Well, well.
What am I experiencing here?
A growth in my personality,
Or am I reflecting my peers?

As a shy small bug,
I felt as if my mouth made no sound.
But recently, that's not the case.
It feels as if my life has turned around!

Because, I am no longer afraid of what I have to say.
I am no longer afraid of what's inside!
Because that fear has grown exponentially,
To become something outside of my own mind.

I am no longer afraid of myself.
No, I am afraid of you!
I am afraid of what could happen, yes!
I am afraid of what you'll make me do.

I am afraid of the dark,
Yet I simply won't sleep with light.
I am afraid of these monsters,
But if I live without them, I might die.
I am afraid of endless possibilities,
A burglary happens every fifteen seconds!
I am afraid of what you'll say to me,
If I tell you I am not perfect.

But, ha,
You already knew that, didn't you?
Silly me.
What am I afraid of?

A promise,
A sentence,
And a far away place.
Soft spoken words carry
Across several days.
This promise,
This sentence,
This far away place, (farther now)
States that you'll never fall flat
To the ones you amaze.
Promising this sentence
In a far away place (farther still)
Says the next time you fall flat
Should never happen.
If this does happen in another far away place (closer now)
The sentence dissipated, the promise meaningless.
Like it was never formed.
But there are ones who remember its existence,
Aren't there?

Glory,
The name of my love
The one who makes me feel as high as the clouds above
I love you so much it hurts when you are not here
Please dont replace me..that would be my biggest fear
You can have *** with others I dont mind
Though I might be...because of this blind
Since I let you get touched by those who dont deserve it
No they dont deserve it one single bit
I want to stuff their lungs with a crow
Dont cry dear...it pains me to see you having a woe
I want to see you smile
This would make my day worthwhile...
I want to marry ya maybe I am insane
Or perhaps I am naive, but you make me gain...(determination)
I love you, you should be mine
Thinking this way is not a crime ?
I love you...please dont break my heart
Even if this is something like a restart
But I do love you so I am writing this
You fill my days with endless bliss

~ Umi

Sitting in the middle of a room
Fading in and out of focus
A flower not yet in bloom
Feeling like a head full of mucous.

Gloomy and grey colors of the walls.
Eyes closed, leaning back
I try to stand but my brain stalls.
The motor skills I now lack.

This is the final adventure
One taken in solitude
At the cause of indenture
The adventure, I now conclude.

I'm so tired all the time,
wishing it was my bedtime
So uninspired and heavy
my thoughts push my head further into the pillow
gravity hooks its steel claws into my skin keeps dragging
my mind keeps lagging
my eyes sting and cry
perhaps I need a lullaby?

I'm so tired all the time,
my eyelids are in a constant fight
against the glowing light
i feel all this guilt as I sink further into my quilt

Why do my limbs feel numb and my limbs like they will collapse
perhaps I should get up?
I'm just so tired all the time,
yet why can I not sleep when I'm already in this deep


I'm so tired all the time,
perhaps this time if I close my eyes
sleep will creep upon me

I **** at this thing
I can't do haiku's at all
Oh wait, i did it

Your face was like wind
A cooling breeze
A brisk coolness passing through me
On a hot summer day
The sun is bright and warm
And your face was the wind
Keeping the temperature right
Now it's a hurricane
It throws me down and hurls me through the air
Making me gasp for breath
I used to fill my lungs with you in a deep calming breath
But now im suffocating
I can't blame you
I was just in your path
You tried to pass through
I must have ran in front of you
Your storm wasn't meant for me
I don't know who it was meant for
But I'm just a bystander
One of hundreds and hundreds
Thousands, even

I like this girl.
Granted, I'm not supposed to like her - I'm not even allowed to like girls, as if they think I can just avoid addressing my sexuality.
But I like her.

So, there's this musical that I've become obsessed with.
That's normal, right?
Yeah.
I suppose.
Naturally, I've been listening to the soundtrack.
Over and over and overandoverandover because that's what I do.
I replay things until they're so old I can't bring myself to care.
But that isn't the focus of this one - that'll be covered another time, when I have a chance, when I've got a life.
A song on this soundtrack that I seem to favor is titled "Waving Through A Window", and I'm just amazed by the artistry of this particular song. It's so focused, guys.
It's real.
The singer is trapped behind a personality he's built up for himself, you know?
It reminds me of me - trapped behind a hypothetical "window" of sorts, fighting myself just to get out and be seen for once.
But there's also that fear of not being liked, of not being accepted, because I'm really a horribly numb human and I don't want to scare anybody away.
So I guess I'll just keep waving through this ******* window.