looked into your eyes,
my god I couldn't ******* breathe.
I remember when I first saw you as you were walking up to my truck,
my god you were so ******* beautiful.
I remember the butterflies in my stomach when you grabbed my hand,
my god I was so ******* nervous.
I remember how I couldn't stop smiling when we first kissed,
my god you put the ******* sun to shame.
I remember when you told me it was over,
my god I felt like ******* death.
I remember the butterflies stopped flying when I saw you for the last time,
my god you were still so ******* beautiful.

You introduced me to my favorite bands.
You introduced me to my favorite brand
of cigarettes.
You showed me how to live on this earth leaving only a foot print.
You showed me the importance of looking at the trees.

But you taught me to flee
when feelings get too complicated.
And you taught me to run
when the sun
is shinning too brightly.

I miss you.
Come home to me.
Let it be.

I never knew love could hurt this bad.
Please don't be mad.

You introduced me to my favorite bands and favorite brand of cigarettes.

And you showed me to only leave footprints and to always gaze at the trees.

But you taught me to flee and that's where you went wrong.

So I'm sorry my love but I have to run.
I hope to see you soon.
Maybe in the light of the moon I'll be a different person.

Just know that I love you
and you'll always be dear to me.

Turn left at this light and it'll take me home.
Take me home?
Home?
Where is home?
Home is no longer a place for me.
Home is in your arms, where I wish I could be.

If you believe in God,
then I give you kudos.

If you believe that there's a God for you,
kudos to you.

But for me,
there is no God.

But for me,
there is only spirituality.

Because the God that I've heard about,
would not have put me through the hell that I have been through.

Because the God that I've heard about,
would not let me relive those nights every ******* day.

So please,
do not be offended when I say that I don't believe in Him.

So please,
respect me in my belief of only spirituality.

Because the spirits I am connected to,
have pushed me through these times.

Because the spirits I am connected to,
do what your God does for you

but doesn't do for me.

I REMEMBER WHAT MARCH WAS LIKE WITH THE WEATHER CHANGING AND THE LEAVES GROWING
AND THE SUN SHINNING
AND  THE ******* SUN SHINNING.
AND YOU, MY GOD THE WAY YOU LOOKED IN THE SHINNING SUN STANDING UNDERNEATH THAT ******* TREE,
UNDER THAT GOD ****** TREE.
AND I REMEMBER WHAT FALLING IN LOVE FELT LIKE IN SPRING BECAUSE YOU HAD MY HEART IN YOUR HANDS,
GRASPED IN YOUR ******* HANDS.
AND YOU HELD IT OVER YOUR ******* HEAD AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU PROUD,
OH GOD WAS I SO ******* PROUD.
AND I REMEMBER THE BEGINNING OF APRIL WHEN YOU STARTED HURTING YOURSELF AGAIN AND YOU SAID IT WAS BECAUSE YOU MISSED HER AND **** THAT HURT,
THAT ******* HURT.
I TRIED SO ******* HARD TO REMIND YOU THAT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT THAT SHE WAS GONE AND THAT HER DEATH HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE LOVE YOU HAD FOR HER,
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I TRIED SO ******* HARD TO SHOW YOU THAT IF YOU JUST LET ME HOLD YOUR STUPID ******* HAND THAT I COULD MEND YOUR SHATTERED PIECES TOGETHER BUT YOU COULDN'T ******* LET ME DO THAT COULD YOU?
YOU JUST ******* COULDN'T.
ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME THE WAY THAT I LOVED YOU BUT YOU ******* LEFT
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DID THAT.
(WHY'D YOU ******* LEAVE)
ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO ******* STAY
(PLEASE ******* STAY)
AND TRY BUT YOU COULDN'T EVEN ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVED ME AND I DON'T ******* UNDERSTAND WHY YOU COULDN'T JUST GIVE IN FOR ONCE.
WHEN YOU LEFT, YOU THREW MY ******* HEART INTO THE ******* MUD
INTO THE GOD ****** MUD
AND MY GOD DID THAT ******* HURT.
BUT I SWEAR IF YOU CAME BACK ID PICK IT UP, WIPE IT OFF AND IT BACK TO YOU ONCE MORE.

And I hope you find happiness.

I should've kissed you longer.
Then maybe you would've stayed.
Every time I'm next to you, my heart breaks all over again.

I should've kissed you longer.
But I didn't know it was our last.
Every time I see you talking about her, I physically feel the hurt on the inside.

