It's been 10 months since our last talk,
It was clear to me that it's over,
Though it still hurt because I thought it'll be forever,
But I should get over you start moving on.

Annual months cry by, alas, in these
familiar, yester-years. In a flash of
a wipe, a sweep, a brush and a
weep, every monotonous November.


Here, I remember, the last closely
past and present in timely rafts of tears
and laughter. Though I know, I beseech,
the next will be here if I wish it hard enough.


Al’ never, only render, the unfathomable
words that stand by it. And hug it. And
kiss it. And give it a tinge of worth under
the watchful eye of the wintry night.


Aid me, please, in a boundless voyage
of wonder through winding trips of ache.
In four walls of acid, sour senses of taste
soothed by toxic smoke of illogical fate.


Don’t seek me too hard or fast in
a look. That will tear me in two. That
will crucify you too. During life and death,
as I and my thoughts
are detestable.

they call it self harm like you are the one hurting yourself. I can tell you that six months ago I was not the one carving hate into my skin. but people don't want to hear that. people don't want to hear that my skin has been razor free for half a year because that would mean razors have touched it. I know this because I told my best friend about my hobby and they are not my best friend anymore. people only want to be friends with survivors. no one wants to be around long sleeves regardless of the weather. no one wants to be around a rain cloud on a sunny day. no one wants to go on a drive with you if you always end up at the same bridge. you have to learn how to be your own best friend. you have to learn to put the razor down. you have to learn how to love yourself. you have to learn that scars heal and people change. six months ago I did not know this. I've learned I've changed and so can you.

You're going to meet your first, your January.
He'll end it coldly, with no emotion.
You two had sparks. You thought everything was okay... It wasn't.
Then,you'll find February. He's similar to January, except he actually loves you. He gives you so much time. A little too much time. He starts to drown you in his words and in his thoughts. You barely get your own time. You eventually ended things with him, and found yourself march.
March wasn't anything special to you. He was just a filler. You still missed January.
Then you found April. He took you on many dates and tried to woo you. He found someone better. Like January did.. Like you were trying to do.
May. God was May attractive. He was a bitter idiot though. He was one of those people who tried to be smart but just failed. If he didn't talk you two could've lasted.
The flowers were in your hair, and June loved that about you. June wasn't an ordinary person. He loved doing wacky things to make you smile. June wasn't January. June asked you why you were still hung up on a guy who never even wanted you in the first place. June left you for a better being, but he was right.
Well, July was a ******* okay. He told you that you looked fat. A. Lot. He hit you. But that was July.
August saw July hurt you. Now August holds you and keeps you happy. He lifted his arm one night, and you flinched. August cried. August began to treat you like an unhealable wound and it wasn't working for you two.
September was passionate. He was a reader, you loved that. On your birthday, He baked you a cake and showed you what it was like not to hurt. Along the road to making you happy, September found himself in writing... He never had any time to be with you and you couldn't stand it.
Somewhere along the line, you met October. He was grand. He was always being spontaneous. Like when he surprised you and left you.
   Oh Boy, then November.. you don't know how you and him got together. You didn't want to be mean though. You tried it. He eventually made you very sick. Like, he tried to poison you with pineapples. Ahhh, Love.
Finally, you found your perfect december. He kissed those wounds that had been made & took you into his arms. you two danced to a coldplay song and that's when he asked you.. He asked you to be his as long as you could.
Most importantly.
He asked you to forget about January.
"The only way this could ever end is if you didn't forget about him."
I still think of the one love that broke me the most.
A skin of blue and black, that had been beaten and battered had finally found their 01, and only.

In the darkness on the edge of my bed
your name lights up my phone

Eight months later and I still can't breathe when i see it
I want this to be us starting over

but it is just a text and you hurt me before,
in the darkness your name lights but my face
my heart, everything again

8 months of getting over you is gone
your name lit up my phone and i am yours again...
before i even open the message

it's been around ten months since:

1. our last moments of conversation.
2. the last time I'd wait, eager for love clarification.
3. one last glance at the love of my life.
4. I'm sorry I haven't gotten you out of my head.
5. you smelled like cigarettes & lust.
6. true love is something I can't forget.
7. nothing compares to your eyes.
8. I certainly wish you'd take me back.
9. hoping the memories rock your bed.
10. months since I left your heart, I cry.

12 Months
Spent trying to make you love me
For me.
The way I loved you,
For you.

12 Months.
You ignored me, and left me alone.
By myself.
The way I wouldn't,
Leave you be.

8 Months.
You've apologised for treating me,
So badly.
When I showed you the good
In yourself.

8 Months
Is 8 Months too late.
For me to forgive
The harsh words,
You threw at me

20 Months
Of hurt and heart ache
On both sides

So just leave me alone,
before I can admit
to you

and myself

That I still need to know you're ok.

You said that you loved me
Last january
We stood outside covered in snow
I remember feeling happy
All of february
When we went for long walks in the cold
The wind was so harsh
Until we entered march
and the sky slowly changed from white to gold
It was very painful
when you left in April
Off to see the world a new way
and I waited for you
Every second of May
Looking up and down the road all afternoon
and the joy in my heart
When you came in June
Slowly faded with every lie
I barely recognized you in July
You asked for time to adjust
I gave you all of august
It passed in a confused blur
In September I saw you with her
Sorrow took me over
All of October
Losing you while wanting to remember
Having flashbacks all of November
The cold came back, more falling snow
In December I decided to let you go
You said you loved me
Last January
and I´ll never forget it I swear
Now I know love is never forever
A lot can change in  a year

you were my january, new and fresh, waiting and eager

you were my february, lovely and red, short and sweet

you were my march, long and gruesome, grey and heavy

you were my april, clean and damp, lively and green

you were my may, blooming and new, wispy and pale

you were my june, loved and fiery, hazy and breezy

you were my july, red and blue, revered and bright

you were my august, muggy and sweaty, sticky and hot

you were my september, dreaded and anticipated, stressful and hectic

you were my november, chilly and windy, biting and thankful

you were my december, merry and cheery, pining and frigid

but most of all,

you were a year wasted.