no love, no oxygen,
no memories.
peaceful memories will
soon greet me, shielding me
from pain, from the world.
let me go. let me go.

am i here for your
amusement? do you
find it funny that i’m
choking out words
with blood on my arms?

go to hell
and i’ll see you there.

the most beautiful possession of mine
are the photos i have of you
lying in my room, your beautiful face laughing
walking in the woods, admiring the sunset
sitting in front of the fire, relaxing in the warmth
you as a human are the most gorgeous thing i have ever seen
and to have marks of you in my life
is the most magical thing i've ever experienced
you've become my muse
all because of your beautiful photos
of your angelic existence

Please stop calling me nice.
I am not nice.
I will not be contained to a single word,
When my bones are built from metaphors
And my lips leak similes.
I am a fireball of emotion, splitting trees and men in two with my passion for my art.
I am a slurry of terror, creeping up on you at night that curls your toes right before you fall asleep.
I am not nice, I am anything but
I am alive with the summer heat that burns in my eyes and the sunlight that flows through my ribcage.
I am a warrior, a fighter, a solider in disguise.
I am the moon that hides it face in the day, only to showcase it's purity in the night.
I am the stiff wind that knocks the shallow air out of your lungs on a cold, January morning.
I am the tick, tick, tick of the buzzer right before its majestic song.
I am the obscene, the extraordinary, the menacing things in life.
I am not confined by a single word.
I
am
not
nice.

One day
He will know everything about you
What you like for breakfast
The strange sound you make while laughing
That you always feel like
You need to prove something
But he will Tell you
That this is what makes you Special
Then he will leave
So you will stop eating breakfast
And you won't laugh anymore
Because you will start to think
That maybe, just maybe
Special is a Bad thing

when the ice breaks beneath our feet
will you wake up next to me
in the hospital bed?
with an intravenous drip in
your forearm again.
the aroma of ammonia perforates my
limbic system and emotions and memories
just gush into me relentlessly,
sheer bliss funnels through
the corridors and chemical stores
and finds its rest in my room.
the walls are moist with dopamine.
my bones could break with the weight of
this happiness and it'd only drag on
for longer.
i'd wake up laughing and it made
everyone uncomfortable.

I'm feeling hesitant
To ever fall asleep
Again, let alone tonight

I can't stop wondering

This thing inside a hollow casing
That I call me
Begs for nothing
Nothing.....

I can't believe its almost four fifteen
And the sun is already glowing outside my window

I hate you and I just want to be alone....

Why can't I be alone

Its your fault I hate myself, I hate that you exist, get out of me
I don't want to live this

Four fifteen

Blazed in crimson over my digital alarm clock
I barely hear the noise, the thoughts crowding out of my  head

*******, I just want to be alone
Alone
Alone
Alone
Alone

****

I pry myself up
A headache unrealized blinds me for more than a second
Do I look in the mirror....

Seems like an easy choice, but I still choose wrong

My feet barely keep balance as I stumble over clutter
Things left to remind me of the lack of progression

Head pounding, blood crawling
Life at a standstill
---------
Smile
--------
Pass out on the couch, get up hours later
Missed my buss
****
Better just shoot myself