I should've kissed you longer.
And maybe you'd still be mine.
Every time I think of you, I can't help but miss you more and more.

Come back to me.
I love you.

I smoke every night just to forget the way you held my hand.
But instead of memories fading,
late at night as I fly high,
I remember the way you touched me
and the way you kissed my shoulder oh so innocently.
And I remember the way you spoke about never leaving my side.
But you did.  
And I couldn't even stop you.
No rhyme nor a reason.
No warning nor a word.
You were gone the next day.
Now she's the one making you smile and mending your wounds.
And my god does it ******* hurt to know that she does everything that I couldn't do.
It tears me apart knowing that she touches your skin and kisses your lips.
My heart ******* shatters when I think of you holding her hand the way you held mine,
or kissing her shoulder the way you kissed mine,
or stealing her clothes the way you took mine,
or even just looking at her the way you looked at me.
I ******* hate you for leaving me like I was trash,
and I ******* hate you for taking my heart along.
I ******* hate you for letting me love you and never loving me back,
and I ******* hate you for saying that you never felt anything for me.
I ******* hate you, but I love you so much more.
I think that's the worst part..

You are* a meteor.
You are a destroyer.
You are a tornado.

You* ruin every item in your pathway.
You tear apart everyone in your life.
You purposely hurt anyone around you.

You are no longer the most beautiful galaxy in the universe.
You have ****** me over for the last time.
You are always a storm.

I am so tired of you always running me over.
I am done with letting you make me feel like ****.
I am leaving your life for good this time.

My lungs were corrupted by the lies that hang around you.
My heart was torn by the hands that touched them (yours).
I smoke to fill my lungs with something other than the remnants of your lies.
And my heart is locked away so others cannot touch it.
You have destroyed my insides without my consent, so now I will continue the destruction but this time it will be by my own terms.

I thought you made flowers grow in my lungs, but I finally realized that they are weeds.
So I smoke my cigarettes in hopes to **** all of those broken promises you put inside of me.

It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking of the way you hold your cigarette.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking of the way the street lights shine on your back as you longboard down the street.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking of the way you speak about the bands you love.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking about the fact that you love your cigarettes more than you fancied me.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking about the way you left that day.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking of how you said you weren't ready for commitment and I couldn't help but stare at the tattoos across your skin.
It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking about the way you spoke of her as though she were the perfect piece. It's 1:00am and I can't stop thinking about how I was the only person in your life that you didn't see as a form of art.
Maybe I wasn't broken enough for you.
It's 1:00am and my wrists are bleeding and I wonder, if you saw me now, would you think I'm broken enough for you to love me?

I once read a post,
with a girl telling her story.

She told me that it gave her closure.
So this is my story.

I was warned about the old men in their vans with candy that would ****** you from the sidewalk on your way home.

I was warned about the men that hid in dark alleys with knives and guns that would **** you if you were alone.

I was warned about the men that would drug your drinks if they were left unattended at all the parties.

I was warned about the men that would cat call at women and say nasty things.

I was warned about the men that would touch you inappropriately at the clubs while you were dancing with your friends.

I was warned about the creepy uncles and strange step fathers and neighbors that were too close.

BUT

I wasn't warned about the boy that lived in the room next to mine that was blood related to me.

I wasn't warned about the girl that shared a room with me every other weekend when she came to visit her dad/my step father.

I wasn't warned about the women, that called herself my mother, that would always take the boys side.

*I wasn't warned

I know that your mind is a tornado, destroying everything in its path.
And you may have asteroids in your blood, but everyone knows that they are so beautiful as they shoot across the sky.
After the bad weather clears, the sun shines oh so brightly.
And I see galaxies in your eyes,
I hear shooting stars when you speak.
And I am in love.
No matter the danger, I will stay.
I can only hope that you see galaxies in my eyes too.

I always thought that you had galaxies in your eyes, and the planets flowing through your veins and flowers growing in your heart.
But as time goes on I'm starting to realize that it wasn't your touch that sparked my skin, and it wasn't your words that made me fly.
I always thought that you were going to be the one to set me free and show me the world.
But in the end, you showed me how to stand in the light just right so my eyes would gleam as my mouth spilled lies, you taught me how to touch someone so lightly because you don't actually want to be touching them in the first place. You taught me how to kiss someone without feeling the stars on their lips. And you taught me to look for astroids in someone's eyes because they may look beautiful, but my god are they dangerous. //just like you.