__

*I can't give you my trust,
I can not get close to you,
I can not let you hold me even when I wish for you to,
I can not let you show me how you love me like others used too,

I struggle when I listen, or try to concentrate, to the things you say,
I struggle to communicate my feeling back to you in the same way,

I sometimes feel like I'm too demanding of you,
I don't know how to do the comedies of a give and take,
I feel like I sometimes only take, and leave a burden on top of you,
I constantly feel guilty for what I do to you, I feel guilty for the things I do,
I get to have you, but I am not worth someone like you,

I hope I don't hurt you too bad, on days when I am too sad,
I sometimes need to relax and detach. my dissociation won't last forever,
I know I am not perfect in this world that is so dull and grey, but I try,
I each day, have tried, I empathise more then not,

I am sorry more then not, like the fears I cry tears over,
I wish I could overcome them, I wish I could stop avoiding my past,
I wish I could forget all the bad, make memories that are good and will last,
I can't remember day to day tasks, and I can't remember anything un-sad,

I wish that when you told me things I could understand it better,
I wish I handled things better, learn to fix them on my own,
I wish I didn't depend on you for help, but I wouldn't if I could fix it myself.
I wish I stopped staying in bad places and leaving the good ones I find,

I want to not act so compulsive with these addictions that surround me,
I wish I could get rid of the overlaying grief that hangs over me,  
I wish I could move on from what has been taken from me,
I want to stop letting it exhaust me,

I am tired, but never sleep, and to sleep wouldn't help my tiredness,
I tried to sleep with you and lay down next to you wide awake,
I wish I could of been sleeping as peaceful as you,

I feel plagued by all my bad memories,
I want them to go away, because they only make it harder for you,
I know you don't love me, I know at least you shouldn't love me,
I worry that I worry you, and I don't want you to be worried about me,
I feel like you deserve more, and better, and should get it.
I want to protect you from the damage I can put upon you,
I feel the panic inside brews, and I can't rid myself from it,
I wish you would save yourself from me.

I get angry, and mad, and upset,
I do this rather then having an emotional shut down,
I hate that I lash out, I don't want to get mad at you,

I hate myself, I wish that I could love myself like I used to,
I take risks hoping that something better could happen, but it doesn't,

I feel alone,
I feel abandoned,
I feel rejected,
I feel helpless,
I feel trapped,

I know you left because you felt like this
I lost you, because of all these things,
I know what I did wrong

It takes two to tango, but you don't know how to dance.

Take me away
from here, from this
place.
Take me far, far,
away.
Take me on an
adventure.
Take me somewhere
we can fall in
love.
Take me somewhere
we could be
happy.
Take me somewhere
we could make
memories.

I take it back.
I said I wanted something to happen,
Something that would ****** him out of his comfort zone,
Something that would shatter his world and bring him closer to You.
But not like this, not so viciously that he can't eat or sleep.
Remove his pain, I didn't want this.
Take it back.