I don't like texting you
I would rather hear your voice
(Because it sounds like heaven)
But I don't want to call you
Because I know you won't pick up

The seas of unrest
Became calm for once
For it had to witness
The day of her birth

There she stood
In all of her beauty
As the moonlight shined
Upon her soft cheeks

Her eyes lit up the night sky
And the darkness in my soul
Like a new sun, she was
Beautiful and stupefying

The wind sang beauteously
And the trees danced
In celebration of her
Because she was perfect

The wind whispered to me
Her name and I was shocked
For it was the language
That angels spoke

You make me feel different, which is nice.
Your beauty makes me melt away like snow and ice.
Remembering you on a cold night
Makes me feel warm in the inside.

You are like a very bright light
You lead me out of a dark place
At midnight.

Every time we break apart
I want to tell you what's in my heart.
If I'm stuck in darkness during midnight,
You'll always be my brightest light.

I love playing games!
I especially love the one
That we're playing right now!

What was it called again?
The Not-Notice-Each-Other-In-Plain-Sight Game?
Or was it The Let's-Be-Strangers Game?

Or maybe I'm lying
And I want to play my new favorite,
The Punch-You-In-The-Face Game!

Oh, how I would love to play!
But still you insist
On playing the other games

How about we play that old game of yours?
The I-Won't-Show-Up-And-Leave-You Game!
You love playing that one!

Maybe you want to stab me in the back
While you're at it!
Come on! I'll let you go first!

There was a time when I told myself that I couldn't live without her.
There was a time when I thought she was everything the world could offer.
I used to think that she was who I would grow old with.
I used to think that we'd both be happy with each other in the next 20 years.
I used to think that I wouldn't survive college for a month without seeing her.

I was wrong.
I was wrong to believe that I would love her until I died.
I was wrong to believe that one day I would wake up beside her.
I was wrong to believe that I would hold her hand and call her mine.
I was
young
and
stupid.
I should have known better to not dwell in my childlike fantasies.
I'm no Prince Charming.

What did I know of live?
Nothing.
I was infatuated.
Dangerously infatuated.
I was at the point where I would be willing to kiss her
feet
just to gain her attention, just her attention.
I knew nothing about how love worked.
All I did was give her my heart and watch happily as she took it
and stomped it
into a
mushy paste.
Something in my mind told me that she would be reciprocating my feelings, but I was
blind.

Much can happen
In the space
Between the marks
Of the seconds
On a clock

The world could turn
Into a murky brown puddle
Of **** and shitstains
That dirties the boots
Of all the people
On the way to work
Or home to the wife
And twelve kids

The room with white walls
Slowly but surely
Turns to one with black walls
That sweat dark pearls
That melt the doorknob,
Block the windows,
And cover the door

The bubbles in the bath
Burst and leave clear water
That hold your floating filth
In microscopic specks
And the flickering light
Flirts with you
To dip your head and fall asleep
In the fading warmth

I'm on the search for fame
Because I don't want the world to bury me

I'm on the search for love
Because I don't want to be buried alone

I'm on the search for an answer
Because I know there's more to life

I'm on the search for happiness
Because I want to go out with a smile

I'm on the search for everything
Because I want to live life to the fullest.

The night was cold and snow fell
In the middle of this forest.
We couldn't even get a fire to work.

The fires burned, but became snuffed
Because you refused to throw firewood
Into the bonfire of our hearts.

I'm tired of cutting down trees
Just to stoke the flames on your side
Of the fire that exists to keep both of us warm.

All I wanted was to have felt the fire's warmth too.
To give your share was all I was asking from you
And you couldn't even give me that.

You taste bitter on my tongue
Almost as bad as how cigarettes do
But it honestly tastes worse than you

Although now I'm the epitome of peace
I'm calm with the poison in me
Just like the poison you used to be

Cravings hit me hard
Like my old thoughts of you at night
But a craving for you is more of a blight

Don't get me wrong though
I'm very much over it and for you I am a quitter
I'm using the sticks to learn how to get used to the bitter

I love you so much

I love you too

You have given me happiness in this dark time
And I love you so much for it

Oh darling

Words cannot even express how much I am thankful for you and how much I love you

"Love" is not an adequate enough term for everything I feel in my heart, mind, and soul for you.

