The size of our suffer
Is relative to each other
Like gas between walls
It evenly falls
What fills our breath
Doesn’t seem to matter
Because between sickness and death
We choose the latter

They use my heart as a toy
They enjoyed the way I suffer
Threw me against the wall
Breaking my parts
But i still love
To make you laugh.

He remembers a
curvature too straight to exist, surreal
but a childhood in the bloodstream.
Listen to what must he say, listen to
what he cannot say.
With three steps, lock a reason with
the old scotch like his ink beneath
the table.
Screams followed the
futility that loved to linger by the
lines; screams sank in the lines too.

Out there in the cold, you and I,
A sacrifice and a song.

My body is hot, within me is a flame, boiling the blood in my veins, my skin is warm & I feel bothered internally.
It won't take much to set me off.
I can't run away from myself, I can't escape these feelings.
I feel like I'm suffocating in myself.
How can I feel better, who will understand, how can I make it go away?
I don't know where to turn...

5am Sunday morning
Quiet throughout the house
Till I hear fumbling around in the kitchen
bang
crash
See you scared out of your mind
You can't get up.
I help you up
You fall again
I help you up
You fall again.
These tears wet my face and I fall to my knees.
It's time for you to go.

As I lay with you waiting to go put you down
The flash of memories rush through my head.
The memories of you saving me from myself I will never forget.
I'm alive because of you.
The memories where you always made me laugh and smile just because I was upset.
But My heart shatters and I can feel sharp pains throughout my body.
It hurts to see you in fear and pain.
Yet you were in pain for awhile
Sorry I couldn't save you.

The car ride to the hospital was the hardest.
As you layed next to me panting and looking up at me scared.
Tore me apart.
Yet you gave me one last kiss
And I felt in the moment I know you loved me and said it's going to be ok.
You gave me signs that you were ready.

We get to the hospital.
I break down because I know I have to be with you when you go.
I needed to comfort you how you comforted me through my dark times and when I was scared.
I hug you
I hold you
I pet you
All these moments and memories.
As we wait for the doctor
I look into your eyes since that's the only thing you could move.
You looked at me and I looked back.
My heart tightens and my.stomach flips upside down.  

I pet you constantly trying to stay strong and not break down.my eyes already puffy,red and aching.
You slowly begin to fall asleep because your relaxed in my arms.
You warmed my heart with the kiss in the car then you relaxed as I've seen all morning.
Then you make me laugh one last time.
You burp loudly.
I'm sobbing yet laughing cause you always know how to make me laugh when I shouldn't be.

Thank you for,
reassuring me.
loving me for me.
making me smile.
making me laugh.
reminding me I'm loved.
But most importantly
Thank you for saving me.
Still wish I could have saved and helped you more.

We knock on the door to let them know it's time.
The doctor explains what's going to happen.
I break down.
She puts the tranquilizer to relax you.
Your heartbeat slows down significantly.
I pet you and comfort you for the last moments on this earth.  
The doctor comes back.
Puts the last injection

All of sudden...
Your heartbeat simply stopped in my hands.
I couldn't even cry in that moment.
I was just so numb I couldn't even process it.

The car ride home felt like it went on for hours.
It felt like the road kept getting longer.
My head was simply numb.
My heart was in my stomach and I can feel the shattered pieces poking me internally.

You had a long amazing life full of love and made everyone happy that met you.
You lightened up the room everywhere you went.
You made me happy when I didn't want to be.
You were the bestfriend I could have ever asked for.
Thank you for saving me.
I'm happy your not in pain anymore.
Thank you for fighting for
so long.

Your forever in my heart.
I love you Brandy.
Goodbye and I will be with you again one day.

Stranger's hands wrapped around my neck,
ropes tightly tied around my hands & feet,
They pointed a gun to my head,
and their words pointed a knife to my heart.
As they **** me slowly infront of you,
my screams filled your ears,
the image of my tortured body
was stuck inside your head.
Your body was frozen in place
nothing to do while I was suffering
right infront of you.

  - yet you mourned for my death

Eenie,
Meenie,
Miney,
Mo,

Catch a poet by his toes,
If he suffers,
Let him go,

Eenie,
Meany,
Miney,

Oh...