She is a firecracker in a silent room.
Her toothy smile
which spreads from the centre of her lips
to the tips of her ears
is contagious.
Her eyes are the blue-green colour of the ocean on a warm summer day
peaceful at the surface
and the magic held within them is reserved only to those who take a closer look.
Her hair is golden
like her soul
and her locks tangle to no end.
The springs bounce with every step she takes
the ringlets so perfect so you would think them unnatural.
But they definitely are;
she does not have the patience to sit still
for more than an instant
her body carrying her wherever fate decides—
sitting down to curl her hair would never cross her wild mind.
Her laugh comes from somewhere deep inside her slender body
somewhere far behind her rib cage
where the vibrant rhythm of her body originates.
Her heart cannot be contained
too big to fit inside even the biggest of bodies.
There is not a mean bone to be found in her
for she is filled to the brim with love and joy.
Her legs must be the 8th wonder of the world
so skinny they could snap at the lightest breeze
and yet they carry her across tracks so fast
you would think she was pacing herself with light
not the other children scurrying along behind her.
I, too, sometimes feel like I am scurrying behind her
for her imagination races at speeds mine never could.
She is the most vibrant piece of clothing in the closet
the loudest song on the radio
the spiciest food at the dinner table.
I would like to thank the old, tea-loving
Asian woman who has come to reside in my sister’s twelve year old body
for making her the most interesting book on my shelf
the most watched movie in my collection
and the quirkiest soon-to-be teenager I know.
The world is not ready for the greatness she holds
but everyone deserves a Lily in their life.

I didn't get to tell you that I loved you before you died.
I stood right next to you, and I didn't say it.
By the deepest sleep, we were seperated.
You were just too far away.

You had a gorgeous mind.
I'd bombard you with questions all the time.
"How far does space go on for?'
You'd say it's endless.
"How many stars are there?"
You'd say they're infinite.

You also told me nothing lasts forever.
I still think you're wrong about that one.
I go back to that day every year and wish I had said something.
How thankful I was for everything you taught me.

Scientists agree with you by the way.
They say space is endless.
That stars number infinite.
If this holds true, then you were wrong about forever.
Totally wrong.
If this holds true, then if I look far enough into space odds are certain I will find a world just like ours.
And there you are alive and well
And I'm with you
And I won't stop with my questions
Over and over
Across the universe forever.

If this holds true, then I can tell you this knowing you are never too far away.

My dearest Jocelyn,

The very thoughts of you make me Homesick.
It's just as beautiful as miserable it sounds.

Her eyes were filled with fire,
And her heart was of gold.
Her body was filled with energy,
And love to her fingertips.
She smiled and dance,
Jumped around and laughed.
Her heart is so pure,
Nothing can harm her.
Unaware of the world before her.
She sees only the good in people,
And is passionate about everything she does.
She has a song in her soul,
That she is not afraid to dance along too,
Whether in nature or in private,
Her arms sway as she moves in rhythm to the beat.
She still has her innocence,
Pure,
Loving,
And kind to all living creatures.
She enjoys the world around her.
She still plucks weeds and gives them as if they're flowers.
She still lies back and watches the clouds.
Her mind is free,
And her body energetic.
Her love is unconditional,
And her soul is wild.

Mother, a specialist has called us,
he believes something is wrong, astray, askew,
but you tell me it's all no reason to fuss.
Mother, your words have caught onto me like the flu.
Mother, you're infecting me to become you.

Father, mother says we cannot go,
to neither the recommended counseling nor therapy,
and for some reason you agree,
but just yesterday you told me,
you resent what she has done to your children.

Mother, I am sorry you have overheard what I've told my dad.
I promise, I never meant to make you sad,
but now you're screaming that I'm glad.
Mother, I do not rejoice!
Please, stop putting these words in my mouth! It is your choice!

Mother, this ordeal can end.
Remember, you were once my friend?
Mother, I know I have grown to fourteen and now I should be more kind and more mature.
Still, you say, I am just mean and for my cold eyes and empty heart, there is no cure.
Mother, your words shape my world, despite my hesitance to believe them.

Mother, I am sorry that I sobbed three years ago because of your screams.
Mother, I am sorry that I turned my back on you while we both fell through countless seams.
Mother, forgive me, please, for I try my best and I am your daughter.
Mother, forgive me, please, for I try my best and I am not my father.

Father, I miss your defense.
But to expect your words in my good chance again is dense.
Father, I have made every excuse I can to make you the favorite parent.
But, father, my lies to myself are apparent.
Father, what happened to the days when your guarded this wretched child of myself from mother's verbal onslaught?
Forever I would have you for forever, I thought.

Father, you will die soon, because you do not care for your body.
Father, I cannot live without you beside me and my family.
Father, protect my brothers and my sisters just a few more years.
Father, don't leave me again yet. You are not him, do not run for a few more beers.

Mother, you brought to me an alcoholic.
Mother, you brought to me his precious child.
Mother, with this baby, now nearly four years old, I still frolic.
My beloved little sister.
But mother, the drunkard threatens to come to us again.
If he tries in court to steal my cherished sister, can we win?

Rapacious alcoholic, with each and every bone in my body, for you, I feel such loathing.

She’s mean
She’s annoying
She’s god awful

But she’s my sister
So I’ll only complain

Theres this huge sinking feeling in my heart,
The kind that knocks me sick when I move,
The heavy pit from my chest to my stomach.
I live with a bag packed ready to go,
And each time I say goodbye, say I love you,
You jump on me because you know,
I cant leave you when I see your eyes.
You stare at me, you dont have to speak,
Youve already made it clear I have to stay.
But I dont want to anymore Kimmy,
I dont know why I feel the way I do,
But it hurts, so so much…
Im living in misery, this isnt what I wanted.
I want to tell the others but I dont know how?
Please dont ring him, I cant hear his voice,
I dont want to talk to anyone but you.
Tell dad if you have too, he’ll only yell.
Youre too young to hear all this, its not fair,
But where else do I turn, I know you,
I know you’d understand,
You wouldnt yell like dad,
You wouldnt be angry like he would be,
You’d be calm, youd try to help…
And maybe you’d call the boy I told you not to call,
Maybe you’d ask for his help too,
Because I cant bring myself to ask him.
I’m sorry little sister, I love you too.
And thats why Ive stayed...

Your one smile drives my worries away,
a constant companion when I was little, I miss you every day.

Your voice - kind and soothing, - flows like a river of gold,
and hearing you sing never gets old!

I don't know if I've ever told you how much you mean to me,
how, even the mere thought of seeing you fills me with glee.

This, is an accolade,
an accolade to the best sister the universe has ever made.

one day you are my best friend.
the next. you pretend i don't exist.
you played me.
just like you play your music. on and on.
i didn't realise it until you ran away.
you said "we just had to get something"
thats *******. it feels like more.
when we are alone. you are mine. we do everything together.
i sorted my life out for you.
in a different way. we are sisters.
we share a family. entwined. and yet.
when the moment strikes, you leave me. and pretend nothing happened. and thats what hits me the hardest.
the fact that you don't recognise the hurt, pain and agonising feeling in my stomach. it hits me like a knife. digging deeper into my soul.
and you don't know.
but. i keep coming back for more. and each time i do, the cut gets deeper. and deeper. i cry. kick. scream.
for you.
and i shouldn't but i do.
i can't believe that you did it without me.