The answer I wanted was "yes".
The answer I needed to hear was "no".
The answer you gave was "   ".
And the months of conversations that never happened filled my life with:

... love ... hate ... hope ... regret ... clarity ... confusion ... laughter ... tears

But saddest of all ... ambivalence.

is there any hint of reason
in this madness i've come to witness?
we tend to think there is
i tend to think the world is wrong
i've lost reason and i'm going mad
but you see nothing
in my madness you cannot witness.

You are my family.
Given the choice I would choose you,
and you alone.

I would go to the ends of the earths
just to find you.
Because if not for you:
what is my reason for existence?
For breathing?
For putting up with everything and everyone?

You are the reason,
and you are it alone.
You are my whole world,
my everything.
My love at first sight.

My buddy as Mrs. Kelley would say.
You are my partner in this,
ever since that first kiss.

That was my way of saying
you can have my shattered heart.
As long as you can put it back together.

I love you my Noah,
my teddy bear,
my love,
my everything.

Help. If that is a question,

and quests are journeys from here to there and back,
again.

If and. A state of hesi oddness,
yes,
we exist in spite or spirit of
our creator, eh?
The craftsman's due.
Muzzle not the ox that treads the corn.

Pay the piper, if ye dance, ye know ye did.
No need to lie and say you know better,

you became more like yourself as you aged,
who made you be you?
Who do you think you are?

Aha, Pinocchio, Punch 'n' Judy… no, no Stepford
wife, but a reason for the wish, clown collector meet my
Curio store clown,
Kohari,

Can we handle a different true?
Kohari, looks you in the eye, a god message,

come up the ladder,
tell me no lie, or I
shall laugh out loud in your face, you don't know

squat, dung, **** brings stars to your ai
respectible eyes,

but this is the medium, the way, so to say, we came to
help
get past actual standing under knowns,
and begin walking into the rest
that remains to be known,

by those who see by faith invisible things form
into substantiated realms of sensation,
sense, common,
is felt known
--- safe here, asif
no miles to go,
this were home, and sleeping, now,
is safe.

Many times,
You have said vociferously;

......for all success
and in all failure,
faith is the key.

And many times,
I have tried to reason
against the equation
of ritual and religion.

But,
in the fashion world
of materialist-spiritualism,
where majority conforms to modern tradition,
I have often found it convenient
to ignore the dictates of reason
and still more convenient
to believe in the corollary;

......faith is the key.

Therefore,
I have mostly believed,
......in your faith
and in your prayers
......for me.

Was filled with power and rage
Could've conquered the whole world.
Instead simplified all the mistakes
to the journey of void.
Should've stayed sober,
to know who's watching me over
but used all my power and rage
to lock myself inside a cage.
Now I know, I've figured out.
I'm never getting myself back again!
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes I wish I just didn't knew.