If only there were a word for what we feel for each other.
My being wants to scream that word out into the cosmos,
But I do not know what the word is.

I want to write the word, over and over again all over my blank white walls until they crumble
I want to say it to you every time I kiss you, every time you hold my hand, and every time I so much as think of you.

Iñigo.

I love you with every shred of my being. Every cell in my body misses you with ever passing nanosecond.
I want you here.

We're going to go around the world to look for that word. We will look at every painting in every museum. Every sculpture in every garden. Every star in the sky. We will find this word.
And I love you with every shred of mine.
Each time I say your name or even think about it or you, I fall in love all over again

I as well

We're stronger than the days.
Stronger than time.
We can get through this.

Stronger than the toughest rock, stronger than water.
We will.
We must.

Stronger than every wind that has ever touched the earth.

I love you.

*I love you too.

Third time's the charm
They always say
If the third time
Was the time
That you'd get hurt
The most

I want to choke you till the life leaves your eyes
The sound of you trying to force air into your lungs
Is a sweeter fantasy
Than me wanting to jab myself in the neck with a pen
Or stab my eyes out with a knife

The dream that is your death
Is sweeter than my suicide
More eye-opening
Than my dark desire
To be in a casket

As the days pass,
My anger only grows
And the dreams in my head
Stay dreams

To be honest,
I was always quite scared
At the thought of meeting you.
Blood used to rush through my body
Whenever I thought of breathing the same air
In the same room as you.

I'm glad you pushed me to come
Because you gave the bitter, black coffee
A few tablespoons of sugar.

What do I miss?
Empathy
Innocence
Happiness
And having no social anxiety

I miss caring, warmth, security
Along with hopes and dreams
I miss my positive thoughts
I miss silence in my head

I miss her and her and her
And all of their voices
And their eyes
And their soft words
And how they said my name

I miss being young
Stupid
Unafraid
*Alive

If you have to leave me
To complete your heart
Then run as fast as you can

If you have to hurt me
To heal yourself
I'll make you feel
Like I deserve it all

If you have to hate me
To find out who you are
Go right on ahead

Hold me, kiss me, **** me
Like you care
And I'll
Hold you, kiss you, and *******
Because I really do care

I wish you did

That's okay though

Hurt me,
And I'll thank you for it

too close
too far

proximity in places
true proximity is not permitted
stings like bees on your arms
and ants in your legs

too close
too far

To the ******* with my name
I will gut you and choke you
I swear you will never see day

How dare you take warmth
From my light
When it flickers in the wind

I will gouge your eyes out
So you never lay your eyes
On what provides me happiness

I will **** all those you hold dear
They will be the kindling of my pyre
Your fate shall be the same

Let this be a warning
Begone, foul beast of the night
And I will let you watch from afar

I went to the flat today
The pink light from the red curtains
Colored in the white walls
That held your new life in pictures
And the bed where we laid
Reciting lost poetry to each other
At four in the morning
Contained the same mess
That was made the day you left

I stood still in the middle of everything
And took the deepest breath I could
Before having to go back into the ocean
We all call "the real world"
In that breath, I heard your soft voice
Whispering sweet somethings into my ear,
I felt your hands slowly grip mine,
And the feeling of your loving eyes staring
Into every fiber of my lonesome being
Gave me goosebumps

In that moment, I was calm again
My mind was once again at peace
After all the hours of screaming
After all the days of torture
"****." I said
"I almost forgot to bring home the soy milk"

I am in the dark
The light
At the end
Of the tunnel
Is gone

And I now walk
Aimlessly
Bumping into walls
Tripping over rocks
I am tired

Will the light return
And guide me again
Or will I rot in
This hopeless
Damnation?

It's now two twenty-two
I've got nothing to do
I'm just thinking of you

Imagine us somewhere
Breathing the cool night air
Not giving any care

Laying there in the grass
Watching shooting stars pass
Snuggled with you, fine lass

The sky drapes us in dark
But with you it's not stark
For you brighten my heart

It's now two twenty-two
I've got nothing to do
I'm just thinking of you

I fear
But I do not know what I fear
Maybe it's
Late nights wasted with people
And thoughts of people
Who do not matter
And who will never matter
Or only mattered once

I don't want to write about you anymore.

The stars don't align
Not for you and I
Even if I wished they had
They would never

If I'm just as useless as I think I am, tell me
I can't keep parading around like I'm doing something right,
When obviously I'm not

I'm tired of not being helpful.
I am done with not caring.
I try to help and I do care,
But everything I do and everything I say
Dissipate into the air like cigarette smoke

I panic, I worry, I cry, I fear,
But nothing gets done.
Nothing gets done because my heart fills with all these emotions
That I end up screaming without me knowing it
That I end up screaming at everyone else Instead of screaming at God
(Who deserves all the screaming I want to do for making me this way)

If I'm useless
Then I'm useless
No stopping that
I just wish
Someone would tell me the truth

Be strong, my dear
Because I know you can do it

The demons crawl up
From the ground below
And steal the air you breathe
But take it back from them
Because it's rightfully yours

Be strong, my dear
Because I know you can do it

I don't want to know what time it is
I just want to lay here forever and die

I don't want to know the painful truth
I'd rather listen to beautiful lies

I don't want to know who you love
Unless it's me, it's a truth you hide

I don't want to know what your thoughts are
Probably they're of some other guy

I don't want to know you
But I do and now all I do is cry

Weak I was and weak I am
My heart breaks for her once more
I play the game of love when I can,
But I cannot even score

Cry I did and cry I do
I cry to sleep every night
On my cheeks the tears they go
Oh what a terrible sight

Loved I tried and love I try
But I'll always end up hurt
Once again my poor heart tries
And the blood, out if it, spurts

I see a couple
They look happy
Together

Smiling,
Holding hands,
Fingers entwined

They stare
At each other
With such longing,
Such emotion,
And such warmth

Happiness
Like theirs
Is what I wish for,
But all I have
Is a bottle

She's half a heart
Because you took more away
Than you gave her

She's mad at night
And tries to sleep
Searching for peace

She can't see through the rage
Or through the tears
Or through the pain

What you did was fail her
Because she believed
In you wholeheartedly

You are subpar
How I wish she could see that
You probably know it yourself

You are the grimy ****
On the soles of my boots
That I scrape off on the curb

You are the lesser human
And I am the pinnacle of greatness
I hope you know that

You are the bottom of the food chain
And I am on the top
I will drink your blood

She doesn't deserve you
She deserves better than that
She deserves me

The way your head rests on my shoulder
Me kissing your hair as my hand travels from your hip, thigh, ***
Your hand grabbing mine to get me to scratch your back
Our eyes meeting and me kissing your forehead
I miss it

I remember asking you to sit up and look at me
I'll never forget how red your cheeks got before I kissed you
Right before we grabbed each others' faces to give our mouths a better look
Right before I grabbed your wrists to put them over your head

And it didn't matter
If we had milk tea-flavored lips

They pour out and foam up at the bottom
The way waterfalls do
As they leave my lips
The sounds they make as they crash
Into the waters below
Are like the bloodcurdling screams of little girls
When the fires in their homes blacken the air
With smoke unlike the gray cigarette smoke
That they are familiar with
The smell of "home" in some way
The smell of hugs
And kisses
And love

Fear is all there is when they come out to play
They tug at ears and pierce them unsavorily
Leaving holes in places you never wanted
Cry all you want, but the scars they leave are scars
Like on your wrists and on mine
Except they don't fade
And they never will
But one day they will open up again
And bleed like they're brand new

They tell me they'll make it all be alright again
And they phase through blades like ghosts
Smoothly and gracefully at the price of my sanity
I don't want to do this anymore
I don't want to keep doing this
I'm tired of lying
I'm tired of lies

Maybe I'll find the strength
To give the truth a shot
One of these days

If I could tattoo my poetry to my skin, I would
I would show them my word-riddled wrists
Where the scars used to be
And the prosaic verses sprawled on my neck
Where I planned to loop the rope

If my poems were good, I would tattoo them on my skin
Sadly, all I have are a sophomoric amalgamates of odd words
That make dead poets turn in their graves

If I could hold you
And never let go
I would do that

To feel the warmth
Of your body on mine
Is soothing and serene
Like tea on a cold morning
Or whiskey on a winter night

The feeling of your breath
On the bare skin of my shoulders
Shifts my heartbeat into high gear
And fills my mind with electricity
Making me realize that life is good
After years of thinking it was hell